Thanks to RosieAngelina for reviewing!
And cue the theme!
...
Ugh.
Something wrong?
The editing on this one is going to be a nightmare! Apparently, there's some sort of strike, so some of the footage we wanted...you know, of Thomas? Not coming.
Oh dear. Ah well, let's move on!
...
"So."
"Yep."
Both big engines stared off into the distance of the Vicarstown sheds. For whatever reason, they had temporarily relocated there while work was carried out on Tidmouth. Henry and Gordon were lonely after Thomas left the yard to run his branchline. They missed him very much.
"You know what I missed about Thomas?"
"No. What?"
"How easy he was to mock."
Henry sighed nostagically. "Ah yes. That brings back some good memories. And you know what I miss? Him doing all the work for us. Remember that? When tank engines actually got us coaches instead of forcing us to move from our nice and cosy sheds?"
"Not even like we can ask James to do it any more. He's right. Technically he is bigger than Edward."
The two engines sighed.
...
Indeed, they did have more work to do and had to fetch their own coaches. All under the grim stare of the Fat Controller. They didn't like that. They were very lazy and tired out easily.
James grumbled too. Oh the surprise. "We get no rest! We get no rest! We should form a union!" he hissed. The coaches laughed (Mostly at Henry and James, because Gordon was far too grand to speak in earshot)
"You're lazy and slack, you're lazy and slack!" They said.
"We are NOT!" Henry and James would shout, before napping. All together the three of them were causing the Fat Controller a great deal of trouble. Not just because of their annoyance at having to do work, but because he wasn't entirely convinced that the engines hadn't had something to do with the recent egging of his office window at Vicarstown.
The big stations at the end of the line each have a turntable. The Fat Controller had constructed these turntables so that the big engines could turn around, because it is dangerous for them to go fast backwards. This, naturally, led to many a crack from Thomas and, on occasion, Marklin about their weight. For tank engines like Thomas don't need turntables, they can go just as fast backwards as forwards.
But to hear Gordon talk one day, you would have thought that the Fat Controller had given them a tender, just to show how important he was. Henry and James were also very proud of their tenders, no innuendo intended, but Gordon took it to the next level. The next disturbing obsessive level.
"Uh...Gordon? Can I have a go now?"
"SHUT IT HENRY I'M NOT DONE."
...
One day, at Elsbridge, Gordon and Thomas had met up for a quick chat. Well, actually Thomas had been stuck in the station thanks to a nagging passenger, and Gordon had come along and planned to blast his Pro-Tender Bias at the tank engine until he submitted.
"You don't understand, little Thomas. We tender engines have a position to keep up!"
"Yeah, I bet you do with all of your accidents over the last few months." grunted Thomas.
"It doesn't matter where you go, but we are important!"
"Well thanks Mr Dickens. You seem like a reasonable engine."
"AND for the Fat Controller to make us shunt trucks, fetch coaches and go on some of those DIRTY sidings! Well it's...it's...IT'S NOT THE PROPER WAY!" His signal changed. "Nice talking with you Thomas."
And he puffed away. Thomas rolled his eyes, chuckled bitterly, and went off with Annie and Clarabel to get a new crossword.
...
"THE NERVE OF IT! THE NERVE OF IT!" hissed Gordon as he backed onto the turntable. The turntable was in a windy place close to the sea. Just take our word for it, it doesn't matter if you can't see the sea. If he was not on it just right, the big blue fatso put it out of balance, making it difficult to turn for the poor weaklings that operated the turntable.
Today, Gordon was in a bad temper (Even worse than his usual ones) and the wind was strong. Not, Gordon would tell you, as strong as Gordon himself, but at least Henry strong.
The driver tried to make him stop in the right place, but Gordon both was and wasn't trying.
"Just do it!" he snarled, stopping rudely in a random place.
The fireman tried to turn the handle, but Gordon's weight ("I AM NOT FAT!", he roared when asked about it) and the strong wind prevented him. "It's no good." They said at last. "Your tender upsets the balance. If you were a nice tank engine, you wouldn't have this problem." Gordon turned puce with rage. "Now you'll have to pull the next train backwards."
Gordon bit down his response at that, for he had noticed out of the corner of his eye Henry gazing in a smug mood at him.
...
At Elsbridge once more, Gordon began muttering under his breath just what he would do to one of the 'nice tank engines', when some boys pointed. "Look!" They said. "It's a new tank engine! Oh, it's only Gordon, back to front."
"Should have gone to Specsavers." muttered Gordon under his breath. Things could not get any worse.
And then Thomas pulled up.
Oh CURSE YOU GOD, Gordon silently bellowed.
"Hello Gordon! Playing tank engine I see? Sensible engine, nice work. Take my advice, scrap the tender and have a nice bunker instead!"
For fear that he would offend the passengers, Gordon said nothing.
And to top his perfect day off, even James laughed at him. "HA! Nice look, idiot!" He cackled as he passed through.
"Take care." warned Gordon as Thomas chortled off, and as Bertie, above him, smirked at the blue engine's plight. "You'll stick too."
"No fear!" chuckled James, rapidly clacking down the track. "I'm not so fat as you!" And then, louder. "And I get first dibs on Tidmouth!"
"OH DAMN IT!" shouted Gordon.
...
Marklin moved the trucks aside, grinning as James arrived. He was aware that he was skirting a fine line here, but he was determined to see that he be given his rightful due. So he had encouraged the engines by sucking up to their boasts. And by making sure that their work was put in awkward positions that they could only get if they were a tank engine. So far, his plan to get rid of all tender engines was working like a treat.
"I mustn't stick." muttered James, not talking about his glue collection for once. He stopped on just the right place to balance the table. He could now spin easily. And so he began to rotate.
Gordon, having finished his train with a bit of fuss, arrived in time to see everything. He had specially speeded through the country just to see what would happen to James.
It did not disappoint.
James was turning around the well much to quickly. His lack of weight compared to Henry, or indeed Gordon, was allowing the wind to spin him around like a top on a sugar high. He couldn't stop no matter how much he tried.
"HHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEllllllllllLLLLLLLLLLLLLllllllllPPPPPPPPPPPPPPppppppppppPPPPP-" He screamed, feeling as though he was about to throw up, except that trains weren't actually supposed to do that. At last, from sheer luck, the wind slowed down. But James span for another five minutes before slowly coming to a stop roughly outside his shed. His eyes didn't stop spinning for another two minutes.
"Well well." said Gordon, knowing exactly when to pour a entire bucketful of salt onto a open wound that bled like a pig at a butchers. "Are we playing roundabout? Being thin has it's disadvantages, I see."
Poor James, who felt quite giddy, had no way of responding to such a cruel taunt. For once green was the prominent color. He rolled off into the shed without a single word of backchat.
And there he sat, staring in abject misery until night fell and both Gordon and Henry returned.
...
That night, the three engines had a indignation meeting. Which was a polite way of saying that they were going to nag like a bunch of old women.
"What's worse!" snapped Henry. "Is that they're clearly not catering towards us at all! There's no thought for us and our problems! I talked to Edward about this, and he had the nerve to say that now we knew what Thomas and he were going through when they had to do the shunting for us! But it was only natural for them to do it! It's not fair!"
Gordon growled. "It's shameful to treat Tender Engines like this!"
"Gordon has to go backwards and idiotic people think he's a tank engine-" started off James.
"-James spins round like a top and everyone laughs at us for no reason-" continued Henry.
"-and to add to that, the Fat Controller makes us all shunt on dirty sidings!" concluded Gordon frostily.
"YEUCK!" shouted all three at once. Edward winced in annoyance as he tried to get to sleep.
There was a silence, and then "Listen." he whispered something to the others. Henry looked concerned, and James looked unimpressed. But then, slowly, their faces changed.
Edward could see somewhat. One of the shed cameras was pointing at the three of them. He suddenly felt very worried indeed. All three faces were the same. Angry. And ready to do something about it.
"We'll do it tomorrow." spoke Gordon, confident, cold, calm and worst of all collected. "The Fat Controller will look foolish."
The engines, were about to go on strike!
TO BE CONTINUED:
NEXT TIME ON THOMAS ABRIDGED:
"Tender engines DON'T shunt."
...
"They said I have black wheels! They say I can't come in the shed anymore!"
...
"Common tank engines, indeed! WELL BALLS TO EM."
...
"It occurs to me that it's time that we expand our railway. This situation has given me the opportunity to do so."
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"Gordon, Henry, James...meet Number 6."