Follow the Orange Brick Road
By
UCSBdad
Disclaimer: Even if we were in Kansas, Toto, I still don't own Castle. Rating: The occasional M. Time: Following I, Spy.
"Sure. What are they?" Castle asked, confidently.
"A prisoner is told, "If you lie to us, we'll hang you. If you tell the truth, we'll shoot you." What should he say?"
"That's it?" Castle said.
"Now, boyo, just because it's too hard fer ye, is no reason to give up."
"He should say, "You will hang me." Castle shouted. "If they hang him, it's not a lie, so they'd have to shoot him, but that would make his statement a lie, so they'd have to hang him, which would be the truth, and so on."
"Amazing." Rollo said. "If they tried to hang him, it'd be the truth and they have to shoot him for the truth….suppose they just cheated and knifed him?"
"Rollo, that's not helping." Kate said quietly.
"Next." Castle said, smirking.
Shaw glared at Castle, but went on. "A man says, "I have ten or more daughters. I have less than ten daughters. I have at least one daughter." One of those statements is true. How many daughters does he have?"
Castle laughed. "That is so easy."
"Easy?" Said Rollo. "What do you mean? How can you tell how many daughters the man has? He could have hundreds."
"Ye did good guessin' the first one, laddy buck, but tis obvious this is too hard." Declan said.
"If he has any daughters at all, then two of the statements must be true." Castle said loudly. "Therefore he has no daughters, and the answer is less than ten daughters, since zero is less than ten."
Shaw really glared at Castle. "Okay. You're pretty good. But you won't get this one. A man is sitting in a bar and he's got no money left, but he's still thirsty. He sees a man on the other side of the bar pay for a drink from a big bag of gold coins. The man loudly announces, "I know every song in the world. Every last one of them."
The man with the gold laughs. "That's impossible. You're lying."
"Tell me her name and I'll sing a song with your daughter's name in it for fifty gold coins."
"Done. Her name is Raquel Lisette Ledbetter-Cosgrove."
"The man won the bet and got his fifty gold coins. What did he sing?"
Everyone looked at Castle who just laughed. "He sang Happy Birthday."
They crossed the bridge with a very unhappy T.R.O.L.L. agent glaring at them.
"Are ye some sort of wizard in yer ain country?" Asked Declan.
"Perhaps a great philosopher?" Rollo suggested.
Castle laughed. "I have a very smart daughter. When she was younger, the schools used to love to send logic puzzles like that home for homework. Alexis used to get them all right off, and since I checked her homework, I learned them all."
"You checked Alexis' homework?" Kate teased.
Rick blushed slightly. "I was trying to be the adult in the family. And I learned so much."
Suddenly Declan stopped. He inhaled deeply. Then he inhaled again. "It's the creature."
Kate and Simone drew their weapons. Rollo adopted a fighting stance. Harvey, sensibly, hid behind Ann. Roy growled. Castle just looked around.
"What kind of creature." Castle asked.
"The creature, ye ninny. The creature." Declan said, now walking down the road.
"Wait." Cried Simone. "By the creature, do you mean whiskey?"
"Of course."
"He's found a bar." Simone said disgustedly.
"Not a bar, lass. A pub. A public house, wi' whiskey, poteen an' the water of life. An' Guinness, an' soda bread, Irish stew, corned beef an' cabbage an'….Oh, all sorts of lovely things."
"We may as well go." Said Ann. "You won't see Declan pass up an Irish pub."
They saw that Declan was closely followed by Rollo, Harvey and Roy, with Katie Beckett's unconscious form following behind by magic. They went after them.
The pub was just down the road, set back a wee bit from it. The pub was a cozy looking whitewashed building with a thatched roof and smoke drifting from a chimney. Rose bushes grew by the door and ivy clung to the walls. Declan rushed through the door and stopped, inhaling deeply.
"Welcome, lads. What'll it be?" Cried a familiar voice.
"Castle! That's Finn Rourke. What the hell is he doing here?"
"Running a pub. What else?"
Kate just glared at her husband and slid her hand to the butt of her pistol. Simone, noticing this, loosened her Glock in its holster.
"G'day to ye, sor. Declan Niall O'Ryan, yer servant, sir."
Rourke shook his hand. "Welcome, and yer friends are….?"
"I'm Rollo bear."
"Mr. O'Bear? And a foine Irish name ye have."
"I'm Harvey."
"A harper, ye say? Oi loves the sound o' the Irish harp, lad. Come in an' have a wee drop."
Roy held out his paw.
"An Irish wolfhound. Welcome, welcome."
"I'm Kate Beckett, and this is Katie Beckett." Kate motioned to the woman floating beside her.
"P'rhaps yer sister has had a wee bit too much already?" Rourke said.
"Richard Castle."
"Mr. Cashel. Wi' a name like that, ye'll be from Tipperary, no doubt. Ah, but Cashel's a lovely town, lovely."
Simone batted her eyes at Rourke. "Simone Renoir, ma cher."
"Magnifique, mademoiselle." He replied.
They went into the pub and sat at a large table near the fire. Although the fire was quite large, it seemed to be wafting cool air towards them. A table full of old ladies were in the back, seemingly gossiping about the local townsfolk. Two elderly men sat playing chess while a young man flirted with the barmaid. The barmaid ignored his honeyed words to his face, but when she turned away from him, she smiled.
"What can I get for you?" She asked when she got to their table.
"A bottle of your very best Irish whiskey." Declan said.
"Sounds about right." Rollo said. "The same for me."
"That sounds lovely." Harvey said.
Roy nodded and wagged his tail.
"Do you have any WD 40 oil?" Ann asked.
"We have the forty year old only, I'm afraid." The barmaid replied.
"That'll do."
She turned to Rick, Kate, Simone and Katie." And for you?"
"A bottle will be fine." Simone said, determined not to let the Russians look bad in front of a bunch of Irishmen. "My sister and her husband will have a bottle as well. I'm afraid Katie is in no shape to drink."
"Could we have something to eat as well?" Rick quickly asked.
"Loaded potato skins, chili lime cashews, garlic fries, sliders, nachos, chicken wings, Scotch eggs, mini pizza, tacos…."
"Sounds fine." Said Rollo, starting to drool. "Just bring 'em."
Much later that night, they all went upstairs to the bedrooms in the pub. Surprisingly, Rick, Kate and Simone only had a mild buzz on and didn't feel at all full, in spite of all the food they had eaten.
"I could get used to this magic." Castle said, as he pulled Kate to him in the bed.
"Then, I'd better show you some real magic."
Kate took off her boots, then unbuttoned her shirt and threw it over the back of a chair. She smiled at Castle. "So, are you just going to stand there, or do I have to undress you, too?"
Castle shook his head to clear it. "No, you go right ahead." He kicked off his shoes and took off his shoes shirt and tee shirt. Then he undid his pants and pushed them, and his boxers down. He caught his socks with his thumbs and pushed everything onto the floor. When he looked up, Kate was standing there, naked.
"Wow. You are incredibly gorgeous. Remarkable, as I've said."
"On the other hand, there are an infinite number of mes out there someplace."
He quickly shook his head. "No. There's only one you. There may be a gazillion Kate Becketts out there, and I may love them in some fashion, but there's only one you. And one you is all I'll ever need or want."
"You do say the sweetest things. "She walked to him and reached out to grab his erection. "Now what should I do with this?" She teased.
"I can think of a million things…." Castle stopped as Kate dropped to her knees in front of him. "And that's one of them." He managed to get out as she took him fully into her mouth. He gently rested his hands on her head, not to pull her further in, but so that he could maintain his balance and sanity as he felt her lips and tongue slide over him.
"Kate, I think we should….." he began.
"I agree." She said, rising and moving to the bed. She lay on her back and spread her legs as widely as she could.
Rick moved between her thighs then lay down on the bed, with his head resting on her stomach. He lifted himself up and moved down a bit, then blew softly on her slit. "Now what should I do with this?"
"You could write something about Nikki and Rook while examining me." She suggested, slyly.
"Maybe an entirely new character." He said thoughtfully, as he ran his tongue over her clit.
"Somebody magic?" She moaned.
"Nikki's magic all right."
"And I'm Nikki." She reached for his head, gently pulling him down. As he ran his tongue from her clit and then down, Kate moaned again. He slid one finger inside of her as far as it would go and then slowly pulled it almost all the way out. Then in again and slowly out again.
"Castle, not the finger. That's not what I want."
"Two fingers?" He teased, pushing two fingers into her, leaving them there while he played with her clit with his thumb.
"I want you in me, fucking me and I want it right now, or you'll see some magic you won't like."
Castle moved quickly up her body. "Something like this?"
"Except there's nothing inside me. Do I have to…."
She groaned as he entered her. "Better?"
"Much better."
Suddenly Castle found himself on his back, with Kate astride. She pushed herself down as far as she could, taking all of him inside of her. She shook her hair out, which made her boobs bounce entrancingly.
"You just let me do all the work, so you don't get distracted. Why don't you play with my boobs?"
She leaned down and Castle reached up, bouncing her boobs up and down with his hands. Then he pushed them together, and then let them drop. Before Kate could complain, he grabbed her stiff nipples, and tweaked them oh so gently.
Even though she was riding him, he managed to pull her down so he could take one boob into his mouth while stroking the other. Then he switched.
"Kate, I think I'm about to…"
"Yeah, me too."
She pushed herself down onto him and swiveled her hips.
"Oh, my god…."
She felt him explode inside of her just as she climaxed. She collapsed on him.
"A gazillion Kates couldn't take your place."
She kissed him. "I love you, Mr. Beckett."
"Back at you, Mrs. Castle."
The next morning they all set out again on the Orange Brick Road.
"We're not too far from the palace now." Declan said cheerfully.
"How do we get to see the wizard once we're there?" Castle asked. "Do we need to make an appointment? Maybe fill out some paperwork? What?"
"We just walk in an' ask ta see the wizard, boyo. The wizard always has toime fer people in need."
"Just keep telling yourself that, Irish." Said a voice from behind them.
They turned around to face a man in a double breasted, three piece suit, wearing a trench coat with a fedora pulled down low over his eyes. "And who might ye be to be tellin' us things?"
"I'm Sam Spade, private investigator." The man lisped slightly.