Carry On My Wayward Sons and Daughter

by ForTheLoveOfFanfics

It's always been the two brothers, the two boys, the two Winchesters. They'll always be there for each other and protect each other. But what if they had someone else, what if they had an older sister to raise them? Mercy wasn't special, that was her little brothers' job. She just looked after their ridiculous asses.

16. Chapter 16

December 1983.
Dear diary
the strange lady with the red glasses told me to write this. She said it was going to help me speak again, I don't think it will. Talking is really hard; it gets stuck in my neck and won't come out. But I don't care, daddy likes the quiet and Sammy makes lots of noise.

Sammy makes the noise me and Dean want to make. Really loud and sad sounds, but that's cuz he's getting teeth. The book says he's old enough to start and how to help him, but we don't have the things he needs.

This is stupid. I'm not writing in here again.

March 1984
Dear diary
I said wouldn't, but she said it was going to help.
Daddy has started drinking things that make him act weird. Mummy always told him off if daddy had too many of them, he's now on bottle 12 of the day. He says it helps him, but it makes him angry. He yells a lot and talks funny.

Good news! Sammy ate his first solid food! I made him smushed apples and fed it to him, he really liked it! I think it will be his best food.
Dean managed to tie his shoes as well! He's been trying really hard for ages and showed me his feet when he did it first try. It's the first time I've seen him that happy in a while.

I miss mummy.

May 1986
Dear diary
it's been 2 years since I last wrote in here. It's been hard because Dad likes to leave to hunt monsters a lot. I know he's a hero that is saving lots of lives, but we're running out of money and the guy at the front desk keeps looking at Dean funny.
Sam and Dean have been doing well. Sam is in his first year of school ever and is really smart, it doesn't shock me; he loves it when I read to him.
Dean has been having trouble at school; he is really smart and could do really well. But I think he is still having a hard time with how we're living.
I had to go see the principal when he started a fight because they couldn't reach Dad. I was told to tell Dad what they told me. They said some pretty nasty things about Dean and I ended up with a detention for yelling at the teachers. It's good I managed to convince them to make it a lunchtime one. I need to make it to the sale in the grocery store.

Mercy Winchester,

June 1986

Dear diary
Dad wants to teach me how to shoot a gun. We spent the day taking one apart and putting it back together and named every single part of it. It was kind of fun. Dad was really happy and proud of me when I put it together without any help. He reminded me of how he was before the fire, goofy and always laughing when I made him proud.
Then he got a call from another hunter and went back to the Dad who was always sad, even when he was laughing with Sam and Dean.
I wish I could make them all happy again, get lots of money and kill all the nasty monsters. But I know enough about them that it's impossible to get rid of them all. You could only save people and kill any monsters near you.
Sam and Dean have joined a "dojo" in the area. It costs a lot, but its best they learn how to fight. I already know how to fight thanks to Dad. He wakes me up really early every day and shows me how to disarm someone and where to hit to stop them from trying to hurt me.

Mercy Winchester,

February 1987

Dear diary
I'm twelve now. It is strange how close Dean and my birthdays are, I mean, it's only 20 days before his. I've got him a new toy car that looks just like the Impala, I hope he likes it. He and Sam were nice enough to make me a present for my birthday; it was a picture of me with a sword protecting them from yellow monsters.
Sam doesn't even know what our Dad does when he leaves. It must have been Dean's idea, but I love it any way. I'm going to keep it with me forever in my wallet, right next to the picture Dad took of the four of us sat on the Impala.
The people in my class aren't very nice. They call me an Alien, just because I'm not from around here. I don't really care, but I don't like not having someone to talk to in school. But I did beat up a bully who was being mean to a boy in my class. He was older than all of us and now everyone is scared of me. I don't think I like it here and I can't wait to leave. They made me not like being a girl, cuz girls aren't allowed to be strong and beat people up. But Sam and Dean love me and don't care that I'm not good at being a girl, so I don't care either. Not anymore.

Mercy Winchester

April 1987

Dear diary
we moved out of that nasty place a couple of weeks ago and I like the school we're at now much more. It's a big one so I am invisible to them. It's a nice feeling.
Sam and Dean miss the town from before though. They really liked the teachers there, everyone was nice to them. I'm really proud of them. They do their best and make lots of good friends.
Something bad happened to me today. I knew Dad was coming back after a quick hunt so I went out to buy some snacks I knew he liked. But when I got back to the motel a man pulled me into his motel room that was a couple rooms down from where Sam and Dean were. He said some really strange stuff and tried to take my clothes off. He said a cute girl like me shouldn't wear baggy boy clothes and that he was going to dress me up in nice pretty dresses.
It was really scary and I couldn't fight back because he was too big and too strong.
I screamed really loud and Dad broke the door down. He punched the mean man and told me to check on Sam and Dean. I put them and all our stuff in the car when Dad came back and gave me a really big hug and told me he was sorry. I'm not sure what he was sorry about, he saved me.
It was kind of hard to wash the mean man's blood out of Dad's clothes. I guess human blood stains more than monster blood does.

Mercy Winchester

August 1987

Dear diary
we met Bobby today. I'm in one of his spare rooms right now. He's a bit gruff and mean, but I can see that he has a soft spot for the three of us. He bought me a new outfit, one that looks like it was made for a girl. I really like it. It's nice to have something that actually fits and doesn't make me look like a boy with long hair. Speaking of hair, he brought me to a hair salon to get it cut to the length I liked. Cutting Sam and Dean's hair was easy because it's so short but mine is hard to sort out. I would have it the same as the boys, but Dad says I look nicer with long hair so I kept it. I know Mum loved my hair long too.
I felt girly and pretty for once and I really liked it. Dean got to go and play ball, something I couldn't do because footballs are too expensive. He had a lot of fun and I've made sure to remember to get Dad to leave us with Bobby as often as possible. Sam also had a lot of fun. He's still young but he loves to do puzzles and Bobby had a book just for it.

Mercy Winchester

October 1989

Dear diary
I keep forgetting to write in you. Dad brought me on a hunt last year; we were going after a ghost who liked to force people to kill others. It was strange digging up a fresh grave, the body smelled weird and had lots of holes in it. Burning it was kind of fun though, like a small bonfire on the 4th of July. It was a bit sad at the same time. The woman had been killed in a bad way.
I'm fourteen now, a fully-fledged hunter too, or so Dad says. He's started teaching Dean How to fight, not that he needs much more teaching. I've made sure to get him into any and all clubs and things to teach him. Dad's really impressed with Dean and has taken him out for a celebratory meal, just the two of them. I've made sure Sam doesn't feel left out and cooked a nice dinner for the two of us. He seemed to like it at least.
I have some funny news, well funny to me at the time. Last year Dad had to give me The Talk after I found blood in my underwear. I had been growing breasts without realising and my body decided to was a good time to switch everything on. Let me tell you, the things I need to buy on a monthly basis are as expensive as hell. I've taken to storing some money from what I save on food to pay for the stuff. Dad tries his best, but he doesn't quite realise how much I really need for everything.
It was so funny watching his face go all red and stutter over his words. In the end I had to tell him I'd go find a book on it or something. They really need to teach this stuff in schools.

Mercy Winchester

December 1989

Dear diary
I know I shouldn't have, but we we're getting really low on money. Dad hasn't been home in ages and we're running out. There's this guy in my class that keeps asking me to have sex with him. Of course I kept saying no, but he started saying he'd pay me. There's a time and place to care about virginity and all that crap but it isn't now. Sam and Dean are getting hungry and their shoes are getting too small.
I got fifty before we started, and another fifty afterwards.

Mercy Winchester

December 1989

Dear diary
it was enough to get the boys some decent stuff. They seemed really happy with it all. Their smiles made it all worth it.
The people at school have started to call me names and think it's a good idea to bully me. I feel bad about what I had to do when they say nasty stuff, but Sam and Dean keep me grounded. They remind me that it's all for a good cause.
Unfortunately Dad still hasn't come back, and we're low again. The guy from before says he knows some other people who'd be willing to pay more than what he did.
We need that money. The rent on the motel room is about to run out and we can't be kicked out. Not until Dad gets back.
Maybe I'll have enough to get a new bra. The one I have has been stabbing me with the wire for a while now.

Mercy Winchester

December 1989

Dear diary
Christmas is right around the corner. I managed to get through Thanksgiving without spending too much. Dad's still not back.
I've gotten Sam and Dean some great presents. Dean's got a new duffel bag and a football along with a movie. Sam's presents are a book filled with myths and lore from all over the world and a pack of new art supplies. But it was the last of the $400.
There's a girl who's willing to give a lot of money for two nights. I've never been with a girl, what am I supposed to do? Oh well, at least I'm able to keep supporting the boys.

Mercy Winchester

January 1990

Dear diary
she has asked for me again. This will be the thirteenth time. I have to admit it was fun, so much different from being with a man. She is always the one who takes control and I have to say, it's nice. Sure she pays me, but I feel looked after when I'm with her. She cuddles me and tends to my needs; I like not having to be the one who is holding everything together. I like being told I'm pretty and precious.
I'm not sure where the money comes from. I don't think I really care. Dad hasn't contacted me yet, so it may be time to say goodbye.
I was never in love with her, but I know I will miss Rose a lot.

Mercy Winchester

January 1990

Dear diary
I've called Bobby, he's going to pick us up soon. We think Dad's failed his hunt. What am I supposed to tell the boys? What am I supposed to do now?
Rose wasn't too happy when I told her we were going to leave soon. She said I coddle my brothers too much and barely spend any time with her without saying something about them. She says they don't deserve my dedication and are spoiled brats.
I won't go near her anymore; I will never be close to anyone who insults my brothers.
Anyway, Sam has found out about what Dad does. He found Dad's journal and Dean spilled the beans. I should have known it would go down like that; they are too close to keep any secrets.

Mercy Winchester

January 1990

Dear diary
Bobby's here now. But he was late.
Rose had found out where we were and tried to kidnap me by holding a knife to Dean's throat. Said she would kill him if I didn't follow her. She said she had to be the one to look after me.
Dean managed to kick her ass before it could get too bad. I wish it had been me who broke her nose. I thought she was better than that.
To tell the truth, I can't stop keeping Sam and Dean within touching distance. That was enough of getting attached to others.

September 1992

Dear diary
it's been a while hasn't it. Dad's came back a few weeks after Bobby picked us up, I made sure to punch him in the stomach before giving him a hug.
Dean has been shooting up like a weed, I'm 4 years older than him and yet he is almost taller than me. He's only 13!
Sam, thank god, is still small. I think he will always be the smallest in the family; he hasn't really grown all that much recently.
I should probably stop beating around the bush. You're not even a living thing and I can't help but talk to you like you're a real person. You've helped me out so much. I should probably thank that woman who told me to do this. Not that I can remember anything about her. I just know about her because I read through the past entries.
I'm doing it again, aren't I?

I was raped.

Why is it so hard to say write whatever? I'm used to sex by now. I even enjoy it for both money and pleasure reasons.
It was a guy from the year above me, a footballer too. God, how stereotypical is that? Poor little loner gets fucked over by the captain of the football team; in both senses of the words.
I hurt all over, and I'm bleeding from a tear. Dean was really scared when I got back to the motel room, I must have looked like so pathetic. It was good Sam was fast asleep.
I spent the night holding him close to me crying my eyes out. I wish I had left him out of it. He shouldn't have had to see me like that. I shouldn't have been like that.
I'm a fucking hunter and I couldn't fight off a human. Do I really deserve to be called a Winchester?

October 1992

Dear diary
I have no idea how he found out it was him. Dean, my amazing little brother, somehow found out what had happened to me and exactly who did it and beat him to a bloody pulp.
My thirteen year old little brother completely whaled on an eighteen year old football captain with barely a scratch in return. I honestly couldn't have been prouder.
Not that it stopped me from telling him to mind his own damn business. It's my job to protect them, not the other way around.
Dad had to move us after that because the police ended up getting involved. That's how Dad found out about what had happened to me. I just barely stopped him from carrying on what Dean had started. Although Sam didn't seem to know what was going on he also started glaring at any male that came to close to me.
It's nice to have a family who loves you.

April 1995

Dear diary
How fucking stupid can I be?
How did I not notice what was going on?
How the fuck did I not realise my little brother was being abused by his girlfriend?

I saw the signs but didn't take any fucking notice of it! The BRUISES, the CUTS, the FUCKING LACK OF APPETITE! I just thought Dean was in a happy relationship with a pretty and perfect girl.
It took him CRYING IN MY ARMS AFTER I SAW THE WORDS CARVED INTO HIS BACK BEFORE I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON.

That bitch isn't going to live to see the next day.

June 1995

Mercy said writing in here would help. Anything and everything I need to say. She said she wouldn't look as long as I don't look at what she has put in here.
So yeah, I had a girlfriend who liked to hit me. She was amazing to begin with, everything I wanted. But we fucking Winchesters never get the good stuff. We're fates whipping bitches. Why should we ever get something good in our lives?
Huh, Mercy was right. This does make me feel better.
I think Mercy killed Martha.
Wow, that was sudden. I'm not good at talking so I'll just say it how I think it is.
No one's seen Martha since the night Mercy saw the cuts on my back. She just disappeared from her room and no one knows what happened. I'm not even sad about her death; she deserved it all and more. But I feel stupid for not being able to fight her off. I'm a guy and a hunter. It's stupid that I couldn't stop her. No one else can know. Just because Mercy is amazing and won't make fun of me being weak doesn't mean everyone won't.
Mercy has been creepily happy all week when not fussing over me. She will hum when doing chores and will quietly laugh when the news report about Martha shows on the TV.
When she's not being creepy, she's been changing my bandages and feeding me food or been fussing over Sam. He doesn't get why she does it but we both put up with it.
I like having my family. They're the only good part of my life.

May 1996

Dear diary
Sam's hit puberty. Ain't that a bitch? He's growing like a freaking weed on steroids and has the appetite to match. Dean wasn't even that bad.
But that's not the worst part. Dad's not around at the moment and Sam's voice is cracking really badly. You see, Dad was there when Dean started and gave him the Man Talk. Now he's off on a hunt and Dean has suspiciously gone off to the library to "study". He's not even trying to hide it goddamn it.
I'll come back with the report on how it went.

Holy crap that was the most awkward thing I've ever done; and I've had to stick my hand up a man's asshole. (He was experimenting and I'm always willing to try something at least once (Also he was pretty hot.))
Sam looked absolutely mortified as I tried to explain it to him. Maybe I did go a bit too detailed but I thought it would be best for him to know everything.
You know what? I'm going to get drunk off my arse and hope to God I forget all about this.

November 1998

Dear diary
I'm now 23, and still can't notice when my brothers are in trouble! I'm a fucking failure of a sister as it seems. My littlest brother was falling into depression and I didn't fucking notice until it got too bad.
Sam's been bullied by his classmates for months about his height. He started getting so angry and I found a razor in the bathroom that I know he used. He's gotten too big for me to put him on my knees but I made sure to sleep in the bed with him. I woke up this morning with a crying teen attached to my shirt and had the whole truth straight from his mouth. I wrapped the wounds had had carved into his legs and made sure he knew just how much I loved him and how pissed off I was that he wasn't able to tell me about all this.
I made sure to tell the school exactly what I thought about that and will keep Sam from school.

November 1998

Of course the nerd would want to go back so he wouldn't miss school. So I let him go thinking the teachers would have done something to stop the bullies from hurting Sammy anymore.
Of course they didn't, because this school is fucking bull.
I thought "enough is enough" and barged into the school with Dean behind me looking just as pissed off.
We barged into Sammy's classroom and I slammed my fist against the teacher's desk. Looking back on it now, the expressions on all of their faces was hilarious. Luckily the teacher wasn't in the room for some reason or another and I was able to tell them something along the lines of:

"Do any of you bastards know who I am? No? The names Mercy Winchester and this is my brother Dean. I've come here today because some of you fuckers thought it was A FUCKING BRIGHT IDEA TO BULLY OUR LITTLE BROTHER! YOU'VE PISSED ME OFF AND I REALLY DON'T FEEL ALL THAT MERCIFUL RIGHT NOW! Now the next time I hear that my brother had been bullied I will be bringing in more than a knife."

The look on Sam's face was enough to show me that I did the right thing.
No one hurts my brothers.

And if a few of them ended up in the hospital after then because of being in contact with poisonous chemicals? Well, it must have been their faults.

July 2001

Dear diary
Sammy's gone. I'm proud of his nerdy self, but I don't think I'll be able to write in you anymore.
To many good memories that would end up soiled.

June 2006

Dad's dead, almost lost Dean.

I don't care what the other three say, I'm glad he sold his soul for Dean.

Oh God. I'm such a crappy daughter.