Hi all! I know that it has been FOREVER since my last update, but I decided that I wanted to continue this story. I really appreciate feedback and I love to hear all of your thoughts and ideas! This is not an edited story so beware of typos and such. Thank you so much for reading!
Chapter 5
Katniss' POV
I stand in front of the mirror inspecting my outfit. Chris is going to be here any minute for dinner and I want to look presentable. I have a forest-green sundress on and my hair is pulled back into a neat braid. I guess this will do. I look down at the bathroom counter and see Gale's letter. I pick it up and read it again. I still can't seem to figure out what's wrong with it, but I know something is off.
I hear a knock echo from the front door downstairs. I hear Annie walk over and open it.
"Hi Chris, I'm so glad that you could make it tonight!" Annie greets him.
"Hey, thanks for inviting me." He pauses and I make my way down the hall, pausing just before the top of the stairs. "Where are Finn and Katniss?"
My heart begins to race, as if it is going to jump out of my chest, for some unknown reason. I quietly make my way down the stairs to see him standing by the front door with Annie. He hasn't noticed me yet, so I take the time to take him in. He is wearing a light blue button-down shirt with a red and navy striped tie, together with a nice pair of khakis and dress shoes. He cleans up nice. Stop. What are you doing, Katniss? Why do you care what the man wears to dinner? I sigh, giving away my location.
"Hello Katniss," I break out of my trance at the sound of his voice, "you look lovely."
I can feel my cheeks getting hot. I look over to see him smiling at me and Annie smiling softly. I step off the last step and walk over to them.
"Hi Chris," I say shyly, "it's nice to see you again."
"I have dinner all ready for us. Finn is in the kitchen coloring." Annie says as she begins to make her way into the kitchen. I glance at Chris before following her.
"Mmmm, Annie this salmon is delicious!" I moan with appreciation.
"It really is, Annie. Thanks again for letting me come over." Chris agrees.
"Thank you! I'm glad that you like it!" Annie says. "Chris, I hope that you know that you are welcome here anytime. You were best friends with Finnick and that means a lot to me."
"Mommy, what do you mean that Chris were best friends wif me? I tot he was still?" Finn asked quietly.
"Oh, honey, I meant he was friends with Daddy." Annie replied.
"Oh." Finn said as his expression became distant.
We sit in silence, while we finish eating, before Chris breaks it as he stands up.
"Hey, Finn, do you want to go outside and play ball with me?" He says as he loosens his tie. I feel myself blush at the way his muscles shift as he does so.
"YAH! That would be awesome!" Finn says excitedly as he hops down from his chair. He runs over to Chris, hugging his leg. Chris bends down and scoops Finn into his arms.
"Thank you again for dinner ladies. I hope you won't mind our absence for the moment." Chris says.
"Of course not, you boys go have fun." Annie says.
I watch as Chris turns to leave the room, whispering something in Finn's ear that makes him giggle. As he turns the corner, out of sight, I find myself still staring at the spot where he stood moments before. What is going on with you Katniss? You know that you are too broken for anyone to ever love you again. I become melancholy at the thought that I will never be loved the way that Peeta loved me. Peeta. Why did you leave me so soon? You were the one who was supposed to live.
"Katniss," I feel a hand on my shoulder, "honey, it's okay. I'm here you are safe."
I look up to see Annie looking at me with a worried expression.
"Katniss, don't cry." Annie says. At that moment I realize that my cheeks are soaked with tears.
"I can't do-do thi-is Annie!" I cry. My chest feels like it is caving in on itself.
Annie seems to know exactly what I am talking about immediately.
"Katniss, I know that it is hard right know," she takes my face between her hands, "but you know that Peeta loves you and he would want you to be happy. He wouldn't want you to lie around wonder what could be. If I knew Peeta at all, he would be happy that you found someone to love again."
"But I-I miss hi-im so mu-uch." Tears are streaming down my face in a constant stream. "He was sup-pposed to be the one who-o lived not me!"
"Shhh. I know honey," Annie says as she envelopes me in a hug, "I know."
"I like Chris, but I can't think about him that way without - without feeling like I'm betraying Peeta somehow. Peeta. Peeta. Peeta. peeta. peeeeetttaaaaaaa."
Cool, stone, grey walls begin closing in on me. Darkness cascades from above, enveloping me in complete blackness within seconds. I hear screams in the distance that seem to be getting louder and louder. I recognize that scream. It's Peeta's. He cries out as if he is in tremendous pain. I try with every ounce of strength in me to move toward the sound, but I seem to be frozen in place. Peeta's screams are soon joined by Finnick, Prim, and Rue's. The noise begins to find its way into every part of me. My ears begin to throb as though they could begin to bleed at any moment. I smell blood, but not just any blood. It is the smell of blood that is masked by the artificial smell of roses. I begin to panic, grasping for something, anything, to hold onto. Katniss. I feel to floor begin to crumble beneath me. Katniss! Someone is calling my name as I begin to fall through the darkness. KATNISS!
"KATNISS!" I hear my name being called as the darkness begins to fade. I no longer feel like I am falling.
My eyes snap open and I gasp for air. Chris' face is hovering over mine and his hands cradle my head. Annie is leaning over his shoulder, a concerned look on her face. Chris' green eyes are full of worry as they stare into mine. I feel like my head is going to explode and I can't seem to keep my hands from shaking.
"What's happening to her?" Chris asks Annie worriedly.
"They call them flashbacks, but in reality they are more like nightmares that occur while you are still awake. Most of them are not actual memories, but instead deceivingly real, based on reality." She replies quickly, then adds softly, "I used to get them a lot after my games and when Finnick died."
Chris broke his gaze from my face for a moment to look up at Annie, "You mean to say that this is a normal thing for victors to go through? My goodness!"
"Yes, sadly I haven't met a victor that hasn't suffered from PTSD after the games. Even the careers."
I move to sit up and instantly become horribly dizzy. I grab hold of Chis' shoulder as I try to focus on the floor beneath me. He places his hand over mine for extra support, redirecting his gaze back to me.
"Water." I manage to get out as I try to regulate my breathing.
"I'll get you a glass," Annie responds, "try to take it easy, Katniss, nice and slow."
I look into Chris's worried eyes as they search me for the source of my pain. He seems so helpless sitting here, next to me. I can tell that he wants to help somehow, but he has no idea what to do. His body is tense and his gaze seems to flicker from one part of me to the next. I reach a hand up to rest on his face, making his movement still. His green eyes flick back to mine and he takes a deep breath.
"I heard your screams from outside and came in to see Annie hunched over you. She was struggling to wake you from whatever you call that. A flashback? Nightmare?" He shook his head and continued. "Anyway, I ran in and tried my best to help. You were shaking all over, Katniss. I don't understand how this can be a normal thing for you. It's so horrible."
If only he knew.
I try to push back the thoughts as they come to me but I cant seem to stop them. My mind is instantly flooded with images of Peeta. Him tossing the bread to me when we were kids, shaking my hand at the reaping, sitting on the roof of the training center, laughing with his brothers at the bakery, running from the mutts in the first arena, sitting on the beach during the Quarter Quell. I take a deep breath and rub my eyes, but I am still left with a single thought.
Peeta is the only one who will ever truly understand what I went throughenter the k.
I turn on the water in the bathroom to the hottest setting possible. Chris had left for the night, after asking at least fifty questions, making sure that I am alright. I peel off my clothing and look at myself in the mirror. Scars wrap around my body, covering most of my back and torso. The dark purple rings under my dull grey eyes have been a permanent feature to my body ever since the war.
I turn and enter the steaming shower. The water cascades down my body as if it is washing away all of my impurities. I hear a knock on the bathroom door.
"Katniss?" Annie's voice calls out, "Are you alright?"
"Yes, Annie. I'm fine." I answer. "I'll be out in a minute."
"Okay. I'm going to put Finn to bed. Would you like me to make some tea after?"
"Sure, that would be great." Tea would definitely help me relax my nerves.
Her footsteps reseed down the hall towards Finn's room. After washing my hair and rinsing off, I step out of the shower onto the cold tile floor. I wrap a soft, white towel around my damp body and step out into my room. I haven't had a flashback that bad in months
As I walk down the hall towards the kitchen, I can hear Annie crying. Not sure what has happened, I quicken my pace. When I enter the room, I am met with a very different scene than what I was expecting.
Annie is smiling.
I see that she is holding the phone, "Who are you talking to?" I ask.
"It's Johanna. She says that she is coming to see us before you leave. She will be here tomorrow morning!"
My heart rejoices and my face breaks into a large smile. "I haven't seen her in so long! I'm so happy!" I exclaim.
I run over to Annie and give her a hug. Johanna has been one of her best friends for a very long time and I know that they have a very strong bond. I also know that they haven't seen each other in at least six months. Annie hugs me back very tightly and we just stand there for a few minutes enjoying each others company.