Original Author's Note: Hey everyone! I'm back! The holidays are coming and I thought now is the time to update!

Chapter 1 - All I Really Want For Christmas

Barbara gave a soft smile as she looked at the ornaments in the box. The Griffins were decorating their house to get into the Christmas mood. Barbara had to admit, even though she didn't care for the season, the house looked beautiful with all the Christmas decorations.

"So does everyone know what they want for Christmas?" Lois asked.

"Oh my god", Meg smiled. "There are so many things I want. I don't know where to start!"

"What about you, Chris?"

"I need to write my list too", he smiled.

"Stewie, what do you want?" Lois asked.

"Yes, what do I want?" he wondered choosing between all the weapons he could think of and Lois dead.

"Why don't we make up our lists then?" Peter asked. "I got so many things to write down."

Barbara sighed as she sat with Brian who was currently reading a book, looking bored.

"What are you reading?" she asked.

"Some book I've read like five times", he answered.

"Aren't you going to make a Christmas list?"

"Don't need to", Brian asked. "I'm not as greedy as these guys are."

They watched the Griffins write down every little thing they could think of as they grew more and more excited for Christmas. Peter smiled as he sang the first item on his list.

"Jessica Biel and Megan Fox
Wearing nothing but their socks
Is all I really want for Christmas this year! "

"Well that's just not practical", Brian rolled his eyes.

Lois put on a Mexican poncho and a sombrero as she mentioned what was on her list.

"Spending a week in Mexico
With some black guys and some blow
Is all I really want for Christmas this year!"

"Why don't you spend your own money and do that?" Barbara asked. "Why are you asking someone else to give you that opportunity?"

"Saves me money", Lois answered.

"Oh, that sound terrific", Peter said. "How about you, kids?"

Chris smiled as he wrote his list.

"I would like a pair of skates, then I'd go out skating.
But I really don't know how to skate."

"There, that's more practical then you two", Barbara said looking at Peter and Lois.

Meg smiled as she imagined what her gift would be.

"I want a Lexus all in pink
And a dad that doesn't drink."

"Oh, that reminds me", Peter interrupted. "12 kegs of beer!"

"All these happy wishes and lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year!"

"Santa's got his work cut out for him", Brian said with a frown.

"I ain't even gotten started yet", Peter said smirking.

"There's more?" Barbara asked.

"I want to tour the Spanish Coast", Lois smiled imagining her gift.
"Lunch with Michael Landon's ghost", Peter smiled.
"Is all I really want for Christmas this year!"

"Wait, what?" Lois asked.

"Forget it", Peter said. "Keep going."

"Jennifer Garner in my bed", Chris smiled.
"Softer voices in my head", Meg said looking psychotic.
"Is all I really want for Christmas this year!"

Stewie smiled as he wrote down what he wanted.

"Yellow cake uranium
Never mind the reason
Also Chutes and Ladders and a ball!"

"Doesn't this seem like too much stuff?" Brian asked.

"Boo on you", Peter frowned. "It's not enough."

"Buddy boy, I got your Christmas right here", Stewie said grabbing his crotch in front of Brian.

"All these happy wishes and lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year!"

"I have to agree", Barbara said. "Half of these wishes, you can do yourself. You don't need to ask someone to give it all to you."

"I'm just saying it's a bit excessive", Brian said.

"Get off your soap box, Brian", Lois frowned. "It's Christmas."

"Yeah, the time for giving, not demanding", Barbara said.

"Christmas is about getting", Peter frowned. "Everyone in town knows that."

Quagmire smiled as he was surrounded by women who were dominating him.

"Japanese girls with no restraint
Just to choke me till I faint
Is all I really want for Christmas this year!"

Bonnie smiled as she decorated her house with Joe and their daughter, Susie.

"Platinum-plated silverware."
"Just one day when kids don't stare", Joe added.
"Is all I really want for Christmas this year!"

The joy was sucked out as Mort Goldman joined in.

"If you put a Christmas tree in the public airport
I will go to court and sue your ass
Happy holidays!"

"Wouldn't I love a tinker toy?" Mayor West smiled as he wrote his list.
"And a little drummer boy!" old man Herbert the pervert smiled. "He can even tap his drum on my rear."

"All these happy wishes and lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year!"

"Is nobody listening to us?" Barbara asked.

"Not one person", Brian frowned as he turned on the news to see Tom Tucker joining in the cheer.

"I want a golden moustache comb"
"And some spermicidal foam", Angela said appearing from under Tom's desk.
"That's all I really want for Christmas this year!"

Lois' father, Carter was out of town as he normally was during the holidays.

"I want a brand new pitching wedge"
"I would like more lemon pledge", Consuela said as she cleaned as always.
"That's all I really want for Christmas this year!"

The town's gay, Bruce joined in full of cheer.

"I just want a wedding ring from someone named Jeffrey."
"I just want some colored Easter eggs!" Jillian said celebrating the wrong holiday.

"I want a Blu-ray of The Wiz", Carl said bored.
"We don't know what "Christmas" is", the tanned foreign guys said joining.
We have something else called "Kishkev Fufleer!"

"All these happy wishes and lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year!"

Barbara frowned and shook her head.

"I only want one thing and it's much better than what everyone else wants", she said. "Know what that is, Brian?"

"I have no idea", he answered.

"All I really want for Christmas are our own puppies."

"Puppies?" Brian asked shocked.