Chapter 5 Confusion And Triumphs

Tanis, Flint, Tasselholf, Caramon and Raistlin traveled on together for several days before splitting up. Caramon, Raistlin and Tasselholf headed for the nearest town, while Tanis and Flint continued on to the Elven city of Qualinost.

"You are more then welcome to look us up on your way back through, if you return to Solace," Caramon said where he stood with his right arm in it's now usual place these days, around his brother's shoulders. His mouth curved slightly with amusement as he continued quietly, "One of you ought to come for the Kender, at least. I am not sure how long Raist will put up with his antics."

"Of course," Flint answered him, concern in his eyes where they rested on a very distracted Tanis nearby. "Whatever happens, one of us will return for him."

"What is going on with Tanis?" Caramon asked, lowering his voice slightly so as to try not to be overheard by the man in question.

"I have no idea," Flint sighed, shaking his head slightly. "But, whatever it is, it has sure put the lad in a right tizzy. I will be glad when he sorts himself out of it."

The Dwarf and the half-Elf soon reached Qualinost, Flint making camp several miles outside of it with Tanis's assistance, sitting down on a large rock beside the fire finally.

"Try not to be too long, lad?" he requested of his long-time friend. "I'll not be waiting out here for days and days with no word from you at all."

"Of course not, Flint," Tanis said, patting him on the shoulder with a brief smile that did not reach his worried eyes. "I will return, or get word to you somehow."

"Good, then. Go on and solve your problem, whatever it is."

Tanis did grin at that. Then he was slipping away and into the woods of Qualinost. Tanis's feet instinctively carried him to the grove where he and his cousins used to play together as children. He was not there long, however, before he was discovered…

"Tanthalas!" Lauralanthalasa gasped, calling out happily as she ran toward him with obvious child-like delight, only stopping when she stood a mere foot or two from him. "What are you doing here?"

"Laurana," he greeted her somewhat stiffly, trying to soften his expression when she flinched in response. "I do not know why I came here. I know that I am not welcomed here, but.."

"You will always be welcomed by me, Tanthalas," she said with a smile, her eyes soft with precisely the kind of emotion that Tanis had wanted to avoid here. "Do you still have my ring?"

He nodded silently, hurting inside at what he thought he had to do as he took the ring from his pack, placing it in her hand carefully and closing her fingers around it gently as she stared at him now in disbelief.

"Tanthalas, why?.."

"It can not be as you desire it to, Laurana. It was a childhood fantasy, a game. I am a man lost. You deserve better that a half-breed who does not know what he wants in his own life."

"But, Tantha-" she said softly, her lower lip quivering slightly as she spoke.

"No, Laurana," he said in a firmer tone now. "It can not be. I am sorry, but it can not be, ever."

Her eyes welled up with tears, and his heart contracted at her obvious pain as she fled from him quickly.

"You did the right thing," a deep, strong male voice said then. It's owner stepped out into the clearing as Tanis turned toward the sound, shocked to see an Elf with long golden hair and green eyes standing there.

"Gilthanas! I.. I mean, Speaker. How.. How much did you hear?"

"All of it. What are you doing here, Tanis?"

"I.. I do not know."

"Then the words that you spoke to Laurana are true?"

"Yes. I.. I do not know who I am any longer."

"Well, you should go find yourself somewhere else."

Gilthanas was surprised, though his face didn't show it, when Tanis flinched at his words. But, instead of recoiling from him, he lashed out in anger unexpectedly.

"Dammit, Gilthas, why do you always do this to me? I know that I am half human, and that you hate me because of it! But I cannot help what I am. It was not of my doing! I am half-Elf, as well! Why can you not see that side of me, too, and treat me as one of your people in need?"

"Because you are not one of my people."

Tanis's face went white, and he reeled back on his feet with his emotional distress at his male cousin's statement. "Fuck you, Gilthanas! You know something? I do not know why I bother, I really do not! I bet that if I killed myself, Laurana is the only Elf here that would even care, you heartless bastard! I give up. I am not coming back here, not ever again! I hate you!"

Gilthanas felt pain, more pain then he'd felt in many years, stab through his chest at his cousin's words. So he reached out quickly to take hold of his right arm to halt him as Tanis turned to leave angrily, spinning him back around so that his wide eyes stared up into Gilthanas's, Tanis's chest heaving as he breathed in and out rapidly after his tirade.

"Do not go, Tanis," he said softly now. "Do not leave me again.. I will break for certain this time if you do, cousin.."

Then Gilthas's lips were pressed against Tanis's own, hard and firm for a brief moment as he kissed the other man before pulling back with obvious reluctance to look down into the shocked eyes of his cousin.

"Gilthas.." Tanis whispered, licking his lips unconsciously. "What-"

"Shh.." he cautioned him, taking him by his right hand gently now to lead him in the direction of the Speaker's palace. "Not here, Tanis. I am always being watched now. Come with me, please?"

"Alright."

Caramon, Raistlin and Tasselholf made their way into the town together, ignoring the strange looks that they were receiving as they walked up the street, the warrior asking directions to the nearest inn while the mage waited patiently.

Then they continued on their way.

Once they reached the inn Caramon stepped up to the counter to speak to the innkeeper, Raistlin standing back and to his brother's left with Taz. The Kender was unusually quiet as Raistlin leaned on his staff slightly as he waited, his golden-hourglass eyes half-closed with his obvious tiredness.

"I'd like a room, please," Caramon announced, his tone inviting no argument. "For my brother, the Kender and me."

"Of course, sir. Right this way, please."

They followed the innkeeper out of the common room, ignoring the many whispers that started up behind them after their departure.

"Gilthanas, why did you.." Tanis began to ask when they were finally alone together in his cousin's private rooms, his voice trailing off uncertainly.

"..Kiss you?" Gilthas finished for him with a slight smile.

"Yes, that."

"Because I wanted to. I want you. I have for years."

"You- Then why did you not ever say so?"

"Because I thought that you wanted Laurana, as much as you know that I disapproved of that match."

"No, I.. I know. We were not right for each other. We were children when she gave me that ring. I can only hope that she will accept it and move on from me eventually."

"I as well, cousin. I as well."

"Gilthanas.."

"Yes?"

"Do you really think that we could ever be.. anything? I mean, you are the Speaker. I am just a half-breed."

"Do not say that, Tanis," Gilthanas said fiercely. "I know the difficulties that will lie between us, not the least of which will be my sister's reaction. But I want you, and as long as you have no real objections to it, I intend to get what I want."

"Gilthas.." Tanis said softly, his eyes widening with his awe at his firm words.

Then his cousin was kissing him, pushing Tanis down to lie on his back on the silk pillows and blankets spread out on the floor before a small fire in a grate. He pinned him there beneath his slender, strong body as his hands moved over Tanis's chest, touching, almost petting him through his shirt tenderly.

He was surprised when Tanis relaxed beneath him completely, submitting to the touch with a soft sigh, his full lips parted slightly as he stared up at his cousin's face with an expression that looked strangely like wonder.

Gilthanas placed his palms on either side of Tanis's slightly rough face then, kissing him again as he applied slight pressure to coax him to tilt his head back, his right hand trailing down his cousin's throat to his collarbone when he did so. Tanis kissed him back in response, surprising Gilthas when his left hand moved up to touch his lower back lightly, pushing his own body upward to press himself closer to Gilthanas with obvious hunger for the contact. It was at that point in their efforts to make love that there came a knock at the door to Gilthanas's chambers.

"Gilthas? Are you there? Oh, something terrible had happened! I need to see you.."

Tanis stared up at him in horror at the sound of Laurana's voice, tensing beneath the other man as the wooden handle on the door started to turn.

Laurana stared in wide-eyed and open-mouthed shock at the sight that met her eyes when the door to her brother's chambers opened slowly. Tanis's eyes were just as wide as hers, his hair and clothing in disarray, and his full lips red and swollen from kisses as he panted softly where he lay beneath her brother's body.

"So.. This is why you returned my ring?" she asked, her tone and posture proving she was every inch a princess, and would behave as such despite her emotional pain.

"I.. No, Laurana," Tanis protested quickly, slightly relieved when Gilthanas slipped his arms around him and assisted him to sit up, though not releasing him afterward. "That is not how it was. I did not even know of Gilthas's interest in me until tonight, I swear it. I gave you your ring back because it was the right thing to do."

"For who? You?"

"For both of us."

"I disagree, Tanthalas."

"I know that you do, Laurana. Because you love me. I never doubted that, but you are so young. Your heart.. It has never been broken, not really. That is a good thing, but, my heart.. I hurt, Laurana. And if being with Gilthas will take my pain away, even for a moment, then I will gladly love him, always."

"But why can you not love me as well? Why do you feel like you have to choose between us?"

"I.. What-" Tanis stammered in confusion, looking back and forth between his two youngest cousins. "What are you saying, Laurana? I cannot have both of you. 'Tis selfish."

"Then be selfish, Tanthalas!"

"I.."

"Tanis.." Gilthanas said calmly. "It is alright, if that is what you want. Such relationships are not common among our people, but neither are they rare. I have no objections, as long as you do truly love us both. I will not have you toying with my sister's affections."

"I do not know what I want, Gilthas, but.. I do love you both. I just feel.. broken inside."

"Then let us heal you, cousin," Gilthas said softly, leaning closer to kiss Tanis gently on the lips for a moment as Laurana moved to sit down beside them both.

Her earlier anger and hurt dissipated as she realized that Tanis was just hurting and confused, smiling now as he agreed in a slightly breathless voice, "Alright."

Raistlin sat in the room on the first floor of the small house they were leasing that Caramon had recently converted into the beginnings of a Mage shop for him. He was cleaning and organizing the supplies that he'd purchased, as he would need to open for business soon if they intended to continue living here. Their original money was nearly gone.

Eventually, Raistlin fell asleep at the counter, his white haired head resting on the smooth wood surface. He curled into Caramon unconsciously when his large brother lifted him up into his strong arms tenderly to carry him upstairs to their chambers, laying him down in their bed carefully. He looked down at Raistlin with gentle, loving eyes before kissing his forehead and leaving him there reluctantly. He needed to go make sure Taz stayed busy and out of his brother's shop and workroom.