Chapter 11 - A Glimpse of Hope

"Not this again, Alec," Jace said shaking his head as Alec approached him holding a silver tie. Magnus's tie.

Alec had gone over to Magnus's loft as soon as he felt well enough to leave the Institute alone. He just wanted to feel Magnus's presence, but it wasn't easy. Nothing could make up for Magnus's absence and his loft had felt less warm and welcoming without him there. It was the first time he'd gone into his room and he had felt tense the whole time he was there. He didn't want to go through his stuff, that wouldn't have felt right, but the tie was just laying on the bed, like it was abandoned in a hurry, and Alec knew why. Magnus had left that tie on the bed and the tie drawer open, because he was in a hurry to save him. Alec had felt a lump in his throat as he grabbed the tie and held on to it like an amulet ever since. It was all he had left of Magnus. He had brought it back to the Institute and asked Jace to help him track Magnus with it.

Jace was not much of a help, though.

"We've discussed this, Alec. We can't track Magnus down." He was getting tired of this subject.

"Yes, we can. You just don't want to." Alec let his disappointment show, hoping to guilt Jace into it.

"No. It's pointless and you know it. So what if we know where Magnus is? It's not like we can barge in and get him out of there. He can't leave until he's finished whatever Valentine wants him to do," Jace argued. "Besides, you're not even strong enough."

"That's not true," Alec insisted. Even though he denied it, he knew what Jace was referring to. He hadn't been taking care of himself properly to recover from the demon blood. He was having trouble sleeping and pretty much never had an appetite, along with the constant headaches.

"Why won't you just help me, huh? You swore that you would always be here for me." Alec let the desperation leak into his voice, trying to make Jace change his mind about this. But that wasn't working.

"I am, Alec. You're just not seeing it." Jace looked at him pityingly, which Alec hated.

Alec didn't get the chance to reply to that, because his mother joined them wearing her Shadowhunter gear. He hastily stuffed Magnus's tie in his pocket before she could see it.

"Alec. Jace,"she greeted them formally.

"What is it now, mother?" Alec crossed his arms and stared at the floor. He was so not interested in hearing what his mother had to say. His parents had been staying at the Institute since the day they brought him back from Valentine, seven days ago, and she had been following his every move like some lost puppy. Alec was losing his patience with her.

"You know, that attitude is not helping anyone, Alec," she scolded him. "The Clave wants to know why the New York Institute is not taking more steps against the growing demon attacks in the city."

Alec didn't know what to say. It was true, there had been more demon attacks on the mundane world than in a long time and it was all thanks to Valentine, but there was a part of him that didn't care.

"Alec, you need to get yourself together. This pining over the warlock has to stop. There are more important things that need to be handled," His mother said sharply.

"More important things?" Alec asked, finally looking up at her. "I'm not interested in more important things, mom. Magnus saved my life. But you don't care, do you? To you he's worthless like all Downworlders. You're no different from the Circle. You might as well just go back to Valentine," He spat, enjoying the hurt that momentarily flashed across his mother's eyes.

"Alexander..." Maryse was too shocked at Alec's words. "How can you say that? After what he did to you…"

"Oh, like you care," Alec interrupted her angrily. "You don't care about me, you just don't want to let the Clave down. Again."

Alec was sensing some concern coming from Jace, despite his face staying a controlled smooth mask, but he didn't care. Isabelle and their father just joined them and she didn't look very happy about this conversation either.

"Alexander, you watch your tongue," Maryse reprimanded him.

"Or what? You'll ground me? I'm not a kid anymore, mom. You can't make me do whatever you want me to do," he said firmly. He had decided not to let his mother get any say in his decisions, personal or professional. Through Magnus, he had learned how to do what was in his heart and he wasn't backing off now.

"You know what? You're right. The Institute has to step up and fight those demons. I admit I haven't been very responsible about this situation," Alec admitted. There was a pause as everyone stared at him in confusion.

"So why don't you take care of it?" Alec was talking not only to his mother now, but to everyone present. "I have no interest in hunting demons right now. I don't want to deal with it." Alec watched the shock paralyze everyone who had heard him.

Maryse looked at him like he'd lost his mind. Jace looked very concerned. Izzy gasped and raised her eyebrow at him in an 'I'll support you, but you better have a very good reason for this' way, and his father let out a sigh.

"I think you should let Izzy lead the attacks," he said as he turned to his sister. "She's more than capable of handling this. But I'm done." And with that, Alec stepped away from his perplexed family and went straight to his room.

But he didn't get to be alone for too long. Isabelle followed him and closed the door behind her. She was wearing a sleeveless black dress with lace running from her neckline up to a high collar around her neck, with high heeled black boots, and she had her hair in an intricate one-sided braid. Even in the middle of a crisis she looked flawless. Not that Alec appreciated that at that particular moment.

"What do you want? Don't you have work to do?" He said, unable to look at her. He was so nervous he couldn't stay still in one place, so he walked back and forth kneading his hands together. Part of him couldn't believe what he'd just done.

"That can wait," Isabelle said patiently. She waited for Alec to calm down and face her, but she soon realized that that wasn't happening. She sighed and called his name.

"Alec."

"What?" Alec turned to her finally. "Please, don't lecture me on what I just did, okay? I don't want to deal with this now, I don't want to go out and kill demons. I just can't handle it right now and I'm sick of people telling me what to do, so if you're…"

"Alec, stop," Isabelle interrupted her brother's frantic speech. She walked over to him and took his hands in hers. She looked up at his distressed face and squeezed his hands gently.

"It's okay. I understand," she said calmly, hoping to get Alec to calm down as well.

"I'm sorry, Izzy," Alec said hopelessly. His shoulders seemed to slump and he was close to bursting into tears.

"It's just… Nobody cares. Magnus is gone … and mom doesn't care and Jace won't help and… I'm just so useless. I don't know what to do and… It's all my fault."

Isabelle was heartbroken to see her brother so devastated. But she was also glad Alec was finally opening up to her. She had been desperately trying to get him to let his feelings out for so long, and she wanted to show him she was worthy of his trust.

"Come here," she said softly and pulled him down to the bed. She sat next to him not letting go of his hands.

"We care," she said choosing her words carefully. She didn't want to upset him anymore. "Jace is right, there is nothing he can do. You can't blame him for simply thinking rationally. And ignore what mom says. She doesn't understand what you're going through. But trust me, we all want Magnus back, and it's not your fault, big brother." She wanted to be very clear about that.

But that was enough for Alec. He couldn't keep it together anymore. His big beautiful eyes filled up with tears and his face winced from pain.

"I'm the reason he's there, Izzy," he whispered helplessly.

"That doesn't mean it's your fault. If you want to blame someone, blame Valentine." Isabelle pronounced Valentine's name with such disgust it caught Alec by surprise. "He's the only one responsible for all of this."

"Valentine could be torturing him right now." Alec sounded terrified as tears began to pour down his face. He pulled his hands away from Isabelle's and buried his face in them, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

"No, Alec, think." Isabelle got closer and touched Alec's shoulder.

"Valentine needs Magnus for his magic. He can't do any magic if he's hurt, can he?" Isabelle tried to sound as calm and logical as possible.

"I… I don't know…" Alec stuttered as he tried to stop the silent tears.

Isabelle leaned into him and wrapped her arm around his shoulder.

"I'm absolutely certain that Valentine won't hurt him as long as he needs him," she said soothingly. But she wasn't ready for Alec's next heartbreaking question.

"And what happens when… when he won't need him anymore?" Alec's voice was only a weak whisper now, Isabelle wouldn't have heard him had she not been sitting so close.

She didn't know how to answer that, so she just held him and rubbed his arm gently. Alec was as still as a statue now, staring into nothing with an empty expression. The thought of Magnus locked up in a cold, dirty cell all alone froze his heart. He was living a nightmare, and in that moment, Isabelle would have done anything to make Magnus appear in front of them.

"I was so stupid, Izzy…" He whispered after taking a deep breath. "If I didn't push him away, if I didn't just run away from him…"

"You can tell him that when he gets back, Alec. Because I know he will come back." Isabelle sounded pretty confident, even though she wasn't one hundred percent sure. She needed Alec to believe. And she hoped that at least some of that tension would get off his chest after this.

They sat there, Isabelle doing her best to comfort Alec, when someone knocked on the door. Alec showed no sign that he heard the knocking, so Isabelle got up to open the door and tell the intruder to piss off.

She hesitated when she saw the intruder was her father.

"Can I come in?" he asked Isabelle and Alec got off the bed and wiped his face with his hands when he heard his dad's voice. He definitely didn't want to be caught crying by his own father.

Isabelle let him in and closed the door behind him. Alec crossed his arms and faced his father with a firm neutral expression, but his red eyes gave him away.

"Listen, Alec…" Robert Lightwood was clearly very uncomfortable. He didn't know what to do with his hands, so he stuffed them in his pockets awkwardly. His children just stared at him startled. Robert took a deep breath to dissipate his anxiety.

"I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you for standing up against your mother like that," he said finally and looked up at Alec.

Surprised was an understatement to describe how that sentence made Alec and Isabelle feel. Robert felt the shock radiating in waves off his children.

"What?" Alec finally said something. He just stood there, his legs stuck to the floor. He blinked at his dad a couple of times to make sure this was real. Isabelle got between them, watching Alec worried.

"Yes… I know you're going through a difficult time right now. But you still stayed true to yourself. That shows your strength. And your mom just... Well, you really shouldn't listen to her. " Robert shook his head and looked away to hide his disappointment in Maryse.

"Okay," was all Alec managed to say after a very long moment of silence.

"And about Magnus…" Robert went on and Alec felt his face blush at the mention of Magnus's name. "As far as I remember, he's not a quitter. If anyone can escape from Valentine, it's him. So, I wouldn't worry that much about…"

"Okay, dad!" Isabelle interrupted him as she watched Alec's face turn tomato red, with his eyes wide open and his body language screaming 'kill me now', so she took Robert by his shoulder and turned him away from Alec.

"Why don't we go and check on mom?" She asked her dad and pushed him gently out of the room. As she walked out with him, she turned back when her dad wasn't looking and mouthed a silent but excited 'Oh my God!' to Alec, who just gave her a clueless shrug in response.

When Alec was finally left alone, he leaned against the wall, closed his eyes and sighed in relief. This had been such an intense week; especially today. So many unexpected things had happened, like him stepping away from the Shadowhunter business and allowing himself to deal with his emotions. But his dad defending him topped everything. Alec opened his eyes as a slow wave of joy and hope spread through his body. He took Magnus's tie out of his pocket.

Please, hold on and come back to me, he thought as he ran his thumb over the fabric hoping that Magnus would get his message.