A/N: Hey guys! I know I said this was three parts, but I had to put it in to four because I re-wrote this part and it was really, really long so I had to split it in half! I'm undecided with what to do with this, for now I think I'm going to wait until the next episode has aired and go from there. I can either carry on by myself with the odd bit from the show, or carry on and do it alongside the show. Of course the third options is mini fics for each episode until they no longer need fixing! I'm just worried about how to end this if I carry it on! Something I've been talking about a lot with Emilie2601 the lovely lady who offered to beta read this chapter for me!
Like I told her, I want this fuckery with Spaleb and Jordan over with as fast as possible, so while the show is heading in the right direction, I've sped things up a bit. Hoping it doesn't seem too rushed, although I'm more worried about the Jordanna break up next chapter...oops spoilers! ;)
Caleb, Hanna, Emily and Spencer arrived at Hanna's apartment, the journey up to Hanna's apartment had been…interesting. Emily and Spencer where definitely up to something. The two of them where studying her more than he was and he wasn't sure he liked it. It made him uneasy. That and the mentions of the doll house. Mona wasn't there yet, she'd stopped off at the store to grab a load of Hanna's favourite food for their movie marathon. Caleb had managed to pull Mona to the side before she got in her car, under the guise of making sure she knew which foods Hanna liked best. Mona had rolled her eyes and been about to retort when he'd made that comment out loud, until he started to fill her in on what had happened and been said so far while she'd been absent, in a low whisper. Mona had seemed even more worried than he was. He found himself feeling glad for Mona. Glad that Hanna had a friend who cared about her that much. She'd been the one to help him when Hanna had been kidnapped and it had honestly felt like they where the only ones pushing to save Hanna. Aria had helped Hanna when she was returned to them but Mona had thrown her all in to saving Hanna.
Caleb was eager for Emily and Spencer to leave, so he could talk to Hanna on her own before Mona got back from the store. She'd taken the ring from him and if Hanna thought that was the end of it, she was wrong. He wasn't letting go od Hanna this time, in fact he was fairly certain he wouldn't be able to let her out of his sight for a long time. He would talk to Spencer soon, but for now…he needed to talk to Hanna. He'd seen her walls come down and he knew what that meant. She was going to do her best to push him away, either for what she thought was his own happiness, or for his own safety, and he wasn't going to let it happen. Besides, he wanted to make sure she was okay…or as okay as she can be. He knew he was being ridiculous, but she'd been through so much the last 24 hours and she was barely speaking. Well…barely compared to her usual. Caleb just wanted to look after her. Keep her safe this time.
The kidnapping had made him realise all the feelings he still had for Hanna, that he'd pushed to the side and tried to get over for the past three years, and then shoved back down when he saw her again and had thought she was happy with Jordan. He liked Spencer, he did, they'd been great friends. Caleb had been hurting over Hanna when he'd run in to Spencer again, he guessed Spencer was a connection to Hanna, and it was screwed up but he wanted to be close to Hanna, and Spencer was Hanna's friend, her incredibly smart friend. Caleb loved Spencer's intelligence, her wit, he loved her. But he wasn't in love with her. He'd been realising it for a while now, but it had taken the kidnapping to show him that what he was doing was wrong, that the whole relationship was wrong, whatever he felt for Spencer….it paled in comparison to what he felt for Hanna. He felt awful, and he knew he'd made a mistake. While Caleb didn't take the relationship as seriously as Spencer did, it was still a relationship, and he'd engineered this messy, painful situation. He wasn't the one who was going to get hurt. But now he knew how Hanna really felt? He couldn't go another day without her.
Caleb unlocked the door, and pushed it open, he picked up Hanna's mail as he walked in.
"It's from Lucas" he hovered, watching as Hanna looked at it and then tossed it to the side, with no apparent interest in it. He'd have to talk to her about that. She deserved the chance Lucas was offering but somehow he didn't think she'd see it that way. Not now. His staring was interrupted by the other girls entering the apartment and he glanced away, surveying what he could see of her apartment. He shared a glance with Spencer when Hanna refused Emily's offer of help. Caleb figured Hanna was done being babied for the day, either that or she had picked up on Emily's slight resentment. Knowing Hanna, it was probably both, actually.
It would seem she was getting back to herself, little by little, or at least…seemed to be. He was willing to bet that this was all a front. There was more going on with Hanna, there had to be after what she'd been through. She just didn't want everyone worrying about her on top of everything else they had to deal with. That was the kind of person Hanna was. Caleb watched Hanna fiddling with the kettle, lost in thought. He walked towards Hanna, oblivious to everyone else in the apartment. She needed something else to think about right now and he had the perfect thing. Something for her to mull over.
"So, you gonna take Lucas up on his offer?" he hoped she would. It would be good for her. Good for…..them. Things would be different if she was her own boss. Hanna sighed.
"He's crazy" No, Lucas wasn't crazy, but Hanna was for not jumping at this opportunity, she deserved it, she would do…amazingly. She just needed to believe in herself. But then he figured that this had more to do with the events of the last 24 hours.
"He see's your potential" I do too, he said with his eyes.
"Potential for what?"
"For what you could do if you where in charge instead of…." instead of someone's personal slave, he finished mentally. Images from their time in New York flashing through his mind.
"Caleb, haven't you noticed? None of us are in charge of anything around here" Here we go, Hanna's defence tactic is a go. Caleb looked around to see where the other girls where. He didn't want an audience for this. He didn't see them so he turned back to Hanna.
"Well, we can fix that" fix us. Fix this. "No-ones giving up on anybody." Don't give up on me. If you take Lucas up on his offer, you'll be in charge of something. It might not be much, but it's something. You have talent Hanna, everyone believes in you, not just Lucas. Just think about it Han. Think what you could do. What…we could do" he whispered the last part. Hanna looked away from him.
"I'll think about the offer, but only because Lucas worked so hard on it" Caleb felt a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. It wasn't there for long. "But that's it. There is no subtext here, got it? I gave up on you a long time ago Caleb, when you left your phone behind so I'd never be able to contact you. Things are different now" she hissed.
"I was stupid and immature to do that Hanna. I shouldn't have left like that. But I'm not giving up on you. I'm not losing you again"
"You already lost me Caleb. Twice, once in New York and then a second time when you let some anonymous freak kidnap me and-" She cut herself off.
"And what Hanna?"
"And nothing, I'm done with this conversation"
"Hanna. Don't do this, stop trying to push me away"
"What do you want Caleb? Suppose we get through all of this, where does that leave us? Back to where we started" she questioned.
"I want you Hanna. How much more obvious can I make it? Spencer….I don't feel the same way about her that I do about you." Hanna snorted. Caleb could practically see her facade like a mask covering her face.
"So what, we get back together, destroy Spencer and then what? Go right back to where we started?"
"Well I guess that depends how far back we want to go" Caleb would do whatever it took to get Hanna back. Start fresh from the beginning. Pick up where they left off as he'd never left her. Whatever she wanted to do. All he wants is Hanna.
Hanna didn't respond for a minute or two, then she softened, relenting.
"Look, in that room in the resort, before all the lights went off and someone pushed me down a hole…..I was scared" he wasn't sure where she was going with this, but he was hoping it was going to be in the direction he wanted. But the look in her eyes told him not to get his hopes up.
"Me too" for you, he added. He'd been terrified for Hanna. For what could happen to her.
"But you where there. I always felt… safe around you. Even when we weren't getting along you made me feel safe. Maybe that's why what happened…happened. With us." oh. So she was still going with Operation Push Caleb Away By An Means Necessary.
"So you think…we just…went back to what we used to be? For a minute" He questioned her. Not buying what she was saying for a minute.
"Yeah" She replied quickly. Too quickly. "Only for a minute"
"Do you even believe what you're saying Hanna?"
"Yes." she stated. Caleb heard a slight waver in her voice that didn't match what she was saying. "All we ever did was argue, before you left. Things between us always get ruined." She said quietly. Before he could respond, Emily came back in to the room.
"Where's Spencer?" Caleb turned to look at Emily, then glanced around the apartment, not seeing her he headed for the door, the one place she must have gone. "I'll be back in a minute" Caleb said, taking a breath. He couldn't let this go on any longer, it was time to have that talk with Spencer. She needed to know because he needed to be with Hanna. She needed him. She could try and push him away all she liked with her bullshit justifications, but it wouldn't work. This time things would be different. He'd be different. Losing Hanna and then nearly losing her permanently had changed something in him. He'd never argue with her for a stupid reason again. He'd help her with whatever she wanted to do. If she took Lucas up on his offer, or anything else she wanted to do. He would be the boyfriend he was supposed to be this time around. He'd lost sight of that in their last few months together. He wouldn't again. As he headed out the door he passed Mona, laden down with shopping bags.
"Your….whatever she is, is down there, what-"
"Later, go see Hanna, I'll be back in a minute" he said as he brushed past her. He started to walk out of the door, but stopped and turned briefly, hoping against hope to see it. Mona threw her shoulders back and sashayed in to Hanna's apartment, dumping the bags on a table, before heading straight for Hanna, and unlike Emily, Hanna allowed Mona to take over making her hot drink, but then Mona really didn't give her much choice. Hanna even allowed Mona to scold her for trying to do it herself.
He didn't catch exactly what Mona said, he was too busy revelling in it….Hanna's smile, and he didn't care what she said either. All he cared about was Hanna's smile back in place. Even if it was only momentary. Even if it was weak, and ghostly at least it was there. As Hanna allowed Mona to hug her again, Caleb turned back around and headed out the door. Steeling himself.
Caleb found her at the end of the hall.
"Spencer?" he said quietly. He didn't miss her wiping her eyes.
"How's Hanna?"
"As well as you'd expect, Mona's here now though" he said awkwardly.
"Mona'll get Hanna on her on her feet again, she's a force to be reckoned with" Spencer said, dancing about the subject. Caleb took a deep breath.
"So how much did you hear?"
"All of it"
"I'm sorry Spencer, I was going to talk to you, but Hanna-"
"Was your priority. She always is"
"Look Spencer…..Hanna and I….before she was kidnapped, she told me…." he glanced up and saw Spencer close her eyes, "she told me she still loved me, had never stopped. She told me something I didn't know about that night. Something that changes everything. We kissed. Well…I kissed her. It was me, I initiated it."
"I figured as much" Spencer said, voice wavering.
"It was wrong and we shouldn't have but I was terrified of what would happen to her, and she was scared. When Hanna and I broke up, it was messy and unresolved. I acted rashly and I should have stayed to sort things out but I didn't and things didn't end as well as they could have, there was no closure. I never stopped loving Hanna, I thought she was happy with Jordan and I didn't want to screw that up for her. The past few days have just shown me that while I pushed my feelings aside, I never stopped loving her, I just tried to ignore it. But now that I know that she…that she still loves me. That she came back for me….I can't ignore my feelings anymore. I nearly lost her again, Spencer, and I can't…I won't let go of her this time Spencer. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have started anything with you, not when we where back here and I was seeing Hanna for the first time since that night. Not when things where unresolved, when there was no closure. I wasn't ready to move on, but I tried to anyway. I like you Spencer, I really do but I just don't-"
"You don't love me" she finished. He winced.
"No, I don't. Not like I love Hanna. We've always gotten on well Spencer, I just….I guess I wanted t be close to Hanna, and I liked you and we had so much in common and-"
"Some part of you wanted to hurt Hanna right? You and I both knew that no matter what she said she would never be okay with it. I guess that's what I get for breaking the 'Girl Code'" Spencer said, miming air quotes. Caleb felt his face pale as her words sunk in. She was right. He had known. How would he ever make this up to Hanna?
Spencer I-"
"I get it Caleb. I don't like it. But I get it. And I'd be a whole lot madder right now, if Hanna hadn't been mentally traumatised and needed you in one piece" Spencer tried for a chuckle, but it sounded miserable. Caleb had to admire her. He knew how much he was hurting her right now….but she still cared so much about her friend.
"This is partially my fault too you know. I knew how much Hanna loved you, had always loved you. I've seen your entire relationship. I had no idea how things had ended with you two, Hanna didn't ever want to talk about it which should have clued me in you know? I'm supposed to be smart" Spencer snorted. "But I jumped in anyway, I wasn't exactly in the best place either. I should have known better. I knew this relationship meant more to me than it did to you I just….I wanted to cling on to it, because it's the only good thing I have." Spencer smiled sadly.
"Spencer, I am so, so sorry. I'm sorry for everything, for this, for how I treated you when I was looking for Hanna, I was just so worried and I needed to find her and-"
"I know Caleb. I understand. You and Hanna…you have this…this bond. You belong together, what's that saying? About people finding their way back to each other? That's you guys. You do it again and again, I don't know why I didn't think it would happen this time"
"Spencer-"
"If you apologise one more time I will make it impossible for you to have children"
"Yes m'am"
"I'm mad at myself, I'm mad at you, and Hanna….she just tried to push you away and I know she did it because she didn't want to hurt me. She's been mentally tormented and she still thought about me over herself and what she wanted. I can't be mad at her. Not for wanting to get the truth out before….well she didn't know what would happen did she. That's the point. You though? You I can be mad at" Spencer sighed. "Right now, I need some time, okay?"
"Of course" Caleb agreed quickly. He thought about apologising again, just to make sure Spencer knew he really meant it. He eyed her footwear and decided against it. "Just so you know, you can't possibly think any worse of me than I do of myself right now" Spencer just nodded.
"I'm gonna take off, I'll come by and see Hanna tomorrow"
"Goodbye Spencer"
"Goodbye Caleb" Caleb watched as Spencer started to walk away, head up, shoulders back. She didn't get far before she turned back to him.
"Caleb, Hanna…she…." Caleb looked at her questioningly. "She has the dollhouse look."
"What does that mean?"
"It means she's in a….a really dark place right now okay. Just…keep an eye on her?"
"Why is that even a question? But-" before Caleb could question her about the 'dollhouse' look, she'd already disappeared down the hall. Caleb stood for a few minutes, turning the phrase over in his mind. Examining all the meanings…and he didn't like any of them.