Okay so this chapter is shorter than the others, and also kind of a filler. However, I wanted -and needed- to do it for the sake of Ary and Tewaku's growing friendship. I always loved the blonde's character and honestly, I'm a hard shipper of TewaLink -no idea if it's the name but whatever. So, she gets some love too!
Also, this chapter was quite... particular, to write. It might be a little weird or hard to understand, I tried my best to put things as clear as possible. But don't worry! I explained everything at the end of the chapter, just to be sure.
Answer: I personally like Ego-Complexed-Vatican's-Bitch, but I also really like Bookboy, Buffy and Doll. Oh, and Link's nickname too, but you'll see that one later ;-)
Also, thanks a bunch for th reviews!
Enjoy!
"Good morning, Doll!"
"The name's Tewaku!"
"Details, details. Want to grab something to eat? Good, I'm starving"
Seeing as she was kind of forced to follow me anyway, she dragged her feet after me, trying to keep a blank face. However, the little frown that kept coming and going indicated that she was all but cool with Leverrier's decision.
I feel so loved.
In a way, she mustn't be accustomed to other people being so open with her. I mean, she did kind of came with Leverrier.
True, true. I'm sure I can do something about it, though. We're still teenagers, and she seriously needs some girl time.
Don't invite Kanda, he'll kill you.
He's confused right now, but we'll accept him anyway.
You really got a death wish.
Entering the cafeteria, I instantly made my way to the counter, where Jeryy was cooking, as always.
"'Morning!"
"Ah, Ary!" he greeted, all smiles and cheers. "How's my favorite customer going?"
"Well, well" I assured. "So, I'll take the pancakes, with a dozen of eggs, five hash-browns, two plates of bacon, five toasts with peanut butter, around –what, twenty sausages?- yeah, twenty sausages, with mushrooms, a bowl of beans and a mug of hot chocolate"
"On it! And what about your friend?" he asked, already working on my breakfast.
She seemed on the verge of snapping at the word 'friend', then breathed out and put back her blank mask.
"Some porridge, please" she simply asked.
Two minutes later, we were sitting and I was enjoying my delicious breakfast. She was eating her own bowl without much enthusiasm, glancing at me with something akin of wonder, disgust and childish curiosity.
I swallowed, and smiled at her.
"Exorcists with parasitic-type Innocence like me or Allen Walker takes the very life energy of their Hosts to work" my voice made her jump, and there was a faint red on her cheeks, embarrassed to be caught staring. "Because of that, we have to eat a lot to keep our strength. If we don't have enough food, then it'll feed more thoroughly on us and deplete our life faster, plus rending us unable to use it properly"
"Deplete your life?" she repeated, confused.
I could see she already regretted to ask, but I've decided to let her be for now and tease her later. If I wanted her to open up somewhat, I'd have to take it slow.
"To put it simply, using my Innocence shortens my lifespan" I clarified. "I assume Leverrier told you about my 'revival'?"
She nodded her assent.
"Okay. So, when I still had Angel, at the rate I was using it, I usually would have died around twenty-eight, more or less" I admitted.
Her eyes widened a little at that, and she opened her mouth to say something, before closing it.
"However, with Archangel, I regained some of my life force due to it's regenerating abilities. Seeing as my synch rate is still getting stronger, it means I'm merging more and more with my Innocence. So, using logic, my cells are regenerating at a faster pace and usually, it would mean dying faster but, it's Innocence. Its goal isn't to take its user's life. This creates some sort of balance in my body, which leads me to think that, with all variables included, I should be able to live to my forty or so" I told her, still smiling.
The girl bit her lower lip, before looking down at her bowl.
"Why… why are you okay with this?" she asked quietly.
"Uh?" I blinked, confused.
"Why are you smiling like that, talking about your inevitable death?" she precised, louder. "Why do you keep fighting if it means dying sooner? I mean, I know you don't really have a choice as an Exorcist, but shouldn't you try to find a way around it? Try to find a solution or- or-"
Her aura got more distressed, and I grabbed her hand. She snapped her eyes at me, and I could see the need to understand in them.
"I came at the Order on my own will. I fight, not because it's my job as an Exorcist, or because it's my destiny as the 'Protector and Savior', but because I want too. As an Host, I've been given the power and the opportunity to make a difference. I would never give that up for what people call a normal life, because protecting those I care about and making sure they live to see another day is what I do, and I won't stop, even if it means that my life is the price to pay for it" I explained gently.
"But-"
"If you had the chance to fight for those you love, would you take it?" I cut. "Would you be ready to sacrifice anything for your friends and your family? Because being a part of the Black Order, not only as an Exorcist, a Finder, a scientist or an Inspector, that's what it means. It means we're doing what we're doing for those waiting for us to come home, for those unable to protect themselves, for the innocents outside who's lives are taken everyday by the evil of this world. Being a part of this organization is in itself a sacrifice, but to be able to use it as our strength, we have to take our chances and be ready to give up everything for our purpose. What's yours, Tewaku? What's your purpose?"
At my words, she grew even more distressed, though, and I understood that it was too much to ask from her. She already was in a difficult phase where she's finding herself, and pushing her around with these questions would only make her feel worse. She wasn't ready for this yet.
I squeezed her hand tighter.
"All I'm saying is that it's not that I don't care, far from it. But if I can give up my life for any of my friend, then I'll gladly take the jump without any sort of hesitation"
"Which she already did, by the way"
"Bookboy!"
The redhead sat next to me with his own tray, and ruffled my hair.
"Hey, Tenshi"
At his arrival, the Inspector put back her mask of polite indifference, and started eating again as if nothing happened and she didn't care about what I said.
Her aura said something different.
The poor girl.
Hey, it's not like I was harsh or anything!
Hime, not everyone can assure as selflessly, recklessly and honestly as you that they're ready to die for their precious people. It might seems evident to you, but for others, it's not that easy. You have to be careful when you say things like that.
… fine. I'll wait for her to bring it up again, then. But if someone else asks, I'll answer the damn same thing.
I know you will.
"So, any project for today?" asked Lavi.
"Actually, I was planning to pass the day with Doll here" I nodded at the blonde.
"The name's Tewaku"
"Of course, of course. Anyway, she's my new friend!" I grinned.
"I'm not" she refuted flatly.
"Just give up" Lavi shook his head her way. "She won't call you by your real name unless she's serious –which is really scary, by the way- and she considers everyone her friends"
"Leverrier isn't" I remarked. "The Noahs aren't too. Damn bastards"
"Okay, everyone except for those" he rolled his eyes.
The girl eyed the two of us, a glint of curiosity back in her eyes.
"Are you two together?"
We froze as she instantly turned a beet red and shook her head.
"I-I'm sorry! It wasn't- I'm not-" she spluttered.
Then, she apparently remembered that she couldn't just act like a girl her age and fall back into a professional mode.
She cleared her throat.
"I apologize, it wasn't my place to ask" she bowed her head.
"N-no, it's fine" I assured. "But Bookboy and I aren't together, nothing of the sort! Why'd you think that?"
I laughed, but even to me, it sounded nervous, and Lavi nudged me in the ribs.
"It's fine, people mistake us every time" he grinned reassuringly. "We're just good friends"
"Exactly" I confirmed, taking a sip of hot chocolate.
She nodded slowly, clearly not convinced, and I exchanged a nervous glance with Lavi, before trying to change the subject again.
"But anyway, you never did answer my question from yesterday" I pointed out.
"Which was?"
"What're your hobbies?" I placed my chin on my palm.
The girl sighed, giving in.
Stop harassing her, would you?
No.
"I like… reading" she answered. "I don't have much time to do so, though"
"Reading?" I repeated, my smile widening. "What do you read?"
"And we lost her" grunted Lavi.
"Shut up!" I swatted his arm. "But seriously, what kind of books?"
"Well, mainly fantasy and adventure, or science-fiction, like Dracula or Frankenstein" she seemed more eager to talk now, more at ease.
"Really? I loved those two! Have you tried Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll?"
"I did! A few times, actually, because I didn't get everything the first time around" she admitted. "I just loved the metaphors hidden between each pages!"
"Same! Les Misérables by Victor Hugo were really good too, by the way"
"Never heard of it" she shook her head. "My personal favorite are The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes"
"Oh, I heard of it but I never had the time to read it" I remembered.
I then got up.
"Bookboy, I'll see you later. Come on, Doll! We've got a lot to talk about!"
She blinked in surprise as I ran outside, then ran after me as Lavi's fond laugh echoed behind us.
"This… is amazing" she breathed out, gazing around with some sort of craving.
"I know, right? I thought I was about to collapse when I first came here" I laughed at the memory. "How about you check it out? I'm not moving from here, so you can as well enjoy your time and read something too"
Her eyes brightened at my words, and she instantly went to the nearest shelves to find something. Chuckling at her eagerness, I grabbed a few before handing her Treasure Island and The Complete Grimm's Fairy Tales. She eyed the titles curiously.
"They're both amazing" I assured.
She nodded, and I showed her the few Sherlock Holmes I had managed to find.
"Which one should I read first?"
"A Study in Scarlet" she instantly answered.
"Great"
I settled into one of the couches, and turned on the little lamp. She hesitated a moment, which made me roll my eyes.
"Doll, your mission is to follow me everywhere and to report any sort of suspicious activity, right? Seeing as I'm here, you're not going to move for a while, and reading won't kill any of us. Just sit and enjoy while you can"
The teenager bit her lower lip, glanced at the two stories in her hands, and all doubts disappeared before she sat in front of me, turning the first page with intense concentration.
I smiled, before plunging into the life of Sherlock Holmes.
A week passed that way. We ate breakfast –Kiddo was nowhere to be found, though-, I managed some secret meetings with Lavi for when night came, and we then went to the library to pass the rest of the day.
I had managed to see Jumper a few times, and crossed paths with Sokaro Marshall once –he started snickering as soon as he spotted me-, but other than that, I hadn't even heard of Leverrier or even Komui. I wasn't allowed to leave Headquarters either, so that left place for some free-time that I never even considered having before.
It wasn't that bad, but it made me jumpy.
Tewaku was really sweet. If we didn't talked about our positions as members of the Black Order, things went smoothly and I even managed to strike up a few very interesting conversations. After a few failures, I got her to open up somewhat and learned that she had an older brother still working at the Central, and that she was friend with the blond dude that had to watch Allen. She didn't know he was here, though.
It was also very easy to see how affectingly dependent she was.
These sorts of bonds can be dangerous.
It can also make her stronger, though.
Strong feelings for those around make you stronger, yes, but if it is the bonds that are controlling you, than they are a weakness easy to exploit.
Feeling dark much?
Just a bad feeling, don't mind me.
I put down my book at the same time as she did.
"Reading is fun and all, but I have to concentrate on something else" I admitted, rubbing my temples. "The words are becoming fuzzy"
"Same" she agreed. "Where do you want to go?"
"How about you tell me where you want to go?" I proposed. "What else do you do in your free time?"
"Well, I train with my brother or one of my friends" she shrugged.
"Then let's go, I've got to move my ass a little" I stretched.
She smiled at my words, but I didn't make any comment. The girl was barely starting to open up, no need to break her now.
Plus, I'd feel bad.
You really are too kind, sometimes.
There's nothing as too much kindness. I think.
"So, I want to make some things clear" I announced, putting on my gloves. "I-"
"Don't go easy on me" she warned seriously. "I might be younger or not be an Exorcist, but I know how to fight"
"I wasn't about to say that" I scratched the back of my head. "Actually, it's quite the other way around. You see, I might be an Exorcist, and I have my basics when it comes to one-on-one battles. I'm not bad, really. However, my Innocence is more of a defensive and long-ranged attacks type, so I'm not that good either"
"An Exorcist who doesn't know how to fight?" she sneered a little.
"You seem to overestimate us" I sighed. "We're no Gods, Doll. We're humans too, and even if we have more power than most, we can't excel at everything"
Her sneer turned to a sheepish apology.
"Sorry"
"It's fine" I smiled. "So, don't go easy on me. It'd be humiliating, and I'd rather be beaten to a pulp"
"Then we're on the same length of thoughts" she replied, falling into stance.
I mimicked her, somehow knowing I wouldn't get out of here unscathed.
I landed on the mattress in a harsh 'THUD'.
Again.
"Damn it" I grunted, getting up. "You're really good…"
"My brother's better" she however blushed slightly at the praise. "And you're not as bad as you made yourself to be. You've got a few good kicks"
"Trust me, if it wasn't for my healing abilities, I wouldn't be able to stand up right now" I assured, coughing a little. "And don't lower your own abilities like that. It's not that your brother is better, but because he has more experience. You're an amazing fighter and if you dare say otherwise, then I'll seriously punch you because that would mean I'm more of a larvae than anything else, seeing as you keep kicking my ass"
She snorted at that, and instantly placed her hand on her mouth, embarrassed.
"Don't act like that" I snickered. "There ain't no ladies here. By the way, I got a question"
"What is it?" she replied, rolling her shoulders.
"Why do you keep doing this?" I asked. "I mean, sometimes you act like yourself, but you instantly try to cover it up by some sort of robotic-like façade. Why do you do it?"
"I don't see what you're talking about" she replied smoothly.
"There!" I pointed a finger at her. "You just did it! One moment you're all snorts and giggles, and the other you're a professional ice-cube!"
She actually frowned at that, and seemed about to protest, but I didn't leave her the time to do so.
"I know you have to act your part as Inspector" I assured. "But that's around Leverrier. Around me, you can be yourself, I won't mind. What I do mind is when you try to fit in a mold too narrow for you. You're a teenager for fuck's sake! I don't care if you're here to investigate or whatever! Act your age, live, somehow"
"Like you?" she finally snapped, eyes blazing. "Never caring about anything, always smiling despite everything as if you had just that to do! Not everyone can have your powers and fight for what they believe in! Not everyone is able to actually make a difference, but we try anyway! I try anyway! So no, I'm not acting my age because if I do, then it would mean letting go of the only chance I have to do my part in this stupid war!"
I sat on the bench as she finished her tirade, panting from her anger.
"The only thing changing with you acting that way is… well, yourself" I pointed out. "I'm not saying to act like me. I'm not a role model, and I never will be. However, I make my difference while being myself, and that makes me happy. If you're not happy, then what's the point? You can hide yourself behind the others all you want but, sometimes, you can't save everyone. Sometimes, you can only save one person. And you know what else? It's alright if that person is you"
"What the hell are you ranting on about!? It doesn't make any sense!"
"What I'm trying to say is that you can't always live for the others" I insisted seriously. "Acting that way is nice and all, but you're not you. And when you're not yourself, that takes away all the purpose you might have to fight. What are you here for, Tewaku? I asked once, and I'll ask it again: what is your purpose?"
She stilled at my words, still angry.
"My brother and my real friends!" she answered harshly.
"Is what you'd like to say" I hummed. "The truth is, you're selfish. You're an egoistical girl who thinks that hiding behind grand names and her brother's back will make the difference for her. The thing is, it doesn't work that way. You joined because you needed them, not even to protect them, but because you couldn't fucking let them go! And that makes you weak"
She snarled at me, and tried to punch me. I deflected the blow rather easily.
"When the time comes, what will you do? When the moment of choosing between yourself or them, what will you choose?" I pursued coldly. "The truth is that when the real danger comes, and death looms over you, you'll call. You won't fight, just call for help and hope everything will arrange itself"
"Shut up!"
She tried to kick me, but I grabbed her foot and pushed her aside.
"If your brother is in danger, you'll try once, maybe twice, but then break down crying for someone to do something" I seethed between my teeth. "But flash news, sweetheart! There are no miracles, and the corpse will hit the floor covered in blood and tears as you keep screaming for a justice that won't ever come. Poor wittle Tewaku, all alone in this dark, dark, world. We'll say it isn't fair, we'll blame the evil, but the truth would be that you were just too weak willed to do it yourself!"
The girl shrieked and managed to hit me at the throat. Doubling in pain, I collapsed to the floor while coughing harshly.
"I'm not… I'm not…" she struggled.
I could see her eyes water, and she fall on her knees, shaking. I slowly sat, rubbing my sore throat, and we stayed silent for a few minutes.
"What the hell… was that about?" she then asked quietly.
"All I'm trying to say is that you lack a purpose, a real one, for being here" I said more gently. "Those with selfish purposes don't last long in this Order. You act that way by trying to be someone you're not. When you try to be someone you're not, that means you can't find the goal you really strive for and your true potential stays hidden"
Silence ensued as she took deep breaths to calm herself, and the pain in my throat disappeared.
You deserved that one, though.
That I did.
"What were you… trying to prove?" I realized she was actually crying.
"I was just trying to show you what really was going on" I admitted. "Have you heard about my 'revival'?"
"What does that have to do with anything?" she asked, puzzled and still crying.
"When I first joined the Order, I convinced myself into believing it was for honoring my family's memory and all of those who died for our cause. I convinced myself I'd do anything to save those precious to me. As time passed, though, I started to comply myself in not being able to save them and gave up before even trying. I lied to myself, saying I'd do anything for my friends but the truth was that I didn't even believe I'd be able to protect them anymore. I strove from my path, dive head first into danger not because I cared for them, but because I couldn't think of anything else to get rid of the guilt that was eating me away little by little"
"But what-"
"I almost died!" I snapped. "Forgetting my true nature sent me on my death bed, and if I hadn't realize my mistake in time, I'd be dead by now, a fucking corpse among too many others! Selfish purposes leads only to hurt and death, there is no other way"
The tears kept streaming down her face, but some sort of understanding crept into her watery gaze.
"You were trying… to protect me… from myself…" she realized.
"You're a strong girl, soon-to-be woman, Doll" I smiled softly, pushing strands of her hair aside. "But as long as you delude yourself into becoming someone you're not, it'll endanger the others, yes, but more importantly yourself"
"Then what should I do?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.
"As I said sooner, be yourself" I shrugged. "Not around Leverrier, 'cause he's an ass, but with your brother, your friends… me too. Finding yourself is finding your true strength. The path will seem clearer, and when you do find it, you'll understand better what I'm trying to say"
She breathed a few times, and the tears finally stopped falling as she sat straighter.
"I… understand" she finally said. "… thank you"
"No problem" I waved my hand as if swatting a fly. "Do you-"
"Will you help me?" she cut, still shaken up. "Will you help me… find my way?"
I beamed and patted her head.
"Of course" I accepted. "What are friends for?"
She hesitantly smiled back, and I felt my heart flutter in my chest.
Hime? What is it?
She didn't deny it. Told ya it'd work out!
Moron.
So, that was kind of weird, I'll admit. However, I find it incredibly important. I wanted Ary and Tewaku to get close on a certain level, like some sort of siblings or something of the likes. And, what better for that than some angst, anger and shouting?
I think it wasn't that complicated, now that I read it again, but let's put it this way: Link is always so uptight and never listens to what his heart -or conscience, or whatever you want to call it- says. He obeys his orders because he passed so many years doing so and, while I think we can agree that his mission to watch Allen changed him somewhat, it didn't fully work and he still is Leverrier's dog.
If any of you haven't read the manga but saw Hallow, then I'm sorry for the spoiler: Link's still alive.
Okay, now, what does Tewaky has to do with this? Well, she was raised in more or less the same evironnment as Link and the others but, being younger, the boys always protected her somewhat and she passed less time under Central's influence. In a phase in which she's still searching herself -teenager-, she's bound to question more about her existence, the Black Order and all what she's striving for. Ary saw that and tried to make her understand that she had, in fact, a choice. It's a lot of shades and whatnot, but the point is: she won't end up like Link, or at least not as much. That was really the whole point of this chapter.
Also, all the books mentionned in this chapter and all those to come are real books, obviously, which have been written in the nineties. Otherwise said, the time period in which happens -Man.
Question: Was it confusing? If so, don't hesitate to ask for more clarifications.
Reviews!