AN: This is my attempt at answering some questions, closing some gaps, and just working it all out in my mind. I consider Chapter 1 more of a missing scene, and this is the post-ep part (as will be Chapter 3 if I decide that Whiting gets to live).

Thanks again to sassyzazzi and Max and Fern 4ever for some of the ideas that worked their way into Densi's talk. Also, this was honestly written before I read writeallnight's We're All Right and any other post-eps which may have similar themes (what can I say, I guess we're all working through the same issues!)

Spoilers: Up to and including Payback (8x15).

Disclaimer: I put in a bid to buy NCIS: LA, but until I hear back, let's assume I don't own it and I'm not making any money from this.

When they got into Kensi's SRX, Deeks paused with his hand on the key in the ignition, "You know what really bothers me about the whole Sullivan situation?"

"There's only one thing?" Kensi asked wryly.

"Well, no." he admitted, starting the car and pulling away from the mission. There are so many things about CIA officer Ferris that disturb the hell out of Deeks. But one thing in particular had been gnawing at him since Kensi shared that his intent had been to amputate her leg. "So okay, you told me that Sullivan helped you in rehab; he pushed and challenged you, motivated you to work harder. Why would he do that? Why bother if he wanted you disabled like he was? You couldn't fully use either of your legs or your hand; you were worse off than he hoped for. Why didn't he try to sabotage your recovery somehow?"

"I thought about that too while I was pretending to be unconscious. Didn't get the chance to ask him, but I'm pretty sure, after spending some time with the real guy today, that he wanted me to make a complete recovery so that it would be that much worse when he took it all away from me, you know?"

"Sick bastard," Deeks shook his head in disgust.

"Yeah." Kensi sighed. "But can we change the subject? I really don't want to talk about Sullivan any more right now. Lord knows I'll be thinking enough about all the signs I missed along the way."

"Sure, baby. Would you just do me a favor and talk to me about those things instead of beating yourself up over them?"

Kensi glanced at Deeks and gave him a sweet smile. "I promise I'll try, how's that?"

"I'll take it."

"Thank you." Kensi put her hand on Deeks' thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Next topic: Whiting or Hetty?"

"Neither. We are going home, taking care of ourselves and each other for a while, and then we'll have those discussions."

Kensi considered her partner and boyfriend as he drove. She really wanted to know what had gone down with Whiting and Hetty, but got the feeling that if they started talking about either one now, it would take over their entire evening. And like Deeks, Kensi had other things she wanted to do first. "If by taking care of ourselves you mean sex, showers, and food, in no particular order, I'm in."

Deeks smiled at her, "Oh, I was thinking a shared shower first, followed by sex, then food, if you can wait to eat."

"How about a small snack, shower sex, bedroom sex, then food?" Kensi countered, knowing there was no way in hell she'd last that long until dinner, but enjoying their little game.

"Check your bag," Deeks nodded toward the messenger bag he'd put behind her seat.

It didn't take Kensi long to find the pair of Twinkies and baggie of trail mix he'd tucked away before they left the mission. "This is perfect! I love you!" Kensi raved.

"Can't have my ladybird getting hangry before we get home."

Kensi ate one Twinkie before Deeks finished his sentence. She broke the second one in half and offered it to him. "I would never take a Twinkie from a hungry Kensalina; I value my life too much. But I will take a handful of the nuts." He held out an open palm and watched out of the corner of his eye as the woman he loved inhaled the remainder of her cream-filled sponge cake goodness before sharing the trail mix with him.

"Mmm, that really hit the spot. Thanks, babe." When he was done eating the trail mix, Kensi took Deeks' hand from the steering wheel and examined the damage more closely. "You're going to let me treat and wrap this after our shower, right? Since we said we'd be taking care of each other tonight as well."

In the end, Deeks didn't let Kensi address his hand until after they'd made love for the second time, because he didn't want anything interfering with the feel of her skin against his. As soon as they got home, the couple headed for the shower where they laughed as they quickly joined their bodies and reveled in the utter joy and relief they felt at being free, he from jail and she from the wheelchair in which she spent the better part of the day restrained, and being together again.

When they moved to the bed, Kensi and Deeks took their time. There, they allowed their other emotions out. The fear they'd battled over the last few days was gradually pushed aside by love and adoration. They couldn't get close enough, be tender enough, or express their devotion deeply enough, but each understood nonetheless. They worshipped each other physically and murmured words of comfort, reassurance, and healing. After, they remained wrapped in each other's arms as their breathing and heartrates returned to normal.

Kensi was pretty sure Deeks was asleep, and was about to allow herself to drift as well off when her stomach growled. Loudly. "Perfect timing," Deeks chuckling as he yawned. "Good thing you had that snack before, Princess," he kissed Kensi's hairline and slowly moved to get up.

"What do you want for dinner? I'll call in an order," Kensi said as she crawled out of bed and started pulling clothes out of her drawers.

They decided on Thai, and when it arrived, they settled in on the couch to eat and talk about the things that couldn't or shouldn't be said in front of their teammates. Kensi had pulled two beers from the fridge, until Deeks reminded her that they didn't know exactly what Ferris had injected her with, and suggested they stick with water for tonight.

Kensi got straight to the point after she downed her first mouthful of noodles, "So, Hetty. You seemed awfully cold to her at the mission."

"And I get the feeling the only reason you spoke exactly one word and one contraction to her is because she asked you a direct question."

Kensi nodded her agreement of Deeks' assessment. "I still can't believe she put you at that kind of risk. Do you know what information she gave to Whiting?"

"Tiffany."

Kensi closed her eyes in resignation. "And the money?"

"Yup."

"Shit."

"Yup."

Deeks could see the fire in Kensi's eyes when she opened them. It warmed his soul. "What the hell was she thinking, Deeks?!"

He finished chewing and swallowing his chicken satay before answering, "Apparently that I'd be better off in jail again on a murder charge than out chasing down moles."

"Does she have some plan for undoing the damage she's done?"

"I don't know," Deeks shook his head. "I haven't spoken to her about it. That's not why I'm angry at her." At Kensi's questioning look, he continued, "I kind of told her that if anything happened to you, it was her fault."

Kensi's eyes widened at the thought of that conversation. "How did that go over?"

"Not as bad as you'd think considering it started with me throwing a chair across the boatshed." When Kensi seemed surprised by that, Deeks explained, "Kens, you had been kidnapped by a CIA agent, who by all accounts was probably a psychopath. Sabatino swore he didn't know where you were, Hetty had killed anyone else who might have known, and she was the reason I was in lock-up and you were alone in the first place. You could say I was pissed. And frantic."

"I'm so sorry Deeks," Kensi's voice was pained.

"What for?"

"I feel like this is my fault. I'm kicking myself for making it so easy for Sullivan. I mean, given everything that had been happening, I really should have been suspicious of him the moment I saw him this morning. Especially since he was supposed to be back with his unit."

Deeks was glad she realized it; that had been his main concern about Kensi's readiness for the field since seeing the video of her abduction. She should have been on alert, and it almost cost her life. He knew that Kensi was physically ready, and what she had accomplished today, getting away from and beating the crap out of Ferris, only cemented that belief.

But there would be time for that conversation later. "You were probably distracted by everything that was going on. Not to mention that kiss; you were undoubtedly still on a Deeks high. That move with the earwig, by the way? Masterful."

"Thanks," Kensi grinned slightly. "So I'm angry at Hetty because of the danger she put you in, and you're angry at her for the danger she put me in. I'd say we need to figure out what to do about it, except you're still in jeopardy, so we need to focus on that first."

Deeks picked up his phone to check for a message about the wounded IAB detective, "Anything?" Kensi asked. When he shook his head, she said, "Okay, out with it. What didn't you say about Whiting? I know it's not as simple as what Callen described."

Deeks let out a breath. "The only way she would let me out to find you was if I agreed to tell her the truth about Boyle."

Kensi thought about that. She didn't like the idea that Deeks was forced to put himself at risk like that for her, but she understood it; from both Whiting's and Deeks' perspectives. She would have done the same thing in either of their places. "All right, but I said something similar in order to get in to see you. I'm sure you can figure out a way around it."

Deeks put down his food container and picked up Kensi's hand. "It was bad, baby. She took a bullet to the neck. It reminded me of when Renko was shot; there was so much blood. She was conscious for a while, and I was telling her to hold on, that she would be okay, trying to give her something to fight for…"

Kensi could feel the dread welling up from the pit of her stomach. She had a very clear image of what Deeks did next. Kensi Blye knew her man's heart, and if he believed that confessing to killing a fellow cop would give Whiting either solace as she passed from this world to the next, or motivation to cling ever more strongly to the last tether that connected her to life, he would do it. Even if doing so jeopardized his own life and freedom.

Kensi would be lucky if she could keep her dinner down. "Oh God, Deeks. You didn't."

Her met her eyes. "I told her everything."

Kensi didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to think, or what to feel. But she was pretty sure that everything she was thinking and feeling was wrong, and she probably shouldn't say it.

"Kens? Talk to me."

She said it anyway, sure he would understand, "I'm sitting here battling with myself, because on the one hand, I want Whiting to make it. She was out there, helping you look for me, and she was shot because of it. She may have it out for you, but she doesn't deserve to die. But on the other hand…" Kensi's voice fell to a whisper, "On the other hand, Deeks, if she dies, your confession dies with her, and probably no one else in IAB cares enough to bother with your case anymore."

"Honestly, I can't believe she's still in surgery," Deeks admitted sadly.

"What do we do, Deeks? What happens if she survives?" Kensi couldn't believe she was asking the question, couldn't believe that although she wanted the detective to live, some little part of her brain kept reminding her, your lives as you know them are over if she does.

Deeks response was immediate, "I get a lawyer and we get married sooner than later."

"Babe, you confessed. I don't think she's going to be after me to testify against you."

"No, but what I say can be used against you." At Kensi's blank look, Deeks clarified, "You knew last year that I was guilty, and you didn't do anything. As a sworn officer of the law, that's a big no-no, Princess. And Whiting already suspects it. No way are you getting into any trouble over this. Once we're married, I can't be compelled to testify to any crime that you might have committed. Besides, if we're married, I can get conjugal visits." He wiggled his eyebrows, trying to coax a smile from Kensi's beautiful features.

"Don't even joke about that Deeks," Kensi was in no mood for humor. They sat quietly for a few minutes, lost in their own thoughts.

Deeks sent another text to Bates but heard nothing back immediately. Finally, Kensi spoke. "What about Hetty?"

"What about her?" Deeks would rather talk about Whiting and his possible legal troubles than their operations manager.

"She's got to have something up her sleeve. Some way to fix this. And if she doesn't, I'm sure she can figure one out."

"I don't know, Kens. I don't think there's an easy fix this time."

"But she owes us, so she damned well needs to at least try. Hell, maybe she can get Quinn to confess." Kensi knew she was beginning to sound desperate, but there was no way in hell she would allow Deeks to spend another night behind bars.

"Kensi, I don't want an innocent man paying for my crime."

"Innocent? John Quinn is hardly innocent, Deeks."

"No, but he didn't kill Francis Boyle. I did. And if someone's going to answer for that, it'll be me."

"Deeks –" Kensi started to argue with him.

"No, Kens, listen to me. I'm not giving up. I have no intention of going to prison, not when I have you and our life together to look forward to. If the DA's not willing to make a deal, I'll take it to trial. What jury can look at these baby blues, my styled-by-pillow hair, and this body in my best court suit, and not believe me when I tell them that I killed Boyle to save a young woman's life? Especially when they hear that I've spent the rest of my career doing far more good than harm?" Deeks was displaying more confidence than he felt, but he couldn't bear the look of fear on Kensi's face. "But I don't think I get to come out of this completely unscathed, baby. Nor should I."

"You'll probably be fired from LAPD," Kensi acknowledged, not fully convinced by Deeks' argument, but trying to play along for his benefit. "But NCIS would still take you on."

"Maybe." Deeks shrugged his shoulders and leaned back into the couch. "But honestly, I don't know if I can go back to work for Hetty knowing the role she played in this. Both putting me back in Whiting's crosshairs and everything that resulted from sending you to Afghanistan, which as you said yourself, is where all of this started." Deeks studied Kensi closely, not sure he should ask this question now. He decided this might in fact be the best time, when their emotions were still raw. "Can you?"

Kensi blinked a few times, surprised by the enquiry. "I hadn't actually thought about it. I mean, yes, I'm angry at Hetty, and disappointed too. But it's not the first time. And I guess I'm just so focused on getting back into the field with you, on getting back to normal, that I'm willing to push that aside for now."

"Well, in the short term that's probably not a bad idea. We do have to go in tomorrow and start all that fun paperwork. Until we know what's going on with Whiting, life should go back to normal for a while at OSP." Again, Deeks paused, deciding whether to share his concerns just yet. But Kensi was anxious to be back out there, and they really did need to talk about this before she was responsible for watching his back again. What the hell, in for a penny, in for a pound, he thought.

But Kensi knew him well. She'd read it in his eyes when she brought it up before, and she saw it again now, clear as day. Deeks seemed to struggle over how to say it, though, so she decided to help him out. "You don't think I'm ready."

Now it was Deeks' turn to be surprised. Not that his partner knew what he was about to say, but that she wasn't upset about it. "I'm not sure, Kens," he admitted slowly, as scratched the back of his neck. "From what you told us about your attack on Ferris, I know Kick-Ass Kensi is back in top fighting form. And Callen said your shooting is as good as it's ever been, hell, probably even better with your left hand."

"But you're worried about my judgement."

He nodded. "You were right before, you were off your game this morning; otherwise Ferris never would have gotten the jump on you like that. I'm sorry."

"Don't. You have no reason to be," Kensi replied quickly. "We both know it's the truth, and a good partner should call me on it so I don't make that mistake again. You're a good partner, Deeks. If I'm going to believe anyone who says that I'm not ready to be back in the field, it's you; it's your back I'm out there protecting. You need to be confident in my decisions, otherwise you'll try to compensate for my weakness, and all of a sudden we can't predict each other's moves anymore. People get killed like that."

Kensi took a moment to let her words sink in; to let Deeks understand that this wasn't going to be an issue between them. Everyone else be damned, she wouldn't go back into the field until Deeks thought she was ready. But Kensi really did think she was, and he needed to know why. "That said, Callen was also right. We're all going to be a lot more cautious from now on. We got lazy, and look at what it cost us."

Growing slightly frustrated because she couldn't figure out what Deeks was thinking now, Kensi tried not to sound whiny when she asked, "How can I prove to you that I'm ready Deeks? What do you need me to do?"

He smiled a little before he spoke, "I think you already did it. I just needed to know your head was where it should be. You recognized your mistake and were ready to accept constructive criticism. What more can I ask for?"

Kensi beamed, "So you think I'm ready to be your partner again?"

"No, I know you're ready to be out in the field with me again. You never stopped being my partner, Kens."

Kensi's heart melted at the sentiment and she smiled sweetly at her partner. "You think Hetty will agree?"

"Even if she doesn't, she'd have some nerve not giving us what we want right now. But I can't imagine she'd have any concerns left. And if she does, we'll address them with her together."

Kensi threw herself at her partner and practically squealed, "I'm coming back!"

Deeks pulled Kensi even closer and tightened his arms around her, savoring the moment. "It'll be good to be by your side again."

Staying in his embrace because she sensed he needed it as much as she did, Kensi tucked her head into the crook of Deeks' neck. She inhaled his scent for a few seconds before speaking. "I'm sure it didn't always seem that way, but I know you never left my side, Deeks. Since Syria. In the hospital, during rehab, all of it. Even when I was pushing you away, I always knew you were there."

Kensi pulled back and looked him in the eyes. "And I don't think I ever really thanked you for that." She pressed a lingering kiss to his lips and whispered, "Thank you, Deeks. For not leaving me to die under that helicopter, for being the first thing I saw when I woke up, for coming back every time I got mad at you, for loving me even when I hated myself, for giving me something to look forward to, for supporting me every step of the way." She kissed him again, with more fervor.

When they came up for air, Deeks whispered back, "You're welcome Kens. I love you, and I'd do it all again if I had to."

"I love you too, and I hope we never have to do anything like that again," Kensi laughed lightly, sitting back and pulling Deeks with her. Shoulder-to-shoulder, they held hands, leaned their heads together, and started to relax a little.

They were quiet for a several long seconds. When Kensi spoke, there was uncertainty in her voice, "Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"What about the long term?"

"What do you mean? You want me to propose again?" Deeks joked, sort of.

"No. I mean, yes, of course I want you to propose, but not tonight. I think we hit on enough major stuff for one day. You said before that putting our anger at Hetty aside and going back to work was good for the short-term. What about the long term?"

"I think we need to have a wait-and-see mindset about that right now. Wait to find out what happens with Whiting and IAB. How we feel dealing with Hetty every day knowing what she's willingly done to us, individually and as a couple." He shrugged, noncommittally.

"Are you still thinking of leaving NCIS?"

"I might not have a choice ultimately, but yeah, I think that option's still on the table. How about you? You think you could bear to be out in the field every day with some guy who's not me?" Deeks teased.

"Oh, I'm sure I could." Kensi joked in return. "I mean, I was a damned good agent before you were my partner, you know. I'm sure I could do it again if I had to."

Catching the almost-perfectly-hidden look disappointment on Deeks' face, Kensi got serious. "But I don't want to. If you're out of NCIS, I am too. We'll figure out something else to do."

"Yeah?"

It was a little stab in the gut for Kensi that Deeks seemed unsure of the sincerity of her statement. "Of course; we're partners. Where you go, I go, remember? Besides, the next time you try to break someone's face for me, I want to be there to see it."

"Yeah?"

There was the flirty tone of confidence she loved to hear in Deeks' voice. "Yeah. Girly as it may be, I kind of like the thought of you pummeling some guy on my behalf. And the way you looked when you stormed into that room and ended Ferris?" she shuddered in arousal. "Sexy as hell, babe."

"Good to know. Would you be upset if I said I wish I could have been there to watch you take him on?" Deeks nuzzled Kensi's neck. "That it would have been very…exciting?"

"Only if you wanted my clothes to rip off, or to step in and save me."

"No way. My Kick-Ass Kensalina doesn't need anyone to save her in a fair fight. And as for the clothes, they should only come off in a physical encounter with me. Like maybe we're about to have now?"

"Oh, we're definitely going to have one now." Kensi's voice was full of desire as she turned to kiss him deeply.

Deeks broke the kiss a little bit later only to pick Kensi up in a bridal carry for the second time that day and carry her over the threshold to their bedroom.

They left the mess from dinner and their phones in the living room in their hurry to show each other their best moves. They were both sound asleep a few hours later when Deeks' phone alerted that he had a text message from Lieutenant Bates.

AN2: I have a third chapter started but not even close to finished. I had hoped to have it posted before 8x16/Old Tricks airs, but that's just not going to happen. Guess I'll have to take my chances that what I plan to write doesn't turn out to be exactly what TPTB have in store for us!