Merry Christmas to all of you! Thank you to the reviewers! Also, releasing this early, BECAUSE I WANT TO WRITE MORE OF THESE!
And now, cue the special CHRISTMAS THEME.
...
Welcome back Mr Starr!
Surprising how much I missed this! All right, so we're doing the Christmas special, right?
Definitely! Fingers crossed, should be up by December at least. All right, you ready?
Ready as I'll ever be.
Then let's get going!
...
At last, it was finally almost Christmas on the Island of Sodor. All the engines were working surprisingly hard, for despite their cynicalness, they still loved the holiday and were desperate to get presents.
There was a mixture of activity all along the line. Henry and Gordon pulled people to shops, and then pulled the looters away from the very angry mothers who wanted the latest Transformer for their child. Gordon had come out with three dents in his boiler and Henry's tender looked as though someone had emptied a whole carton of eggs onto it. Because they had.
Percy, meanwhile, had taken over shunting duties in the yard for the moment. This meant he was often scurrying back and forth, selecting certain trains for certain engines, and occasionally serving up drinks in the Siding. He had also recently decided to start flogging Ringo Starr CD's for a cheap price. So far, he hadn't sold any, but he lived in hope.
Then there was Edward and James. While the two of them were constantly bickering quite a lot, they were also busy carrying Christmas decorations everywhere. The reason was because for some reason Bertie had refused to allow any more pine needles and shedding tinsel on his seats, and so they had to take over. Which was mightily uncomfortable when James's face was constantly shoved into prickly needles and Edward was constantly buffeted by stray Baubles.
And Thomas and Toby were busy carrying people and parcels up and down the branchline. Toby was enjoying his first Christmas with friends, though that may have been because it was the first time he had ever laid eyes on a Christmas tree. Because he was sure that what the guard had installed in Henrietta on their old line was more a skeleton of one.
Everyone was (relatively) happy. Only the coaches, Annie and Clarabel, were complaining. "It's always the same before Christmas!" they groaned. We feel so full! We feel so full!"
"Cut down on the jammy dodgers then!" crowed Thomas. "Oh come on! Where's your festive spirit?"
"At the coach shed with the air conditioning!" snapped Annie.
"Christmas day is almost here! And if there's one time where we can put aside all our squabbling and stuff, it's on that day!"
They passed Edward and James puffing along with the latest collection of Christmas CD's.
"SHUT THAT RACKET OFF!"
"THIS IS DEAN MARTIN, JAMES. HE'S A CLASSIC!"
"Balls to that!"
"...On that day." Thomas repeated, slightly less sure of himself. They pulled along the track, and by the side of it, they saw a cottage. A familiar figure stood there, waving to them.
"It's Mrs Kyndley!" said Thomas cheerfully. "The old bat's made it another year! Peep peep! Happy Christmas!" Thomas always felt better for seeing her, not the least because she had a bod to die for.
"Christmas." he declared loudly. "Would not be Christmas without Mrs Kyndley!"
"Then what would it be?"
Thomas had no answer to this.
...
When work was over, Thomas went to see the other engines. As he puffed onto the turntable, he heard snatches of conversation.
"-he doesn't like Dean Martin, so he said!"
"The nerve!"
"So anyway, I said to him-"
"Did you get me anything Gordon?"
"A punch in the nose!"
All of their coats had been polished, while Toby's had only just been repainted following the incident with the tar wagons. Gordon turned his attentin from Percy to Thomas. "Huh!" he said. "Just look at us! Five glorious engines! Your driver's going to have to work hard to get you looking as smart as us!"
"Never mind that!" Thomas whistled. "I've something important to say!"
"We know Thomas." Henry said. "We got the Last Christmas CD today too. It's great!"
"No! I mean, yes, it is good, but still! Do you realize it's a whole year since Mrs Kyndley saved us all from a nasty accident!"
"I kept telling you to go to the toilet!" sighed James. "But would you listen, no!"
"You remember, when she was ill in bed and-"
"Yes of course!" Edward interrupted. "You told us how she waved her red dressing gown of the window to attract her toyboy! And then inadvertently warned you about a landslide ahead!"
"And you and Toby gave her presents." Percy joined in, not wanting to be left out. "And the Fat Controller sent her to Bournemouth to get better!"
"There are a lot better places I'd have sent her." muttered Gordon. "Besides, I don't think it's been a year. For starters it was snowing last year, but it wasn't then!"
"Details!" snapped Thomas.
"But!" said James and Henry together. "The rest of us have never thanked her properly." They stared at each other. "Jinx!" they said at once.
"Exactly!" said Thomas. "So now I was thinking we should give her a special Christmas party!"
There was a pause, and then Toby puffed up, ringing his bell. "Hello all of you!" he said chirpily. "What's wrong?"
"Thomas wants us to do more work than ever!" James protested. "A Christmas party! For her?!"
"Technically it'll be for all of us." Edward suggested. "It'd make the perfect cap to Christmas Eve." He frowned. "We have some left over decorations. And CD's."
"And I'm pretty sure I can bribe Carlin to get some presents for her." Henry agreed. "He's thinking of putting in a transfer to you, Percy. Says you'll be less stressful."
"Oh joy."
Soon, everyone grew very excited, and the drivers felt sure that the Fat Controller would agree, as indeed he did. After a lot of pointing out that Kyndley and Co had funded the railway for several years.
The engines were all busy making plans, when suddenly silence fell.
...
"WHY IS IT SO QUIET?!"
"Shut up Percy!" snapped Gordon, Henry and James.
The Fat Controller trudged through, bearing bad news. "The weather has changed badly, and the Missus is snowed up! We tried to get to her, but...well, my doctor has forbidden me to do lots of things. Risking my life is one of them. Toby says he'll rescue her suicidlly, you must help too Thomas!"
"Why me?!" snapped the tank engine.
"Because it was your fool idea in the first place!" snapped Bertie the Bus, who had just pulled up to the party. "I can't get up there! Ergo, the loser who wants her out of the house should do it!"
"There's no party unless you do!" Thomas sighed. "And no cigarettes!" Thomas snapped to attention. He hated snow.
But he said bravely. "I'll try sir! We must rescue her, we must!"
"There's a good engine. You and Toby will do great!"
"Really ******* believe that?" asked Carlin.
"Nope."
...
Thomas, armed with snowplow and hope, charged the snowdrifts fiercely. Maybe it was better now that Annie and Clarabel weren't constantly reminding him of his failures. Sometimes he sliced through them and smacked them aside, and sometimes they stuck fast and the men had to loosen them. Toby followed with Henrietta, cold and worried, filled with a beverage cart.
"Uh, Toby?"
"Yes m'dear?"
"Where's the brakevan gone?"
"OH RODS AND SIDEPLATES!" Toby hurried back to get it, with the angry workmen standing by it tapping their feet. But once they reached the cutting near the cottage, they could go no further.
"Look at that." exclaimed Thomas's fireman. The snowdrift looked like it couldn't be destroyed by a heavy drill, let alone a engine.
"Bloody hell!" Thomas said. "It looks like Hunter S Thompson split his entire morning's worth of cocaine here!" He whistled.. "Peep peep! We're here!"
A answering wave came from the upstairs window, as Mrs Kyndley descended. She appeared to have forgotten to wear anything beneath a green dressing gown. Then they all heard a familiar sound, a rumbling. Thomas's eyes widened.
"Hang on a minute! That's Terrance!" He gulped. "So he's here to help too! AND HE'S STILL SMILING!"
Terrance the Tractor rolled forward, grinning like a loon. Sure enough, he had a snowplow, and began to work hard to clear a path to the railway line and safety for the Kyndley woman.
At long last, after a great battle with the snow, it was done. Percy took the tired workmen, and the drunk ones too, in the brakevan to their homes. Terrance said goodbye to Mrs Kyndley, and promised to take care of her cottage, as the two engines set off.
Terrance sighed. "Maybe one day I'll get invited."
"One day, Terrance. One day."
...
Okay, next-
There was a knock at the door, and the producer got up-
No need to narrate everything Ringo! Hang on? Miss Allcroft? We're to go now? ...Okay, uh, Ringo! Come on!
...
The engines made good time, for no more snow fell that day. But as they arrived back at the yard, it was dark, not a sight could be seen.
Thomas's metaphorical heart sank.
And then suddenly all the lights came on! And what a sight awaited them. The two coaches, Annie and Clarabel, sat on opposing sides of the shed, Bertie the Bus nestled up by one of them and cheerfully grinning. In the shed itself, Gordon, Percy, Edward, James and Henry let loose a chorus of whistles to greet them. A Christmas tree that looked magnificantly well groomed stood besides the final, empty berth, currently being attended to by Jerimiah Jobling and Mr Carlin. Charlie Sand and Sidney Heaver were arriving, followed by Mr Mitton, Mrs Allcroft, Mr Asquith the Producer and Ringo Starr the Inspector! Mrs Kyndley swooned at the sight of the last one.
The Fat Controller got up on a podium. "Well done!" he said. "I'm so very proud of you all!"
Kyndley thanked the small engines especially. "Thomas and Toby are old friends!" she said, handing out cigarettes. "And now Percy is my friend too."
"AYE!" shouted Gordon ."What about us you old-" The three other engines whistled loudly, as Percy became so excited that he bubbled over with joy.
"Three cheers for Mrs Kyndley!" he called.
"Peep peep!" they all whistled. The band started up, carried in by Terrance, and Ringo was convinced to sing a few songs.
...
"We wish you a merry Christmas! We wish you a merry Christmas! We wish you a merry Christmas! And a happy new year!"
Everyone whistled loudly as he finished.
...
As Christmas morn dawned, the engines were joyously awaiting their presents.
"Oh Edward! You shouldn't have!" said James in delight as he stared at his new bright dome. He placed it next to a pile of other presents, bodywash (Gordon) a mirror (Henry), a collection of new rhinestone encrusted wheels (Toby) and two nearly identical model engines of himself (Thomas and Percy).
"Well I saw it and I thought, you!" Edward chuckled, as his driver put aside Henry's gift (A VHS tape of Star Wars) next to Toby, Thomas and Percy's (A book from some Reverend Awdry, a Pro Truck Wrestling tape and a buffer enhancing kit respectively). "Right, like my one, everyone?"
Gordon nodded, though he couldn't see how a 'How to Treat Engines With Respect' guide would help him much. Henry whistled loudly in appreciation of the Environmentally friendly lightbulbs, Percy gave him a wink as he held up the new radio, Toby and Henrietta both marvelled at the History of Arlsburgh cassette and Thomas was...looking at his with confusion."
"What is this?"
"Ah, that's the Nicotine Patches. I figured it would work better for you rather than having to cadge ciggies from us." Edward stared at James's present. "Oh James!" he said with joy. "Dean Martin's best hits!"
"Ah well." James laughed. "Figured I should get you something." Edward chuckled, and watched as Sand and Heaver opened up Gordon's present.
"My...My old line?!"
"I pulled a few strings." Gordon coughed in embarrassment, as his driver removed Henry's and James's presents (A new whistle and a jug of ditchwater respectively) from his buffers. "Hatt was more than happy to do it."
"I would HUG you if I could."
"Please don't!" Gordon coughed. "Ah well, thank you all. I liked the sweater, Percy!" Percy grinned. "And the hat." Toby laughed. "But Thomas, I don't seem to have a present from you."
"Well." grinned Thomas. "That''s because-" His eyes shifted to the yard, and Gordon stared in shock as a long train of coaches, specially painted for him, appeared. "Figured you'd like them."
"Like them?! I LOVE THEM!"
Thomas shrugged. "Least I could do." He looked over his presents. Gordon had given him a alarm clock to wake him up on time, Henry had given him a five year subscription to Snowplow's Weekly, James had thoughtfully given him a pair of bootlaces, Percy had given him a tin of paint to cheer him up, and Toby and Henrietta had chipped in for a Anti-Police excuse book.
Henry was grinning from side to side. Most of his presents had been good, Thomas had given him a doctor's diagnostic kit, James a game of Operation, Toby, Percy and Henrietta all had given him a collection of parts in case he broke again, and Gordon had reluctantly given him a 'Permit to Whistle'.
Percy laughed as he stared at all the new toys. "Wow! I can't believe you remembered all of them!"
"Well we did our best!"
Thomas looked over to Annie and Clarabel. "Hey girls!" He pointed to their present. "There you are. Earplugs for when I rant on and sing."
"Thanks Thomas!" bubbled Clarabel, and Annie reluctantly nodded. "But we got you something as well!" Thomas looked down at the last present, and as his driver unwrapped it, he gasped.
"Is that...Is that a-"
"Option to get new coaches? Yes."
"No way! I want you too forever!"
Toby sighed. "Thanks for all of these reminders of Arlsburgh." He looked over at Henrietta. "We thought we'd lost a home. But we gained a new one."
"Don't get sappy!" Berite warned as he tooted away. "Thanks for the promise of a race Thomas!"
Everyone sighed as the humans began to return.
"So, you're not coming back for a year at least?" Hatt sighed. "Shame really. I've gotten so used to you."
"Oh not to worry!" Mitton said cheerfully. "They see the footage we've got, we'll be back in no time!"
"Of course, we'll have to overdub some of the more questionable elements." Allcroft mused. She turned to Kyndley. "You have a good group of peoPle here."
Mrs Kyndley could think of nowhere else she would rather live, than with them on the Island of Sodor. Soon, Bertie looped round to take everyone home. The engines whistled. Ringo and Mr Asquith sat by each other.
"Happy Christmas Ringo. See you in a year?"
"See ya in a year, Steve!"
Sir Topham stepped forward. "Ahem. Engines. If you'll direct your attention to the corner of the sheds."
They did so and gasped. For there was a TV, newly cleaned and polished. Hatt smiled, as he walked back to his car, leaving Thomas the Tank Engine and his friends to enjoy their Christmas.
...
And once all of that was done, Sir Topham Hatt sat in his house and unwrapped his own presents. From his daughters and son, from his grandchildren, from his ex-wife (With a telltale warning sign that it was smelling) and finally from 'His Engines'.
It was a postcard of the seven of them sitting by each other, signed with each of their names, and reading 'To the Best Controller of them all'.
He sighed. "Don't cry!"
"I wasn't going to, sir."
"Not you Butler!"
...
(AND A HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO!)