Hiccup stayed in bed for the next week. Apart from his frightening revive from the dead, the depression of his loss bared a heavy weight on his mind.
But his week off was anything but relaxing.
He awoke every time to knocking at his door. The noise echoed in his head, starting him from sleep, causing him to rocket upwards. He always felt his chest tighten as his heart leaped to triple speed.
He would gasp and scramble out of bed, gripping his comforter beneath him with clawed hands, surprised when he did not feel the coarse dryness of dirt or brittle on grit. There were no tombstones. No dead trees or black birds. No phantom figures or looming shadows. Only cold, white daylight.
Hiccup kept squeezing his eyes shut before letting them flutter open again.
To his relief, his surroundings remained. His breathing slowed, and he allowed himself to believe that he was really home. Safe.
The knocking came from villagers baring gifts for Hiccup to feel better. After the first three days, Stoick asked the villagers to stop coming, and only give him their best wishes. Hiccup never opened any of the gifts, whether it was food or valuables. To him, they all seemed forced or out of sympathy. They didn't really care. He destroyed nearly the entire village because of his powers.
The painful aches in his frame kept seeping into the forefront of his consciousness, bringing with them the memory of last night. It all rushed back to him in a series of flashes. After his starling reincarnation to reality. There was lightning, fires, burning people, buildings. Like something out of a nightmare, and it didn't help Hiccup.
Nightmares are dreams too.
Waking up on the fifth day of recovery, Hiccup awoke to late morning sunlight. Lurid but still midmorning hazy, the light streamed through his windows, bathing his room in a translucent glow, giving each object in the room it sown thin halo.
No matter what Hiccup thought, he can't erase the picture of his mother and Hadrian from his mind. Unlike other dreams, their images had stayed sharp and clear as if branded into his brain. The beautiful emerald gaze of his mother's eyes, the soft ribbon - which has never left his wrist since his awakening – and her final kiss goodbye. Then Hadrian, how he had failed to keep his promise on bringing him back. How he disintegrated into ash as the darkness of Lilith's powers devoured him.
Dred welled in his chest. He shook his head, willing the scene to stop. He wanted to wake up again and for everything to start over before it could go wrong. But it was too late for that.
Hiccup sat up, suddenly feeling nauseated. He forced himself to walk down the steps, but his knees gave, his legs losing strength to support him. His father was poised in the chair at the front of hearth.
The room seemed to go fuzzy in the corners of his vision.
The emotions became their own and morphed into something deep inside Hiccup. They contorted and rushed together into something that overtook Hiccup's senses. He stared straight through the space between two floorboards. Like an illusion, the bedroom, the living room the harsh morning light, and his father all melted away until each of them became no more than a distant pinprick in his awareness. His mind freewheeled backward through the chaos and hell that had been the night before.
He sank down onto one step, feeling himself disconnect from reality.
Hadrian had considered him a friend. He's saved Hiccup, and because of that, he had wanted to believe Hiccup could save him as well. And so he had drunk down every word to heart. He had swallowed the poison so easily.
Hiccup felt his body hitch as he drew in an involuntary gasp of air.
The barrage of emotions coursed through him all at once. But only one stood out with its own meaning.
Loss.
Hiccup rose to his feet. He wavered, waiting until Toothless came down the steps and nuzzled his cheek. Distantly, Hiccup registered the feeling of his scaly nose.
At the end of the week, Hiccup emerged from his house walking the streets with his body, but not with his mind. It was like his whole awareness of the universe had somehow become inverted. Words became indecipherable. People morphed into objects, moving automatons that floated through the space around him as meaningless, formless shadows. Hours elapsed without him being aware of their passage. All the while, his thoughts never changed, never deviated from that place where he had last seen Hadrian, bound by roots, a haunted expression on his face, and his eyes devoid of their color.
And the purple chamber, where he had asked Hadrian to wait for him. Where he had promised to come back for him.
The wounds won't seem to heal. There's just too much that time cannot erase.
He did not return to Grandmamma for magic training. Instead, he went to the Academy after hours. There he turned flip after flip. He drilled himself on his layout, on his back handsprings and round-off. He went through the motions over and over until the repetitive action and the necessity of focus caused the world to condense. Until he didn't have to think, until it was just him and the floor.
Still there was no reprieve from the ghost of his memory. He followed Hiccup everywhere. He felt him on his skin, sensed him in everything, in the books he carried, in the paper he was forced to write on.
At the end of the week, Heather came to visit the blacksmith where Hiccup was huddled in the back room, flipping through the pages of an old dream journal he'd kept back when Hadrian had haunted him.
She stepped through the doorway, and Hiccup's eyes flicked to her before he set aside the book. Without exchanging words, heather handed Hiccup a slip of parchment. Hiccup took it with a curious glance.
"Just a little something for you. It probably won't help but, I just wanted to give it to you." She stutters to get out.
"Thanks you." Hiccup formally replies.
"Hiccup," she said. And Hiccup looked up. "If you need to talk, I'm here."
Then with a kiss on his cheek, she left him alone again with the paper in hand.
The tiny gesture, so very unobtrusive and kind, struck a chord deep within him, inducing a surprise moment of lucidity. It brought a sad smile to his lips, because it didn't matter that he could never accept the invitation. He just liked knowing that Heather had added it because she like Hiccup. And that, in turn, made Hiccup like her more than she would ever know.
Hiccup unfolded the paper and hitched a breath when he saw it was a well-drawn sketch of him and Hadrian. Back to back, Hiccup was in the forefront staring at the viewer with a smolder-look that dared the viewer to pick a fight with him. Hadrian, in his black attire, had his back to the page, glancing over his shoulder at Hiccup instead of the viewer. His dark hair caught in mid-sway of an invisible breeze. His eyes staring at Hiccup, as if they had a plan and he was waiting for Hiccup's next call to action.
While Hiccup loved the picture, it was truly beautiful, he slid the paper off of his desk and shoved it into the shelf with another pile of paper, putting Hadrian's face out of sight so that the world could go mute again. Mute and void, colorless except for the color of his eyes.
That afternoon, Hiccup made the mistake of going to the Academy.
He had just finished disengaging the net trap when Astrid sprang up behind him, pining Hiccup to the post of the trap by the shoulder.
"You, are a terrible friend."
Hiccup scowled and shoved her hand off and started walking forward. "Thanks," he muttered. "I needed that."
"No," she barked. She grabbed Hiccup by the shoulder and spun him to face her. "What you need is a reality check."
Suddenly Toothless leaped in front of the two, snarling. His teeth bared in hatred towards Astrid. She holds up her hands in surrender and stepped back a couple steps.
"Look you've been wandering around in this little bubble of solitude and sulk long enough. I don't know what happened that night, but I know that you do. I know it was scary." Her voice softened. "I watched you die right before my eyes. Then you jolted back, bolting like a catapult. You might be fooling everyone else, but you're not fooling me, Hiccup Haddock. Look you mother can help you-"
"She's not coming back! Neither of them are!" Surpassing Toothless, Hiccup grabbed Astrid tightly by the arm, shaking her. "You don't know anything!"
Astrid pulled her arm roughly away. She took a step back, and, for a moment, the two of them stood there and stared at each other.
Hiccup turned and stared at the concrete. "He saved me. He crumbled before me." Hiccup spoke, his lip parting with a tremble. "I promise him, and I failed him. I know you were there, but you didn't see everything."
Hiccup fell to his knees. Keeping his gaze forward.
"But I do know that it looks like you're giving up." she spoke.
Hiccup closed his eyes, refusing to let the tears escape his eyes. He wasn't going to cry. Not in front of Astrid. The truth was that he did know where Hadrian could be, but there was just no way to teach him. It was impossible to save him because the link between worlds had been destroyed. He couldn't expect anyone else to understand any of it.
"Look Hiccup. The reason I came here is because Grandmamma sent me." Hiccup looked up. "She said she could feel your gloomy aura all the way from the mountain. She wants you to come visit her, now."
Hiccup mechanically pushed himself to his feet, and with slow deliberate movements, mounted Toothless. The he quickly got off.
"Astrid!" he called.
She turned. "So, you let me get through that whole spiel, my entire tirade, but you weren't going to let me have the dramatic walkaway."
Without a word, Hiccup cupped her face and slanted their lips together. Astrid, despite the shock, surrendered to the kiss. Hiccup groped her mouth and she placed her hands on his chest for stability. Where did he learn to kiss like this? It was different, seductive. Her hands slid their way up to wrap around his neck while Hiccup's ventured around her waist. Astrid entangled her fingers in the wisps of his hair.
They parted, and Hiccup pecked her lips. Resting their foreheads together, Astrid was lightly breathless.
They took in one another's scents. Simply intoxicating.
"Thank you." He whispers.
She looks to him, his hands brushing her bangs out of her crystalline blue eyes.
"For everything."
Astrid smiles, rather goofily, and giggles. She presses into Hiccup's frame and hugs him again. Hiccup kisses her forehead and rests his chin in her hair. Pulling away, their fingers were the last to detach as Hiccup moved to toothless, mounted, and flew off to Grandmamma's house.
Grandmamma's front yard was just getting specks of spring flowers and grass as he landed. Hiccup rubbed his arms as he approached the front steps. Toothless coos behind him, and Hiccup turns.
"What've I got to lose?" he sadly amuses.
With a triple tap on the wood, the door swings open and Hiccup is greeted by a pair of large eyes. "Hiccup!" she squeals. "So good to see you!"
She grabs Hiccup in a hug, binding one arm to his side. Using his free arm Hiccup rubs Grandmamma's back. "You too."
"You're depressed, I can see it." She points.
"I think everyone can." Hiccup said.
"Well, I've got something that'll perk you up!" she says as she moves to the hearth at the back of the room.
"I hope so." he mumbles to himself.
"You miss Hadrian." She states.
For some stupid reason, Hiccup's cheek turn red as he watches the old woman tip to one side before regaining balance, carrying a big book not fit for her size. As she stumbles closer, Hiccup reaches out a hand and catches the book before it collapses to the floor. He help her place it on the table, watching her flip through the pages.
"What's this?" he asks.
"A reincarnation spell." She says, flashing Hiccup a smile.
Hiccup felt a sudden straining pinch behind his eyes. His throat constricted, and he swallowed against the impulse to cry. He shut his eyes, and despite his best effort, a warm tear tumbled from his cheek, hitting the corner of the page.
Something inside of him clicked on, and for the first time since he had found out that Hadrian could never return, his mind switched to life. His awareness spread out. Suddenly, the external world reentered his sphere of existence. He heard the fire crackling behind him, the distant laughter and talking of villagers. The remaining snow crunching underfoot, villagers heading to homes and shops.
"You mean I can-"
Grandmamma nods.
"When?" he asks.
"Now?" she teases.
Hiccup gathers her in a hug. Saying thank you over and over and over. "You don't know what this means."
"I don't, but I know it'll make you happy." She says. "Now help me set up."
Hiccup had sent out an air mail to Astrid and the others. And soon they had the Pentagon traced out in salt, the dragons surrounding the border, and Hiccup at the podium facing the circle. The second thing he liked, besides not needing to be at the center was that he will see Hadrian again.
Grandmamma placed the book on the podium and helped hiccup flip through the pages.
"Are you sure about this, son?" Stoick asks.
Hiccup looks to him and smiles. "More than anything."
Stoick, taken by surprise by Hiccup's smile, stepped back and waved a hand of encouragement. The genuinely of Hiccup's smile is what made him realize this is all he wanted.
"Just say the spell." Grandmamma speaks.
Hiccup took a deep breath. Focusing his energy, he let the warmth course through his legs and arms until it breached the tips of his fingers.
Opening his eyes, they glimmered a soft white. "Ang aking walang kamatayan, dalhin ako sa buhay."
The remaining snow floated to the center of the circle, softly swirling and billowing as Hiccup kept his concentration. The snow tentatively swirled and wisped around, as if a delicate was manipulating it, and the snow was allowing it to let it bend to its will.
At the bottom, everyone watched as through the flurries, bits and pieces of fragmented porcelain scattered across the bottom.
"What are those?" Hiccup hears Fishlegs whisper.
Broken pieces of myself, Hiccup thinks.
Peering down he can see the jagged hole of the once called demon.
Hiccup squeezed his eyes tighter. Soon the bits rattled and were enveloped in a light blue halo. They joined the snow in its tentative waltz, spinning and twirling around one another.
Everyone stared as Hiccup open his eyes, gazed up and watched the pieces slowly stick to one another with quiet clinks here and there. They started at the feet, and the more pieces that were disturbed, the quicker the life-size puzzle was put together. Hiccup could see the black-clad clothing drape over the legs, and wrap around as the torso came into play.
Hiccup hitched a sob as the face came to life bald at first, then in a swoop of snow, the black-feathery hair was swaying, haloing his head. The hole in his cheek filled with flakes until it seeped and molded into a smooth cheekbone.
His eyes were closed in sleep rather than death.
Hiccup closed his and imagined a violet stream seeping from his fingertips and joining in the billow of specks. It twirled and contorted like ink in water for a few moments before letting it sink into his nooks and cracks, all his secret spaces.
Lowing his arms, eyes returning normal, Hiccup stepped back and watched the purple mist swirl and contort as his form became more solid.
The sun pierced through the clouds like golden darts, casting its curtain on the circle.
His mouth gaped open, and as he took a deep mixture of a gasp and breath in, his skin brightened to the normality of the living.
His eyes blinked open, and when they laid upon Hiccup, they widened in surprise. They scanned over the small crowd.
Hiccup's tears flowed free.
The black cloth wrapped around his waist and stopped just below the knees, his torso bare. Hadrian slowly lowered to the ground, and his feet shyly touched the grass as if testing if it was real. When they placed flatly, they twitched and his toes curled, feeling the dirt beneath his feet. He looked at his hands, turning them over and over.
He briefly laughed and looked to Hiccup. "Hiccup," he whispers.
Hiccup launches forward, breaking the bind of the circle, and wrapping his arms Hadrian's neck, unleashing wave of sobs. Hadrian's arms wrapped around Hiccup and drew him in. Hiccup sobbed into his shoulder as he felt his skin.
It was thick. Warm. Real.
Hiccup stepped back and gazed at Hadrian's features. They were smooth, not a crater or hole to be been. The palpable peach color drifted into a red near his cheeks. The dark of his hair seeming more brown than black. And his eyes, oh his eyes. They were still piercing, but the fervor in them had chiseled away the stark cold wall he had taken so long to build.
Hiccup stepped back and raised his hand and held his palms out to him. Hadrian lifted his own hand to mirror Hiccup's. He pressed their palms together, the warmth still existed.
"This is, real?" he asks.
Hiccup smiles, tears burning at the edges of his eyes. "You're real."