So. My original intention for this one was just fluff, cute nothing serious.
It somehow turend into angsty angst. so. yeah.

Sam and Adam connection for this one.

Sam 17

Dean 21

Adam 12

It seems like this was their new normal. It goes both ways, loud fights and accusing harsh words, or the good old, silent treatment.

Either way, it wasn't fun. Their world was stable in instability, constant moving, motel room to motel room, shady town to another. It was all they knew, but Adam was grateful for what he had. As the baby of the family you get to be extremely sheltered. He's a smart kid though, he knows they hide a lot from him, they tell him half truths, and keep everything sugar coated for him. Most of the time he appreciate it, he gets it, and he knows it might even be selfish, but in all honestly he'd rather leave it this way. He is not really doing it all on purpose, it's more subconsciously, actually, but Adam doesn't seek for answers, he doesn't want to unravel and demand explanations.

He's not Sam.

Sam told him he found out the truth about the supernatural after reading Johns diary. He knew he wasn't supposed to do it, he knew he was crossing a line he shouldn't, but that just what got him even more intrigued.

Adam on the other hand, it wasn't exactly his choice. He didn't got introduced to it, no one explained gently and promised him it'll be ok.

He was thrown in his, or any kid's worst nightmare.

He was punched in the gut, and got scarred for life. He was forced to be mature, to give up on his childhood.

And at the very beginning, no one, was there to hug him, no one was there to calm him down.

So yeah, if they lie to him here and there, and if they always make sure he's never exposed to seeing them injured after hunts, he'll not bother.

He won't be annoying, he'll even choose to close his eyes at times. To help them.

But now, when most of their times is filled in with Sam and John butting heads, and all kinds of words and sayings, in all kinds of volumes and intensity get thrown in the air- there just not a lot he can do to escape and be forced,

Once again to face reality.

The Stanford announcement got them all off guard.

It seems like it came out of nowhere, but all of them, John included, could see the logic behind.

Sam was Sam was Sam, their brother, his son, and it couldn't make more sense.

He'd probably even said it more than once, during heated conversations prior- he'd spoken about his desire and dreams for a life, a real so called- normal, life.

They were just ignorant enough to never take him seriously. Chose to ignore.

Sam was Sam and Dean was Dean and John was John. They all had roles to portray, and they all remained loyal to their character. So when John took Dean out for a drive to grab coffee and on the way back he just, casually, mentioned that it's time for Adam to join them in hunts, Dean was not mad, or even surprised- he just reacted as he should- like a big brother.

He snorted, half smiled- "Yeah. Not happening."

The thing about Dean is he's a good solider, he will take in commands, he'll obey and won't argue, he'll mutter 'yessirs' and make sure to leave time to clean the guns.

That is- Until it comes to his brothers, because when it does- no one fucks up with his brothers, not even his own father, their own father.

Once again, another drive, silence.

He hates this, he hates the tension.

It sound sappy, it really is, but after his mothers death, they were the people who teach him how to trust again. Who showed him love and comfort and gave him a new definition of what home is.

But now, it seems like this was all just an illusion, and it is falling apart by the moment.

"Stop the car." Sam said all of a sudden.

Dean turned around and frowned.

John huffed and took a long breath before speaking and slowly said- "why?"

"Stop" his voice was strained. And quite.

John was about to replay when Dean just shot him a glance, apparently serious enough to make John park the impala on the side road.

Sam almost knocked the door out while opening and fell to his knees, where he lost all of his lunch. And breakfast. And maybe even last nights dinner by the amount of it.

Stanford or not Stanford, Dean was by his side in a heartbeat.

After he was done, he leaned back on the car. Knees pulled to his chest.

"Hey," Dean placed his hand on one of his knees.

"Migraine." Oh.

All but Dean had the "privilege" of being blessed to have migraines.

John migraines meant Dean would have to find ways to entertain them, keep them as far away from their ailing father sleeping his migraine off in a motel room. It was funny, but John migraines always meant they were about to have some sort of a fun activity. Going out to play video games, movies in actual theater and a lot of junk food.

Adam migraines, meant spoiling. Everyone would go above and beyond in order to make him feel better.

He was 10 when the first one hit, Sam told him he was also 10 on his first.

He was in school and it was horrible.

They called Sam and Dean who came to pick him up.

But Sam had the worst. Nothing compared to his and Johns.

First of all Sam's migraines meant at least 3 days of being bed ridden.

Secondly, it meant puking and a lot. Oh and then there was the nose bleeds.

And undoubtedly, the pain was the worst for him.

Sam had a high tolerance for pain. Adam literally saw him broke his arm in 3 places and barely flinching, but it takes one migraine to make him cry and silently sob and actually whimper.

Sam migraines meant complete silence too, so John would be the first to take off.

Adam was left with strict instructions to basically not breath in order to keep everything quite.

And Dean, Dean was Dean was Dean- big brother to the fullest, tending and trying his best to help Sam get through.

"We'll find a place to stop. You have your meds here?"

Dean's voice immediately change.

Sam remained with eyes closed, breathing heavily- "no"

"Ok. It'll be ok. Come on, lets get you inside."

Adam can see the look on John face from the mirror, definitely not pleased by the sudden change of events.

It's 4 pm and he planned on driving until late night.

"Here, water and Aspirin, it's all we got. You need to stop you say, ok?"

Sam makes the smallest nod as a response.

They drive silently for 20 minutes, when the car stops, and Sam didn't ask for it.

John steps out and sighs to Dean to do so too.

Adam is pretty sure Sam's not sleeping, but he still keeps his eyes closed, usually, he would be interested in the conversation outside, ready to step in and somehow make it into an argument.

But during migraines he really couldn't care less.

But they weren't really far, so Adam listened.

"- I have to be there by tomorrow Dean."

His tone was impatient.

Dean sighed "You know how it gets, and even if we do get there he won't be able to help with the research, and I'm not even talking about hunting"

"Dean he's 17 you can't treat him like a baby."

"You really just said that? Are you fucking kidding me? He can barely move when he's like this"

"Whoa now boy. Calm it down with the language."

"Dad, the thing is he needs a bed, and a room and normal bathroom. You wanna continue driving that's fine just drop us in the next motel we see"

John was about to say something, but then just turned around to the car. Hissing out "fine"

It took them 2 hours but they found a motel. Not a lot had been said, Dad said he'll call and disappeared with the road within seconds.

Dean left to find a pharmacy and garb some food, which left Adam alone with Sam. Well, Sam was unresponsive, unconscious, lying on bed, head covered with a blanket Sam.

He really wasn't sure but, did Sam said something?

"Sam?"

Soon the blanket was removed and that's when he understood. Nose bleed.

"Fuck." He said while trying to sit up.

Adam ran to the bathroom and grabbed some toilet paper.

"Here"

He winced in sympathy, Sam looked like he was in so much pain.

"You want me to call Dean?"

He hated this. Not knowing what to do. Not knowing how to help.

"Uh, no. Can you give me a new shirt though?"

Yes. Good. Something he can do.

Sure Adam was mature, and if you'd ask any member of his family they'd say he's just the best kid. Sam used to think about it quite a lot. There are some people, they are rear but not extremely, that it seems like there was some sort of over all agreement among everyone who knew them that they were good. He'd seen them, in all the schools he had to go through, there was always at least one. They were just lovable. By all. And by all it means ALL. From the "coolest" kids, to the nerds, to the jocks to the teachers, and even to him, the new kid. everyone.

Even if they weren't the closest friends of all groups, everyone always agreed- they were good. And Adam was blessed to be one of them. The good guys.

Always friendly, but not over-friendly, willing to help others, and just a good friend. Good son. Good brother.

And, again a good kid.

He was still a kid and he was afraid.

Because, it's so stupid, but there are so many things he wants to, needs to understand but Sam had been so caught up with John and it's not like he would just open up and start talking with Sam about it.

But apparently it just happened because apparently his mind doesn't works really well and he ends up just blurting out questions like- "You want to leave because you hate us?"

He's really surprised when that words come out his mouth.

Just how idiot can he be? Sam has his eyes shut, head against the wall. One hand holding paper towels to his, still, bleeding nose.

And then there's Adam asking him stupid questions.

Sam opens his eyes to slits- "what?"

Adam wants to press the undo button. To go back. He's a stupid kid with stupid fears and stupid questions and, is, apparently stupid enough to say them out loud. He feels so stupid but that's actually all he could think of ever since Sam started with all this Stanford thing.

"Nothing. I'm sorry. Just nothing" he says fast. Maybe Sam didn't heard. Maybe he never understood what Adam was saying.

And can Dean be back already?

Sam opens his eyes, and slowly turn his head to Adam's direction- "Adam."

Through the pain of his throbbing head, Adam could see another pain, different kind, staring at him through Sam's eyes. His voice quite and honest. Something that holds truth.

It's not like he was prepared to saying what he just said, so he really doesn't know what to say now either. So he remains silent. Eyes locked with Sam's.

"I don't hate you Adam. Not you, or Dean, or Dad" his voice hiding hint of desperation and sadness.

"Then why?" Yeah Adam was mature. But it seems like all of his childish fears he lost way back then, way back with his mother, were brought back the second he learned about Stanford. It was a way of protecting himself, acting so much like everything was ok. He somehow managed to put on that play when he was only 8 years old. But now, at 12, when being on verge of yet again losing another important person in his life, he can't do that anymore.

He's scared. He acted pretty damn well for a kid who lost his mother. So yeah, he thinks he deserves to act, just a bit, childish now when he's, maybe, about to, in a way, lose his brother.

Sam is looking at him, Sam knows why he's doing what he's doing. He knows why he's craving this life so much.

He looks at his brothers though, and he also knows, just how much he loves them. Just how much it breaks his heart that Adam could even be able to think he hates him. That's so far away from the truth.

Sam knows, that the best title he earned in his life was being- a big brother.

It hurts him to think that he'd may be failing Adam with his decision. In a perfect world, Sam acceptance to Stanford would be source of pride. It wouldn't be "betraying" your family, it would just mean looking forward to holidays and vacations and buying over size hoodies to give Adam from the Stanford gift shop.

But then again, in a perfect world, Adam would not be a part of their family.

He wants to give Adam the best answer, explain everything, he just doesn't know how. It's the pain in his head, and maybe fever he feels he's developing, and the combination of the question Adam just made, but he feels like crying.

Lost for words, he says "it's complicated."

And what kind of a failure big brother he is to give that kind of answers.

And there's that, Failure.

The feeling he'd been feeling his entire life.

But he's not about to say that to Adam, tell him that part of him leaving is because he's actually afraid of failing them. Of them to understand just how much of a failure he is. So he turns to what he knows best, and was always good at- school, studying. Stanford is not a risk, it's a safety net.

And it's Adam turn to say something

"I don't want you to leave"

"I don't want to leave you."

But he knows John will leave him no choice. One way or another. He knows he meant what he said, and if he'll actually leave he won't be able to see them ever again. John Winchester stays true to his word.

So Sam takes a long breath before speaking. "Adam. I don't hate you, and please don't ever think like that. You and Dean you're the most important people in my life. But there's more than that. The only thing I'm begging you is to not hate me back."

He would never say that if not for the now 100% sure fever he developed.

He wants to cry and scream and he just doesn't want to be.

It really is not like them, all this talking, showing emotions that much.

But John and Dean are not around to tease, so when he whispers "come here" and Adam crawls in bed next to him and leans against him, and they just stay like that for awhile, if he can just focus on that only it almost feels like it's gonna be ok.

He knows it won't though, but Sam doesn't give a shit about the hideous pain in his head that is literally about to explode, or the nausea that just won't stop.

He could care less about the taste of blood in his mouth from the previous nose bleed.

All he could care about is the kid in his arms, the kid he failed, the family he failed, the life he failed.

Hoping more than anything to somehow keep them close, hoping to not lose them, but not lose himself in the road that will led him there either. "There" he didn't know what "there" was, what he will find in the end.

He just wanted his brothers by his side.