Author's Note: Okay, so I owe like a billion apologies for how long this took to get released. Let's just say I've been incredibly busy. Taking a year off from college didn't exactly go as planned. I ended up still taking college classes at community and also taking on an internship as a reporter at my local paper. So I've been incredibly busy and pretty much drowning in work. I really hope you enjoy this chapter, it took a long time to get it written just the way I like it and I still feel not sure if parts of it came out the way I wanted it to.
Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin.
Chapter 8
The dawn of the next day arises slowly that morning. The usual hustle and bustle of the castle is stilted and silent as the tension of today infects everyone inside with a poignant sense of uncertainty. Only a handful of people know the true importance of the day, yet everyone seems to be instinctively aware that something more important than a simple trial is going to happen.
For Merlin, today is a nightmare he desperately wishes that he could wake up from. Sitting in his room on his rickety bed, Merlin fiddles absently with the wooden dragon that was gifted to him by his father. Over the years, Merlin has collected a lot of items from his magic book to the Sidhe staff which are hidden under the floorboards beneath his bed. Yet, he has very little to remind him of his loved ones. None of his lovers had ever given him anything of sentimental value, Lancelot's gift had been his sacrifice, and Will's friendship had been the greatest gift of all. Balinor was only one to give Merlin a physical item to remember him by, an item Merlin cherishes dearly.
The creak of the door pulls Merlin from his thoughts, drawing his attention to the doorway. His eyes harden with anger at who he sees standing there. "What are you doing here, sire?"
Arthur flinches at the sneer in Merlin's voice, eyes flashing with pain. "I came to check on you. I thought I could…" Arthur trails off, looking suddenly very uncertain.
"Could what? Comfort me?" Merlin laughs bitterly at the mere suggestion. "Unless you're here to tell me that Mordred is free to go, there is nothing else I want to hear from you."
The silence is deafening for a moment as king and secret warlock become locked in an intense stare off. Surprisingly, it's Arthur who breaks it. The king looks down at the ground for a moment and Merlin tenses up uncertainly.
"How long did you know about Morgana?"
Merlin startles at the question. Why would Arthur ask that? And now of all times? "Sire?"
"How long did you know that Morgana had magic?" Arthur demands.
Merlin shifts nervously, unable to look at Arthur. "Why would want to know that now?" He snaps as his gaze whips up to glare at the startled King standing in his doorway. "It's been years, Arthur!"
Arthur's eyes flash with a series of complicated emotions for a moment before a blank mask descends and he eyes Merlin blandly. "I'm starting to realize that there is a lot that you've hidden over the years. Not just about yourself."
While the King's face may be a mask, the hurt in his voice is still clear to Merlin. Normally that hurt would have tug at Merlin's sympathy, but not today. Merlin is too hurt himself to care about his King's pain. He doesn't want to be the reassuring voice of reason this time. Mordred is in the dungeons today awaiting trial for sorcery, and Merlin knows all too well how these trials end. He's going to lose another a loved one this afternoon and for once Merlin is not sure what is worse; failing Mordred, or failing destiny.
For the longest time, destiny was everything to Merlin. It consumed his every waking hour. He lived and breathed his destiny, so desperate to make the golden kingdom that the dragon had promised. But time has rusted Merlin's golden dream. It has become soaked in the blood of Merlin's family, friends, and lovers. The light of destiny has become cast in reality's shadows, and Merlin has grown jaded. There isn't going to be a happily ever after here. It's only going to be pain and heartbreak for Merlin either way.
The soft, hollow words escape Merlin before he can rethink them. "Remember when Morgana was kidnapped by the Druids?" He waits for Arthur to nod before shrugging absently, "She was never kidnapped. It was her magic that set fire to her chambers, and she was terrified of it. When Morgana came to Gaius, he did what he thought best and lied to her." Merlin smiles bitterly, "Morgana knew better though. There was no hiding what she was anymore. When she turned to me, I gave her the location of the druids and she fled to them."
"We killed those druids!" Arthur blurts out, looking horrified.
Yes, they did. Merlin muses blandly to himself. He has no energy for guilt anymore. Not today. "It was my mistake. I should have realized how Uther would react. I… I tried to fix it. But, I only made everything worse. The druids paid the price for my carelessness."
A troubled gleam fills Arthur's eyes and Merlin can clearly see the cogs in his King's mind turning. Understanding flashes in his eyes as Arthur's gaze snaps up to stare at Merlin. "That was years before she turned! She hadn't even been taken by Morgause yet."
In for a penny, in for a pound. Merlin takes a cautious breath and blurts out, "Morgana was never held captive by Morgause."
Anger lights up in Arthur's eyes, disbelieving, "What."
Merlin doesn't flinch at his King's reaction, straightening up with confidence as he eyes Arthur with only a hint of sympathy. "Morgana was the source of the sleeping curse. She had been in on it from the beginning. I had done the research, I knew Morgana had connections with Morgause beforehand. It didn't take long to put two and two together. When I figured it out, I took measures."
"Measures?" The anger has faded to a more wary intensity from Arthur.
"I poisoned Morgana." Arthur's stunned flinch isn't enough to stop Merlin from continuing stubbornly. He needed to say this, "Her death would have removed the curse, but I wasn't able to go through with it completely. I bargained with Morgause to save Morgana's life, and she accepted."
The shock in Arthur's eyes was overwhelming at this point. Merlin's not certain his king's heart could take many more revelations at this second. "You did all of that? Without telling me," Arthur questions, "Why?"
"Because it needed to be done, and I had made a promise before to keep Morgana's secret. Even though she betrayed us and betrayed Camelot, I would not betray that trust. Even if it meant I had to take care of matters myself." Merlin smiles turns a touch sad, "Anything for Camelot, right?"
The shock in Arthur's eyes turns calculating and considering. Merlin braces himself for further questioning, knowing that thoughtful look in Arthur's eyes means nothing good for the secret warlock. "Why did you look guilty the other day? When we talked about Lancelot?"
The instant pain that tightens in Merlin's chest robs him of breath. He wasn't expecting Arthur to ask about Lancelot. It's the one topic forbidden with Arthur. Anyone who dares to mention the knight's name gets swiftly and vicious silenced. For Arthur to bring Lancelot up himself, it's baffling. "What does it matter?"
"It clearly matters to you." Arthur snaps, "Otherwise you would not feel guilty about it."
The question makes Merlin uncomfortable and he wonders what brought on this sudden barrage of questions. Then again, maybe these questions were a long time coming. There was only so long before the house of cards that were Merlin's lies finally collapsed in on itself, and Merlin's just too tired to lie anymore. "Lancelot was never Lancelot. The man we thought was our friend was nothing more than a shade raised by Morgana to tear you and Gwen apart. And Gwen only betrayed you because of an enchantment placed on her."
Arthur seems to have slipped from shock and into a state of numb acceptance after each of Merlin's revelations. "How do you even know any of this? Why did you keep it to yourself?!"
Merlin shrugs, looking away from Arthur and down to the floor, "Would you have believed me? You never trusted me when I warned you about your uncle. And I knew your uncle was the one giving Lancelot's shade orders, yet had no proof. Without proof, I had nothing."
The silence is deafening between the two of them, but Merlin refuses to look up and look Arthur in the eye. He doesn't want to see the emotions in his friend's eyes. Merlin's drowning too deeply in his own to take on anyone else's. Eventually, after several long minutes of silence, Merlin hears the quiet sound of Arthur leaving the room and closing the door behind him.
/BREAK/BREAK/BREAK/
Arthur's mind is swirling with questions and protests and so many thoughts. The king barely even remembers how he got back to his room, he had walked there entirely lost in his thoughts. All the revelations that Merlin revealed stuns Arthur and he can't help but wonder what other mysteries Merlin had kept hidden this entire time.
Even though Merlin lied to him and made kept Arthur in the dark about so many important things, the King still can't bring himself to be angry at his friend. Perhaps the shock of everything has just numbed the King to the possible emotion. Maybe it's that the King feels guilty that his friend had to take on so much responsibility because Arthur time and time again ignored and berated his best friend.
How well does Arthur truly know his friend? It scares Arthur that he doesn't know the answer to that question. Or perhaps, he's more scared that the answer would be that he doesn't really know his friend at all. What does that say about Merlin? What does that say about Arthur? That his closest friend never trusted him with anything burns worse than any poison Arthur had ever taken.
Taking a shaky breath, Arthur tracks down the nearest guard and orders for the prisoner to be brought to the throne room. No use putting off the trail any longer now.
/BREAK/BREAK/BREAK/
When Mordred is brought into the throne room, he's surprised find the place is fairly empty. Only Arthur's closest knights and the queen are within the room, and Arthur sits upon the throne with his queen by his side. It takes a moment for Mordred to notice what's missing and how there is a glaring absence by Arthur's right hand.
Emrys is nowhere to be seen and Mordred's heart pounds with relief that perhaps his love won't bear witness to this painful trial.
"You stand trial for the crime of sorcery. Do you deny these charges?"
Arthur's voice is booming in the quiet of the hall and Mordred's not sure if he can read the emotions in the King's voice. The King's expression is a blank mask and Mordred wonders what may be going through the King's mind right now.
"I do not deny the charges, my lord. But I swear I would never use my powers to harm you, or an innocent. Magic doesn't have to be the enemy, my lord. It has done more to help Camelot then you know."
There is quiet muttering from the knights, curious and thoughtful at Mordred's proclamation that magic has done more to help Camelot then they know. Arthur's scoff cuts through the noise and is dark and heavy with emotion that Mordred can't quite identify. "And what has magic done for Camelot except try to destroy it?"
Mordred opens his mouth to answer the question, an edited answer already on the tip of his tongue until his eyes catch on a movement in the shadows and that earlier relief solidifies into a tight knot at spotting Emrys.
His lover's blue eyes are bright with determination- An unexpected emotion to be certain and Mordred dreads the sight of it. "What are you planning, Emrys?"
Emrys' lips twitch up at the corner with a bittersweet smile. "Something reckless as usual," the man must read the distress in Mordred's eyes because he continues on blithely, "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing."
"Please, Emrys. Don't do anything stupid." Mordred pleads mentally. He refuses to let Emrys put his destiny at risk for him. He's not worth the destruction of Albion's golden era.
"This is may be the stupidest decision I ever make, but it is the one I will regret the least."
/BREAK/BREAK/BREAK/
"And what has magic done for Camelot except try to destroy it?"
Silence descends in the room at Arthur's snapped question. Strangely, Mordred's gaze shifts off to the side and Arthur's gaze follows to where his manservant is standing, not beside him like usual but instead off to the side. An odd place to stand considering Arthur had chosen to hold a private trial, only his knights and Queen are in the hall at the moment. There is a strange sort of tension in Merlin's body language, as if the manservant has come to some sort of decision mentally and resolved himself to a plan of action. It's not the reaction Arthur was expecting considering the argument the two of them had earlier in Merlin's chambers, and it has the King wary. A determined Merlin is a dangerously stupid Merlin, and Arthur sincerely does not want Merlin making it worse.
The silence continues to stretches for several moments, Mordred and Merlin's gazes locked together and what appears to be an invisible conversation rages on. Different facial expressions flicker across both men's faces as if words were being exchanged. But, that is certainly impossible. It is completely silent in the room and neither Merlin nor Mordred's mouths have moved once.
Something changes and suddenly Mordred's eyes are widening as Merlin steps out of crowd and into view. Arthur eyes narrow in a glare as his manservant moves quietly to stand beside his lover. "Magic has done more than you know, Arthur."
Shock rolls through the entire room at Merlin's strangely quiet, yet astonishingly loud words. Gwaine, seeing his friend put himself in the line of fire, moves forward as well. "Merlin, mate. Let's think this through."
"I have, and I cannot watch this again. I cannot stand by at another trial and say nothing." Merlin slowly begins to straighten, standing taller and prouder. If Arthur didn't know better, he would say that Merlin looked powerful. Dangerous. Which was ridiculous considering how hopeless his manservant and best friend is.
"Magic has been used to protect you, Arthur, for years. Protecting you from threats that could not be faced otherwise. Yes, many has used magic for ill. Morgana being the best example of the dangers of magic. But, she was not corrupted by magic itself. She was corrupted by fear. Fear of discovery and fear of execution. And I tried to help back then- to offer her peace and reassurance, but I did not do enough for her. I was too afraid to help her then, and she paid the price for my failings." Shame burns in Merlin's eyes and Arthur bites his tongue to keep from assuring Merlin that Morgana's fall was not his fault. The truth is, Arthur doesn't know if that is necessarily true anymore. He's coming to realize he hasn't known his friend really at all.
"I'm not afraid anymore. And this time I will not stand by silently." Merlin glances to Mordred, smiling faintly before taking the young knight's hand. Mordred clearly appears unhappy, but the knight tightens his grip on Merlin's hand in visible support. Then, Merlin reaches his free hand out in front of him as if making an offering to the King. Arthur watches with a sense of growing dread as the foreign words drop from Merlin's lips and the familiar blue orb forms in Merlin's palm.
The entire room gasps as the orb floats up from Merlin's palm to shine above the two sorcerers heads. The blue glow of the orb casts a shine on Merlin's fading golden eyes as he declares to the room, "I have magic."
Author's Note: Okay, so more apology time. I've been a terrible, terrible person about making promises and not keeping them. But, to make up for my lateness I'm going to publishing not just this chapter. But by the end of this week both Chapter 9 and Chapter 10 will be published. They are basically written, I just need to run them through one last final edit and tidy up the ending. ^^ So that's my promise to you guys, this fic will be done by the end of week. No ifs, ands, or buts.
Thank you everyone for the kind support and the reviews and the kudos and everything. This story has been a hell of a journey and I've truly learned a lot while writing this monster.