Thanks to RosieAngelina and all others for reviewing, favouriting and ALL THAT FUN STUFF. Oh, quick note, in the next chapter, once I set it up, I have something of note to ask of you who read.
And cue the theme!
...
Almost there.
Wow. Feels like only yesterday that you asked me to do this, and I said Yes.
You said a lot more than that. Because you were high.
Details. Right. Next episode!
...
Gordon was resting in a siding. This, as you can tell, was nothing unusual. He was also resting in the same part of the Sidings where Thomas would frequently run up and whistle at him back when Thomas wasn't busy doing other things. He was not a smart engine like that.
"Sometimes!" he declared. "It's really tiring to be such a large and splendid engine such as myself! So hard to have such a sleek and muscular body like mine! One does have to keep up appearances so!"
Henry sidled up beside him, somehow managing to sneak up without Gordon seeing him despite the fact that he was roughly the same size and far more prone to making odd noises. "PEEP PEEP! HELLO FATFACE!" He whistled.
"What CHEEK!"
"Actually, I said it with my mouth, not my cheek." Henry cheerfully whistled and began puffing away with a train of giggling and snorting trucks.
"That Henry!" Gordon said to his bored out of their skulls crew. "IS GETTING TOO BIG FOR HIS WHEELS."
"Funny." said his fireman, as he boiled a lobster. "I thought the operation was meant to fix that."
"Fancy speaking to me like that! ME! Who has never had a accident!"
Having just pushed Henry's train into place, a cheeky little green engine slowly pulled up besides him. "Aren't jammed whistles, crushed cars and burst safety valves accidents?" asked Percy innocently.
"Okay, first of all, you weren't even here for the last two of those! Secondly, what is wrong with the green engines on this island today? And thirdly, NO INDEED. It's high spirits!"
"Ah." Percy nodded. "It's the drink."
"IT MIGHT HAPPEN TO ANY ENGINE." snapped back Gordon. "Well, coming off the rails like Henry! WELL I ASK YOU. Is it right? Is it DECENT? IS IT-" He frowned. "Where did you go?"
Percy was already off, going to talk to James about how Gordon had clearly lost his sanity. Halfway there, he realized he was talking to the pot about the kettle, so he headed to where Toby was.
...
Later on, as Gordon enjoyed his apparent day off, he spotted Henry backing down to the express, for it was his turn to pull it. Henry looked panicked, but unfortunately to stop and allow the shunters to fasten the couplings, he had to stay by Gordon for a toxic few minutes.
"Be careful Henry! You're not pulling the Smelly Kipper now! Mind you stay on the rails today!"
"Okay, first of all, you broke your own whistle more recently than I crashed. Secondly, LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Henry huffed off maturely with the express, and Gordon settled back to sleep.
Not for long though.
"Wake up lazyarse!" said his driver. "We've got a special train to pull."
Gordon opened one eye. "Coaches or trucks?"
The driver winced. "Trucks."
"TRUCKS?!" screamed Gordon. "PAH!" It made him so mad he became cross eyed for a few minutes.
Gordon's fire was slow to start, and so Edward had to be called away from his work to push Gordon to the turntable so he could face the right way. "Right, come on then!" Edward started off, Gordon steaming furiously.
"I WON'T GO, I WON'T GO!" Gordon grumbled.
"Don't be silly, don't be silly! We're literally here now!" Edward snapped back as he pushed him onto the Vicarstown Turntable. "Trust me, we couldn't take you to Tidmouth after what happened last time!"
At last, Gordon was on the turntable, Edward backed off but stayed to watch. Because he wanted to. The movement had shaken his fire up, and he was now warming up nicely, making steam. That was not being made by Gordon's sheer rage.
Gordon was cross, again, and didn't care what he did at the moment. He waited until the turntable reached the halfway round point "I'll show em, I'll show em!" he hissed as the turntable swung around.
He moved slowly forward to jam the table, as he had done once before, but he couldn't stop himself and slithered into a very muddy and urine-resembling ditch. "OOSH!" He hissed. "Get me out! Get me out! I can feel my very SOUL BEING TAINTED."
"Oh shut up you great berk." said the driver, who was now standing with his fireman surveying their engine. "Not a hope! You're stuck you silly old engine! Don't you understand that!?"
"DON'T SASS ME!" roared Gordon. But he was in not much position to do anything, since he was in aforementioned ditch.
...
They telephoned the Fat Controller, despite literally being right opposite his office. Apparently someone was recording him, and so he spoke everything back to make sure he got it right for the cameras.
"SO GORDON DIDN'T WANT TO PULL THE SPECIAL TRAIN AND RAN INTO A DITCH, YOU SAY?!" He winked to Allcroft and Mitton, who looked uncomfortable. Perhaps that was just because for whatever reason, every time the Controller used a phone, the man at the other end became a chipmunk. "WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY!? THE SPECIAL'S STILL WAITING!" He switched back into normal mode. "Tell Edward to take it. And Gordon? Oh leave him! I can't be bothered!"
He put the phone down. "Did you get the footage?"
"Uh...yes."
...
On the other side of the ditch, some little boys were chatting.
"Coo!" said one, who apparently studied the Victorian Street Urchins guide to speaking. "Look at that mates! A blue submarine!"
"LAWKS! Don't he look silly! They'll never get im out!"
"At least I don't sound like you." Gordon muttered.
And then they began to sing. "Silly old Gordon fell in a ditch! Fell in a ditch! Fell in a ditch! Silly old Gordon fell in a ditch, all on a Monday mooooooooooorning!"
"IT'S FRIDAY YOU HELLIONS!" wailed Gordon, as the boys ran away. Jeremiah Jobling paused and considered asking the boys to become his new back up group.
Gordon was in the ditch all day. And when you have nothing to do but stare at the same piece of grass and water over and over again...you go a little mad.
"OH DEAR!" he wailed. "I SHALL NEVER GET OUT."
...
But that evening, they came for Gordon and made a road of sleepers under his wheels to keep him from slipping further into the mud. Marklin smirked as he saw this, as his ferry was leaving soon he wanted a memory to make him laugh before he left.
Strong ropes were fastened to him as the Breakdown Train lifted out his tender, and James and Henry, pulling hard, managed to place Gordon back on the rails and to safety.
"Bloody hell!" laughed James. "You don't half stink!"
"Take a bath!" Henry laughed at him.
Gordon was too tired for insults. As his wheels touched the rails again, he was vaguely aware of him being turned around on the turntable, and everyone else departing.
At last, Gordon crept into the sheds, a sadder, wiser and much more filthy engine.
To the left of him, he could hear discussion.
"So Edward, how was the special?"
"Oh you know Toby, it was wonderful! I didn't think that pulling trucks that carried the 'Best Engine of the Year' awards would mean I would actually be given that title!"
"You know, if Gordon had pulled them-" There was a pause. "Why hello there Gordon! And how as your day?"
Gordon said nothing. For once, he was literally lost for words.