9
"Domestic troubles?" Pandy is young, tough - somewhere between a gangster and a fur-trader. Sounds lower-class British, or something like it.
"Domestic troubles?" Andy moves out from behind Pandy to reveal that he is Pandy's identical twin. Apart from slight differences in dress, they are indistinguishable.
"'Cause we don't wanna interrupt." Pandy finishes for his twin.
"A man should keep his house in order." Andy agrees.
"Pandy." Jax nods to one, then turns to the other "Andy."
"He's Pandy."
"He's Andy. You're Pandy." Jax shows he isn't falling for their trick.
"Ghahh! How is it you always know?" Pandy demands.
"Andy's prettier." Jax says as he flops into a chair "Feel to do some business?"
"Bit crowded, isn't it? As you see, we come unencumbered by thugs." Andy smiles as he waves a hand at the crowd.
"Which means at least four of the guys already in here are yours." Jax snorts, "All's one. I'll just keep Rhys with me."
"Sir, are you sure you don't…" Martha asks with concern.
"Go. Go get yourselves a nice romantic meal." Jax flicked credits at them.
"Honey... Meal... he said my favourite word!" Mickey gushes theatrically.
"It's business. We're fine." Jax assured her.
They leave and the four remaining men sit. Andy tosses a few coins to a saloon-girl, who does a little fan-dance...and the bar's view of the men is conveniently blocked by her little dance.
Jax's foot nudges a duffel bag of money to Pandy's foot.
"Quite a crew you've got." Paddy points out.
"Yeah, they're a fine bunch of rubes." Jax snorts.
"How you keep them on that crap boat is the subject of much musing tween me and Andy." Pandy asks.
"We go on and on." Andy agrees with his twin.
"So I'm noticing. Is there a problem I don't know of? You got 25% of a sweet take kissing your foot, how come we're not dispersing?" Jax frowns.
"Our end is forty, precious." Andy says quietly.
"My muscular buttocks it's forty" Rhys huffs.
"It is as of now. Find anyone around going cheaper." Pandy sneers.
"Find anyone around going near a sorry lot like you in the first instance." Andy agrees.
Ianto has entered, is looking about. Rhys sees him, nudges Mal, who looks and turns back to business. Ianto wanders around the perimeter of the bar, vaguely listening in on Mal's deal.
"You're unlikable, Jax. You got no respect for us above you, you got enemies in every quadrant, and your ship's older than the starting point of time. You's charity cases to such as us." Andy points out with a smug look.
"Well here's a foul thought. I conjured you two were incompetent; sent us out not knowing there were Munchers about. Now I'm thinking you picked us out because you did." Jax says with a frown.
"That were a sign of faith, boy. And it doesn't affect our forty per. Danger is, after all, your business." Pandy plucks at his sleeve disinterestedly.
"Munchers ain't business, double dickless." Rhys said with open animosity and Jax patted his arm affectionately, as one might a dog growling at a guest.
This is all background noise to Ianto, who has moved to the CV screen, on which is a commercial. It's animated, goofy, cartoon animals and anime-style Asian girls all transforming to insane fantasy figures as they sing.
FRUITY OATY BARS, POW! HEY! FRUITY BARS, MAKE A MAN OF A MOUSE, MAKE YOU BUST OUT YOUR BLOUSE, EAT THEM NOW, BANG! PING! ZOW! - TRY FRUITY, OATY BARS.
Light from the CV on Ianto's face, all noise but the jingle fading out, finally that as well, just the hum in Ianto's ears.
And he whispers "Hallett."
He turns and looks back at the crowd.
What happens next happens very fast.
He strides silently to the first table - two men drinking quietly - and he slams his foot into one's face, then whips it back into the other's, knocking them both unconscious as -people are turning, just registering this boy - he kicks the table into a card player even as he sweeps a bottle off it behind him - the bottle hits a man behind him square in the face, a man he never even looked at – people are rising, fleeing or pushing forward -
"Ianto..." Jax says as he starts to rise from his chair.
"Whuhuh?" Rhys is dumbfounded.
Ianto's taking out a group of four, high kicks and perfect precision - Two men come from either side, one whipping out a knife - he does a perfect split, grabs his wrist above his head, using his momentum to stab the other one – Jax fights to get back to the gunrack. The bouncer reaches Ianto and he wrests his shockrod from him, uses it on him, on Andy and Pandy - the fan-dancer is bolting and Ianto hurls the rod at her head, knocks her cold...he's everywhere. On tables, chairs, under legs, using the room itself to take out every single person there.
One man hides behind a wall - impossibly, he swings his leg around the corner and nails his face.
Rhys grabs him from behind "Gorrammit, boy, it's me!"
Ianto grabs Rhys' crotch and squeezes - his grip loosens and Ianto spins, facing him, and flat-heels his nose with his palm, twirling into a gut kick that doubles him over, dispatching of another while he cracks Rhys' head with a small table - Somebody pulls a gun and he snaps his elbow, causing him to scream out even before he shoots himself in the gut – Jax frantically wrests a gun from the vending locker as Ianto knocks the other guy's gun in the air, kicks someone else and then catches it, whips it around just as Jax comes up with his, they are pointed right at each other –
"Baby?" Jax whispers.
"Eta Kooram Nah Smech!" Owen yells and Ianto drops to the ground, fast asleep.
There is a beat. Jax looks around the bar. He and Owen, who has run up to the entrance, are the only ones standing.
He looks down at Ianto.
He lies unconscious, helpless.
"I think maybe we ought to leave."