"Why don't you just admit it?"

"Admit what? I am not having an affair."

"Nothing will happen. I'm not going to divorce you. You can get it off your chest. Why can't you just be honest? Then at least we can have a clean start."

"When you told me you'd booked for us to see a therapist, I went into the first travel agent I came across and paid for a holiday in Bali. Now that's what I call a clean start."

"We have unresolved issues."

"Is that something else she's said?"

"No, it's what I'm saying."

"Well for the life of me, I can't think of what they are."

"I'm not stupid, Martin."

"And I'm not treating you like you are!"

Hellen felt like tearing the salt grinder apart. "Do you want scrambled eggs?"

"Is this because I went into work on the night of Hannah's wedding?"

Hellen kept beating the eggs, not sure of what to say. Was it because of that?

"I had to go in because I thought we were going away and you know I've been complaining of my manager." Martin moved closer. "I swear that's the truth. Do you believe me? Hellen, love, I just want you, us, to be happy."

"I don't know how to be," she admitted.

Martin moved behind her. "Well at least let me try."

Hellen leaned back against Martin, his hands on her shoulders. It had been a long time since he'd touched her like this without her wincing, but she couldn't help wondering what he wanted.

"Maybe I can get a refund on the holiday? Maybe we can go late?"

"I have an appointment with Lana tomorrow."

"We don't need some therapist. We just have to get us right…we can do that on our own."

"We do need her. I need her."

"Well let's go away for a couple of days."

"No. I have to get this straightened out. I'd only feel like…"

"What? Like what?"

"Like something is expected of me because you took me on holiday. I can't, Martin. I can't."

Vera shook her head as she came awake. "For the love of," she muttered. "You're losing it, old girl." After this she was sure what was happening wasn't just her dreaming. No way could her dodgy old mind come up with that sort of mess. Nothing added up to how the couple had been found. Why was she seeing this?

Looking down at the table, she frowned at the face staring back at her from the picture. "What are you trying to tell me?" Of course the question went unanswered and Vera felt a fool for talking to a photo, but it was no more foolish than believe that she was seeing events in Hellen's life through Hellen's eyes.

Pouring herself another drink, she knocked it back in one gulp then growled when the phone rang. "Billy," she mumbled. "Why aren't you asleep?" she asked then shook her head at herself. When was she going to learn to stop asking leading questions? As she listened to his too detailed reason why he was awake, she felt like kicking herself. "Billy! I don't need details. Why are you calling me if you're that, hmm, busy?" Shaking her head at his reason, Vera poured more whiskey into her glass. "Billy, go back to your chippy and leave me be. Don't fuss so over this old broad. I'm fine."

Pushing herself up from the table, Vera stuffed her mobile in the pocket of her robe as she made her way through to her bedroom, deciding that she might as well be comfortable while she dreams.

She really needed to stop calling them dreams. But what else should she call them? They weren't memories, at least, not hers. And she still wasn't fully convinced they were Hellen's.

Settling into her bed, Vera turned off the lamp and laid staring up at the dark ceiling, her eyes growing heavy. Days of not sleeping well were catching up with her, hopefully the drink would make her sleep so deeply that she wouldn't dream.

"Hellen."

"Oh Martin, let it alone," she pleaded.

Martin sighed as he watched his wife fidgeting about the kitchen. "I just want to apologize."

"Whatever for?"

"For not making you happy."

Hellen felt tears burn her eyes. "It isn't your fault, really. I just don't know how."

"But didn't we used to have fun? Didn't we used to be happy?"

"We did, but truly happy? If we had been," she looked away, tears finally rolling down her cheeks. "I'm trying, Marty."

"You haven't called me that in years."

Turning back to look up at her husband, Hellen reached out and caressed his face. "I know."

Martin caught her hand in his and kissed her fingers. "I love you, Hellen."

Hellen pulled away and rushed from the room. Her heart hurt with the achingly sweet way her husband had spoken to her just now, but she couldn't give in. If she didn't keep seeing Lana, who she was convinced could help her, she would never fix herself.

She was so confused. Lana had asked her if she'd ever had an orgasm, if she knew what one was. She'd admitted that she knew what it was, but that she'd never experienced one herself. She hadn't even known how. Asking Lana had been very embarrassing, but she didn't want to be like Anne. She didn't want to live her life not knowing what it was to enjoy being with a man until she was nearly too old to have the experience. She shivered thinking about what Lana had wanted her to do.

Look at herself…all of herself. She knew she had certain bits, didn't all women? What was the point of looking at herself? She touched herself when she bathed, who didn't?, but that wasn't the kind of touching Lana had meant. Masturbating. Just thinking the word made her feel dirty.

"But if you don't learn to enjoy your body…" she murmured, feeling the ache in her heart once more. How could you yearn for something, yet dislike it at the same time?

Vera tossed about, so lost in the dream, that she couldn't seem to wake herself up. She felt the confusion, the heart break, as if she was living what she was dreaming. Finally waking up, she lifted a hand to her face, stunned to feel tears on her cheeks. Turning over and wiggling further down in the bed, she let herself drift off again, the fatigue too strong to fight.

Losing herself in the dream again, Vera found herself staring at her nude form in the mirror. Her arms raised over her head, she stared at the way her breasts lifted. It was hard not to be critical, but that wasn't what Lana had told her to do this for.

Opening her eyes, Vera sat up. "What the bloody hell?" she hissed. No, no more. She wasn't going to sleep anymore tonight. That was too much! Too much! Looking at another woman's body, that mirrored hers a few years ago, good heaven above! She was still trembling as though she had really been looking at herself in the mirror.

Shaking it off as best she could, Vera stood up and went into the other room to grab a book. She wasn't one to read, at least not anymore, but what else was there to do? Maybe if she stuck her nose in a book it would take her mind away from all of this mess.

Her eyes popped wide open when she ran her fingers over the binding of a book she had no idea she owned. "Lady Chatterley's Lover? Vera, where the bleedin' heck did you get this?" she hissed at herself as she pulled the book from the shelf. She knew it wasn't her father's. Hector hadn't ever read anything that didn't pertain in some way to birds, raptors in particular.

She shrugged. Why the hell not? Maybe reading about some fictional woman's sex life would get her mind out of Hellen's sex life. At least she wouldn't be living what was happening as she read it.

Of course she didn't count on the book putting her to sleep.