Follow the Orange Brick Road
By
UCSBdad
Disclaimer: Even if we were in Kansas, Toto, I still don't own Castle. Rating: The occasional M. Time: Following I, Spy.
The twins lost control of their sphincters and bladders, but not their mouths. "It wasn't us! It was them!" They pointed at Castle and his companions." We retrieved the Queen's slippers for her."
"It was dangerous, too." Said one.
"You should kill that whole bunch before they get away. They're bad hombres."
"We are not!" Rollo said stoutly. "We are the pilgrims, Mistress, we shall go always a little further, it may be beyond that last blue mountain barred with snow, across that angry or glimmering sea." Rollo doffed his hat and bowed low to the blonde witch.
"So you've been to Samarkand. Big deal. That proves nothing." The witch said derisively.
"Well, I'm man's best friend." Roy said. "Do you think I'd steal a pair of shoes? What would I do with just two shoes?"
"Do I look like a man?" The witch growled.
"We have woman's best friend here, too." Royal said quickly.
"And that would be…?"
"Him!" Declan said, pushing Rick forward.
"You?" The witch laughed.
Rick finally got a good look at the witch. "Gina? What are you doing here?"
"How do you know my given name? Don't you know it's death to reveal a witches real name?"
"I must have missed that one." Then what she had said hit him. "Death? Do I get time off for good behavior? I have no prior criminal history." He added softly. "Around here."
"Excuse me." Kate said. "But while you've been talking, the two thieves took off with the slippers."
Indeed, Tweedledemming and Tweedleschlemming had taken to their heels and vamoosed.
The witch cursed. "Okay, Pretty Boy, I'm just going to issue you a warning this time. But if I ever catch you…." The rest of what she was saying was lost in the crack of lightning and a blast of thunder. The witch was gone.
"Death? Are you kidding me?" Castle cried.
"We should move along." Rollo said, looking down the road in the direction that the witch had gone. "In case she comes back."
As they marched along, Declan looked up at the sky. "Oi thinks that if we hurry, we'll be at the Treehouse by supper time."
"Good." Rollo replied. "I'm almost out of cookies and I'm hungry."
"Didn't you have a week's worth cookies like the rest of us?" Simone asked.
Rollo looked defensive. "I'm a big guy. I need my nourishment."
"You've been nourishing yourself ever since the Mad Hatter's bash." Roy said. "Isn't one cookie supposed to be a meal? You've had three breakfasts, two lunches and three dinners since this morning."
"I'm hungry." Rollo said, holding his bag of cookies upside down to show it was empty. "I'm wasting away to skin and bones. There'll be nothing left of me soon."
Rollo looked so unhappy that Castle gave him two of his cookies.
"Thanks, Mr. Castle. That really hit the spot." He looked at the rest of his companions. "At least one of you are generous and a gentleman."
"I couldn't pass the physical to become a gentleman." Kate said, sarcastically.
"Hey, same with me." Simone said. "What a coincidence. How about you, Maid of Steel?"
"Actually, I have a plumbing attachment that…"
"Way too much information." Castle said, holding his hands over his ears.
"We're be needin' ta move, if ye please." Declan said testily and they went off down the road.
Before dark they could see a blaze of lights ahead of them and above them.
"Is that the Treehouse?" Kate asked.
"The foinest inn in all of the land." Declan said proudly. "We'll dine an' sleep in luxury this night, we will."
When they got to the tree that held the treehouse, they saw that the lights were far above them.
"This thing makes a Sequoia look like a twig." Castle said.
"That's some sort of non-magical tree, Oi'm assumin'" The tiny Irishman said with a superior smile.
"How do we get up?" Castle asked. "Magic, I bet. A flying carpet? A giant eagle? Maybe…"
He was cut off by a soft dinging and a door opening in the tree. A wizened turtle looked at them over large spectacles. "Going up?"
"An elevator?" Castle said, obviously disappointed.
"It works, boyo. It works."
As with so many things in this world, the inside of the Treehouse was far larger than the outside. They faced a large, airy lobby with comfortable looking couches, lamps, and tables with an assortment of magazines on them. In the background, they could hear soft music playing. Castle's eyes followed the sound of the music until he spotted the band. It wasn't quite the band from the Mos Eisley Cantina, but it had its moments. All but the singer were dressed in elegant tuxedos. There was a giraffe playing what looked like a cello, an elephant tickling the ivories with his own ivories, a buffalo on a flute, two meerkats playing the violin, one worked the bow while the other pressed the strings down, and a lioness in an evening gown, singing.
"May I help you?" Said a familiar voice.
"Jaci…." Rick stopped, remembering what the Wicked Witch of the South had said about witches and their names. "Are you a witch, by any chance?"
"Of course not. I'm Sister Jacinda, of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. How may we help you?"
As Declan explained that they needed dinner and rooms, Castle looked at Jacinda. She was dressed from head to toe in a voluminous black garment that left only her face visible.
"Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence?" Kate whispered. "Are you interested?"
"I intend to perpetually indulge myself with you." He answered quickly. "It's just that we keep meeting people we know, sort of, in such very odd situations."
"I don't know. I think Meredith and Gina are perfect witches."
"Yeah, but if Declan starts wearing sweater vests, it's all over."
Declan handed Jacinda some gold and she led the party to the dining room. A very polite skunk met them at the door, and escorted them to their table. "Your waiter will be here momentarily."
In New York, that often meant that your waiter would show up after his smoke break and after flirting with several waitresses. However, their waiter, another turtle arrived in seconds. "Would you like a drink while you peruse the menu?" He asked.
Castle stared at the turtle. "How long is it going to take you to get to the bar and back?"
"Mere seconds, sir." He raised his leg to show that he was wearing roller skates.
"Roller skates? Not magic?"
"These are magical roller skates, sir."
They ordered drinks and looked over the menu. In spite of being only one page long, the menu contained hundreds, if not thousands of items.
Everyone found something they really loved on the menu. Ann Hasty even found some high test steel shavings a jus, which she found delightful.
At the end of the meal, they wandered back to the lobby before going to their rooms. The band was still playing.
"Beckett. That sounds like a waltz. It is. It's 3/4 time, or thereabouts. Care to dance with me?" He said.
She curtsied in return. "I'd love to."
"What are ye doin'?" Declan inquired.
"Dancing." Rick replied. "You do know what dancing is, don't you?"
Declan, and everyone else just shook their heads.
"Then just watch." Rick led Kate onto the floor in front of the band and they began to dance. Soon they had gathered a large audience who were wondering what this strange form of movement was.
Simone saw Declan leering at her, so she grabbed Harvey and pulled him out onto the dance floor. The hare had no real idea what to do, but he was able to shake his furry little bunny tail to the time of the music.
Next, Ann Hasty took Rollo out onto the floor. While not very rhythmic, both were very strong. Ann was able to lift Rollo over her head easily and the bear then did a back flip and finished with a pretty good pirouette.
When the six were done, they found that many people had bought them drinks. They sat and the humans did their best to explain dance to their friends.
Suddenly Rick found herself looking at boobs. Not just any boobs, but four pairs of striped, furry boobs that were just barely covered by an evening gown. It was the tiger singer.
"That was interesting." She said. "Care to come my room and we can do a little dancing as you call it?"
"So I can be one of your conquests?"
The tigress smiled. "Or I could be one of yours."
"Sorry. I'm spoken for." He gestured to Kate and Simone.
"Too bad. It would have been great." She winked at Castle.
"Oi'm available." Declan said with a smile.
"I can understand that." The tigress said and strode off.
"We should hit the hay." Rick said.
"There's no hay around here. And why would you hit it?" Rollo asked, puzzled.
"I mean we should just go to sleep."
"Then why didn't you say so?"
After breakfast the next morning, they were back on the Orange Brick Road. They hadn't gone very far, when a huge being stepped out of the forest and stood in front of them, on the path. Although hideously ugly, he was snappily dressed in a blue suit, white shirt and red power tie.
"Halt where you are. I am Will the Thrill and I defend all of the Wizard's Inter Realm Highways. Surrender now or face my wrath."
Rollo stepped forward. "You don't look so tough…"
"One more word out of you and you're a fur rug." The creature bellowed.
"Oh. Well, when you put it that way…"
"What do you want, Will?" Kate demanded. "Is it sprinkles?"
"N-o-o-o-o!" He screamed. "I'm over sprinkles. I'm arresting you because, I can."
"Typical." Castle muttered.
"Oi'm not bein' arrested by the likes of you, boyo." Declan said, waving his shillelagh about. "Put up yer dukes. I've whipped me weight in Black and Tans in me day, an' Oi'm no afraid of ye."
Suddenly, Will the Thrill began to cry. "Don't hurt me. Please. I was just fooling with you."
Castle suddenly understood. "You think you're a coward!"
"No." The creature blubbered. "I know I'm a coward. And I can't be. How can a Keeper of the Wizard's Peace be a coward? It isn't fair."
"So, you're scared?"
"Of course, I'm scared. That's what being a coward is."
Castle shook his head. "No it isn't. All courage is, is doing what you're supposed to do in spite of being scared. Kate and I, and Simone have been terrified many times, but we did what we knew we had to do. I'm sure it's the same with the rest of my companions."
"Not a bit, boyo." Growled Declan.
"Why would I be scared?" Ann Hasty asked, puzzled.
"Agree with him." Kate whispered fiercely. "Or I'll make you afraid."
Declan nodded his head. "Oi'm afeered sometimes."
"All you need is proof that you've been brave. Let us go, and I'll provide you with that proof."
"Castle…?" Kate whispered.
"Okay." The creature said.
Castle pulled out his notebook and pen and began writing. When he was done, he tore out a page and handed it to the creature. "Read it."
The creature cleared his throat. "In recognition of his many valorous and courageous acts, above and beyond the call of duty, Will the Thrill is hereby awarded the Medal of Supreme Courage, with all of the rights attendant to that award." The creature began to cry. "That's wonderful." He stood up straighter. "Are there any evil doers about?"
Castle pointed down the road behind them. "I think you'll find them that-a-way."
As the newly brave creature headed away from them, Declan asked Castle. "How did you know to do that?"
"It worked for the cowardly lion."
"Who?"
"A guy with the same kind of problem.