Chapter Seven
Vector made his way back to the ship and stripped off the cloak as he entered his room, throwing it angrily on the bed. Three cycles of full white, the queen had said, three full moons until the summit could be arranged.
Vector growled his frustration, three more months with no release for his misery, no way to temper his yearning for her touch, no way to mend what had been broken. It had been almost three months already and her scent was growing more faint, he dreaded the day when that also faded into memory.
He walked to the holo terminal to make his reports to Beniko and Vowrawn about the platforms being built and the decimation of the imperial and republic fleets over Hoth. He also relayed the information that Kaliyo had given concerning the supposed directive against imperial and republic while leaving Hutt fleets relatively untouched. They all agreed that this conflict appeared intentionally aimed at the two factions, but still no word as to who would have such a vendetta.
He also received word that more and more hyperlanes were being blockaded causing trade and economic hardships and the shipyards, that had not been destroyed, were now completely cut off. The Imperial fleet was massive but it was steadily being whittled down bit by bit until, eventually, nothing would be left. The same was true for the republic.
He was on the holo with Vowrawn when he asked. "And what is the council doing about this now, my lord?"
"Fah," spat Vowrawn. "Ravage and the rest are throwing everything they can against this enemy and it has no more effect than pissing into the wind. The fleet has now started bombarding rallying points of both sides, we have lost ground troops by the thousands as well as trained officers, to say nothing of armaments and ordnance.
"Republic and imperial fleets still engage whenever they encounter each other. Neither is able to hurt this fleet and all they can do is swat at each other like abused children. The Council and Saresh refuse to see reason and squander whatever resources they had left trying to bloody each other's noses while the real enemy runs rampant. There are few open expanses of space left that have not been invaded."
"And what are you and Lord Nox doing?" Vector asked with a slight inflection of disgust when he mentioned the female darth's name.
"Contingencies, my boy, in case our worst fears are realized. We are slowly making headway with two of the council members but trust does not come easily among sith and they still fear our proposals are power plays. Ravage, as always, is as blunt as a fist, and Acina continues to hold her plans close to the chest. We already see the signs of decay in the council's resolve and fear some sort of exodus soon, likely Mortis followed closely by Aruk, in which case, Nox and I will lose any alliance we might make."
Vowrawn's laugh was sharp as a knife. "When one does not even consider the idea of conquest, every side becomes a blind one. We never saw this coming because we chose to believe it could never happen. Humility will be a bitter pill to swallow and some may choke on it."
"And you, Lord Vowrawn?"
"Hah, I play the part of humility quite well, my boy, it has lulled more than a few into a false sense of security. As long as I live to put another piece on the board, I can be as humble as a pauper. The game continues as long as the heart beats and I have no intention of letting a misplaced show of bravado stop mine.
"Off with you now, I am sure that you have places to be as do I."
Vowrawn cut the connection and Vector was left with his own thoughts. He could see no end to this and began to wonder, for the first time, if the empire could indeed weather the storm. In any case he had orders to follow and asked Scorpio to make preparations for departure.
He would spend the next three months hopping from planet to planet, sending information back to Beniko and Vowrawn, hoping for any word at all about Rey'elle. The information he was able to glean was sparse and information about Rey'elle was non existent.
He functioned during it all, spending time with Lokin, dreading the day when it would be just him and Scorpio on the ship. Everything was closing around him, blocking exits and possibilities until only the avenue of the hive seemed open. He would go where he must and look for her light along the way.
They landed again on Alderaan just as the sun was setting. It would be too late to venture to the cave tonight, morning would be soon enough. The weeks in space weighed on Vector and Rey'elle's absence imploded around him with an almost physical pain. He had been in a foul mood of late and frustration gave way to restlessness. He went to his room and gathered up the cloak, swung it over his shoulders, pulled up the hood and stalked out into the night.
He passed few people as he strode aimlessly about the streets of the Thul estate finally coming to the slightly more crowded area of the marketplace. He wandered in and out of the various stalls and stopped by one that sold scarves of silk and necklaces of polished stones.
'Rey'elle would love this', he thought as he examined a necklace with a single blue stone dangling from the chain. His head shot up and he sniffed the wind, he smelled a scent he had all but forgotten and tasted an aura of lilies and rain. Anora, the woman he had once loved so long ago, before the joining, before Rey'elle.
After the joining, he had run into her once on Dromund Kaas and he had no desire to repeat that encounter. He put his head down, preparing to leave and almost ran into the woman he wanted to avoid. She glanced up and caught sight of his face hidden within the shadows of the hood.
"Vector?" she inquired.
"It is us, Anora. We were just preparing to leave."
"Please, it has been such a long time and I would love to catch up," she said as she put her hand on his arm.
"We really have no time, duty calls," Vector said as he tried to pull away.
"Nonsense, we are old friends and I have a hundred questions for you about the Killiks."
"Keep your voice down, Anora, the Killiks are not loved here and neither are joiners. What are you doing on Alderaan? Why have you left Dromund Kaas?"
She slipped her arm through his and began leading him toward a housing area on the other side of the square, stopping in front of a door in a small quadruplex..
"I will explain all to you when we are inside," she said as she unlocked the door and pulled him across the threshold then closed all the drapes.
She walked over to him and slid the hood back from his face. "I am sorry about my reaction when we met on Dromund Kaas. I was horrible to you and I thought you would still be hideous with the eyes, but you are not and I am so glad you are here. Let me make some tea and we can talk."
She went into the small kitchen area and motioned to a chair at the table. 'Please sit, it has been so long, I don't know where to begin."
She continued to nervously prattle as she gathered cups and spoons and waited for the water to heat. "How long has it been? Eight, nine years? I never thought to see you again after you left for Alderaan and heard about the joining. And then we met on Dromund Kaas and you were still the same person, I just didn't see it then."
She finally sat down at the table and let the tea steep in the ceramic teapot. She stared at his face as if he were some oddity, despite her words to the contrary. Vector squirmed under the scrutiny and she dropped her eyes.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Vector, it is not my intention to make you uncomfortable."
"We are rather accustomed to the effect our appearance has on most people. Again, we ask, what are you doing here on Alderaan?"
She began to pour the tea as if to avoid giving an answer and put a spoonful of honey in each cup. "You always liked honey in your tea, I remember."
Vector took her hand. "Anora, please answer the question."
She placed her other hand on top of his, soft and warm. He should have pulled away, he wanted to pull away, but he couldn't. The simple act of her touch was an odd comfort.
"I have come to be part of the hive, to become a joiner."
Vector pulled his hand back so quickly he almost knocked over his teacup. "What? You can't! Why would you even consider this?"
Tears welled up in her eyes and spilled onto her cheeks as her story tumbled from her lips. "I got married three years ago to a wonderful man. A lieutenant in the Imperial army. Edwin graced my life for a little over two years and then he was killed in some skirmish on Balmorra. I lost the baby only three months after that and thought the grief would kill me.
"I couldn't work, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, it felt as if I were being eaten alive by the pain. I wandered through each day hoping to die and yet being too much of a coward to end it. The months dragged on and on, then I remembered you and how you were after the joining. No pain, no concerns, no misery and I craved what you had, I needed it like a person needs air. Don't you see, Vector, I can't live like this any more, I don't think I even want to try."
"Anora, the joining will take everything from you, all that you are or ever want to be. Yes, it will take away the pain but there will be nothing of you left behind. Your sole purpose will be to serve the nest in whatever capacity is required. Soldier, laborer, food gatherer, scout, and if the hive goes back into hibernation, you will die."
"But you have freedom, why would it be different for me?"
"Because we are Dawn Herald and are allowed to keep our individuality so that we may interact with others outside the nest. There is only one, Anora and you would be nothing more than a common slave. No thought except that which the hive gives you, no dreams or wishes of your own, no humanity. Joiners do not cohabit, there are no children, there is no love. Servitude would be your only existence. Is that really what you want?"
Anora got up from her seat to stand by the sink with her back turned to him. He could see her shoulders tremble as she cried. "I want this agony to stop, Vector. You don't understand how it feels to lose someone who was everything to you. As a joiner, how can you even imagine what that feels like. And then to lose his child, the grief is unbearable."
Vector stood and walked behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders and turning her to face him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and clung to him while she sobbed. Not knowing what else to do, he held her and tried to explain.
"Anora, six months ago we lost the woman we love more than life itself. She still lives but is lost to us and we….I suffer every day with memories of our time together, everything reminds us of her and sometimes it is almost too much to endure. So yes, we do know the misery you suffer because we suffer too."
She raised her tear streaked face to him. "Then make it go away, Vector. Please just for one night share the pain with me and drive it from our hearts, give us both peace."
Vector needed this, he thirsted for this release, this sharing of all the misery and frustration he had held inside for months.
"Forgive me, my love," he thought as he covered her mouth with his.
She led him to her bedroom, stripping their clothes as they went without thought of rending fabric or taking care with buttons or fasteners. Flesh craved flesh and thought had no part to play in this exorcism of what haunted them both.
There was no tenderness in the act they shared. It was rough, almost brutal because grief cannot be buried without breaking ground. They slammed together with a fury born of desperation, trying to cleave through the pain and erode the layers of misery they had worn for far too long. She clawed into his back and he welcomed the sting of each scratch. She sank her teeth into his shoulder and he answered with an iron grip, fingers that dug in and left marks wherever they touched. He ground his mouth against hers, shredding the insides of their lips until they both tasted blood on their tongues.
He pounded his loneliness into her, pestle into mortar, pulverizing the sorrow into dust. Their moans bounced off the walls like wild things and they devoured each other like greedy beasts hoping to fill the chasms of their loss. The combined aroma of their damnation was an aphrodisiac that permeated the air, the sheets, the pores of their skin and drove them like slaves beyond the point of collapse.
They slept amid the carnage they had wrought, the crumpled linens, the broken flesh and the flowering bruises. They shared a sanctuary of dreamless repose almost hypnotic in its hold and dwelled there while time moved around them and pain ceased to exist. Memory and the nightmare of despair held no sway in this place they had carved from mutual heartbreak.
They slumbered in peace until dawn opened the gates and it all came flooding back. The deluge of feelings swept them again into the world that neither could truly escape. They opened their eyes to the nakedness of their bodies and their souls, entwined like trees in a dead forest, thrown together by cruel fate then cast adrift once more.
Vector untangled himself from Anora and the sheets and rose to get dressed, not speaking a word as he searched for his clothes. His thoughts were conflicted as he tried to avoid her while he struggled into his garb.
She finally touched his arm and he froze in place not knowing what to do or say.
"I'm sorry, Vector. I feel like I used you to no good end, but it felt so wonderful to forget for a little while."
He sighed and looked down into her face. "We used each other, Anora. It was good to share it all with someone who understands, but the moment is passed.
"We somehow feel lighter and heavier of heart as if we have done something horrible for all the right reasons. We needed. You needed. Nothing more requires definition."
"Can you not stay?" she pleaded.
"We are sorry, but no. We must continue our search for her if it takes us to the end of the universe and the end of our life. This was but a brief encounter along the way and we thank you for the respite."
He bent over to retrieve his cloak from the floor and slung it over his shoulders. Anora followed him to the door where he turned to place a gentle kiss on her forehead and cup her face in the palms of his hands.
"Do not go to the hive. You still have a passion for life that you can share with someone else, give it time. Go home to Dromund Kaas before you make a decision that cannot be undone.
"Find love, Anora, it may be the only thing to save us all in the times ahead."
He pulled the hood over his head and stepped out into the new light and sounds of a waking world.