Timestamp: Weird Drabbles
Important Notice: PLEASE DON'T REPORT ME FOR WRITING IN SCRIPT FORM THIS WAS MEANT TO BE A FUNNY AND ENTERTAINING THING FOR ALL OF YOU
Chapter Soundtrack: My Name is Satan by Stephen Lynch
-Ω-
Brendon Urie: Wow i actually made it 2 Heaven
Brendon Urie: Im surprised
Brendon Urie: Maybe ill settle down a bit before i do any more singing
Archangel Michael: ( ͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ ° )
*blep*
God: My eldest is fuckin weird
Michael: …
God: I mean, Gabe n' Raph n' Uriel n' Azrael turned out ok
God: Hell, even Luci was cool until he rebelled
God: but this kid…
Michael: …
Michael: …
Michael: wow ok ro0d
*blep*
Percy: okie dokie the mating season seems to be over
Percy: *starts trying to do normal things again*
Michael/Annabeth: BITCH YOU THOUGHT
*blep*
Lucifer: Knock knock
Person: Whos there
Lucifer: A mirror
Lucifer: I m lonely
*blep*
Percy: Michael and Annabeth are the only mate(s) I've ever had
Lucifer: WHAT THE FUCK I LOOK LIKE
*blep*
Jason: *singing* My dad
Jason: Said he was going our 4 some ice cream
Jason: But that was ten years ago
Percy: Bruh
*blep*
Will: Who r u
Nico: DON'T FEAR I AM UR GUARDIAN ANGLE
Will: ?
Nico: fuCKING shIT
*blep*
Octavian: U suck
Piper: And u swallow
*puts on shades as boss ass bitch plays in the background*
*blep*
Annabeth: we're having a kid so yah
Percy: And his name is-
Every mortal: JOHN CENA *BUM BUM BUM BUM*
Annabeth and Percy: ¿what the fuck even?
*blep*
*listening to Emperor's New Clothes*
Michael: Oh no
Percy: wat is it
Michael: its coming
Percy: w h a t
Michael: I'm having a Panic! attack
Percy: …
Percy: I'm just going to go jump off this cliff
*blep*
Leo: Did it hurt when u fell from heaven?
Calypso: yep
*blep*
Will: Love u cutie pie
Nico: …
Rachel: …
Rachel: that was so lame
Will: Sorry ill think of a better one then
Will: Ur my angel dust
Will: No wait that's a drug
Nico: RACHEL KILL ME NOW JUST END IT PLEASE
*blep*
Gabriel: Ur my brother and I love u but u are one great big bag of dicks
Lucifer: k
*blep*
*angels falling from Heaven*
Reyna: *cupping hands over her mouth* DO A FLIP
*blep*
Percy: Dad, I just had sex!
Poseidon: That's great, come here and sit down so we can talk about it!
Percy: I cant my ass hurts
Poseidon: I fuckin knEW IT
Poseidon: FUCKIN PAY UP SALLY
Sally: *grumbling* *hands Poseidon 20$*
Percy: Thanks for understa- wait wtf rude
*blep*
*Nico and Will's kids r now teenagers and they wanna sleep in*
*6 am*
Nico: *banging pots together* I AINT GET NO SLEEP CAUSE-A Y'ALL
Y'ALL NOT GON GET NO SLEEP CAUSE-A ME
Will: *also trying to sleep in* can you just fUCKING SHUT UP
*blep*
*Frank, Hazel, Michael, Percy, & Zoë all watching Supernatural*
Frank: Castiels a fuckin pussy like u don't just leave ur handprint u MARK HIS WHOLE DAMN BODY U LITTLE DIPSHIT
Hazel: *fanning herself* the righteous man is HAWT
Michael: y am I such a dick
Michael: Percy am I a dick in real life
Michael: Percy plz answer
Michael: Percy am I as dickish as this guy
Percy: No
Percy: …
Percy: Ur worse
Michael: damn
Zoë: You're all a buncha dumbasses
*blep*
Annabeth: Hey babe what's your sine can I get your frequency
Percy: I am going to kill myself
*blep*
Piper: What would u do for a Klondike bar
Jason: U
Piper: ok u got me there
*blep*
Reyna: Im not that bossy
Leo: *looks into the camera like he's on the Office*
*blep*
Annabeth: Fun fact my hips are actually compulsive liars
*blep*
Leo: Hey, babe, are u from Tennessee cause ur the only ten I see
Calypso: Why r u this way
*blep*
*when they wake up*
Percy: words cannot describe how beautiful you look
Annabeth: Aww
Percy: But numbers can 0/10
Annabeth: LISTEN HERE U LITTLE SHIT
*blep*
Leo: should I get a tumblr
Calypso: Leo no
Hazel and Frank: Leo no
Jason and Piper: Leo no
Nico and Will: Leo no
Percy and Annabeth/Michael: Leo no
Rachel and her fallen angels: Leo no
Heaven: Leo no
Obama: Leo no
Gandhi: Leo no
Abraham Lincoln: Leo no
Jesus: Leo no
Lucifer: Leo no
Leo: …
Leo: …
Leo: Leo yes
*blep*
Jason: Wow the stars are pretty tonight
Piper: Yeah they sure are
Jason: Do u know who else is pretty?
Piper: *blushing* Who?
Jason: Percy
Jason: But in a totally bro way
Jason: no homo
Piper: I'm jumping into Tartarus
*blep*
Octavian: so im a demon now
Lucifer: yep, and from now on I want you to call me Senpai
Octavian: wtf
*blep*
*Percy at the window of Jason's room in chapter two*
Percy: Hey u gotta moment to talk about my half-brother Jesus Christ
Jason: *face palms so hard his hand goes through his skull*
*blep*
Percy: Hey it's a little muggy outside
Annabeth: Percy I swear if I walk out to see all of our coffee mugs out on the stoop I will skin you
Percy: *laughs nervously whilst drinking from a bowl of coffee*
*blep*
Nico: *singing* Is it too late now to play Sorry?
Will: Okay, enough, Nico, just go the fuck to sleep please
*blep*
Headcannon where God is a very overprotective father
*Michael and Percy snuggling on the couch*
*Michael turns around to see God standing behind them*
God: Y'all fucking?
*blep*
*Archangel Michael's royal carriage or some shit gets stuck in a pothole*
Percy: *singing tøp under breath* cursing my government, for not using my taxes to fill holes with more cement
Michael: Fuckin salty-ass ho
*blep*
Piper: My favorite animal's the kitty cat what about you, Annabeth?
Annabeth: Mine's the puppy dog, what about you, Octavian?
Octavian: SATAN
Percy: STOP IT OCTAVIAN THAT'S NOT AN ANIMAL
*blep*
Reyna: This mirror is covered in shit
Reyna: It won't go away
Reyna: Oh wait, that's me
*blep*
Percy: *excited* Piper, do you have spirit?!
Piper: Yeah, Perce!
Percy: Jason, do you have spirit?!
Jason: I have spirits
Percy: ?
Jason: *screeches*
*blep*
Nico: Babe, I'm sorry
Will: You know what, me too
Nico: You were wrong, I was wrong-
Will: No I wasn't
Nico: BITCH YES YOU WERE
Will: SHUT YOUR FINE ASS UP U FUCKER
*blep*
Leo: *hits blunt* so what happens if I get scared half to death twice
Percy and Jason: bruh
*Nico and Frank look into the camera like it's the Office while the X-Files music plays*
*blep*
Percy: I can't stand you
Jason: U wanna fight
Jason: I will literally destroy you
Percy: Is that a threat or a promise
Jason: *whispering* I promise
*blep*
Calypso: I'm not pushy
Leo: Why the fuck u lyin…y u always lyin hmmmmomygod stop fuckin lyin
*blep*
Michael: *whispering* I see dead people
Percy: Mike, we're at a funeral
Michael: I know that's why it's funny
Michael and Percy: hehehheehehehehhehehehehehe
Annabeth: kms
*blep*
Nico: *in denial* Psch I totally dig chicks
Will: *slowly turns up radio*
Radio: *in the tune of Bad Day* 'Cause you know that you're gay, you wanna suck cock, you say that you're straight but you know that you're not
*blep*
*The Golden Swords visiting Michael's palace*
Reyna: I really need to watch the next doctor who episode
Reyna: But everyone here's a fucking psycho
Reyna: Maybe just a little
Reyna: *turns on episode with volume on low*
*literally two seconds after the theme starts playing the entire palace including staff suddenly appears in Reyna's room*
Everyone: *manically* DOWEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*blep*
Rachel: I wanna go shopping but in the middle of the night with nobody around and I can take whatever I want
Piper: That's called theft
Rachel: So be it
*blep*
*In Tartarus*
Lucifer: Ya know what I'm jus gonna kill everyone here
Lilith and Asmodeus: Wh-what?! Why would you do that?!
Lucifer: Percy was like 80% of my impulse control
*blep*
*world is burning*
God: …
Michael: Dad all I'm saying is that this is the exact reason I shouldn't be left unsupervised
*blep*
Michael: I put the "laughter" in manslaughter
Annabeth: I put the "cute" in execute
Percy: I put the "fun" in funeral
Jason: I put the "hot" in psychotic
Leo: I put the "ay" in slaying
Piper: I put the "sass" in assassination
Reyna: I put the "oo" in blood
Will: …
Will: …
Will: I put the D in di angelo
Nico: I SWEAR TO GOD YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT
*blep*
Leo: did I ever tell you about my gay Jesus theory
Annabeth: I really, really don't want to hear it
Leo: …
Leo: so here's the thing-
Annabeth: fUCK
*blep*
Lilith: I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award. It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
*blep*
Percy: babe come over
Jason: I cant I'm possessed by an angel
Percy: we can flirt with the criteria of substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Jason: …
Jason: …
Jason: Imma just stay here
*blep*
*An angel brings another angel home from a bar*
The angels: *kissing passionately*
Angel #1: You're so beautiful
Angel #2: *licks lips*
Angel #2: *leans in*
Angel #2: tell me ur wifi password
*blep*
Grover: No offense but what the fuck am I doing
*blep*
Hazel: It's very important that I am both cute and powerful
Hazel: And if u cross my path imma fuck u up
Frank: …
*blep*
Nico: I'm so straight I have a whole folder of attractive males on my computer titled "yuck, I would never look at this, what the fuck"
Will: *looks into the camera like the Office*
*blep*
Michael: ARE WE GONNA FUCKIN HOLD HANDS TONIGHT OR WHAT BITCH
Percy: nah son Netflix
*blep*
Reyna: Things I want: snuggles
Reyna: Things I get: struggles
Rachel: PrEaCh GuRl
*blep*
*Michael and Percy in Heaven before slang was invented (in the form of "babe come over" memes)*
Percy: Young consort of mine, I desire to have physical interactions with you
Michael: I have other obligations which I must attend to
Percy: I am not in the company of my legal guardians
Michael: I am now traveling in your general direction
*blep*
Frank: Do you ever stay in the shower so long you forget who you are
*blep*
Leo: It's hard being hilarious when everyone ignores you
*blep*
Will: You're so cute I just wanna hug you and kiss you and cuddle with you and also fuck you but hey man it's whatever
Nico: …
Nico: wut
*blep*
Michael: *looks into mirror*
Michael: *glares* you again
*blep*
Octavian: If loving to cut upon stuffed animals is wrong, then I don't want to be right
Octavian: And if being right means I have to live without cutting open stuffed animals well then idgaf about being right im a demon
*blep*
Reyna: If I don't talk to myself then who will
Reyna: No one
Reyna: Yeah I agree 100%
*blep*
Percy: My last words will probably be either "whoops" or "shit"
Michael: Preeeeeaaaaaaaaaccchhhhh
*blep*
Leo: yes hello this is your pilot speaking and by pilot I mean I read a wikihow on flying a plane once so I guess ill just have to WING it haha just a little pilot humor okie dokie nothing to worry about folks im sure I can figure this out
Everyone: …
Everyone: fUCK
*blep*
Jason: *hits blunt* do you think fish ever get thirsty
Leo: bruuuhhhhhh
Percy: Well I certainly know who gets thirsty once in a while
Frank: IF YOU LOOK AT MICHAEL WITH A SEXY EYEBROW WIGGLE I SWEAR TO DAD I WILL END YOU
Percy: …
Percy: *looks at Michael with a sexy eyebrow wiggle*
Frank: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
*blep*
Hazel and Frank are walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.
Frank: I think it's raining
Hazel: No, it's snowing
Frank: How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right. Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?
Officer Rudolph: Definitely raining
Frank: *grinning* See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
Hazel: *inhales* BOI
*blep*
Michael: If you keep eating all that candy you're going to get-
Gabriel: don't u dare say it u fuckin fuck I will slit ur throat in front of ur mate and then hang you upside down from the second Heaven u bitch don't u dare
Michael: FAT
Gabriel: BOI
*blep*
Dispatcher: 911 what is your emergency
Leo: I'm hungover af and forgot 2 put water next 2 my bed last nite
Dispatcher: I got u fam sending unit over with Gatorade and weed
Leo: Cool let urself in
*blep*
Reyna: what do you mean it's inappropriate to have Highway to Hell by AC/DC at my funeral
*blep*
Young Michael: DADDY DADDY LOOK WHAT I MADE *holds up awful drawing*
God: ohh nice drawing son…ill put it right here in the shredder where it'll be nice and safe
Young Michael: lol okei
*blep*
Annabeth: Percy and I here have this kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's-
Percy: sentences
Annabeth: don't interrupt me
*blep*
Reyna: Liquor before beer you're in the clear
Reyna: Beer before liquor youll be okay don't be a lil bitch
*blep*
Sally: My phone is dead can you call your father for me
Percy: sure
Percy: Siri call Dad
Siri: *Calling Daddy*
Percy: WAIT NO
Michael: Yo whaddup
Sally: …
Sally: …
Sally: words cannot describe how disappointed I am in u
*blep*
Annabeth: The pills are huge
Percy: do u know what else is huge ( ͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ ° )
Annabeth: my love for Jesus Christ can I get an amen
*blep*
Leo: you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child
Calypso: YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON THAT IT'S BULLSHIT
*blep*
Reyna: I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks I've given today
*blep*
Percy: Is there a word that's a mix between sad and mad
Annabeth: Malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolated-
Michael: smad
*blep*
Leo: I'm so tired I can see colors
Leo: wait that's normal never mind
*blep*
Jason: *being dragged away from Percy and into the Metatron's palace*
Jason: hey whats the wifi password
*blep*
*Whenever Percy does something stupid*
Annabeth: …
Annabeth: *inhales*
Annabeth: BOI
*blep*
*In Heaven*
Helen: Hello, my name is Helen, what's your-
Jason: WAIT
Piper: Jason no
Jason: THE HELEN
Piper: Jason please stahp
Jason: HELEN WITH THE FRUIT BASKETS
Piper: Jason please
Jason: YOU CAN SUCK IT, HELEN
*blep*
Nico: Shut up Will nobody likes u
Will: u do
Nico: shit
*blep*
*world explodes*
Michael: *removes one earbud* wat
Percy: I'm mated to a fucking retard
*blep*
Interviewer: What hashtag would you give each other
Frank: Hazel is #whatsahashtag
Hazel: well he's not wrong
*blep*
Leo: Idk how to flirt imma just stare at u until u marry me
Calypso: …
*blep*
Dispatcher: 911 what is ur emergency
Reyna: they gave me 9 chicken mcnuggets instead of 10
Dispatcher: oh my gOD
*blep*
*Will walks by*
Brain: fuck him
Nico: why
Brain: u gotta
*blep*
Poseidon: I'm so glad I let you have your mate over. I didn't hear one sound from your room!
Percy: You know I don't talk when my mouth is full, dad
Poseidon: jESUS H godlOVING cHRIST
*blep*
Jason: making my way downtown
Piper: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING
Jason: walking fast
Piper: GET BACK HERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT
Jason: walking faster
Piper: IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY
Jason: jogging much faster
Piper: YOU FUCKING FUCK DID YOU FORGET
Jason: moving at an incREDIBLY FAST SPEED
*blep*
*Percy and Michael spooned in bed*
Percy: Hey
Percy: This has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that ur dad is stalking us
Percy: But if you've ever wondered if he likes being called "The Big G"
Percy: It's a no
Michael: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS
Percy: IM SORRY IM TRYING
*Michael's phone dings*
Text message: Y'all fucking?
*blep*
No but seriously Confused! Frank tho
Hazel: Hey, Frank, you remind me a lot of Arion.
Frank: Why do I remind you of Arion
Frank: please explain
Hazel: *grinning* because I want to ride you all night long
*silence*
Frank: Hazel you can't ride me
Frank: I'm not a pegasus
Frank: Or any other form of transportation for that matter
Hazel: *facepalm*
*blep*
TAKING BIRD FACTS AND APPLYING THEM TO ANGELS
"Birds should be petted around the head only. Petting down the neck and over the back, as well as on the undersides of the wings, is considered sexual foreplay to a bird, which in turn can lead to frustration and serious behavioral issues."
Jason: Yo can I touch your wings
Percy: Yeah but-
Jason: *rubbing undersides* wow cool theyre really soft
Michael: *walks in and drops everything he's holding*
Michael: WHAT THE FUCK
-Ω-
"Birds of all breeds are messy. Therefore, if someone always wants a spotless home, a parrot may not be the right type of pet."
Leo: *to Frank and Hazel* WHY THE FUCK ARE ALL THESE FEATHERS HERE
Frank: we were too lazy to pick them up
Hazel: we would, but that's too much work
Leo: fUCKING sHIT
-Ω-
"The chicken is the closest living relative to the Tyrannosaurus Rex."
Annabeth: I CANT STAND U PERCY
Percy: U WANNA FITE
Annabeth: *angry tyrannosaurus rex sounds*
Percy: *very angry tyrannosaurus rex sounds*
The humans: wtf
-Ω-
"Owls turn their heads almost 360 degrees but they cannot move their eyes."
*in the throne room*
Chiron: I dare you to say Percy is a lint-licker
Zoë: No! Annabeth is right in front of us!
Chiron: I double dog dare you
Zoë: *grinning* Fine, fine
Zoë: *leans in dramatically*
Zoë: *whispers* Percy is a lint-licker
Them: *giggling*
Annabeth: *head does a one eighty* heard u was talking shit
Chiron: fuCK
-Ω-
"When it comes to birds, the males tend to have the more glamorous feather shape, coloration, songs, and dances. Female birds choose their mate based on how attractive they find them!"
Frank: *in bedazzled costume with sequins and glitter*
Frank: *leaps into the living room*
Frank: *drapes himself over Hazel on the couch*
Frank: *eyebrow wiggle*
Hazel: kms
-Ω-
"The common phrase "eat like a bird" should mean something quite different! Many birds eat twice their weight in food each day. In fact, a bird requires more food in proportion to its size than a baby or a cat."
Jason: HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU EATING ALL THIS FOOD WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING
Percy: *wink*
Percy: *unhinges jaw cause he can't resist that next batch of blue pancakes*
Jason: D
*blep*
*Piper comes out of the bathroom with too-long winged eyeliner*
Reyna: you got a little something…
Leo: Wow wing game weak
Percy: Just like Michael's pullout game *glares*
Everyone: …
Michael: …
Michael: why r u so mean to me
*blep*
Nico: Eww emotions how do u turn them off
Leo: …
Leo: …
Leo: Okay first u go to settings-
*blep*
Piper: so is there anything u want for ur birthday
Annabeth: the will to live
*blep*
If you ever see Percy and Jason together, you're probably witnessing Percy giving Jason a piggy back ride while Jason tries to get him to fly
Jason: Just like a hover
Percy: No
Jason: A light lift off with a breeze
Percy: No
Jason: Then what's the point of this piggy back ride
Percy: I mean you jumped on my back as we left the palace so I really don't know
Jason: It's like you don't even care about this friendship
*blep*
Hazel: A moment of silence
Hazel: in loving memory of Nico di Angelo
Frank: hes not dead
Hazel: yeah I know I just like remembering him
*blep*
Annabeth: Percy, you are so handsome
Michael: What about meeee? *puppy eyes*
Annabeth: *sighs* and so are you, Michael
*blep*
And now: Percy and Jason's totally no homo bro moments
Percy: bro are u the sun
Jason: no bro why would u ask that
Percy: because my heart melts whenever Im around you bro
Jason: …
Jason: bro
-Ω-
Jason: bro do u wanna see art
Percy: Sure bro
Jason *holds up phone*
Percy: bro that's the camera on selfie mode
Jason: because ur art, bro
Percy: brooooo
-Ω-
Jason: Bro can u go to the grocery store
Percy: No
Jason: why bro
Percy: Because ur all I need, bro
Jason: bro
-Ω-
Percy: Bro why are all the lights off
Jason: Because u are my light bro
Percy: …bro
-Ω-
Percy: *looks Jason in the eyes*
Percy: *grabs Jason's shoulders*
Percy: *deep breath*
Percy: I brolieve in you
Jason: BRO
*blep*
Leo (to Calypso): the Dead Sea is the saltiest thing on earth
Leo: next to your bitch ass
Calypso: …
Calypso: the fuck u say
Leo: I HAVE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE
*blep*
Reyna's evil clone: *pointing to real Reyna* shoot HER, she's the clone
Piper: *aims at the clone* the REAL Reyna would never pass up an opportunity to die
*blep*
Frank *to cashier*: Do they sell "congrats on losing your virginity" cards I'm getting one for my friend Percy
Cashier: Um…um…I guess
Frank: do they come in gay
*blep*
Percy: OH NO LUCIFERS GONNA KILL US
Annabeth: WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO
Michael: don't worry guys I got this
Michael *stamps feet to reveal light-up sketchers*
Lucifer: holy shit
*blep*
Reyna: Every time I see your face I want to punch something
Octavian: …
Reyna: Preferably you
*blep*
Solangelo children: Holy fucking shit
Will: Nico, what the actual fuck. You taught our innocent children to fucking swear I can't fucking believe you. f u c k N i c o
Nico: …..
*blep*
Rachel: 4/20 BLAZE IT
Frank: I've never smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable, actually. I felt like I was floating. It turns out there wasn't any pot in the brownie it was just an insanely good brownie.
Rachel: …
***EXTRA***
Raphael: what time is it
Azrael: *checks watch* Umm it's about 4:20, why?
Michael: BLAZE IT
Uriel: bruh we're angels we can't smoke pot 4/20 praise it amirite?
Gabriel: u must be fun at parties
Gabriel: that was sarcastic
*blep*
Annabeth: Percy and Michael are like pet fish. You have to constantly feed them, you worry they're going to die every few seconds, and they have a memory span of five seconds
Michael and Percy: LISTEN HERE
*blep*
Piper: WHO HURT U
Jason: U wanna list or what
*blep*
Percy: Hey guys we should play Bop it
Everyone: k
Jason: Imma go first
Bop it: Twist it
Bop it: Turn it
Bop it: SACRAFICE A VIRGIN TO THE DARK LORD AND LET THEIR BLOOD RUN ACROSS THE STONES OF THE PALACE
Everyone: ( ʘ _ ʘ )
Bop it: Bop it
*blep*
Nico: No homo
Will: Full homo
Nico: …
Nico: aight
*blep*
I feel that Michael is the kind of guy to (unhelpfully) make things more intense than they actually are
Michael: *aggressively lip-syncs I Write Sins Not Tragedies*
Michael: *aggressively makes breakfast*
Michael: *aggressively plays with Iapetus*
Michael: *aggressively gets dressed*
Michael: *aggressively kisses Percy goodbye*
Michael: *aggressively signs paper for a trampoline room in the palace*
Michael: *aggressively sits on his throne*
Michael: …
Michael: …
Michael: Percy I'm totally chill right
Percy: *to Iapetus* Papa is such a dumb bitch sometimes amirite?
*blep*
Reyna: the bags under my eyes are designer
*blep*
Nico: babe get ready for a night on the town I just found an old Subway gift card and it still has $9.45 left on it
Will: …
*blep*
*based on Supernatural with Jimmy Novak and Castiel*
Percy: Hey Jason
Jason: Yeah, Perce?
Percy: I need you to prove your faith
Jason: um okei?
Percy: U see that boiling pot of water over there?
Jason: Ya
Percy: Dip your hand into it
Jason: bruh
Percy: Do it, Jason
Jason: …
Percy: Do it for the vine
*blep*
Frank: what's ur greatest weakness
Hazel: I'm uncooperative
Frank: k give me an example
Hazel: No
*blep*
Annabeth: Okay guys cmon we need to think straight
Percy and Michael: well shit bye then
Annabeth: I SWEAR TO GOD NOW IS NOT THE TIME
*blep*
The Metatron: *scribing tablet* There are three stages of life for mortals
The Metatron: Birth
The Metatron: what the fuck is this
The Metatron: and Death
Will: PREACH
*blep*
Percy: dating a smart girl is pretty fucking lit until you get into an argument and she has a 10 page essay and PowerPoint explaining why she's right and you're wrong
*blep*
Nico: you're perfect in every way
Will: what
Nico: I said you're TERRIBLE AND PROBABLY GAY, WILLIAM!
Nico: *under his breath* pls be at least a lil gay
*blep*
Person: Your uber is here
Person: Is that you in the middle of the street
Reyna: Yeah
Reyna: Floor it
*blep*
Dispatcher: 911 what is your emergency
Percy: My wife's going into labor, I don't know what to do
Dispatcher: Is this the first child she's had?
Percy: No this is her husband
Annabeth: kms
*blep*
Nico: U are the best and coolest guy that I have ever known
Nico: But no homo
Will: Yes homo
Nico: Maybe a lil homo
Will: HELLA HOMO
*blep*
Dispatcher: 911 what is ur emergency
Rachel: Help my shampoo says 'damage repair' but I'm still dead on the inside
Dispatcher: *sheds single tear* I feel u
*blep*
Percy and Annabeth's relationship be like
Annabeth: hoe don't do it
Percy: *does it*
Annabeth: oh my god
*blep*
Nico: Listen, son, if there really was a monster under ur bed this would be a huge new discovery and honestly u getting mauled would be pretty insignificant to the grand scheme of things if u think about it.
Tobias: *lip wobbles*
Will: *scoops Tobias up* heE doESN'T meAN iT rIGHT sweETHEART
Nico: *sweats nervously*
*blep*
Calypso: Hey I genuinely care about u and like u a lot
Leo: ? ? time for a joke? make joke? yes?
*blep*
Percy: Idk my relationship with Jason is always either "yo I'll help u hide a body" or "do not even breathe in my direction" and there is no in between
Jason: Preach
*blep*
Nico: Ur cute
Will: Ur cute
Nico: Ur cuter
Will: …
Will: listen here u little shit
*blep*
Piper: Percy, what's Michael doing?
Percy: He's trying to climb our Christmas tree
Percy: He wants to be on top
Percy: *scowling* as usual
Piper: y do u do this I did not need to know that
*blep*
Giel: Is this ur phone
Jason: Plz no
Giel: And that's Percy's number
Jason: srsly
Giel: ooh emoticons
Jason: DO NOT SEND THE EGGPLANT EMOJI DO NOT SEND THE EGGPLANT EMOJI DO NOT SEND THE EGGPLANT EMOJI DO NOT SEND THE EGGPLANT EMOJI DO NOT
*blep*
Random mortal to Michael when they see him and Percy holding hands: whoa whoa whoa *hands him a copy of the bible*
Michael: *signs it and hands it back * always nice to meet a fan
Percy: I'M MARRIED TO A LITTLE BITCH PLZ HELP
*blep*
Nico: No bro this isn't a date listen bro
Nico: it's bruhnch
Will: *stares into the camera like the Office*
*blep*
Zoë: And now for a story
Zoë: 'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the palace
Zoë: Percy and Michael are going at it
Zoë: Right now in the kitchen
Zoë: and I just really want a sandwich
*blep*
Reyna: guys but Lilith means night creature :) so :) I :) guess :) this :) dusty :) ass :) ho :) is :) gonna :) be :) a :) problem :) :) :)
*blep*
Percy: He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave praise
Michael: *sexy eyebrow wiggle*
Leo: Plz guys stAHP
*blep*
Jason: Babe come over
Percy: I can't my mind is being manipulated by Lucifer and he's forcing me to be his mate
Jason: My parents aren't home
Percy: Your parents died years ago
Jason: …
Jason: ro0d
*blep*
Jason: I want Piper to lay her hands on me
Jason: Not in a dirty way, in a "heal me so I'm not in pain anymore" way
Jason: And then maybe in a dirty way if she's into that
Percy: …
Percy: y tho
*blep*
Nico: I don't have a "type". If I like you, I like you
Nico: And if I like you, you're pretty special
Nico: Because everyone here is a fucking moron
Percy: WELL IF YOU DON'T HAVE A TYPE…
Nico: *headdesk*
*blep*
Leo: have a good day because you deserve it!
Leo: and if someone tries to ruin your mood…
Leo: BURN THEM
Calypso: now wait just a second
*blep*
Annabeth: I may be trash but I'm high quality trash. Premium trash. Grade A trash. The kind of trash your mom would look at and say "should this be recycling?" Yeah I'm that kind of trash.
Michael: Preach
*blep*
Michael: *to Lucifer* I came out here to have a good time and honestly I'm feeling so attacked right now.
Lucifer: I came out to attack people and I'm honestly having such a good time right now.
Michael: …
Michael: bruh
*blep*
So if God created all angels that means Lucifer and Piper are brother and sister. And if Asmodeus is Lucifer's son then…
*the Bachelor*
Asmodeus: Jason will you accept this rose
Jason: god no I'm hella in love with your aunt
Piper: Aw babe so romantic
Asmodeus: …
Asmodeus: …
Asmodeus: This is mildly disturbing
*blep*
Suburban! Michael/Percy & Percabeth
Annabeth: Get that fake Tupperware out of my sight, Carol, it's a fucking monstrosity
-Ω-
Percy: I didn't see you at the last PTA meeting. What do you have to say for yourself, Jennifer?
-Ω-
Annabeth: Get out of my fucking business, Elaine, you should stop worrying about me and start worrying about the fact that your husband is fucking his secretary
-Ω-
Percy: Goodbye, Barbara. No, I don't care that I'm being rude. Now I can see why your son didn't make it into the gifted program.
-Ω-
Michael: No, Doris, I don't think 50 Shades of Grey is a good choice for this month's book club, get some fucking taste Daddammit.
-Ω-
Guy: You shouldn't be entering the gardening contest, it's not fair
Michael: You can suck my ass, Bernard
-Ω-
Guy: I accidentally kicked your dog today
Percy: Donald I think u should go to Hell
-Ω-
Annabeth: U better shut up or imma throw a fucking casserole in your face, Linda
-Ω-
*on the phone*
Michael: You know what you have to do when you get home
Percy: *grinning* Yeah I'm going to get down on my knees, unzip your pants and-
Michael: No what tf are u talking about we have to bake cookies for the bake sale
Michael: Betty's burnt-ass brownies are GOING DOWN
Percy: Calm down, Mike
Michael: Calm down?! CALM DOWN?!
Michael: SUCK IT, BETTY
-Ω-
(A/N) Yeah so that just happened. That was by far the most fun chapter to write ever.
Disclaimer: Most of this content is not my own it's from vines and I just replaced the names and context with Percy Jackson/Black Feathers characters. I also don't own PJO either, or the fandoms that I referenced in this chapter
PLEASE REVIEW YOUR FAVORITE SNIPPET
My personal favorite is the one with Michael's Sketchers.