Thanks to RosieAngelina for reviewing!
And cue the theme!
...
Looking good Mr Starr.
You too mate. Shall we-
Yes, why not? And three, two, one!
...
It was Autumn on the Island of Sodor, and it was one of the more beautiful ones seen in many a year. Allcroft and Mitton had taken the day off from filming more Island of Sodor escapades and were watching the leaves fall, as they stared off into the distance at the nearby church.
They were then rudely interrupted when Thomas the Tank Engine, fully recovered from his fish-related incident, ran past whistling and shouted "OI! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FILMING ME!"
...
The fields were slowly changing from yellow stubble to brown earth. Though maybe that was because a mad sailor man by the name of John was digging up the field in search of something he called, in between 'y'aarghing' and 'me heartiing' his lost treasure. The police had kindly escorted him to the nearest mental hospital, where he was supposedly planning to buy a boat and start sailing around for the treasure.
As Thomas puffed along, there was a tractor hard at work. As opposed to Thomas, who had once again taken up the unfortunate habit of smoking pipes instead of the cigarettes that had been stolen from him.
Later on, after a previous encounter with Thomas mockingly laughing at the tractor's trouble, he was coming back along the same stretch of line and saw the tractor again. The signal was up, and so much to his annoyance, he had to stop and make conversation with the tractor.
"Hello." said the Tractor, and Thomas was incredibly worried to see that once again Terrance had not stopped smiling since he had first lain eyes on him. "I'm Terrance! And I'm plowing."
Annie choked as Clarabel started laughing. She had picked up Thomas's dirty humor, despite the fact that she had no idea what it meant half the time. Thomas looked unimpressed but secretly he was jealous. He had never plowed anything, and it was beginning to get a little emasculating. "Well I'm Thomas! I'm in a TV show and I'm PULLING A TRAIN!"
"You show him Thomas!" cheered Clarabel.
"Thank you Clarabel. What ugly wheels you've got!"
"Jealous much?" asked Annie in the worst innocent voice Thomas had ever heard.
"They're not ugly!" said Terrance, still smiling, and Thomas began to fear that the tractor was actually a serial killer that was going to kill everyone in their sleep. "They're caterpillars!"
"Turn into a butterfly then!" said Clarabel, who liked butterflies.
"I can go anywhere, I don't need rails!" He paused and thought. "Except for Luxemborg."
But Thomas had taken off, shouting back. "I don't want to go ANYWHERE. I like my rails!" He was aware of how stupid that comeback was, so he blew a raspberry and hurried off as the signal dropped.
...
Winter came with dark clouds full of snow. Yes, we're jumping ahead a bit, do you blame us? The alternative was Thomas calling Terrance some more uninspiring nicknames.
"I don't like it!" said Thomas's driver. "A heavy fall is coming!"
"Isn't that a movie?"
"No. No it isn't."
"Oh." said the fireman, crestfallen.
"I hope it doesn't stop us."
"HUH!" said Thomas in a overly dramatic voice. "Snow is silly soft stuff!" And he ran on, feeling cold but confident. His driver shook his head sadly, for he was a bit of a clairvoyant when it came to these things. The heavy fall was coming right after Thomas's pride.
...
They finished their journey safely (Only two cows run over that day!) but now the country was covered. Sarcastic viewers may ask in what, but we shall ignore them. The driver gulped, looked at a large blue thing that lay on a trolley and turned back to Thomas. "Hey. Hey buddy. You'll...You'll have to wear your snowplow for the next journey Thomas."
He closed his eyes and waited for the rant.
It did not disappoint.
"HA!" screamed Thomas, right in the middle of his prima donna mood. "HA, HA AND THRICE HA! Snow is silly soft stuff, and it cannot stop me! IT WILL NOT STOP ME! I AM A PROFESSIONAL SNOW-PUSHER! I HAVE SHUNTED IN SNOW! THE OTHER ENGINES COME IN WHINING, I'M OUT THERE DOING THE WORK OF TEN ENGINES, PLUS TWO! THERE IS NO WAY YOU'RE GETTING ME TO WEAR THAT PIECE OF CRAP PLOW!"
"Oh really." said the Driver determinedly.
"YES."
...
The snowplow was heavy and uncomfortable to wear. It was a bit like a really large codpiece. It made Thomas even more cross than he was already. All day long as he wore it, he shook it and banged it and insulted it repeatedly.
And by the time they had got back, it was so damaged that the driver had to take it off.
"You're a very naughty engine!" he said as they slammed the door in Thomas's face.
"Screw you!" shouted Thomas defiantly.
The next morning, his driver and fireman came early (HA!) and worked as hard as they could to mend the snowplow. Unfortunately, they had about as much knowledge of snowplow maintenance as they did nuclear physics. So none at all. But they couldn't make it fit.
So Thomas left without his snowplow, laughing maniacally as he did so. "I shan't have to wear it, I shan't have to wear it!" he bragged to Annie and Clarabel. They just sighed and began waiting for the inevitable. They were rather worried.
"I hope it's all right, I hope it's all right." they twittered to themselves.
The driver was worried too as they journied to Knapford. "It's not bad here." He said as they left with their passengers. "But it's sure to be deep in the valley."
"Which one?"
"All of them, obviously."
"Silly soft stuff!" said Thomas, trying in vain to make it a meme even before the internet became a thing.
As he arrived at the tunnel, he spoke aloud arrogantly. "i didn't need the shoddy piece of workmanship yesterday, and I shan't need it today! Snow can't stop me!" He rushed through the tunnel thinking how clever he was.
"Hang on." he said. "That looks like a lot of snow- SH-" He whistled aloud in horror as he smacked into a huge pile of snow.
"Irony." the driver said in a deadpan way.
"Cinders and Ashes!" cried Thomas, never thinking that that would be the meme that caught on. "I'm stuck!" And he was.
"Back Thomas! Back!" said his driver, not talking about his spa day, but instead urging Thomas backwards. Thomas tried but his wheels spun on the icy rails and he couldn't move. Clarabel grinned, she enjoyed the snow.
The guard went back for help while everyone else tried to dig the snow away. But as fast as they dug, more snow slipped down until Thomas was nearly buried. "Oh my wheels and coupling rods!" He wailed, doing his best James impression. "i shall have to stay here until I'm Frozen!" The driver thought that Thomas had very little chance of auditioning for Disney, but he kept on digging. "What a silly engine I am!" And he began to cry.
It was unpleasant to look at.
At last a bus came to rescue the passengers. It stared at Thomas for a good long while as they got on, and it mesmerized Thomas's tear stained cigarette yearning face, his pipe having long since been crushed. As the bus left, it smiled to itself and was clearly making plans of some kind.
And then, who should come to Thomas's rescue? Come on. Guess.
You can't, can you?
It was Terrance the Tractor, still grinning like a loon! Snow never worries him, for he can't worry. Contractually. No pun intended.
Thomas began to feel as though he was going to be mocked a lot for this.
Terrance showed off his nimble moves as he turned around much to the delight of Clarabel, who cheered and asked for his autograph. Annie said nothing, for she had been knocked out in the crash. He pulled the empty coaches away back through the tunnel, and then he came back for Thomas. Thomas's wheels were now clear, but they still spun as he tried to grip the rails.
Terrance tugged and slipped and slipped and tugged, and at last dragged Thomas clear of the snow, ready for the journey home. Thomas was on the verge of hysteria as he found himself free.
Terrance backed off to give Thomas some time to regain control of his hysteria. The driver and fireman brushed him down and soon Thomas followed Terrance, buffering up to Annie and Clarabel.
"Thank you Terrance, you're caterpillars are splendid!" said Thomas, almost adding in a bit about plowing but figured out that it would sound rude and only annoy Annie more.
"I hope you'll be sensible from now on Thomas!" said his driver, aware of how futile this was.
"I'll try." said Thomas, and he puffed humbly away.
Terrance, meanwhile, stayed there for quite some time and smiled at everything, until at last his driver woke up from his coma and headed off for home.
The next day, co-incidentally, was the first time Thomas was sent to work in the Lead Mines. Staring at a notice board, Thomas disregarded the previous day's problems and made a plan.
He was unaware of the bus that watched him from afar.