Anthony sighed despairingly and looked up from his half finished essay, itchy eyes sweeping the common room as he ran his hand over his head, feeling the short bristles there. Around him, his fellow fifth years were showing similar signs of desperation and exhaustion. With the O.W.L.s rapidly coming up, all of them were working around the clock, interrupted only by those brief rifts in time when they slept.

Anthony groaned slightly as looked at his watch; it was almost midnight. He looked around the room hopelessly, his gaze finally settling onto the seats that contained Terry and Michael.

Or rather, the seats that should contain Terry and Michael, if they hadn't been busy being empty. He hadn't seen them since dinner, and he was feeling slightly irritated at them for abandoning him. They wouldn't help him complete his work any faster, but the sight of Terry wanting to slam his head onto the table would do wonders for Anthony's morale.

"Lisa," he prodded the girl closest to him with his Transfiguration book. "Have you seen Michael and Terry?"

"Not since dinner," Lisa Turpin looked up and pulled off her half-rim glasses, laying them on the table. She looked up at Anthony, eyes slightly bloodshot with lack of sleep. "I thought they'd be here by now."

She checked her watch and groaned when she saw how late it was. Anthony ignored her, for the two they had just been discussing walked into the common room, grins unconcealed on their faces.

"What happened?" he asked them. Of course, it was pretty easy to guess what had happened, given their grins, Terry's utter disregard of rules, and Michael's almost Gryffindorish nature.

"Disrupting Umbridge's affairs," said Terry, winking at Lisa, whose head had snapped upward with interest; hers wasn't the only too. Most of the room were now looking at Terry, eager to distract themselves from their homework.

"You see," said Michael, turning to the room and abandoning any pretence of just talking to Anthony. "Craig Edwards, a recent recruit of the 'Inquisitorial squad' was delayed after dinner tonight."

"Sorry you weren't there mate," said Terry to Anthony. "It was a once in a lifetime opportunity—well, maybe not, but we couldn't just wait for someone to get you."

Anthony waved him on. Though he had to admit, part of it was fun, most of his job was to prevent them from getting into trouble. For being a Ravenclaw, sometimes Terry really didn't use his brain. To be fair, Michael got into a more than a bit amount of trouble as well, but he usually thought about it first.

"You see, after we left dinner, we spotted Craig Edwards—"

"Hang on," said Terry. "I thought it was Craig Evans?"

"No," said Michael. "It's definitely Edwards."

"Are you sure?" asked Terry.

This time Michael didn't have to answer. Multiple people in the room mumbled disagreement.

"I'm pretty sure that it's Evans." said Terry. "C'mon, Lisa? Padma? You know I'm right."

Padma shook her head, characteristically quiet, but Lisa said loudly, "Nah, its Edwards."

"Where was I?" asked Michael.

"You'd spotted Craig Edwards," Anthony said, noting Terry shaking his head, and Anthony predicted that he wasn't nearly ready to concede defeat this easily.

"Right," said Michael, brightening up. "So we'd just spotted Craig Edwards and—"

"Or Evans, possibly," Terry spoke up, grinning at his friend in a way that Anthony knew was only partially motivated by wanting the perfect truth.

Michael rubbed his forehead silently for a moment before continuing the story.

"Anyway, we spotted Craig, and we noticed that he was alone. So we said to ourselves 'this is just the opportunity we've been waiting for.'"

"We didn't actually say that," Terry revealed to the crowd. Michael seemed to have had enough of the interruptions though, because he wheeled to face his friend.

"Terry, I know we're mates, but do you mind?"

"That's not how it happened!" said Terry, as Michael rubbed his forehead again. Anthony shot a glance at Terry, and knew from the smile on Terry's face that he was sensing the pending argument, and that he was already rather enjoying driving Michael up the wall.

Anthony cleared his throat, to head it off before it could gain any steam. Partially because an argument, friendly or not, would take a while, and partially because he gained just as much satisfaction from preventing Terry from arguing as Terry got from getting people to argue with him.

"Why don't we just have both of you tell us you're version of events," he suggested sensibly. "Because, in case you've forgotten, most of us of us have too much homework to do to waste time sitting here and watching you argue, enjoyable as that would be."

"Ooh, the perfect power is exercised," said Terry, grinning at Anthony now, but Anthony refused to be baited. He knew he had to control Terry if he, and his fellow fifth years, would have any hope of finishing their homework tonight.

"Yes, let's do that," said Michael, eager to finish his story without being told that it was wrong.

Terry opened his mouth to argue, but Padma, seeing what was happening, spoke swiftly. "That's a good idea. Anyone else think so?"

Seeing where it was going, Su Li set down her quill and raised her hand. Catching on, most of the room followed suit, and Terry's grin faded a little.

"Well, when in Hogsmeade..." He sighed, that sat down on the edge of the table, giving Michael his full attention. "Tell on, my fine fellow."

"Well," started Michael. "We were just leaving the Divination classroom right before dinner, when..."

"Hang on," said Terry. "You're starting there?"

"Well, I thought that, since that's the beginning, it'd be a good place to start," said Michael, putting a hand in his pocket where he kept his wand.

"Most stories do start at the beginning," agreed Anthony. "It's traditional."

"No they don't!" said Terry, but deflated under the look Anthony gave him. "I mean, I guess some do..."

"I don't know how you manage to quiet him down like that," marvelled Michael, looking up from where he had been kneading his forehead again.

"Practice, and a decent left eyebrow," said Anthony. "But do continue, or we'll be a bit light on the sleep tonight."

"Right," said Michael. "Well..."

We had just left the Divination classroom and were crossing to the Great Hall, when Peeves—"

Peeves didn't do what you think he's going to do," Terry told the crowd. Michael rounded on him.

"Do you want to tell the story first?" he demanded, antagonized beyond endurance.

"Yes," said Terry.

"Oh," said Michael, taken aback. "Well, then go ahead then."

"You'd better be careful," Anthony warned Terry. "Or Michael will get desperately angry with you."

"Or possibly, I'll just get angry," said Michael. "There won't be anything desperate about it."

Terry just grinned and started to speak.

"We had just left the great hall, after a long and wholesome meal, when we saw Craig Evans had just left as well. Of course, never being ones to pass up an opportunity like this, we started talking to Evens. "

"His name is Edwards," interrupted Michael. "At least tell it right."

"Please, let me tell my story," said Terry, with just a little bit of emphases on my.

He looked a little confused when we started talking to him, the shiny new Inquisitorial badge twinkling in the candlelight showing that that he had just joined the inquisitorial squad, the great prat."

"I'm glad to see that this is going to be an impartial retelling," said Mandy Brocklehurst, stone-faced, though Anthony noted that a hint of a grin could be seen around her eyes.

"That's how it happened," said Terry, raising one finger at Mandy. "Now if I can continue before the narrative flow is shredded even further?"

"Anyway, I, and my faithful sidekick, rushed in to take advantage of his confusion. While I distracted him with some fancy talk about the value of salamander fur, Mike convinced the Fat Friar to lead half of Hufflepuff house by. In the confusion, I grabbed Evans and pushed him into the divination classroom. When he asked why, I told him that I had once seen that wandering groups of Hufflepuffs literally eat a wandering Slytherin. When this failed to convince him, Mike sent in the Nearly Headless Nick, who put on a masterful performance of someone who had just seen a Slytherin get devoured by the band of marauding Hufflepuffs."

"Naturally, this put him on edge, but I reassured him that we weren't on different sides. I revealed a number of occasions that I, myself, had personally stopped Hufflepuffs from eating passing Slytherins."

"Once I had convinced him of the truth of these dreadful Hufflepuffs attacks, Evans got all in a huff and wanted very dearly to take revenge on the evil Hufflepuffs. Luckily, I managed to stop him before he did anything Gryffindorish, and convinced him to take a look at who could possibly want to kill Slytherins."

"Umbridge?" guessed Helena Montgomery, a slightly disturbing smile on her face.

"Seriously, does no one have appreciation for narrative flow, for climaxes?" said Terry. "Aside from Padma, I mean."

Padma raised an eyebrow, but quickly looked down at her homework, still too uncomfortable with all of the people in this room to talk more than she had to.

"I do," said Michael, raising his hand halfway. "I mean, I didn't interrupt, though you keep getting my name wrong, and that's not even mentioning that bits of the story that are completely fal—"

"On with the story then," cried Terry, plunging on.

"It took him a couple of guesses, among them the whole of Gryffindor house, their various pets, and the giant squid, but eventually guided him to the correct answer. Umbridge, of course, was the only reasonable answer, and once he realized this, Evens was all ready to start a one-man war against the whole of Hufflepuff house, and through them, Umbridge."

"Naturally, this was boarding on suicidal, so I advised him that he would be better directed to find a better way. Mike burst in just then, and together, the three of us sorted out what would convince Umbridge to stop these horrible Slytherin attacks."

"And he really thought that Umbridge was out to get him?" asked Lisa, raising one eyebrow above her half-rim glasses.

"Well, actually," started Michael, but Terry cut him off again.

"By the end, I convinced him it was so," admitted Terry, looking around the room as if daring anyone to disagree with him.

Anthony grinned to himself as he opened his mouth to speak. He didn't have any actual proof that Terry wasn't telling the truth, but he knew that Terry wasn't going to take that chance.

Sure enough...

"ANYWAY, Evens was eager to get back at Umbridge, so we spent an hour or so sorting through what he could do. We ran through hundreds of ideas, maybe even thousands, but in the end, after we had thrown out all the shoddy ones, the mediocre ones, and the ones that were so bad that I nearly gagged on them, Mike suggested then that we start our own rumour mill. If nothing else, the three of us agreed that, if nothing else, it would distract her."

"It was then, right after that, that he started coming to his senses. Naturally, any sane person could see that it was extremely unlikely that Umbridge was behind the attacks on the Slytherins. Mike thought that we had caused enough damage for one night, but I had another idea. Quite a cunning one I might add."

"You see, it occurred to me who else might be out to get Slytherins. It hit me, just then. It was obvious, so obvious that I was stunned I hadn't thought of it before. God I'm thirsty."

"I beg your pardon?" asked Kevin Entwhistle, who, knowingly or not, had been so engrossed in the story that he was leaning forward.

"I haven't had anything to drink for hours, and I've talked myself to death and back again. Any chance there's water around?"

Su Li rolled her eyes, but picked up her wand and floated a cup over from the table closest to the statue of Rowena Ravenclaw.

"Thank you," said Terry, catching it and downing the whole cup in a second.

Su merely shook her head in a rather exasperated manner, looking down at her transfiguration homework.

"Anyway do you know what I did?"

"Well, We've come this far, haven't we?" said Lisa, leaning forward in her seat again.

"Well, if you insist," said Terry.

"Well, I was a complete idiot not to think of it before. It was the answer to all of our problems. Sure, it would be a bit tricky to convince him, and it took a while, but would you believe that I convinced him that Umbridge was actually the reincarnation of Godric Gryffindor?"

No," said Anthony flatly. He knew that he was being a little obnoxious, but after all that Terry put Michael through, Terry deserved it.

"Huh," said Terry, lowering his finger. "Would you believe that I convinced him that Umbridge was being possessed by the enchanted bracelet of Gryffindor?"

"No," said Anthony.

"Oh," said Terry. "How she had once read a book about Gryffindor?"

"You wouldn't have told us if it was something that small," reasoned Anthony. "It's inconsistently unlikely."

"I'm pretty sure inconsistently doesn't work in a sentence like that," said Terry, frowning.

"So what really did happen?" asked Anthony quickly.

Terry sighed, but started talking again.

So Evens was forced to concede that Umbridge had been infected by a view point that was no longer her completely her own. Since we had already assured him that Umbridge was behind it, he agreed that he had to begin the crusade of stopping her. At this point, both Michael and I agreed that he'd be best off if he could convince his fellow Slytherins to fight back against the Hufflepuff terror."

"So right now, there's a Slytherin in their common room telling them that Umbridge is behind the Slytherin killings?" asked Anthony slowly.

"Even though she's not," said Mandy Brocklehurst.

"And that no Slytherin has ever died in the school?" said Lisa.

"Correct," said Terry.

A titter of laughter rang from around the room. The whole situation was so absurd, so prosperous, that it boarded on the unbelievable.

Actually, knowing Terry, it was unbelievable.

"So what really happened?" Lisa asked Michael, who looked relieved that someone had come to their senses.

"What, you don't believe me?" said Terry, voice rising in indignation.

"Can you blame me?" asked Lisa.

"When have I ever, ever told a falsehood?" asked Terry, scratching his chin in a futile attempt to cover the smirk on his face.

"I think I can dimly remember a time or two, can't you?" Anthony asked Michael, rubbing his hand over the short bristles on top of his head.

"Let's see," said Michael. The room quickly picked up the cue.

"First year, when I asked you if you knew where the Transfiguration classroom was," said Mandy.

"Ok, but," started Terry.

"Second year, when I asked you if Lockhart was a good teacher or not," said Michael.

"You missed the class..."

"Third year, when you told the whole common room that you had found a secret passage," said Su.

"Well, only..."

"When you told the whole of Herbology class that I wanted to be called Mike," said Michael. "I hate being called Mike."

"That was..."

"Fourth year, when you told us that you had a date to the Yule ball," said Anthony.

"I, well, the girl, She was, um," spluttered Terry.

"Precisely," said Padma, spoke up, shifting a little as everyone in the room looked at her, "or when you said that you said that helicopters were land based animals."

"Et tu, Padma?" said Terry, his face slightly red. He looked around the room, making eye contact with every person. "Alright, other than that, have I ever lied?"

"When you said that Anthony was the one who locked my trunk," said Michael.

"When you said the Dumbledore had called you up to his office to reward you for being an exceptional student," said Anthony.

"When I asked you whether you had seen my homework," said Su.

The list continued for quite a long time, even by Anthony's generous standards

"Alright, other than those two hundred times or so, can you ever remember me lying to you?" said Terry, at last. Halfway through the recitation, he had gotten tired of standing and was now sprawled across the armchair opposite Anthony. "Can you?"

Anthony and Michael looked at each other.

"Well," said Anthony.

"No," admitted Michael.

"So that proves that I must be trustworthy!" said Terry.

"Right, let's hear your side of the story Michael, and then we can have more things to say that Terry's lying about," said Anthony.

"Well, to tell the truth, it goes like this," said Michael, clapping his hands together.

"You see, it started way before we met Edwards coming out of the great hall. It all started in the Divination room, where we were planning on getting Peeves to drive out the next class, which consisted of mostly Inquisitorial Squad members. We were going to drive them out into the Forbidden Forest, and then reform them by presenting them with unicorns, when we discovered something even better."

Anthony resisted the urge to groan. Either Michael was seizing on the opportunity to seriously embellish his story, or else that had really been their plan. Anthony had didn't know which was worse.

We discovered Boozlebeeze powder a vase by the stump.

"What's Boozlebeeze powder?" asked Kevin. "I've never heard of it before."

"Really?" said Michael, stumped. "I thought that everyone knew about it. Terry, had, when I asked him."

"Are you serious?" asked Terry equally puzzled, looking around the room at the bemused faces. "You guys don't?"

"It's not in any of the books I've ever read," said Lisa, taking off her half-rim glasses as she started rooting around in her bag.

Anthony knew that this was his entire fault. His actions had led to Michael having full credence to tell the truth, and he was using for his own amusement.

"Well, it's a purple powder that can cloud the mind, leaving it completely open to suggestions," said Michael.

"It works even through the skin," said Terry, scratching his chin again, "hence why it was such a great find."

"Right," said Michael. "Now if I could continue the story?"

The frenzied whispers and flicking of pages stopped as Michael started to speak.

"So, there wasn't much there, so we knew that we'd use it on just one person, and Edwards happened to walking past. So we talked him into the room, sat him down, and waited for the powder to take effect. Within moments, it was like he was dazed. So I asked him, as a test, whether he wanted to go for a quick walk in the forbidden forest, to see the unicorns."

"Well, the powder worked wonders, because he was already part way through the door when we caught up to him. We had just pulled him back into the room when who else but our esteemed headmistress herself barged into us. While Terry sat slacked-jawed, I used my silver tongue to get her into the room, concocting a devious scheme, spinning lies like tangled webs to entrap her. She fell for it, and within minutes, she had sat down on a chair coated with fresh Boozlebeeze powder."

"You're joking," said Kevin. Most of the Ravenclaws in the common room were gazing at him in amazement, mouths open.

Anthony decided this had gone on long enough.

"Look, I know you lot are a bit short on sleep—"

"Too right. I haven't had a proper's night sleep since January," muttered Mandy.

"—but yes, he wasn't telling the truth. He's been around Terry too long, and I think it's starting to affect him."

"It's true," Terry told the crowd. "Now, if you want to know the truth, let me—"

"No, honestly, it would just be silly in the extreme for this to continue," said Anthony. "I'm not going to listen to anymore of this drivel."

"You see, it actually started during dinner..." started Terry, eyeing Anthony.

"I will throw this book at you," said Anthony, hefting his Transfiguration textbook. "And you know how I feel about throwing books."

"And we spotted Evens," said Terry, grinning as Anthony throw his book toward him; it missed him and smacked into the wall.

"That's right," piped up Michael, trying to hide his grin. "And—"

"And then you talked him into thinking that he was a giant potato whose mission was to eviscerate Umbridge?" said Anthony dryly.

"Exactly," said Michael, grinning at him. "That's loads better then what I had."

"And then he grew so big that the castle was squashed beneath him," said Terry, also grinning at Anthony.

Anthony couldn't help it. He grinned too. The two of them might be gits most of the time, but they weren't so bad, sometimes.