Hey guys! Wow! I am blown away by the reaction I got from the first installment of this. So glad there is interest in this. I will keep writing!
Just a reminder that they are one-shots and not connected. They won't go in any particular order other than when I get inspired by scenes from our favorite JavaJunkie couple as I watch and rewatch the Revival.
This particular installment happens right after the blowout between Emily and Lorelai during Richard's funeral. I hope you enjoy. I will try and update soon. Thanks!
"Full freaking circle." Lorelai said as she stormed out of the house.
Standing out on the front step she felt like someone had sucker punched her straight in the stomach. How had this happened? This wasn't supposed to go like this. Yes, she had had blowouts with her Mother before. To many to count. But not like this. Not now. Not when they were both grieving over the loss of her father.
She knew she had made a mistake. She never meant to say those things but they just came out. She felt on the spot and suddenly her mind went blank and only the negative times popped up in her brain. Was that a part of grief? To go through the bad times first? She couldn't remember because she had never felt a true loss such as this.
Looking around she realized she couldn't drive. But she couldn't bare to call Luke to come pick her up and Rory was out of the question because she was already gone. Of course she was gone. She was always coming and going and damn it she missed her daughter. Taking a deep breath, she started to walk down the driveway knowing she couldn't' stand here any longer.
Lifting her phone to her ear she called a cab and waited outside the gates for them to come get her. She knew she probably freaked the poor cab driver out because she was sobbing as she tried to give him her address. She turned off her phone and tried to remember how to breathe before she lost all control.
Back at the house, Luke was starting to worry. Lorelai wasn't back yet. He had dropped Rory off at the airport and gone home as per Lorelai's instructions. He knew she wanted to stay and check on her Mom for a while but he assumed she would be home relatively early. She hadn't slept or eaten since Richard's passing. He had called her phone more than four times now and he even tried to call the Gilmore residence despite not wanting to bother Emily.
But no matter whom he called, there was no answer. He thought for a moment about calling Rory but he didn't want to worry her. She was already upset enough. With a heavy sigh, Luke realized he couldn't' wait any longer. He'd drive all the way to Hartford again just to know that she was okay if he had too. Giving Paul Anka a pat on the head, he grabbed his coat and was ready to walk out the door when he saw headlights pulling up out front.
He dropped his keys on the desk and ripped open the door. It was a cab instead of Lorelai's car. He saw the cab driver get out and Luke immediately knew something was wrong. He dashed down the steps, leaving the door wide open. He could hear Paul Anka whimpering on the top steps but he didn't turn to check on him.
"Come on Miss. You're home now." The driver said as he eased her door open.
Luke walked up behind them, "Lorelai?"
The cab driver turned to him, "She's been crying from the moment she got in. I'm hoping this is her house...I had a hard time understanding what she was saying."
Luke nodded, "This is her house." He knelt down beside her while she sat in the cab; she hiccupped through her tears, "Hey…" He whispered rubbing her knee softly, "Lorelai. Lorelai relax."
She shook her head and wiped at her eyes, "Luke…"
He sighed and stood up, he pulled gently at her arm to get her out of the cab. She stumbled slightly but he held onto her tightly so she wouldn't fall. Luke turned back to the cab driver and frowned, "Uh...I'll run in and grab some money for you. How mu-"
"Don't worry about it." The man said shaking his head, "Just...take care of her."
Luke nodded, "Thank you for getting her home safely."
The man smiled and stepped aside to let Luke walk Lorelai up the path and to the porch steps. She leaned into him as he whispered words of comfort to her just to get her into the house. Paul Anka ran in after them, circling Lorelai's legs, sensing something was wrong. "Calm down Paul Anka." Luke muttered as he walked Lorelai to the couch, "Sit down."
Lorelai practically collapsed on the couch and immediately put her head in her hands as she continued to cry. "Oh God." She mumbled.
Luke sat down beside her and wrapped an arm around her, "Lorelai you're starting to scare me. Can you say something please? I've been trying to call you for a while. I thought you'd be home by now."
She shook her head and pulled her shaking hands away from her face, "I-I-turned my phone off."
Luke nodded, "Okay." He lifted his hand and smoothed her hair away from her wet face, "Okay. Just...breathe. I need you to breathe."
Her face crumpled again, "I don't know what happened. It was so fast."
Luke shook his head trying to understand what was going on, "What was fast?" He frowned, "Your Dad dying?" She started to cry harder and he cringed, "I...shit. I'm sorry. I just...I'm trying to keep up here." He scooted closer to her and pulled her into his arms, "What's going on? What happened after I left?"
She shook her head against his chest and held on tightly, "I'm so tired Luke. So damn tired."
He sighed and kissed the side of her face realizing that right now, he probably wasn't going to get any information out of her. Rather than push her any harder, he decided to hold her until she was ready to talk. It wasn't long before her sobs began to subside and her body relaxed against him. He whispered to her to let go and finally she fell asleep beside him.
Luke sighed and looked down at her limp body. She was completely drained. He couldn't ever remember seeing her this broken. The only time she came close was that terrible night all those years ago when she showed up at the Diner begging him to marry her. After everything they had gone through since then, he did everything he could to not think about that night. They had worked hard to get past it and though those memories crept up sometimes.
He did his best in the last 8 years to be the man she needed him to be. No they weren't married but in his mind they were as good as. They were partners. They had made a life together and he was happy. He was happier than he thought he'd ever be. He thought that Lorelai was too; at least he hoped she was.
The last few days had been hard. He remembered the phone call from her the day Richard went into the hospital.
It was the middle of the lunch rush when the phone started ringing. He almost ignored it but as he passed it, he grabbed it and held the receiver to his ear. He was juggling three dirty plates and could hear someone calling his name as he mumbled into the phone, "Luke's."
He heard a sniffle first and then the voice he knew better than any other, "Luke."
He stood up straighter and roughly placed the plates down on the counter beside him, "Lorelai?"
"I-" She paused and he heard her make a sound like a whimper, "Mom just called. My-my Dad-"
He knew what was coming next, "Are you at the Inn?"
"I can't move. I've just been standing here. I was using my phone as a calculator and she called. And now...now she hung up and it went back to being a calculator. And I'm just standing here. Like an idiot because I can't move. Because I don't want to move. Because I know that this is his third major heart attack and he's older and that can't be good. And-" She was rambling as she so often did, but this time it sounded more frantic.
"I'll be right there. Okay? Don't move. I'm coming to you." He said searching the Diner for Caesar, "I'll be right there."
"Okay." She whispered, her voice was so broken and scared but he knew that she wasn't going anywhere without him.
Luke felt for his keys and phone in his pocket before turning to find Caesar walking around the counter, "Lorelai's father just had a heart attack. I gotta go."
Caesar's face showed shock and sympathy, "Go. Go. I got everything here. Call me later. I'll close."
Luke nodded, "Thanks."
He dashed out the front door, faintly heard Patty call his name but didn't turn to answer her. He climbed into the truck and whipped it into drive, steering it towards the Inn. He was there in less than five minutes; he dashed up the stairs and found Michel standing nervously next to Lorelai. She hadn't moved. She was standing stock still behind the desk.
Michel, who usually greeted Luke with disdain looked worried, "She hasn't said a word. I just came down here and found her like this."
Luke slipped his keys into his pocket and walked around the desk to her, "Lorelai." He whispered placing a hand on her elbow, "Come on. I'm gonna drive you to the hospital okay?"
She nodded slowly and let him lead her towards the door, "What happened?" Michel asked.
"Her father had a heart attack." Luke said as he led her towards the door, "I'll call when I know more. Okay?"
Michel put a hand to his chest and nodded, "Go."
Luke nodded and continued to lead Lorelai out of the Inn's front door. He helped her into the truck and ran around the side to get behind the steering wheel. They drove towards the hospital in silence. Lorelai seemed unable to form a coherent sentence. He reached for her hand and squeezed it gently to let her know he was right beside her.
She turned her head towards him slowly and whimpered, "Luke I'm not ready."
He stopped at a red light and looked over at her, "I know."
"I need to call Rory." She sniffled, "She's in London-"
"When we get there and get some news I will call her." He said as he turned onto the highway. "We shouldn't call before we know anything concrete, okay?"
She swallowed hard and looked down at his hand holding hers, "Luke?"
He turned to her quickly, "Yes?"
"Don't leave, okay?" She whispered softly, "Just...don't leave."
Luke shook his head and lifted her hand to his lips, "I'm gonna be right here. I promise."
He watched her take a deep breath and his words seem to calm her slightly. He turned and focused on getting them their safe and hopefully in time…
Richard didn't last very long after the heart attack. He didn't ever leave the ICU. No one could say that he didn't fight though. He had insisted he was fine, yelled at the nurses and Doctors to leave him alone. He wanted to go home. But every time Lorelai met Luke's eyes she seemed to know that this time...it wasn't going to happen.
On that final morning, they all stood huddled in Richard's room. When the beeping escalated on the machines, Luke took Rory out of the room. He could hear Emily yelling at the Doctors to do something and he was transported back to the last moments of his own parents. He held Rory as she cried beside him. And waited…
When Lorelai finally came out of the room, her eyes said everything he already knew. Rory broke down and fell into her Mother's arms. Lorelai held her close and tried to soothe her but her eyes never left his. He bowed his head and sighed, knowing that right this second Lorelai needed to be there for Rory. Things happened fast after that. Lorelai went into worker mode. She made phone calls, arrangements and preparations.
By the end of the day she looked like a walking zombie. She had successfully avoided Luke at all costs; he knew she wasn't ready to let it sink in. But that night when they got back to the house, they walked up stairs to the bedroom. Rory had decided to stay at her grandparents with Emily. Lorelai sat down on the edge of the bed and began to pull at the earrings in her ear. He leaned against the dresser and waited, waiting for her to come to him.
After a few moments of quiet, the dam broke and her shoulders began to shake. "He's gone…"
Luke sighed and walked over to sit beside her. He pulled her into his arms, tucking her head under his chin; he held her close and rubbed her back. "I know."
She clung to his arms, "My Dad is gone…" She cried into his chest.
He closed his eyes tightly and promised to be there for whatever she needed. But the only words she whispered that night were; "He's gone. He's gone…"
After a while, Luke had dozed off with Lorelai in his arms. He wasn't sure what time it was when he woke up but when he did Lorelai was still asleep beside him on the couch. He maneuvered her so she was lying down against the pillows and stood up, stretching slightly. He went into the kitchen to check the time, it was well past 1am. He sighed and poured a glass of water for himself, and one for her in case she woke up. Then he walked back to the living room and sat down on the coffee table in front of her.
He wasn't sure she would wake up anytime soon. He'd let her sleep as long as she needed too but he wouldn't close his eyes again. He needed to be right here when her eyes opened so he could comfort her if need be. Paul Anka walked over to them and nestled between Luke's legs and the edge of the couch. He rested his head on the edge of the couch and watched Lorelai sleep too.
Luke hung his head and waited…
It wasn't long before some type of dream woke her abruptly. She tossed and turned and Paul Anka whimpered, licking her arm softly. "Lorelai…" Luke whispered.
She gasped and sat up, quickly, "What happened?"
Luke frowned and reached his hand out to her, "You're home. You fell asleep…"
Lorelai cringed and rubbed the space between her eyebrows, "My head is pounding."
Luke lifted the glass he had poured for her and held it out, "Here. Drink this. Do you want me to get you some Tylenol?"
She sat up slowly and took the glass, "No."
He watched her carefully as she pulled her legs up beside her. She pulled at the blanket on the back of the couch and draped it over her legs. She sniffled slightly and Paul Anka jumped up on the couch, resting his head on her knees again.
The worried feeling returned and Luke reached out to place his hand beside Paul Anka's head, "Lorelai. What happened?"
Her lip trembled and her voice cracked as she spoke, "I screwed up."
He stood up only to sit beside her on the couch, "What do you mean you screwed up?"
He wrapped his arm protectively around her and she leaned into his embrace, she needed to feel his warmth and strength to keep her going. "Mom kept pouring drinks...and some of Dad's friends stayed late." She sniffled, "I must have fallen asleep...I don't remember. I just remember waking up and they were all talking about memories they had of Dad."
Luke cringed; this wasn't starting off well, "Okay. So...what-"
"I tried to put other people between me but then the one guy was in the wheelchair and I couldn't' move him." She sighed, "And she asked me to say something and my mind went blank." She whimpered, "I couldn't think of anything good. Just all these moments when he was disappointed in me which let's face it…" She laughed sadly to herself, "happened a lot over the years."
He frowned and rubbed her shoulders, "Lorelai, you're Dad loved you very much."
She started to cry again, "I was a terrible daughter. I never did what he wanted. What he expected. I screwed up over and over again. He deserved better."
He sighed and pulled her head closer, dropping a kiss to her head, "Lorelai you were not a terrible daughter. You made mistakes and so did he. We're all human. But think of how far you guys came...things were much better. Especially in the last few years or so. He was proud of you. You know that."
She looked over at him; "I said terrible things about him. But I just...nothing came to my mind. All those stupid things I did back then were the only things I could think of. You should have seen the look on Mom's face. It was like the day I told them I was pregnant all over again. She looked like she wanted to crawl into a hole and pretend that she never had a daughter. Like I was the most disgusting thing she'd ever seen."
"She's grieving." Luke whispered, "She was just upset-"
"We haven't had a fight like that in years. Not that bad." She said shaking her head, "She was so upset. And I don't blame her but I really didn't mean to do that. I swear Luke. I loved my Dad. I did." She gasped.
He nodded and rubbed her arms, "I know you did. And she knows that too."
She shook her head and groaned, "She said I dishonored his memory."
"Lorelai." He said sighing pulling her closer still, "Shh…"
"She said I was a natural disaster blowing through life taking everyone down with me." She sniffled, "Even you."
As much as he knew that Emily was hurting, a part of him couldn't deny his anger when it came to hurting Lorelai. He had stood aside for so many years and watched her Mother tear her down again and again and it killed him. They had come so far in the last few years; she had even accepted him in her life, at least as much as Emily Gilmore could. Yes she was grieving, she was hurting but she also knew how to take it too far.
"Lorelai that's not true." He said softly, "You know that's not true. You-"
She turned to him quickly, "Did I ruin your life?"
He was taken aback by the abrupt change in their conversation, "What?"
She scooted away and looked desperately at him, "Did I ruin your life? Do you regret being with me? Getting back together with me?
He shook his head quickly, "What? No. Of course n-"
"But she said that I never asked you what you wanted. And maybe I didn't." She said rubbing her tired eyes, "Did I not give you what you wanted? Am I not giving you what you want now?"
Luke sighed and reached for her hand, "Lorelai-"
"I'm sorry." She said feeling the tears burning in the back of her eyes again, "I'm so sorry. I never wanted to do that to you. I wanted you to have whatever it was that you wanted. You deserve so much more. God Luke…" She hung her head, "I did this all wrong. I do everything wrong."
Luke felt his heart sink into his stomach, he hated when she got so down herself like this. She would never understand how incredible she was and she would definitely never see how happy she made him. He was happy. He had everything he needed right here in this crazy house with her and the psychotic Dog. He had April and Rory and he loved watching them grow into the women they were becoming. He didn't need more. He just needed her.
"Lorelai." He leaned in so he was beside her ear, "Hey...you didn't do anything wrong."
She whimpered and lifted her head to look at him, "I just want you to be happy. But she's right. I get so caught up in my own stuff I forget about everyone else around me. I never asked you what you wanted from me. I never stopped to let you call the shots. We got back together and you moved in and we've just...we've lived."
He reached out to touch the side of her face and smiled, "Do you know what I want Lorelai? What I've always wanted?"
She shook her head and whispered, "No."
"All I ever wanted was you." He said with a smile and a small shrug, "In whatever way I could have you. I wanted you. A life with you. And that's exactly what I got. And it has exceeded every expectation I ever had." He looked around him, "This right here. This life we have, that we share...that's all I need. You are all I need."
The tears fell hard again and she leaned forward to rest her head against his chest, "I love you."
He buried his hand in her curly hair and kissed her forehead, "I love you too. It's okay. Just breathe...everything is going to be okay."
Lorelai clung to him knowing that the only thing that would keep her steady was him. It had always been him. He was her rock. Her shoulder to cry on both literally and metaphorically. He was hers and she was his and at the moment as long as he wanted her, she was going to hold onto his words. She was going to believe that he did want her. She didn't understand why but all that mattered in this moment was that he did. Because as much as he said he needed her, she needed him even more.
The following morning, Lorelai woke up safe in her warm bed. She didn't really remember leaving the couch and going upstairs. She looked down and saw that she was dressed in one of his flannel shirts. She felt his arms wrapped securely wrapped around and she breathed a sigh of relief that he was still there. She could tell he was awake by the sound of his breathing and she knew he knew she was awake now too.
She sat still for a moment, not wanting to face the day. She wanted to stay like this just for a minute longer because, here she was safe. But finally she turned slowly in his arms and buried her face in his chest.
She felt him kiss the top of her head before whispering, "Morning."
She sighed and pulled her face away to look at him, "Hi."
Her voice sounded raw still, it didn't surprise him. She had cried a lot more last night than he could ever remember seeing her cry. He knew it was a combination of things. The loss of her Father was going to weigh heavy on her mind and her heart for a long time. Years after his own parents death and there were still days when it felt like the pain was new and going to crush his heart. For a long time he thought it would break him completely.
And then she had showed up. She had stormed into his life when he was least expecting it. Emily had called her a natural disaster. While it was true Lorelai was a force of nature, he would never compare her to a vicious and unforgiving storm from Mother Nature. Lorelai was full of life. She influenced everyone's life that she touched. She made even the grumpiest of men (himself) smile and be willing to do crazy things just to see her smile. Her energy was infectious. She loved fully and would do anything for anyone. She was a good person. She was such a good person and it killed him to think she didn't know that.
"You okay?" He asked running his hand up her back, "You slept…"
She smiled softly, "What'd you do, stay up all night to make sure I was sleeping?"
He shrugged, "Woke up a few times to just make sure you were okay."
She sighed and leaned back into him, "You're a good man Luke Danes."
When she wrapped a leg around his waist, he put his hand on her waist and smiled, "And you're a good woman Lorelai Gilmore." He felt her tense but he held her still, "Don't you ever doubt that."
She breathed him in and nuzzled his neck, "Are you going to the Diner?"
Luke shook his head and kissed the top of her head, "No. Not going back yet. I'm not going anywhere."
She squeezed him tight and slid her hands under his shirt, needing to feel his heartbeat, "I don't know what I would do without you Luke."
"I'm not going anywhere." He assured her, "I'm right here."
He felt her relax against him again and hoped that his words both last night and this morning had gotten through to her somehow. Because the truth was that he really did need her. The idea of losing her after everything they had been through was unthinkable. He knew the grieving process wasn't going to be easy...and he also knew that Lorelai had a tendency of pulling away when she was hurting. But as far as he was concerned, he was going to hold on for the both of them until she realized that this was it. This was all he needed and would ever need. She was everything good in this world and just like he decided 8 years ago, he was never going to let her walk away again.
Hope you liked it.
REVIVAL OPINIONS: In my honest opinion, the struggles between Luke and Lorelai during the revival stemmed from this fight with Emily. She made her question what they had and if she had made him happy. As strong as Lorelai appears to be, she's also very sensitive on the inside. She always felt like she wasn't good enough and that she was a disappointment. And I think it bothered Luke that she didn't think she was good enough. Anyway that's my Lukeish rant hahaha! I will update when I get inspired by another JavaJunkie scene or think of moments I would have liked to see. If you want to talk revival! Message me in my inbox! I'd love to chat! :)