It's raining out. Peeta and I sit in the doorway and watch the world drench. It's quiet today. The last few weeks have been so emotional, I think we all need a little time to process. I'm okay with that. I am slowly healing. Even when I fight it, the rawness of loss scabs over. I can think of Prim and smile. I know she would want that. I still wake up screaming in the night, reaching for her. I still sob into Peeta's arms and beat my pillow with my fists. But in a warm rain, I can see her dancing in puddles across the yard and I feel happy for a moment. Prim was here. She changed things. She changed me.
Peeta and I haven't known what do with each other now that we are alone. I'm still so scared of every step we take forward, but I keep pulling us along. Peeta lets me lead. He's so happy all the time it's almost obnoxious. He's no longer afraid he's going to murder me in my sleep, and it's freeing. Sappy Peeta is back in full force. I know other girls would swoon, but most of the time he just makes me roll my eyes. The difference is now, I know I am where I belong. I just need to stop fighting myself and let it happen.
Peeta decides to bake. I plop on the couch and lazily flip through a catalog. My eyelids grow heavy and I can feel sleep pulling me under. I doze in and out for much of the afternoon. Peeta wakes me up and reminds me it's our turn to make dinner. I drag myself off the couch and prep a salad while he tends to the actual meal. Buttercup rubs against my leg. I don't kick him. That's an improvement.
Before we know it, the family starts piling in. Haymitch and Effie arrive first. Effie cannot stop chattering about the espresso maker she bought Haymitch. He doesn't complain about it, which means likes it. Haymitch and I sit at the table and watch as Effie lovingly bosses Peeta around the kitchen. I think it's funny since Effie couldn't cook her way out of a water boiling competition. Peeta bites his tongue and shoots me excruciating looks every time he catches my eye. Delly arrives with a basket of strawberries and fresh whipped cream. I remember Madge. I hope that I can keep the people I lost alive like this. Remembering them fondly when I taste a strawberry or hear a summer rain.
I steal a strawberry from the bunch, and Peeta teases me. "You're going to spoil your dinner." He wraps his arms around my waist. I squirm away but give him a smile. Despite the sugary marshmallow kiss, I'm still not much for public affection. He gives me a small smirk and returns to dinner. He doesn't read more into it. We don't need words to talk anymore. It's comfortable. I like it.
Our perfect little reverie is ruined when Johanna slams through the door. Gale is in tow, and misses the door smashing into his face by inches. Johanna is a firecracker - happy, angry, or sad. Every emotion for her is like a live wire. She doesn't rant, she rages. She doesn't cry, she sobs. Nothing is halfway for her. Whatever fight we've just been brought into, I feel for Gale. Gale matches her fury head on. He burns just as brightly and they fume at one another.
Johanna crosses the room and begins to talk to me as if Gale doesn't exist. She intentionally places her body between the two of us. Gale talks to Delly and shoots death glares back at Johanna. The tension doesn't ease any with dinner on the table. We all sit and chew our food in silence. No one dares breathe a word. Gale reaches for a second dinner roll, and Johanna stabs her steak knife into the table only a hair from his hand. Effie and Delly leap back in response. The Victors just keep chewing. Gale stares her down, but Johanna doesn't even blink.
"Well, I never!" Effie exclaims.
"That's not quite true, Effie. The girl did it to me on the train," Haymitch winks at me.
"That's mahogany!" Peeta impersonates her, and it lifts the weight in the air. Effie gives him a dirty look, and then fails to restrain a smile. The regular dinner chatter begins.
We continue for a few minutes until Johanna declares over the din of noise, "So Gale is leaving tomorrow."
I drop my fork. "What?" I look at Gale.
He looks at his hands. "I have to go back to 2."
"And what, you just weren't going to tell any of us? I only know because I overheard him on the phone with Payload." Johanna writhes.
"Paylor," Gale says with ice in his voice.
"Whatever. You were just going to sneak out of here like a thief. Like none of us mean anything to you," she spits back at him. "I can't even look at you." Johanna pushes her chair back from the table, grabs a strawberry, and crosses into the living room.
"I was going to tell you all tonight," Gale says to the table. I am a mess of emotions. I was so angry when Gale showed up to my home unannounced, but now I don't want him to go. I've been reveling in our Sunday hunts, wordless and comforting. A part of him is always in the woods with me.
"It has to be tomorrow?" I ask quietly. We stare at each other across the table. He is my oldest friend. I am still dealing with my mom leaving again, and the thought of another crack to our fragile family dynamic makes it feel like the walls might come down.
"Yeah." We all finish dinner quietly. We try to be cheerful, but it won't stop tomorrow from coming. I think back to how Gale looked when he first came back to 12. He didn't belong. His clothes were crisp and new. His haircut was precise. His frame knew no hunger. He wasn't from here. Now, weeks later, his hair has grown back to it's shaggier state. He wears what's comfortable. He provides. He's part of us.
Everyone retires home except Johanna. She's too livid to be in the room next to Gale's. I ask if she wants to sleep in my mom's room, but she just throws herself on my couch. Peeta and I head upstairs. The storm outside has shifted. Instead of drenching summer rain, the sky has opened up. It falls in sheets lit by lightning. Thunder is at a near constant low rumble. Peeta opens the window like every night and lies beside me.
Peeta drifts off quickly and curls up on his side. I hear the front door creak and I'm immediately alert. At first, I just hear the peaks of muffled whispers, but before too long Johanna is practically yelling. The front door slams and she's out in the rain. I move to the window and can see Gale chasing after her. He catches her elbow and she turns and beats his chest with her fists.
"Let me go!" Johanna screams at him.
"Come with me," Gale begs with an earnestness I've never heard in his voice.
"Why would I do that?"
"You know why."
Gale leans forward and tries to kiss her, but she slaps him dead across the face with all her might. Gale falls back, reeling.
"Don't you do that! Don't you dare!" Johanna screams at him. The rain pelting down is unforgiving. Every bit of her tiny body is soaked, and you can see her muscles glistening in the sheen of the rain. She looks beautiful, her eyes burning like a warrior. She is ready for this fight. "It's easier to say you never loved me, so just say that instead. Make this easy for me, Gale."
"I can't," he breathes into the night.
"Yes you can. Say it. Say 'I never loved you Johanna.'" Her words cut through the rain and bury themselves in Gale's chest.
"I can't," he says.
"Well I'll make it easy for you then. I don't love you. I'm glad you are going. I'm sick of watching you mope around her like some kind of injured puppy. I'm sick of sharing my life with you. I'm stick of your stupid breakfasts. I'm sick of you sitting outside the shower for me. Do you know what it's like for me to be out here right now? In THIS?!" She throws her arms up at the rain. "This is TORTURE for me, Gale. You are TORTURING me. So just go. I don't want you here."
Gale inches closer to her. "I can't."
"We've been here for months and NOW you have feelings for me? NOW you want to say something? You are a pussy, Gale Hawthorne. Just leave me alone."
"I can't." He's drawing himself in to her. With every steps forward I can see her resolve breaking. She's sobbing by the time he wraps his arms around her waist and lifts her into the air. He puts one hand on the back of her head and pushes his mouth onto hers. Johanna fights him.
"I can't. I can't," she whimpers into his mouth. She wraps her legs around his waist and he has both hands around her back, pulling her into him. "I can't," and finally… Johanna gives in. She kisses him back with urgency and ferociousness. Gale steps forward until they slam into the side of my house. He pins her there, and she devours him in return. Finally they grow quieter, and I can hear Johanna crying into his arms.
"Come with me," he pleads.
"I can't," she says. He cradles her face in his hands. "Choose me. Be here with me," Johanna begs.
"I can't," Gale says and he backs away from her. Her feet return to the ground, and Gale heads back to their house. Johanna screams at him in the rain. She throws mud and curses. I know I should have closed the bedroom window, but I didn't. I slip downstairs and wait for her to come inside. When she crosses the threshold, I open my arms and she collapses into a mess on the floor. Her clothes are clinging to her body, and I pull them over her head and drop them in a wet pile. I pull her close to me. I don't know when he woke, but Peeta enters the kitchen with a towel in his hands. He wraps it around her body and pulls us both into his arms. The three of us stay there for most the night, until Johanna finally drifts. I stare at Peeta, with our friend asleep between us.
"Stay with me." I mouth.
"Always," he mouths back.