"GAAH! FRIEND NOVA! BRIGHTWING HAD THE WORST DREAM!" Brightwing woke up, screaming on the top of Nova's head.
"Woah, calm down!" Nova pulled Brightwing off of her head. "What happened in it?"
"There were people in scary masks and they were lobotomizing poor pumpkins!"
"Brightwing, that's called Hallow's Eve."
"Except they had all this chunky stuff in their heads!"
"That's called pumpkin guts."
"THEIR STOMACHS ARE IN THEIR HEADS?!"
"No it's just a- you know what? I'm not even going to bother explaining. You just had a bad dream...A bad dream about a completely normal holiday that we celebrate every year…"
"But it was scaaary!"
"I know it was, I've had nightmares, you've had nightmares, hell, I'd bet the Raven Lord has had nightmares before!"
"That makes Brightwing feel slightly better…"
"Well, you know what'll make you feel even better?"
"What?"
"A long day of hard work preparing for the battle tomorrow!"
"But Brightwing wants to spend today watching Sesame Street!"
"If you help, i'll give you some candy!"
"OKAY!"
"Jaina! Mission time!" Nova shouted.
"What? Why?"
"Remember the car?"
"That dumb metal monstrosity? Yeah. Why?"
"We need to open a portal up to where we left it last."
"Why?"
"So we can carry the larger non-humanoids in it."
"But the only over-large things we have are Cho'Gall, Diablo, and... That's it."
"Don't you EVER," She drew closer to Jaina. "EVER DOUBT MY LOGIC!"
"OKAY! Jeez, calm down! I'll open the portal. Do you want me to tag along?"
"Sure, more manpower."
Jaina weaved the spell, and soon the portal opened to their old base. They stepped through, before Nova gasped and dragged the other two into a bush. The two were clearly confused, before Nova pointed at something surrounding the car. A group of Lost Minions were surrounding it, and were attempting to pull it apart for scrap.
"What's the plan?" Nova asked.
"We wing it!"
"No, don-"
"Wiiiinngggg iiit…." Jaina whispered.
"Fine, we'll wing it. CHAAAARGEEE!"
The crowd turned their heads, before scrambling to find their weapons.
Nova shot one through the head, the other through the chest. Jaina summoned a ring of frost, severely injuring 5 of them, before summoning a water elemental to finish the job. The elemental smacked the poor things, killing them instantly. Brightwing bit the arm of one, making them scream and drop their sword. She grabbed the helmeted head of them, and twisted it so fast that their neck broke. They dropped to the ground and dissolved.
"Good work, guys. I guess winging it helps sometimes." Nova said.
"Okay, Jaina. Help me push this thing through the portal."
Jaina and Nova tried, and failed, to push the car through.
"You see, this is why Azeroth is better," She began. "We don't have giant metal monsters to worry about. Horses and carraiges are much more practical."
"Oh, did Azeroth figure out a vaccination for the flu yet?"
"...No, but-"
"EXACTLY!"
After a while, they managed to get it through, but mainly because Jaina and Nova gave up and Jaina forced a water elemental to do it.
"Okay, so what I'm thinking is rails attached to it and a super beefed up engine and-"
"Nova, slow your roll, girl." Sgt. Hammer said, looking down at the blueprints. "Where are we gonna find half o' this crap anyways?"
"I was thinking of another mission, to the Mines."
"Oh boy, oh boy. Another mission. Just what my back needs." Jaina muttered.
"Well, you're coming anyways! Besides, all these spells might be great practice! Now, open us up another portal."
"I hate you sooo much…" Jaina grumbled, as she begrudgingly opened yet another portal.
The two stepped in, and the portal closed, leaving Sgt. Hammer all alone.
"Well, now I guess I can have a quiet afternoon for once. You know what? I deserve it. I deserve a quiet afterno-"
"HEYA, SGT!" Li-Ming screamed.
"Goddamn it."
"Do you wanna hang out?"
"And do what?"
"I don't know. Hey, how messed up is your leg still?"
"Very messed up."
"Aww, poor thing. Do you need me to carry you?" Li-Ming mocked.
"I can walk just fine, kid."
"Why are you calling me kid? You're, like, only a few years older than me."
"Because that's a kid in my book."
"Hey, who am I? 'SOMEBODY PUT MAH HORSERADISH IN MAH DAMN BOOTS!'" Li-Ming imitated Sgt. Hammer with a grin on her face.
"This is too much stupid for one woman to handle. I'm going to go find the other Heroes."
"Oh trust me, Sargy, you won't have much better luck finding any less stupid there!"
"What do you mean alcoholic beverages are good for injuries?!" Lt. Morales yelled at Li Li.
"What I mean is that I just give them the brew, and the bleeding just stops!"
"Oh, yeah. What a scientific breakthrough. I guess I should just switch from modern medicine to pouring beer into an exploded appendix!"
"You're really going to?"
"No!"
"What is even happenin' here?" Sgt. Hammer asked.
"Li Li just told me the most preposterous thing! She gives people beer during a battle and it just fixes them up!"
"Haven't you seen her in battle before?"
"Yes, but I just always thought she was giving out some sort of a medicine!"
"Beer has healing properties! It's scientifically proven!" li Li pouted.
"By who?"
"By me!"
"You really want to know what alcohol actually does to you?"
"What?"
"Kills brain cells, damages the liver, rots the teeth, and so much more!"
"I'm so done here. Whoever says anything next is getting a bottle to the face!"
"Well, I'm leaving before things get ugly!" Sgt. Hammer announced. As she left, she heard a bottle break and Lt. Morales screaming. Whether in anger, fear, or pain, she couldn't tell.
"What do you think you're saying, woman?!" Kael'thas shouted.
"I'm saying that fire magic is the worst, and necromancy is the best!" Sylvanas replied.
"Oh, I'm sorry, did you spend a large portion of your early adulthood in Dalaran studying the fine art of magicks? I didn't think so! You were off shooting Trolls and drooling over that filthy human, Nathanos Blightcaller, or whatever his name was!"
"Oh, you mean just like how you were obsessing over Jaina back then?"
"What's happening over here?" Sgt. Hammer sighed.
"Sylvanas just said the most ridiculous thing! Fire magic is less potent than necromantic magic!"
"Well, I can't exactly give an opinion on this one. I didn't even know magic was a real thing until I came to this crazy-ass place."
"Well then, what use to us are you? Go watch some Ragonzall V or whatever it's called."
"You..You mean Dragonball Z?"
"I DON'T CARE!"
"Okay, jeez! I'll leave."
"Okay, Nova. We've got the rails and the water elementals. I'm read to open up the portal when you are."
"Do it!"
The portal opened, and the two elementals pulled the rails through.
"Whoo! Way to go, Stacy and Brian!"
"You gave your crazy water tornados names?"
"They're like pets. Oh, don't give me that look! So Kael'thas is allowed to keep a bird that shoots fire and glows, but as soon as I name a water elemental I'm weird?"
"Yes. Now come, m'lady. We've a lot of work to be done."
"Okay, weirdo…"
"It's finished!" Sgt. Hammer yelled, wiping her forehead and leaving a trail of soot on her forehead.
The car was now 3 times taller and wider, and had 2 rails attached by chains to it.
"Now we have something to carry injured people in!" Nova cheerfully said.
We're seriously going to be driving that thing in a castle?" Jaina asked.
"Yup! And it all starts tomorrow. We're going to lose a lot of people, probably, but at least things will go back to normal. Well, as normal as you can get for the Nexus."
Lucario: You really care about BW, don't you? She is a very adorable character.
Teleporting out of danger seems like a viable option. I might use it.
Maybe Zarya has, but it's more of a conceded joke in the Nexus.
Consort: Worry not, Morales is still alive and not dead!
I'm going to try and use every character possible, so ultimates are a must, and that includes Malf's little Tranquility.