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CHAPTER 16

Tauriel dragged her feet to her room once she quit her friend's chambers. Involuntarily, the doubts kept tormenting her mind uninvited like they were trying to terminate with what was left of her sanity. Why couldn't she simply trust her friend?

Her heart was divided between guilt, fear and love. Neither of those feelings could take the upper hand. It was necessary to find a culprit for this uncertainty, this fear that kept invading her veins without any right. Once she sat on her bed motionless, she tried to remember when her mood began to deteriorate. It all went back to that day when she saved Elethan from firstly orcs that pursued him and then from drowning. No she couldn't place blame on such an innocent creature, her heart tore in self-reproach as she did. She tried to do so with his parents, but they were so noble that this gave the same result.

Maybe Legolas had a point; maybe she would have been happy with them. No, that couldn't happen either, leaving him would destroy her more than anything else in this world. The full weight of her wraith fell upon the orcs. If they haven't attacked an innocent child, she would have never met that family; those who were kind in heart and made her feel miserable for refusing them, but her bliss upon staying with her friend was unrivaled.

Those thoughts lead her to think about him; the one who always took care of her; always made himself available when she needed him. The accusations she inflicted in his face made her wish to die before speaking them with such venom. Now she wished that he did not care for her; for that would make him immune to such offences.

However, he did care for her which made her heart warm and guilty at the same time. She wished she was able to vow to herself never to speak such words in his presence again, but she knew that she had no control over her mouth at times. There was something about him that made her wish to cry on his shoulder, he would make her vulnerable. He doesn't do it because he wants to hurt me. He cares for me; does it truly hurt him that I hide things from him? She thought trying to encourage herself to speak, to tell him everything that tormented her, but she couldn't make herself do it. No, if he truly cared for her; this would plague his mind as well. The nightmares will pass, they have to.

Suddenly, she came to realization that he would be waiting for her downstairs. How long was she lost in these contemplations? She rushed to change her clothes and braid her hair. It took her a minute to decide what to wear. Her mind fell upon her presents. Her new boots were stripped in place and she put on her new dark red long-sleeved tunic. Her gaze fell upon another package, but she recoiled from it like it would burn her.

Even with the blame placed on orcs; she couldn't stop fearing the mere image of Ilithiel, Elgrion and their son. She hid the package in the back of her closet not wishing to see it. It was cowardly of her to do so, but it gave her some peace of mind. Her eyes fell upon the horn of Mirkwood; this she could do for her friend. After everything she put him through, this was something she would do for his peace of mind. When everything was where it should be; she quickly grabbed her usual jacket; not that it would be needed today, but better safe than sorry.

Legolas did not realize what was in Tauriel's head when she quit his chambers. She tried to act somewhat normal when she stopped crying. He knew that something was still bothering her, but it was hard to say what or to what extension. He was done dressing and braiding his own hair much before Tauriel even started to do the same, but he went downstairs as agreed. Upon fixing his hair; little elleth's comment came to his mind. He was not vane, but still hearing it from someone so honest was refreshing. Her childlike innocence brought him good mood and lightness of heart.

At the bottom of the staircase, he was greeted by Laeorn. "Did you find our little mellon last night? I was more attentive in my patrol after our brief audience, but she was nowhere in sight." He asked after addressing him as usual.

The prince was too worried for his little friend to remember to send him a word. "I did; she was asleep outside. Speaking of which; keep a close eye on the guards. I don't want any indiscretions from their part that could upset our little friend." He replied looking at the captain significantly before continuing his way to the dinning parlor and not surprising himself upon seeing his father already seated in his chair.

"Good morning ionneg. You're up later than usual." His father greeted him as he made his way to his usual place.

"Morning ada; I can't find much good in it however." Legolas replied leaning back in his chair looking a little paler than usual.

Thranduil scanned him in silence for a moment. "Did something happen?" he asked in his usual manner after making certain that there was nothing seriously wrong with his son.

Did something happen? It was a question that required a debate. "It was something I was expecting already only it happened later than I anticipated. Still, I realized one can't really be prepared for all side effects." He replied playing with his fork for pure amusement.

King contemplated his words. "It's like I said, it's something that drains your energy without necessity. What did your little friend do to make you upset this time?" he replied trying to make him see his point of view now that he was tired. It was more a tease than anything else; he knew what the answer would be.

"She is not to blame, I am ada. She accused me of breaking my promises and I can't even be angry at her for it because that is what it looks like. I promised her that she would stay here with me; and yet those impostors come with a different intention. I informed her that leaving me was not an option even if it were her wish." He replied taking a sip of water wondering why his friend was delayed.

His father pierced him with a gaze, but spoke in usual manner. "What happened to letting her make her own choices?" he asked coldly looking at his son while pretending to gaze somewhere far away.

Legolas had a ready answer. "My first mistake was to place that choice before her. I kept telling her that this palace is her home and that those who inhabit it are her family. Families don't give their elflings choices to abandon them if they wish. If I keep contradicting myself; she will think I am a liar on top of everything else. She needs stability in her life." He said watching his father knowing that he is listening.

"You will do well to remind her that you are my son and the prince of this kingdom. She is not your equal Legolas, do not spoil her like that is the case. You are too lenient on her. She needs to learn the norms, the discipline and some manners." Thranduil replied only half looking in his direction knowing his words would not have a desired effect on his son.

He wasn't wrong. "You think I should discipline her on top of everything else? She is eight years of age, she just lost her parents and only Iluvatar knows how much mayhem did she witness so far. She is just afraid; I can't scold her for that." Legolas replied with apparent disbelief in his tone choosing to ignore his first sentence; they had oppressed opinions on that subject and the young prince knew they would never agree about that matter.

The king did not have time to reply before the topic of this discussion walked into the room. It was hard to say whether she heard something or not, but she said nothing and Legolas couldn't asses her mood for it was deteriorated for a long while. "Tolo little mellon." he said using his usual manner of conversation. It was unbelievable how his own father's presence seemed to darken his mood even if he was completely silent.

Tauriel climbed into her chair next to the prince without hesitation. Once the meal was served she served herself not paying much attention to what she put on her plate. Hunger didn't play any part in her sudden boost of appetite; it was affection to her friend. She wished for him to stop troubling himself over her lack of appetite.

They ate in complete silence for a while; neither of them inclined to speak. Tauriel chewed her food automatically without feeling its taste. Her prince friend observed her from the corner of his eye to make sure she was eating, but left her to eat in peace slightly more at ease when he saw that she was eating again.

When they were done with the meal, Legolas left to attend to his duties after he gave his little friend something for reading. Once he was gone from view, she took it outside and climbed a tree to read it in peace. Soft breeze on her face was quite enjoyable. She noticed she barely saw any guard whole morning hoping that they wouldn't go hunt spiders without informing her, but the prince was usually with the hunting party and he was still in the palace.

The book amused her for a long while; it contained a lot about the history of their kin; the first elves ever to walk Arda. Tauriel found it difficult to believe that such stories could be written on so many pages, but was entranced by its content pouring in every word not knowing how much of all this was believable. Perhaps, she could ask the king. After all, he was several thousand years old. She wondered whether it would be incredibly rude to ask her ruler for his age. The mere thought made her shudder. Even though she wasn't afraid of him; she knew where the line between permitted and forbidden regarding to his highness was.

She found it hard to part from the book, but she made a promise to herself that she would attend all the meals if she was in the palace at meal time. It was her original plan to go to the village and visit her friends in order to show them their gifts, but something made it impossible today so she sighed and continued her way.

Thranduil and little Tauriel ate in complete silence as usual. Legolas was not present and she did not dare ask anyone where he could be found at this hour. When he was available, he would come for her. Little elleth knew she was monopolizing his time often and felt selfish about it, but his presence was her greatest comfort. This would have to stop soon or his father won't be as lenient as he is now.

Once her silent meal was over, she decided to look for Beleorn. If there were spider attacks or orc raids, he usually chose to stay in the palace. However, he was nowhere to be found either. Her heart sank; she felt abandoned. It was a foolish notion considering how many guards were trudging up and down the stairs, but the only ones she considered true friends were Legolas, Laeorn and Beleorn. The captain was usually with the prince so she didn't even bother to go check whether he was here.

Her book wasn't dropped for a second; she carried it to her meal and from one room to another until she decided to go sit in the library; a very strange action for the restless little elleth. Before another couple of hours; the book could no longer amuse her so she took it with her downstairs to the stables. She had read through half of it anyway and her friend only gave her two chapters to go through today.

Her first thought was to go and see her white friend and spoil him, but he was nowhere in sight. So the prince must have ridden him out; probably a long journey since he rarely used him in official business. Why does it have to be business? Perhaps he just wished to enjoy the scenery by himself or perhaps he found someone he wished to spend his time with as well. Tauriel's mind reproached her. Why did she assume she was the center of his universe? Her hands amused themselves with spoiling her new filly and her mother.

Her evening meal passed in complete silence; not because she was eating alone with the king, but because she was alone; completely alone. Her heart sank again; she hasn't seen a single soul for almost an entire day unless she counted the guards who couldn't really be considered as company for they were always silent. She barely touched her food. Her friend was not here so she considered it completely purposeless to act like she had appetite.

Her step wasn't as swift as usual and her expression was not concealed for there was no one to conceal it from. She barely watched her way almost passing one of her friends without noticing that he was standing right there looking at her. She would have probably done so if he didn't speak up. "Good evening little mellon. Where did your mind take you now?" the brown haired captain with dark brown eyes asked from two steps behind her.

Tauriel almost jumped out of her skin, but stopped herself before making an inappropriate and loud reaction. "Mellon." She exclaimed running back to him and hugging him around the waist keeping her faithful book companion in one of her hands. She got an affectionate tap on the back in response.

"What are you up to? " He asked smiling to himself. "I was going to do some more reading; it's not like there is anything else to be done today. I haven't seen a soul after breakfast unless you count those guards at the door that seem to have an oath to stay silent forever." She replied shrugging her shoulders upon releasing him.

Seeing at least one of her friends made her heart a little warmer. "They don't have an oath to stay silent forever little mellon; only when they're on duty. Yes, many guards left north to our northern guarding posts. They spotted a division of orcs and asked for reinforcements. Prince is there since morning and the king joined him a few hours later. They probably won't be back for a couple of days. I was ordered to remain in the palace." Laeorn informed his little restless friend knowing what she wanted to know even without her saying it out loud. She visibly tensed at the mention of orcs and her friend being in battle.

"I wish I could be there with them to guard my friend's back." Tauriel mused sadly imagining a few different yet disturbing scenarios of the outcome. She had to try and chase those images from her mind.

"You will be one day mellon; a few more years is a mere blink in the lives of the Eldar." Laeorn encouraged her sunken spirits.

Tauriel just shook her head. "If Aran Thranduil ever accepts me into his guard." She replied with a hint of defeat in her spirits and also pessimism.

Her friend dropped down to her height. "Why do you doubt that he will?" he asked trying to reason with her, but she was too resigned for his liking.

"He doesn't like the idea; that much I can see and I don't want him to oblige me because he feels sorry for me either. I want to prove to him that I am serious; that I am not afraid." She replied barely present; at least in mind.

"You do everyday mellon. Beleorn believes in you; that is why he gifted you with a bow. You have the instincts and the attitude of a soldier, but you must understand that you are far too young for any serious training. King has traditional beliefs, but he is not closed to the idea of training an elleth in the guard like I thought he would be."

"What about the prince?" Tauriel countered noticing where the hole in his arguments was.

Laeorn just laughed quietly with a sigh. "The prince is very resistant to the idea of training you to be a soldier." He finally admitted while Tauriel sat on a stair while her spirits sunk further down. At least the captain was honest with her always.

He sat next to her unconcerned. "The prince is resistant to giving you any training because he knows that one day you will become a fearsome warrior if we do." He added knowing that she was listening.

Her confused eyes met his with a quizzical eyebrow. The captain was contradicting his own words. "That doesn't make any sense." She finally admitted perplexed.

How did she not understand this yet? Perhaps it was simply insecurity in her power over their prince, but Laeorn was not blind to it. "Do you not see Tauriel? He is afraid to train you because he doesn't wish to place you in harm's way. He is afraid that one day you will become a warrior and that he will lose you for it. He cares about you." He explained with a grin that wasn't really appropriate for this conversation.

He watched different emotions cross her face; the doubt appearing often. Laeorn sighed knowing that it would be hard to convince her that she meant something to someone.

Tauriel hid every negative emotion from her face knowing that Laeorn could read her like a book. "Where is Beleorn anyway?" she finally asked after a few minutes of silence.

"He is giving the new recruits some field training. This company is a set of immature little children if you ask me, but if he wants to waste his time, it's his to throw away." Laeorn replied with something like annoyance. How awkward, Tauriel never saw her friend annoyed or angry for that matter.

Little elleth laughed a little at his comment. They must be truly horrible if they managed to step on the captain's foot already. "Can I ask you a question mellon?" she asked going serious so Laeorn knew it was something uncomfortable. "You can ask mellon, but I can't promise to answer your every question." He replied cautiously sensing something complicated coming up.

"How did the queen die?" she asked after a minute of contemplation.

Laeorn made no impulsive or loud reaction; he just gulped and sighed. "Very few know that story and I'm afraid I'm not one of those. King does not speak of it; not to a living soul and certainly not to his son. Legolas was a small elfling when it happened. Aran Thranduil adored his wife and when they were blessed with a son, there was no happier elf alive. He would have followed her to the halls of Mandos, but his love for him kept him alive. I do not know how it happened mellon and even if I did; it wouldn't be my story to tell." He replied choosing his words carefully. No one ever dared speak about it.

Tauriel's heart broke for her friend even if all of this happened a couple of decades ago. There was no one who could understand such loss better than her. The king also shined in new light after this knowledge.

Translations:

Mellon – Friend

Aran – King

Tolo – Come

Ada – Father

Ionneg - Son