Follow the Orange Brick Road
By
UCSBdad
Disclaimer: Even if we were in Kansas, Toto, I still don't own Castle. Rating: The occasional M. Time: Following I, Spy.
It was late morning when they finally got back on the road again. As they started, Harvey began singing.
"We come on the sloop John B,
"My grandfather and me,
"Around Nassau town we did roam,
"Drinking all night,
"Got into a fight,
"Well I feel so broke up,
"I want to go home."
When he was done with the song, Harvey stopped. "That's odd. That seems to be the only song I know."
"I know one you'll love." Castle said happily.
"Ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall,
"Ninety nine bottles of beer,
"Castle!" Kate screamed, but it was too late. Harvey had already joined in.
As they sang, Harvey drank.
"At least he'll sober up when the bottle runs dry." Kate sighed.
Rollo informed them that he had a magic whiskey jar, one that would never run dry.
"Great. A pickled hare for a companion." Kate grumped.
When, at long last, Castle and Harvey finally got to the end of 99 Bottles of Beer, Harvey had an announcement to make. "I believe I've remembered more songs."
"Nibblin' on sponge cake
"Watchin' the sun bake
"All of those tourists covered in oil
"Strummin' my six-string
"On my front porch swing
"Smell those shrimp hey they're beginnin' to boil."
He and Rick sang their way through the rest of the song.
"Thas a great shong, Misser Cassle." Harvey slurred. Then he staggered along, singing under his breath and drinking constantly.
When the sun was directly overhead, Declan suggested they stop for lunch. They left the Orange Brick Road and found a nice shady spot under a large oak tree. Rollo took out his colorful handkerchief and began to unroll it. He unrolled it and unrolled it until he had a blanket big enough to seat them all comfortably.
"Magic?" Castle asked.
"Sure. How else?" The bear replied.
They opened up their cookies and began to eat.
"Mine tastes like a Philly cheese steak sandwich." Rick said. "With an ice cream float."
"I have a pirozhki with lemonade." Simone added.
"Kate?" They both asked at once.
"This is one of my mom's tuna salad sandwiches. I'll swear it is. And milk. That's what she used to make for my lunch." Kate turned away so no one could see the tear in her eye.
"An' what may I be eskin' did ye expec' ta git frae your biscuits, or cookies, as ye calls them?"
"You mean they can tell what we like most and give it to us?" Rick asked.
"Aye. Magic, innit?"
When they were done, Harvey, regrettably, seemed to have gotten his second wind, musically speaking.
"Come on, you young fellas
"So young and so fine
"And seek not your fortune
"In the dark, dreary mines
"It'll form as a habit
"Seep in your soul
"Till the blood of your veins runs
"As black as the coal
"It's dark as a dungeon
"Damp as the dew
"Where the dangers are many
"The pleasures are few
"Where the rain never falls
"And the sun never shines
"It's dark as a dungeon
"Way down in the mine.
All of a sudden, Harvey stopped singing and began to cry.
"What's wrong?" Kate asked.
"The shong is jus' sho sad." The hare replied, downing a substantial amount of his whiskey.
"Thin sing something Irish, ye drunken fool." Yelled Declan.
Harvey nodded and began again.
"In Mountjoy jail one Monday morning
"High upon the gallows tree,
"Kevin Barry gave his young life
"For the cause of liberty."
"Oh, no." Kate muttered.
As soon as Harvey began, Declan joined in, and both began to cry. And drink. Actually, they did more drinking than singing and crying.
Rollo nudged Castle. "We'll be entering the Great Dismal Forest soon. It might be best to stop here for the night and get an early start tomorrow." He motioned to Declan and Harvey. "They'll likely be at it for some time. The number of sad Irish songs is….immense."
Castle sighed and looked around. "Okay. I guess we can sleep under the tree."
Rollo gave him an odd look. "I hardly think that's a good idea." He again took out his handkerchief and began unfolding it. When he was done, the handkerchief had expanded into a large tent. Once Rick, Kate, Simone and Rollo went inside, they saw that the tent, like the gingerbread house was far larger on the inside than on the outside.
"I think the purple room will suit the three of you the best." Rollo pointed at a purple curtain that flapped as if inviting them in. Inside, they found a very large bed, three comfortable chairs, several jugs of wine and a fire in a fireplace.
"How does he carry a fire inside his handkerchief?" Castle asked.
"Magic, babe. Magic."
"Does anyone have any idea how this Katie person fits in with us?" Simone asked. "Or anything else?"
Rick and Kate shared a look, then shrugged.
"I have no clue how we ended up in the magic kingdom, but I think that this Kate is the one I saw in both Singapore and again at the Great Library." (Authors note: See I, Spy for further details.) "She seemed to recognize me anyway."
"She executed a hostage in Singapore." Simone said, coldly. "Who cares about her anyway?"
"She saved my life in the Great Library." Castle said, stubbornly.
"And I'm afraid that Rick is in love with each and every Kate Beckett out there."
"But I love you more than all of the other ones put together." Rick said defensively.
"And you'll want to try to fix her, just like you did me."
He smiled. "I'm a guy. We like to fix things."
Castle checked his watch. "It's early yet. Not time for dinner or bed. I wish there was a ….." He stopped as a bookcase appeared along one curtained wall. "Rollo thinks of everything." He said.
The three went to the bookcase. Castle chose an Agatha Christie novel he hadn't read in years, Kate chose Heat Wave, her favorite Nikki Heat book and Simone chose Jules Verne's Michael Strogoff, in Russian, of course.
After reading for a while, Castle noticed they hadn't heard Harvey and Declan singing since they'd entered their bedroom. Curious, he walked past the purple curtain and could see and hear the two making a mess of The Green Fields of France. As soon as he ducked back behind the curtain, the singing stopped. He quickly stuck his head in and out several times. Whenever his head was inside the curtain, silence reigned.
"This is great. I wonder if I could get one here to take home."
"No magic at home." Kate and Simone said together.
"Some people think there's no magic." Castle grumped.
They woke the next morning and had breakfast with a badly hung over Harvey and Declan. However, the two decided that the hair of the dog that bit them was the cure for what ailed them. Soon, they were all on the road again. This time without singing, but both Declan and Harvey were still drinking. Within a very short time they found themselves staring at the entrance to the Great Dismal Forest.
"It lives up to its name." Kate said, checking her submachine gun. Simone did the same.
"It's no that bad." Declan said. "Just dark and wet."
"Very dark and wet." Rollo added.
Castle decided it was all that and more. The trees grew together over the road so thickly that they totally blocked out the sun and grew so closely together that Rick wasn't sure that they could get off the Orange Brick Road, even if they wanted to. Which was fine with him, as he kept catching glimpses of something, or several somethings, moving in the forest. And, stagnant water dripped down on them from the branches above.
They hadn't gone very far when Rollo suddenly stopped. "Be quiet. I think I hear something behind us."
In a few seconds, they all heard it. Kate smiled." That sounds like a Harley-Davidson…."
"….Mushroom." Rick finished for her as a chopped mushroom roared up, driven by a large purple caterpillar.
"Some call me the love doctor, some call me the gangster of love." He crooned. "My! Those are the two finest asses I have seen in many a day."
Both Rollo and Harvey smiled, waggled their tails and approached the caterpillar. "Why thank you." Rollo said. "Looking for a good time, sailor?" He said softly. "Or a rough time?" He bared his fangs.
"We can go either way." Harvey added.
"Whoa, there. I was talking to the very hot young ladies." He leered at Kate and Simone. "Would you girls like a ride? Obviously, I have some dynamite magic 'shrooms as well as some pharmaceutical grade love powder. What do you say?"
"We're taken." Kate and Simone said together, moving closer to Rick. Rick put his arm around Kate's waist, but Simone had to take his hand and pull his arm around her waist. "Very taken." Kate said.
"See if I look you up when I come out of my chrysalis and become a bee-you-ti-ful butterfly. Don't come crying to me then."
"We won't." The women said in unison.
The caterpillar gunned his engine and took off to the sound of In a Gadda da Vida.
"Did that remind you of…."Rick began.
"No." Kate said firmly.
"Me either." Rick said quickly.
They continued their journey through a haze of exhaust fumes.
They had not gone too far when they heard a commotion ahead of them. Rounding a bend, they saw a very shiny person dashing around the road, screaming, "Come back here. Now. Now. Now, dammit." The being stopped and stared at something at the edge of the forest. The being took a few steps and then lunged, unfortunately jamming itself between two trees.
They rushed forward to help. Rollo and Castle each grabbed a leg and pulled. Castle noticed that the legs were of metal and when the being was pulled out, he knew exactly who they had found.
"You're the Tin Woodsman!" He exclaimed. "I'll bet you're looking for a heart."
"Tin?" Was the roared reply. "Does this look like tin to you, dummy? This is the very best high test steel. And my heart is made of steel as well. It's going to be going strong long after your wimpy organic heart has stopped. And as for being a woods-man, does this chest look like it's from a man?"
Castle's eyes dropped down and he saw that indeed, he was staring at steel boobs. "Sorry."
"Just what were you doing here, running around like that?" Rollo broke in.
"My toolbox is lost in time. I'm trying to get the thing to be here now and not in the future or the past."
"It's got your axe in it?" Castle asked.
"Axe? It has a complete set of mechanic's tools in it. How am I supposed to work without a toolbox? Answer me that?"
"How did you lose it?" Rollo asked politely.
"Three You Kay, the wizard, did it. He tried to hit on me and I, well, I sort of hit him back. Now my toolbox is gone and I'm screwed." She looked at the seven of them. "And what's your story. Collecting brunettes? Trying for a full set?"
Declan answered. "Katie here was hurt ver' badly. We went to the Wicked Witch of the West and got some blood cookies for her, but we need to get her to the Wizard."
"The Wiz? Good idea. Do you mind if I tag along? I'll bet the Wiz could get my toolbox back."
"The more the merrier I allus sez. But ye should know that some bad folks is after yon Katie. It could git dangerous."
The Steel Woodswoman made a fist. "I can be dangerous as well. Oh, by the way, my name is Ann. Ann Hasty. "Hasty, but good, repairs", that's my motto."
They introduced themselves to Ann and the eight continued down the road.