Chapter 5 - On the Road

Stewie kept his ray gun aimed at Brian as they walked back to the car.

"Now, let's go", he said. "I got it all planned out. I'm going to see the workshop, pet a few reindeer, take a few pictures of me and Santa, and then I'm going to blow his brains out, hopefully with his bitch wife watching."

"This is ridiculous", Brian said. "We are not going to the North Pole. Trust me, it's a waste of time. You're not going to find Santa."

"Why not?" Stewie asked.

"Because there's no such…"

Barbara looked at him worried. Was he really going to crush Stewie's holiday spirit any more than it already had been? Even Stewie was looking at him worried about what Brian was about to say.

"Because when you get there, you may find out it wasn't what you thought it was. I wouldn't want you to be disappointed."

"That's it?" Stewie asked unconvinced. "That's your reason? You know why nothing works out for you, Brian?"

"Stewie, let's not go there", Barbara said.

"No, he needs to know. It's cause he has a negative attitude. Like Eeyore."

"Aw, come on", Barbara said. "I like Eeyore."

Winnie the Pooh smiled as he looked at Eeyore who sat with a gloomy look on his face.

"Come on Eeyore", Pooh said. "Let's go play."

"I don't feel like it", Eeyore sighed.

"Why are you always in such a…bad mood?"

"I have a nail in my anus", Eeyore said motioning to the tail that was nailed into him.

"Oh."

"That's not fair!" Brian said. "I don't think I have a negative attitude. I just…don't think it's a good idea embarking on a potentially dangerous journey."

"Honey", Barbara said nudging him.

She pointed to a truck driving away with Stewie riding shotgun.

"Say yes to life, Brian!" he said. "I'll be home for Christmas!"

"Stewie, what are you doing?" Barbara called.

"I'm going to kill Santa with or without your help", he said waving.

"Son of a bitch!" Brian said glaring. "Get in the car."

Barbara got in the car as Brian started the engine. They pulled out of the parking lot to follow the truck Stewie was in. Snow began to fall as they drove behind the truck.

"Brian, this is crazy", Barbara said. "Why can't Stewie listen to reason?"

"There's never any reasoning with him", he answered.

They continued following Stewie into Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Maine which took them all night. The next morning, they made it to the Canadian border.

"Do you want me to drive?" Barbara asked seeing how tired Brian looked.

"Don't be ridiculous", he said. "You don't have a license and we can't afford to switch places. We'll lose them."

"Sorry. Just trying to help."

They drove in silence until Barbara spoke again.

"Brian, look!" she gasped.

The truck had suddenly caught fire and was now swerving out of control, driving into oncoming traffic and back to the other lane.

"Brian!" Barbara yelled in fear as he swerved trying to avoid crashing.

She screamed and jumped into the back seat as a tire came crashing through the windshield. Brian lost control as he drove into an oil spill and brought the car screeching to a halt in the snow by the side of the road. He and Barbara fell out of the car, into the snow.