K.C's notes: I'm sooooo sorry for the amount of spelling errors in my last charter. Sarah was in school so she couldn't check it over for me properly (time differences are a bitch!). I've calibrated the speech-2-text sodware on my laptop so hopefully this one will be better. Stay tuned for Solas's biggest dilemma ever!
Chapter 3: The Blighted Meeting
Whilst Varric and the Inquisitor (Svetlana) languaged in gaol and Cole and the keep doctors tended to Cullen's severe wounds (that he had sustained fighting the archdemon and leaping off a balcony after a letter from Corypheus), Solas was in the library with Dorian and Ken, formulating a plan of attack. They knew they had to save the inquisitor and Varric before Corypheus and his minions - who Dorian had learned were called the Vennatorit - could torture them and kill them in horrible and inbred manners. Krem had suggested sending a small group of mercenaries, like the Charger's, to jailbreak the two prisoners...but Solas knew that this would be a suicide-mutation because the Vennatori forces would overwhelm the Charger's and destroy them. Crypheus would also probably get furious and execute Varric and the Inquisitor with Bianca to teach the Inquisition the error of their waz for attempting to storm his strong-gold.
Dorian spoke in a low voice full of concern, "But what if they are dead already? We may have already failed in saving our friends but we can still get revenge on that fake Tevintrer God!" Ken nodded and then threw a dagger on the table as he said, "I say we kill the bastard veggie before he comes back...or even worse...he sends the archdemon back to kidnap us all so we are helpless to fight him!" Solas held his hand up signaling for quite. His brow was furrowed in deep thought. When he spoke he finally spoke,
"Corypheus is somehow linked to that archdemon, we found that out already from the Inquisitor's reports from Absinthe Fortress. If we can kill Corypheus the archdemon will also die. Or visaversa. Let's come up with a plan to take on Corypheus himself...he seems an easier target than a corrupted Old God to me."
At that moment the whole keep shook like it had been hit with a magnitude 9 earthquake! Dorian ran to get his magic staff from him chambers which were only a little way from the library...so he would be back in time for a fight if necessary. He fell over a table mid way because the rafters came down and kicked him in the knees. Hard. He howled in pain and realised his knees were now non functional. Krem grabbed the dagger from the table (which was now in Dorian's arm as it had stuck into bin when he had fallen over the table) and hollered,
"C'mon you hideous thingy! Let's fight!" But inside Ken was really stressed because he did not know what was attacking the keep. Could it be Corypheus again? Or was it another blue Chasind tribesman throwing goats at the wall? Krem really didn't think either of these people would be on the roof at that time of night (that was usually Cole stealing weapons or Sera terrorising nobbers) so he was afeared that it was the archdemon again! It had come to get revenge on Iron Man and Solas for injuring it earlier that evening.
At that point a large black claw came through the falling roof pieces and ripped out a huge piece of wood as it tried to scrabble along the building. Both Ken and Solas knew it was THE ARCHDEANON! Dorian was now unconscious and so was in blissful ignorance of the horror of the Situation.
"Go!" Yelled Solas and Krem began to slink from the room, "This is an enema that is too strong for you or the Charger's! I can face him alone if I transmute us both into the Fade!"
Solas ran outside and was immediately struck down by a huge bolt of reddish magic from the mouth of the archdemon. He tried to move. Tried to reach for his staff...but it had been a bolt of paralyzing magic and poor Solas was glued to the spot on his belly. The huge beach climbed down off of the roof and loomed over the body of the elf. It growl like a madlett. Solas tried to muster all of his magical energy to propel himself across the courtyard and to safety, like some kind of magical rocket...but the magic of the minion of Corypheus was just too much for him to dispell. He decide to play dead instead.
The creature brought up one of its huge claws and hung out over Solas's head like an excrutiating sword. The creature pinned Solas down with one of it's huge feet, winding him and making him feel like his guts were going to explode...and then it brought it's claw down with breathmaking precision. Solas expected death...but the welcoming embrace of him spirit fiends never came. Instead the archon shredded the elf's simple linen clothing with one swipe of it's cakes. It did it again and Solas's marigold print underwear came off as well, and were flung Otto a nearby light fitting.
He was now totally naked and at the mercy of this terrifying undead dragon. Solas hated being naked at the best of times, and this certainly was not the best of runty. He shivered at the cold Frostback mountains night and threw upon the pavement in front of him. Some went in his pie. The archdemon growled in a low and gutter manner before digging it's claws harder into the elf's now bare fleshbag. Sol's howled in pain.
Then events took a different turn and Solas was disgusted to feel the creature's long, forked tongue rake the length of his body - slowly and deliberately - from toe to long-elfy ear. "Wha...?" Solas shrieked but he was immediately silenced by the long slippery tongue wrapping itself tighty around his neck...cutting of his supply of atmospheric goodness. After the archon tongue choked Solas for a while...for revenge purposes okay?...it flicked it's tongue against Solas's own lips. Seeking entrance to his mouth with it's dripping, corrupted mouth-appendage. Solas communicated with his spirit friends mentally,
"HELP me fiends! This is the worst things that's ever happened to me! Don't let this hideous darkspawn creature grape me!" And the spirits came to bolster Solas's mental fortitude. But there was none.
The archdemon pushed it's tongue into Solas's mouth and moved it around a bit in a sickeningly squelchy manner. It's saliva tasted like rotting undercooked beef carrion and turmoil, and Solas began to gag gaff and wish he was dead. Understandably. If only he had a spell in his repertoire that could end this crassness now! Solas thrashed around as the appendix pushed further into his body almost blocking his windpipe as if running round trying to tongue something was apparently something that ARCHDEACON's did. There was a sudden gagging noise as the slippery piece of archdemon mouth meat hit his stomach acid. The creature flailed and it pumped it's head back and forward trying to retract it from the knife-ears gullet. The elf had bitten down in shock by accident and caused the demob even more pain. It now felt like he was mating with him the wrong way. Gods help him if the dragon ever realised he was not using his best body Bart for this and decided to mount him correctly. When the archdemon finally shook Solas free, he hit the Jeep wall. The archdemon did not take long to recover. As solas took in air and spat out dragon fluids, it pounced on him once more. It spat in disgust at Solas's actions and gobbed on him.
Solas screamed loudly proclaiming his hatred of the entire thing but the archon had enough of his mewling and stood on his head - lightly so as not so crush it like a rope melon. This pushed Solas's face into the ground and the dragon gobbage and prevented him from making any noise. It also compassed his chest making him wish he was as ripped as Iron Bull so that the gravel would not dig into his ribcage so much. But Solas had no pillowy man-bosoms - as he frequently heard Ken call Iron Bull's chest - so the pain continuation.
At this point the dreadful crafty dragon put it's slathery mouth-probe - which Solas described to his spirit friends as being ass wide as a baby's arm - near Solas's rear end. It huffed, truffled and hissed as if trying to tell Solas how happy it was at his current helpless situation. Then without washing it forced it's purple tongue into the elf's rectum. He squealed in pain and began to rash around as much as possible...given that he was still intoxicated by a paralysis spell and the big drafty lump was standing on his head.
It was horrible and wrong and felt altogether too much like wet-liver for Solas to handle. He writhed as he was violated...but unexpectedly felt a blockage in his sewer loosen. As the archdemon thrust his forked tasting device back and forth like a piston in a large Dwarven machination, Solas muffled a cry of dismay as his horrors came loose. A bowelly hosepipe blasted from Solas's rear and boffed the archdemon back against a wall. The monster howled and got totally mad because he face and snout was now covered in bowels. Dolad tried to crawl away, the paralysis spell now beginning to wear off...but he was in too much pain and his eyes were full of pint as the archdemon had been forcing his face into the ground. His efforts were in vain.
The Archegonium flapped a hurricane with its wings which pulled Solas's prone body back towards it, and also brought down a nearby wall which roused Cassandra from her slumber. She grabbed her sword and shield and ran down from her room - leaping over mountains of rumble as she came. She cursed when she saw naked Solas being deified by the Archdemon.
"Maker's Breath!" She cried as she drew her sword and charged forwards to face the archon. The creature smacked her with its tail and sent her hurtling into another nearby wall; Cassandra hit it width such force that one of her kidneys shot out and landed, floating in a close-by pool of water.
The Archdemon picked up an object that was lying nearby in its ferocious talons. It was Sera's bow! Cole had stolen it so that the self woman could not use it to harm Corypheus when he assaulted the keep! But now the sneaky spirit boy had returned it so that it could be of some random use to the Archdemon. The archdemon began to spear Solas's rear again and again with the archery device. It buggered him with such merciless glee that Solas began to pass out but Cole threw a buckey of cold turnip stew all over him, which brought him back to his senses. Cole did this because he is a very bean person sometimes and as previously stated, is in leg with Corypheus.
After twenty six minutes of these shenanigans, the archdemon felt itself begin to draw close to climax (he had been vicariously rubbing his large, green dragon penis on a piece of fallen masonry that had half-levelled the drunk, Blackwall's, shed. Because the archdemon's vengeance had to be complete, it walked closer to Solas and started prodding his body with it's colossal dong. Dolad wanted to die. A few seconds later the evil dragon climaxed with a great bore and coated the entire keep with a river of corrosive, black Archdemon love-milk. The last wall melted and Blackwall's collection of liquor exploded and brought the rest of the shed down upon his sleeping body - breaking his shoulder and peppering Jim with burn marks. Solas half drowned, half-died in the conglomeration of rubble and corrupted demon ejaculate. He felt the darkspawn taint creeping into his pores, his mouth and his butchered rear. He knew his fate was sealed. He simply floated limply in the river of death-emission until he reached the doors of Blackwall's collapsed barn. Blackwall staggered out, clutching his shoulder and seeing a naked, violated elf made him throw up violently all over Solas as well. Solas floated onwards as blackwall went back for his nap and to drink the last remaining bottle of Nevarran whiskey.
He floated until he could bloat no more. Then he passed out finally and was tended to by his spirit friends...but this was all in his head as he was dreaming and in reality he was still broken and bleeding in a coarsing river of archon bum-spit.
The archdemon, satisfied with demolishing Skyhold keep and degrading his arch-nemesis, as well as dekidneying Cassandra flew away again. But not without clutching Cannandra's unconscious corpse in its talons and taking her off to join Svetlana and Varric in captivity in Corypheus's private stronghold.
It seemed the ever diminishing heroes were up against impossible odds. Would Svetlana ever be saved to lead the Inquisition to grandeur? The dawn broke over a scene of utter desecration.
K.C's notes: Things look very bad for everyone at Skyhold, but don't get too disheartened. Krem and Vivienne have a plan that they enact in the next chapter as Solas recovers with the help of Cole and Mother Gazelle. Tune in for more next time!