sorry this update took sooo long. its a bit longer then the others so I hope that makes up for it.
The car journey back was quiet. Everyone was silent listening to the faint noise of the radio. Emma didn't know what to do, should she say something, should she comfort her, or should be let her think about it a moment. Thank god its only a 10 minute ride she thought. Regina was staring out the window watching all she lights pass, she was silently crying and Emma could see she had so many thoughts going through her mind.
Thankfully she didn't vomit in the car, however Emma could see she was still drunk slightly as she was leaning back and forth ever so slightly. Once they had arrived she stood outside patiently waiting for Emma to thank the man and pay him, as soon as Emma turned around she looked into the brunette's eyes, Regina, however avoided the eye contact and looked over in the other direction.
It was getting cold outside and a shiver ran down Regina's back and she drew in a shaky breath. 'sorry I don't have a jumper to offer you as I would. Come on its just up here' Emma said directing her around the building 'is this where you take all your victims' the brunette said a sad smile but was trying to lighten the atmosphere 'only the nice ones' Emma said and threw a wink at her.
'nice… I wouldn't go that far' she mumbled, Emma herd but chose not to say anymore. She stopped and turned to unlock the door 'you're lucky im on ground floor' Emma said. Regina just gave her an monotoned hum 'lucky me'. Emma just smirked at her
'welcome Regina' she said holding the door open 'to me humble abode' she said as Regina walked past her 'it that was you say to every girl you bring home' Regina teased back. 'no' Emma lied and Regina knew. 'lire' Regina said and laughed.
There was a silence. 'here' Emma said whilst walking off. She walked into one of the rooms leaving Regina in the main one 'you must be freezing' she said coming back with a blanket. Regina just smiled at Emma wrapping the blanket around her shoulders, there was still a sadness in Regina's eyes.
'im sorry' Emma said breaking the silence once again. 'don't be' Regina said and looked at her 'I don't feel anything' she admitted 'what?' Emma said confused 'I should be sad and upset, but I don't, I don't feel anything. I mean if anything it would be relief of somewhat' Regina said.
' I think' Emma began but with hesitance 'I think that maybe you've been hiding your feeling too much lately that you've forgot' Regina let out a throaty laugh 'forgotten how to feel. You cant forget that, Swan' there was a pause ' not ever' Regina said more softy 'only certain feeling. Maybe…..maybe not love but when you push it down and keep it down for too long. You'll forget, its still there, Waiting, Fighting, its way back up' Emma said taking a piece of Regina hair and hooking it behind her ear. She looked unto her eye 'you just gotta unleash it' she continues more softly.
Regina looked into Emma's eyes for a second but broke their intimacy by letting out a heavy sight and standing up, leaving Emma on the sofa confused as Regina walked away. Her eyes followed Regina as she made her way to the kitchen. Regina started opening cupboards and draws around her, obviously looking for something ' when I was younger, i used to be quit close to Ruby. she would come around my house after school and on weekends, of course Mother didn't like it, she hated me hanging around with the girl and when rumour started going around she prefers the fairer sex, mother whet mad. She stopped me from seeing her completely, she'd send her away from my house if she ever called, she'd look at my phone weekly in order to see if I was texting her. I'd ask her why but all she said was how poisonous and disgusting it was for a girl to like a girl.
After a while of her saying that to me …I….i…i started to believe it myself, it was… it is disgusting. Anyway, Ruby started to get mad at me for ignoring her. I mean why wouldn't she, I cut her out my life completely. she actually confronted me once in the corridor at school. We fought that day, not physical but I said some things and she said some things, all meaningful and hateful. but after that I started to become more popular, I mean who wouldn't love the Latina girl with the mayor for a mum. I soon realised that the people didn't love me, they just loved the idea on me being their friend' She said
Finally finding was she was looking for at the back of the top cupboard and pulled it out, more alcohol, more importantly whisky, she opened it was took a swig, swilling it round her mouth first before facing Emma.
Emma still sat in the same position on the sofa listening intently to the other girls story so Regina continued.
'As soon as puberty hit all the boys started giving my these eyes, it's like as soon as I went up in bra size I finally got their attention but… I liked it, I love it, I loved the idea of all the boys wanted me and all the girl wanting to be me' she let out a laugh 'big headed of me right'
'but with the popularity came the burden of mother knowing everything thing. I had no one to turn to so I could tell them anything without my mothing or the school finding out. Anyhow slowly by slowly I started to rekindle with Ruby, she was the one who I knew wouldn't tell my mother or sister, I still thought her sexual orientation was wrong but I didn't let it get in the way, she we started to see each other more, of course it was out of anyone sight because I just wanted to be away from any praying eyes and ears. We started meeting in a cabin that we found In the woods, It was a place where we could be friends and I could tell her anything, After a year on being secretly friends she knew everything about me, my life, my home, my secrets.' Regina sighed
'One night we got to talking about her sexuality, and I'd admit it was a bit of a touchy subject but I was curious. That night I'd shared my fist kiss with Ruby, she'd came on to me and we…well, kissed. I freaked out immediately and ran away leaving her along in the dark, I was too scared on what my mother would say, what she would do to me. And thus I cut Ruby off again, after that I immediately started dating this boy, he was called Graham. He was sweet and nice, but I didn't have feeling for him, I tried to and wanted to love him so hard but I just wanted to get ruby and that kiss out of my mind. Any how we were dating and I lost my virginity to him by the age of 14. But It worked, I forgot about Ruby and that stupid kiss. I didn't last long with him though, he moved away and …well I haven't seen him since' she looked over to Emma who was still looked at her listening patiently. She took another swig from the bottle
'it was only a few months later when Daniel come into the equation, he was sweet to me and helped me if I needed it. By 15 we had shared a few kissed but I refused to go any farther with him, i…I didn't want to, we weren't even technical dating or though the whole school though we were and my mother thought we were, she was even slightly proud of me after researching into his family and finding out he's quite wealthy' she said rolling her eyes and starting to make her way back to the sofa 'ready to run yet?' she said to Emma perching on the edge.
Emma was listening in to story, trying get at why Regina was telling her this story 'Never' was Emma's only response.
Silence filled the air again and she saw Regina visibly swallow 'as I grow older I started to understand more about the same sex couples and almost started to acknowledge it, I mean I even watched the first episode of orange is the new black, or though there was still took much lesbian action in there for me personally.' Emma smiles slightly at what Regina just admitted 'A party was coming up and I…i..i still hadn't spoken to Ruby in a year after I fled that night, she respected it though, she kept her distance.
Danial wasn't allowed to the party and encouraged me to stay at home with him instead, I knew he just wanted to get in my pants but I didn't want to so I made some excuse on why I had to go. I can't remember much of that night but I knew one thing for sure, that was that I had slept with Ruby. I couldn't believe it in the morning and I felt sick with myself, I hated myself, I hated my body. I fled the next morning, like I didn't the night in the cabin, Ruby knew, of Crouse she knew what had happen that night. She even tried talking to me about it the next morning tell me it was just a stupid mistake and that we all make mistakes, she texted me her apology several times after that, you never took the time to reply to them though. I tried hiding the feel of self-hatred away, I knew I could never tell my mother, she would skin me alive. Somehow she spotted that I was acting different and demanded to go through my phone again, like she did when we first found out about Ruby being gay. She found that messages and got out of me what happened. She hated me that night, I revolted her' she looking into Emma eyes
'she gave me the scare on top on my lip, and because she hated me I started to hate Ruby more and ever. I didn't go to school for a week after that, I physically couldn't move, I was full with marks and bruises and when I did go back to school I found out that my mother had told everyone that I was drugged. I had no choice in the matter it was either lie to them or I'd probably be six feet under by now. Daniel was furious and demanded that I stopped this mockery of him. So… I slept with him. It all seemed to get better after that, I got used to him touching me and the rumours stopped going around. Mother even got better with me. And well you knew the rest because shortly after you moved her' Regina finished ' so there are you. My life. And you wonder why I hide my feelings'
Emma was about to say something when Regina started talking again 'you've change my life completely. I can't stop thinking about you, about the moments of flirtation we have.' Taking another swig from the bottle she leaned back on the sofa 'now I'm boyfriendless and ill probably be homeless by tomorrow…..' Regina was interrupted my Emma 'you'll never be homeless, I'll make sure of that. Even if it means you staying her with me' Regina smiled slightly ' Emma' she said 'yeah' Emma said softly 'I think...i mean…..you know' Reigns stumbles over her words slightly in hesitance 'I think I might be gay. But I don't want to be, I want to make my mother proud of me again but I think that I …..like girls' Regina broke down into sobs after her pouring herself to Emma.
It was Emma instant reaction to hug the crying girl infront of her. After minuets of soothing her Emmer took the drink of her 'keep going at that pace and you have no liver by tomorrow' she said with a sad smirk trying to lighten the mood and make Regina feel better 'who cares anyway' Regina deadplaned. Emma took her hand and lifted Regina head so they was looking into each other's eyes 'I do' she said softly
As if they were on the balcony Regina leaned in again starting a kiss with her an Emma, this time Emma didn't bother stopping her, not wanting to reject the heart broken girl. The Kiss was soft, made up from simple butterfly kisses and nipping of each other's bottom lip Somehow Regina ended up leaning on top of Emma, legs where tangles and her hand resting on Emma hip. The kiss wasn't going any further but the two was happy with the lazy -still drunken- kiss.
It was Emma who pulled back her head slightly giving enough space to look at Regina but still feel her breath on her lips 'you know' she said taking a strand of Regina hair and hooking it behind her ear 'you pretty good at that' she said with a smile. Regina blushed and chewed of her bottom lip 'never would have guessed ay?' she said back to Emma 'you've…' Regina said and leaned into Emma ear and whispered 'got some improvement to do' she said teasingly and Emma just smirked at the girl knowing she's playing with her. 'is that so, your majesty' Emma said poking Regina side. Regina yelped instantly and moved-slightly crushing Emma in the proses 'someone's ticklish' said sang.
It was as that point they gave each other a knowing look 'Emma, no' Regina warned but stayed still -on top of Emma- ' I swear to god if you do I'll…' 'you'll' Emma cut it and Regina gave her a piercing look 'I'll destroy you if it's the last think I do' she said but Emma continues to smirk 'humm, lets see' Emma said before tickling her girl in her new found tickle spot.
Between laughing and wriggling Regina ending up falling on the floor of the sofa, tugging Emma down too. After finding out Regina was fine Emma continued her tickling 'Emma' Regina screamed through laugher. Smiling Emma said 'what's wrong Regina? I'm not doing anything'. With one quick movement Regina finally manages to gain control and flip the two, straddling Emma waist and holding her hand above her head. gaining her breath back 'I said stop' she said with -now messed up hair.
After feeling Emma relax she let go of her hand and lent back on her heels. Emma looked up to see Regina's breath still heavy and the way she sat on Emma still in her party clothing. Regina watched Emma look as her body before leaning down and covering her blonds eyes, Emma didn't eve flinch when the brunette cover her view, she just frowned and Regina laughed at this 'stop trying to undress me with your eye, Miss Swan' Emma face headed up instantly 'why I like that game' Emma replied -her eyes still covered- ' perhaps but it's an one-sided game as I already knew what I look like naked' Regina said wondering what the blonde beneath her would comment next 'well, you know what they say. Sharing caring' Regina just laughs at that an uncovered her eyes. She leant back down to place a simple kiss chase on Emma lips and moved her ear 'maybe give me a pre-warning of this game next time then and I'll put on some think that leaves less to the imagination'
'is that a promise' Emma replies cheekily
'you're impossible' Regina said and laughed.
The two fell silent band it was Regina's yore which broke it. 'come one' Emma said patting Regina bum slightly in order for her to get up 'let's get some comforty cloths on and watch a movie' Emma suggested and Regina just nodded and got up before following Emma to her room.
'I don't have any clothes, EM-MA' Regina wined from behind the blonde 'after all I was ament to be staying at Daniel's place' she said sitting on Emma bed as the blonde made her was to her wardrobe , Emma looked back after what Regina said and it was as if she could see the wall that was being built holding her Emotions back, in her eyes. 'you can borrow some of mine' Emma said thinking it was best to not go into a convocation and Daniel again tonight.
Regina sighed and fell backward onto the bed to her legs were still hanging off 'so this is where the magic happens' she said stretching her arms across the bed and putting them behind her head, Emma looked back to see Regina partly lying on her bed 'sometimes' she said brushing it of her shoulder 'huh?' Regina said confused as she propped her upper body on her elbows 'showers and wall are also good' she said from rummaging through her cloths.
A mental image popped up in for mind of when her and ruby hit it in the shower once, she quickly pushed that memory down 'ohh' Regina said softly.
'Right Queenie' she said addressing Regina, the brunette just rose an eyebrow 'that's a new one' she said back to the blond 'well you know me… full of trying new things' she said back throwing a wink at Regina. 'I need to change' she held cloths up to Regina 'and or though I would normal just change her infront of you, I doubt I'll be able to get this dress off elegantly' she said and Regina laughed 'so imma hit the bathroom and you can look for something to wear in my wardrobe' she said indicating to her draws with a nod of her head 'hum. Giving me permission to look through your draw's are we?' Regina gave Emma a knowing look
'why? You hoping you stumble onto something' Emma said playing bump 'ohh on doubt i will' Regina said giving a mealy playful smirk off 'well in that case I'll give you a heads up. Left hand night stand' Emma said then make her leave towards the bathroom, leaving a curious Regina in the room alone.
Regina didn't move for a couple of seconds after Emma had left, she heading to the blondes wardrobe, her glance landing on the left hand bed side table once or twice. After finding some clothes -an overly large top and short shorts- she changed into the cloths and there was still no sign of Emma so she started to look around the room at the few photos and ornaments the blonde had.
After waiting a while, curiosity took over and she really wanted to see what was in the night stand draw. Regina slightly hoped that she'd find what most woman keep in their bed side draws but also hoped she wouldn't come across them, she was just too curious to let it slide though. Making her way to the draw she looked around once last time Emma wound mind right? No. she even told me to look in here Regina thought. Opening the draw, she took a final breath and gazing into. Upon looking in here she let out an airy laugh under her breath an picked up the 50 shades of grey book which was the only think in that draw
Crawling onto the bed with it she sat crossed legged in the middle with the book in her hands. Finding where Emma was up to on the book she started to read the page. Regina was instantly lost in the book and didn't head Emma come in.
Emma came in to see the left hand side draw was open and Regina sitting in the middle of her bed reading the book, Emma studies her with a smirk and watched how the brunettes eyebrow would nit together when she was reading and how she chewed she bottom lip, dark locked fell into Regina eyes as Emma watched her hook them back behind her eye.
'don't lose my page' Emma said bringing Regina back to the real world where she then went bright red 'you lied' was all she said to the blonde and watched as Emma walked over to the bed in her new outfit – a jumper and knee length shorts- 'why? Was you expecting to fall on something more personal' she said raising both eye brows and winked 'no' Regina said quickly. Emma smiles and jumped on the bed so she was lead down next to the brunette, looking up at her. 'know who's the one lieing' ' I don't lie' said Regina she then put her attention back to the book.
Emma just smiled hummed at she smaller girl. 'come on' Emma said getting up and kissing Regina on the cheek. Regina unconsciously closed her eyes and lent into the kiss on her cheek 'put my Mr Grey book down and lets go watch a film' folding the page's corner back down to where it was before Regina closed the book 'thought you would of being all for Anastasia' she said with a smirk 'just because I'm gay doesn't mean I can't appreciate an hot looking man' she said as she watched Regina put the book back in the draw. 'ohh and by the way, you definably have to wear my cloths more often' she said
'you're giving me that look again' Regina simply said. 'just admioring my clothes' Emma said with a slight blush 'humm. Just the clothes?' Regina asked walking up to the blond and pressing her front against the blondes.
'well, umm mayb…..' Emma began but Regina cut her off with another sweet kiss 'you talk too much' Regina said . Emma hooked an arm around the Brunette waist, and pressed the bodies together more 'well you can shut me up like that any time you like' Emma said and Regina giggled and pushed her head into Emma neck.
'come on you….Movie time' she said and ushered Regina out the bedroom. Regina walking infront of her and all Emma could do was admire the brunette's behind. Regina smirked to herself and swayed her hips a bit know the blonde was looking at her.
'I hate you' Emma said catching on to what Regina was doing. Regina just smiles and turned around taking a hold of Emma hands and walking backwards towards the sofa, she looked Emma in the eye as she smiles at the blonde 'humm. But I don't blame you. I do have a good bum' she said whilst stopping and letting the blonde walk up to her as she brought their hands to her back side. She let her hands travel back up to the blondes face kissed her again, this time the kiss was heated and when tongues invaded each other's mouths battling for dominance Emma hands started cupping and squeezing Regina ass as her hand travelled up and down Emma back, Regina let a deep moan out as Emma squeezed she ass lifting her up slightly so she was on her tip toes.
Soon they both pulled away gasping for are. Regina lent her head on Emma's shoulder and as they stood there -in the middle of the room- catching their breaths. Once caught it was Regina who spoke 'I like this. The security of doing what I like in your flat…. Even if it is for a short time'
'It doesn't have to be for a short time' Emma said but Regina nodding into her neck 'It dose…outside these walls im as straight at straight could be…. I have to be' she whispers. Understanding Emma just sighs slightly 'I know' she said sadly and Regina senses it and looked back up into her eyes 'guess I'll just have to stay within these four walls for as long as I can then' Regina said with a wink clearing the sad atmosphere and sealing it with another kiss chase of Emma's lips. This Time Emma pushed forward stealing a couple more kissed from the brunette.
Regina giggles into the kisses 'just don't regret it in the morning' Emma said softly and Regina smiled 'never' she said without hesitation.
oblivious to Emma, Regina's mind was clearing from the drink more and more and was now racing with thoughts about her mother and her view and all the troubles of kissing and spending a night with Emma. A part of her was already regretting what she had done tonight because of what her mother would say, would do, if she ever found out. But part of her was wanting to stay with Emma and share these moments over and over again. Worry was already taking over her face with these thoughts.
Pushing her thoughts down these Regina gave her best fake smile spoke up 'so what movie are we watching?'
what do you think? tell me