To all the reviewers, once again, I thank you! And welcome back...
Cue the theme.
...
You got your tickets?
There's some sort of bash on at the Island, isn't there?
Indeed, in fact, we're going to be recording the Christmas special on the boat as we cross, so I hope you're not seasick.
If I got queasy that easily, I wouldn't have worked with John Lennon.
...
Thomas's branchline is important, and so is Edward's. Even though they tend to get rather confused about where the boundaries are between the two of them, as Edward had often claimed that the tier bridge was one of his bridges, whereas Thomas pointed out that he had used the bridge more than he before 1985. These slightly ugly debates were often stopped when teh discussion of how their tracks and bridges are not as strong as those on the main line.
This has the effect of uniting both engines together to point out that the railway is practically asking for things to go wrong if that was the case. The Fat Controller didn't allow the bigger main line engines such as Gordon to run on them.
This pleases both engines no end, as the idea of Gordon arriving and passing judgement on their lines was more than enough to deter them from complaining about the borders of their lines.
As per usual though, Gordon made it all about him.
I'll give you a moment to think on that and calm down from the shock.
...
You done? Good.
One day, to hear Gordon talking, you would have thought the Fat Controller had given this order for quite another, and more stupid, reason. Edward braked as he backed into the Sodor Shipping Company building. As he felt his trucks being decoupled, he glanced over to the moody Gordon.
"So." he said cheerfully. "How's it going?"
"It's not fair!" grumbled Gordon in a voice that sounded like it was trying not whine and failing miserably.
"What isn't fair?" chirpily asked Edward.
"Letting branch-line diesels pull main line trains!"
Edward frowned. "So...you have a issue with Daisy pulling trains?"
"WHAT?!" spluttered Gordon. "No! No I like having her work on the main line! She's clever! She knows her way around a yard!" It may have been Edward's imagination, but Gordon may have flushed somewhat.
"Ah." he said knowingly. "So you don't have a issue with Daisy...just work diesels."
"I have nothing against them! They eem a reliable type, for a diesel- Not that I have a prejudice!"
Edward rolled his eyes as Gordon dug himself deeper. A sneaky thought entered his head and he grinned wickedly to himself. Putting on a benevolent smile, he answered Gordon. "Oh I know. Never mind though, I'm sure BoCo will let you pull his trucks once in a while."
Having lit the blue touchpaper, Edward watched as the blue engine turned puce and spluttered angrily for thirty seconds. "I WON'T-" He raved at last. "-I WON'T PULL BOCO'S DIRTY TRUCKS! I WON'T RUN ON BRANCHLINES!"
"Why not?" Edward continued innocently. "It would be a nice change of pace!"
"The Fat Controller!" said Gordon grandiosely. "Would never approve of it! And besides, branch lines are vulgar!"
"I'm pretty sure that he didn't approve of you running over his car. But you still did it." Edward said, with just a hint of edge to his voice. Gordon said nothing to this, but the look he shot Edward spoke volumes. He puffed off in a sulk.
Edward chuckled to himself and followed after him.
...
Every evening on Tuesday, the two engines arrive at Knapford to make their last big trains to both branch and main line. Gordon, because he's insecure, always leaves first with the express train to the main line, while Edward follows five minutes later with a smaller train that arrives at his branch-line. This serves the purpose of getting home the many stragglers who can't get the hang of the timetable, since it changes so much.
Surprisingly, neither engine bickers much, nor are there often problems. Perhaps it comes about because of the lateness of the train, by now those not pulling the mail are fast asleep, and so both engines were united in just making it through the night and getting a long sleep in order to rejuvenate the sarcasm muscles in their brains. In fact it was one of the rare times that you'd see them joking in a non-sarcastic way with each other.
As stated before, usually, everything ran like clockwork. But tonight, there was trouble.
Of course there was.
A lady in a green floppy hat, who was well known about Knapford for being a rather batty kook even by the Island's standards, was saying goodbye to a friend. This friend was apparently the Italian Barber, who was considering retiring from the hair-dressing business and going into something safer, such as fruit selling, according to what she said.
It was nearly time for Gordon to start.
Now, the second that the fireman looked back, he gazed towards the brake coach. But his eyes were tired and he was in desperate need of a good sleep. So he did not look exactly towards the brake-coach, but rather to the first large bit of green flapping about. He wanted something green waving, he saw something green waving.
"Right away mate!" he called to the driver.
"Are you sure? We usually have about five minutes left yet."
"I can see the flag, all right."
"Fair enough."
Having thought the guard was waving his flag, the driver started Gordon off, past Edward (Who had shaved his eyebrows for the evening) and out of the station, leaving behind luggage, passengers and the guard. Everyone was very cross, including the luggage.
"BLESS MY SOUL!" said the Vicar, rather boisterously.
"Well this is a fine how-do-you do!" growled the former Mrs Stationmaster, now Mrs Firelighter.
"You gotta be bloody kidding me man!" snapped Jerimiah Jobling. "If they need a bootlace again!"
"You know" muttered the signalman from the Knapford Yards. "This just isn't our year."
"Tell me about it." growled Inspector Norris, wildly waving the guard's red flag to try and alert Gordon.
Meanwhile, the Italian Barber had just turned up. Jem Cole, looking after Stephen Hatt who had smoke in his eyes, did a double take. "I thought you were on the train!"
"No!"
"Then who was that?"
"MAMMA MIA!" The Barber cried. "It must have-a been my-a twin brother, Giovanni!"
"Must have been." agreed Bertie's driver, regretting the offer by Charlie Sand to 'Take a look at what the railway can offer you'. Meanwhile, a huge argument between Mrs Kyndley and Floppy Hat Lady was erupting.
Edward watched with thinly veiled panic. He did not want a riot on his buffers. "Oh good!" he said at last. "There's a policeman!"
"Hello hello! This engine doesn't have sideplates!"
"Oh not YOU again!"
...
To make matters worse (Not that they could be worse considering that the full on fight between the two women had knocked the idiot policeman out) by the time Gordon and his crew had been brought back (Having reached Crosby and realized that there was something very wrong indeed) Edward's train was already later than necessary.
Gordon tried to sidle in quietly without the many people noticing. He failed. Especially as the Fat Controller was standing on the platform directly face to face.
So now, Edward set off first. This was slightly worrying, but Edward thought that the least he could do was get the people home safe.
Unfortunately, with the signalman from Knapford Yards journeying to his home, his incomptent second had taken over. And so he hadn't changed the points at the junction, and so wasn't told about the change.
So by mistake, Edward took his passengers to Crosby on the main line, with one of the lights from the back coaches blowing out and leaving the passengers in there terrified for their lives crossing the still repairing viaduct.
Meanwhile, Gordon was sent along the branch, and somehow managed to get so lost while following a set of pre-determined lines that he managed to end up at the harbor. As Henry, who saw and heard everything, snickered and took away his train to where the angry passengers could demand their money back, the big blue engine arrived cold and cross on a siding out of the way and began to slowly freeze.
...
The next morning, Bill and Ben peeped into the yard. There did not appear to be any trucks for them, but they minded not one jot, for instead there was a great blue lummox.
Teasing Gordon would be more fun anyway.
Gordon had already adopted a policy of pretending that the two little hellions did not exist, and so was determinedly staring at the nearest poster.
"What's that?" asked Bill.
"Ssssh!" said Ben. "It's Gordan!" The deliberate mispronounciation of his name would have set Gordon off usually, but his mind was trying to be as calm as possible, so he rose above it.
"It looks like Gordon. But it can't be!" Bill scoffed. "Why would he come down here!? He thinks branch lines are vulgar!" Gordon determinedly pretended he hadn't heard that.
"If it isn't Gordon-" said Ben with the voice of someone contemplating a great mystery of life. "-then it's really just a pile of old, rusting junk that shouldn't really be here!"
"Which we should probably take to the scrapyard as good engines should." agreed Bill.
Gordon's eyes snapped from the poster and stared in slack-jaw horror at the twins. At the moment, his mind was not able to comprehend what he had just heard, and so a attempt to defend himself was not coming to his head.
"No Bill!" Ben was aghast. "How cruel and painful! It's useless for scrap! No, better to just take it over to the deep part of the harbor and dump it in the sea."
Gordon was so horrified and alarmed that his eye temporarily broke from pure stress. "I AM GORDON! STOP! STOP!"
...
When BoCo arrived, Gordon thought him the most beautiful sight of all things that could be sighted.
"BOCO MY DEAR ENGINE!" He wailed. "SAVE ME!"
BoCo sized up the situation, and seeing a chance to assert his authority, and threatened to take away the trucks he had brought for Bill and Ben, using his 'arcane arts' once more.
This made the twins behave at once, and they vanished off into the distance. Gordon thought he was wonderful. "Oh those little bloody demons!" he laughed shakily. "How do you do it?!"
"Ah well" said BoCo modestly. "It's just a knack."
Both engines became relatively good friends, and Gordon still believes to this day that BoCo saved his life, but we know the twins were only joking, don't we?
Personally, I'm not so sure.
...
"AH HA!"
"Hello Gordon." said a exhausted Edward.
"You told Bill and Ben about our conversation yesterday! They were going to SCRAP ME!"
"You what/" Edward was baffled. "No, I wouldn't go that far mate."
"Really!? We've never gotten on, old timer!"
"Now just a minute-"
But Gordon puffed off angrily, leaving behind a very baffled and shocked Edward.
...
TO. .
NEXT TIME, EDWARD'S EXPLOIT.