Ah, the end of the Ringo Starr era. In many ways, I'm actually sad to leaving this behind. Ringo was always my favorite narrator as a child, and Season 1 and 2 are still, I contend, the best seasons of the show overall. But we must move on, and I am excited for the stuff coming up! Of note, this'll be the last time I do the Producer/Narrator stuff, as I'm running out of ideas. So for the very last time, for Mr Ringo Starr...
Cue the theme.
...
Okay, start it up Ringo.
One thing, Mr Asquith-
Mr Asquith? ...Something's wrong?
Not terrible, just unfortunate. See...I don't think I'll be back next time.
...
It was two days before Christmas, and just like the last time the camera had captured a Sodor Christmas, all the engines were more excited than they probably should have been. And that wasn't all, as many children were expected to be on the Island of Sodor, to celebrate, to see the sights or to see the famous engines. All the engines were busy with their final preperations for the last two days of the Christmas countdown.
Every year, they held a carol party at Tidmouth, and all the engines usually arrived to sing a few songs (A memorable incident the year before had had Gordon sing a drunken rendition of Jingle Bells) and the Fat Controller wanted to make sure it was extra-special this year.
"Oh this is going to be great!" said Percy, the Christmas spirit having nested in his bunker this Christmas. "Carols! Baubles! Trees! Father Christmas might even come!"
James laughed. "Oh Percy, I knew you were naive but I didn't think you still believed in that claptrap! Be honest, if there was any person draped in red who travels fast and brings joy to everyone he meets, it'd be me! Isn't that right, ladies?!
The coaches blew a raspberry, and James huffed off angrily, leaving a slightly upset Percy behind. Gordon thundered by with the choir, and smiled gleefully at the thought of getting Daisy under the mistletoe.
Though they couldn't kiss, perhaps they could hold buffers! Gordon was somewhat of a romantic deep, deep, deep at heart. If you squinted.
...
As workmen put up the banner announcing it, the Fat Controller waited impatiently for Thomas. "Quickly now- No, not so fast, back up a bit- There you go! Our Christmas tree has arrived just in time! And I want YOU to fetch it Thomas!"
"Really? You never usually trust me with valuable things sir?"
"Really!" Hatt didn't tell Thomas that it was so he could get him out of the way so that he didn't have to worry about the blue engine causing a accident like heh ad the year before. He still shuddered as the memory of what the Vicar had been covered in fled through his memory. "Duck can look after Annie and Clarabel until you get back!"
"Will we be able to sing carols too!?" asked Thomas excitedly. Hatt had put a ban on engines singing carols after Gordon's incident with the booze supply.
"We'll see!" promised the Fat Controller, who was looking forward to getting drunk as all hell this year.
"It would be nice to sing carols again!" sighed Thomas. Edward puffed passed him, pulling large boxes of decorations behind him. "See you later Edward!"
"Sure!" Edward smiled. He didn't have a job this Christmas aside from general maintenance, so it was rather nice to watch Gordon and Henry argue over who had the more important job out of all of them.
...
"Cards letters and parcels are the BACKBONE OF CHRISTMAS!" raged Henry.
"Ha! Does the mayor travel in smelly trucks like that?! I doubt it!" Gordon scoffed.
That night, the other engines were sulking something fierce. Edward had shut his eyes and decided to leave them to it,
"Why should Thomas get to do it!?" whined Henry. "He can't do anything a splendid green engine like me couldn't do!"
"Nor me!" agreed Gordon.
"Perhaps it's because I don't get stuck on hills or in tunnels?" asked Thomas innocently, before shutting his eyes and falling to sleep to the sound of both big engines raging.
...
"Now girls, you look after Duck!"
"Atta boy!" called Annie, already getting started on the drink. Clarabel let out a happy squeak as Duck puffed back down.
"Good luck old chum." Duck said calmly. "I'll keep these two safe and sound, don't you worry."
"Thanks Duck! Hope you enjoy your first Christmas! Tell Edward that I bagsy the lead in the first carol!" And Thomas, pulling a brakevan and a flatbed (In reverse order) headed off.
Thomas arrived at the Christmas Tree plant to see BoCo providing assistance to several lumberjacks to manuever it onto the truck. "Ah! Thomas, isn't it?"
"Pleasure to see you BoCo!" Thomas frowned as the tree was lowered back onto the flatbed. "Why didn't you take the tree, if you don't mind me asking?"
"I would...but I have my hands full already." BoCo's eyes focused on a pair of twins arguing over another tree. "I think me, the tree, Bill and Ben would be a bit of a bufferfull, if you catch my meaning."
"Fair point!" laughed Thomas. "Right, I'll see you at the party!" Thomas puffed off, leaving BoCo to quiet for a bit.
Until there was a massive bang, and he moved back to Bill and Ben.
"Well?"
"IT WAS HIM!" Both the twins protested.
...
Thomas pulled around the corner into the valley. "Oh Christmas tree! Oh Christmas tree! How lovely are your branch- OH SH-" He ran straight into a massive snowdrift. There was a pause as his driver and fireman recovered, and then they heard a muffled. "WELL THIS IS FAMILIAR."
The driver sighed. "Come on. I'll get the shovels."
Thomas sat in the snowdrift sulking. I musn't be late, he thought, everyone's relying on me! Especially the Fat Controller. Maybe if I whistle?
Bravely he tried, and began to move somewhat. But the wheels couldn't grip the tracks, and even as the fireman rushed forward to the sand box to gain some sand, Thomas grimly felt worried.
He was right to. For there was worse to come.
Thomas looked up at the massive chunk of snow raining down on his head and sighed. "Not my day."
Poor Thomas was snowed under in seconds.
...
At Tidmouth, Gordon and Henry were still angrily sulking, with Donald and Douglas as spectators. Already, some of the guests had turned up. Edward had left Trevor the Traction Engine there, and both Bertie and Terrance had made their way over. They waited and waited, and at last, they began to grumble about him being late.
Gordon and Henry grumbling? The assembled trucks rolled their eyes.
"SILENCE!" roared the Fat Controller. "Thomas left the works safely, but snow's brought the telephone lines down. It's reaspnabe to assume he's trapped somewhere...damn it, and I sent him out of here to keep him out of trouble." Seeing that the engines now felt sorry for Thomas, Hatt turned. "Donald, Douglas, snowplows had been attached. Do that thing that you do so well!"
"Aye sir!" declared the twins. As they set off, Hatt ignored the shocked gasps from Henry and Gordon.
"Ah, hello...Diesel, was it?"
"Yes." growled the shunter, now de-possessed. "Sir. I must protest-"
"Oh sure! But after this party! I want you to see us at our best, compared to how you saw steamies at their worst!" Hatt paused. "Ignore the horrified faces, they're very happy to see you! Isn't that right Duck!"
"DIE YOU MONSTER DIE!" Duck rushed Diesel and booted him into the shed.
"Ah. Perhaps I should have prepared you for that."
Gordon frowned as he saw Daisy. "So, looking forward to the party tonight?"
"Sorry, didn't I tell you?" Daisy looked awkward. "I...I have to go."
"What?"
But Daisy was gone.
...
Cold but confident, the twins set off to rescue their wayward friend. Duck had already arrived at the junction with the workmen when they arrived. He was fuming, but didn't show it. Percy and Toby were also there, waiting anxiously for any news.
"Fat Controller has cancelled all trains coming in or out of the Island, aside from those heading towards Tidmouth, until Thomas is found." Duck explained. "Take care. You have the lines to yourself."
"Come back safely with Thomas and the tree!" Toby advised. "But mostly Thomas."
"Well, we wurr hardly goin to just go and wreck ourselves, wurr we Toby?"Donald said cheekily. Toby smirked and puffed towards the station with Henrietta. As the twins set off from Elsbridge, Percy looked back.
"Take care!" he called.
The weather was colder than Gordon on a particular cutting day, but Donald and Douglas steamed on. The snow was getting thicker and thicker now, also like Gordon on a particularly tired day.
Donald wanted to stop for a rest at one point, Douglas urged him on. "Come on ye wee boy!" He called back. "What if Thomas is lying a-wee bit hurt somewhere!? Besides! I'm not letting no sassanach get bragging rights!" And as they passed through Edward's station, they picked up speed.
...
Soon, they entered the valley, and noticed a larger than usual snowdrift.
"Better get tha workmen out." Donald said, exhausted. There was a muffled cry, something which sounded like-
"HELP!" It was muffled by the snow, but it was still there.
"Hush!" said Donald. "I can hear something!"
"Probably just tha wind. I hear it's bad in this valley particularly." said Douglas.
"HELP!"
"No listen!" insisted Donald, and both did. And finally...
"Over here!"
"OCH! IT'S THOMAS!"
"Come on! That poor engine must be frozen to tha brakes in there!"
"OH NOW YOU NOTICE!" howled the cold and miserable tank engine.
When extra workmen arrived in James and Edward's coaches, there was some time before they could work out how it was to dig out Thomas and tree alike to clear the heavy snow. His driver and fireman had taken shelter in a nearby cottage, leaving the tank engine to his frozen fate, and joined the rescue only after they agreed to keep their robes and mugs of tea. First the tree was unearthed and removed, and then at last, Thomas was freed.
Thomas inhaled and burst out steam that sent snow hurtling everywhere. "AND THAT!" He roared. "IS THE LAST TIME I EVER COLLECT A STINKING TREE!"
James buffered up behind Thomas, and Edward, back to back with him with the breakdown train coach in between, started up.
And then, they set off once more to finish their journey. As they crossed the watermill, Edward kept up a flow of dialouge to try and cheer Thomas up, and as they pulled in, the night having slowly begun to set in, they waited in excitement.
All engines were gathered. The Fat Controller greeted them warmly. "As a reward for all of your hard work year round, you may go and enjoy the carols." He paused. "Also, the free alcohol." Whistles greeted this, and everyone hurried to their places.
...
"ONE!
TWO!
THREE!"
And suddenly, like magic, the big station was flooded with lights. James was so excited he let out a wheesh of surprise that caught everyone off by guard. Everyone was there, Gordon, Henry, Donald, Douglas, Duck, Edward, Toby, Percy, Bill, Ben, Diesel, Boco...Annie, Clarabel and Henrietta chilling in the rolling stock yard, and Bertie, Terrance and Trevor swapping stories.
"You know-" Bertie said. "No one does celebrations like the railway."
"Indeed." Terrance agreed.
"I'll drink to that!" Trevor laughed.
And that wasn't all. In the audience were Mrs Kyndley, the Italian Barber, Jerimiah Jobling, the Firelighter and his wife, the lady with the green floppy hat, several policemen including the 'cowcatcher' one, Inspector Norris, Charlie Sand, Sidney Heaver, Mr Carlin, all drivers and firemen, Jem Cole, Bertie's driver, Sam the farmer Stephen and Bridget Hatt, the former Lady Hatt, the Fat Controller's girlfriend...all gathered together!
The Fat Controller climbed up onto the podium. "Ladies! Gentlemen! Children! I give you THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE, and all his FRIENDS! They are the ones who made this occasion happen!"
Cheers greeted them, and emotion overwhelmed all of them. Gordon looked for Daisy, but Henry shook his head. BoCo smiled sympathetically, and pointed to the booze. The Scottish twins let out a whistle of joy, Duck and Edward grinned at each other, Diesel mustered up a smile as Bill and Ben whooped, and the assembled non-engines began to cheer on their friends.
And suddenly there was a strange whirring noise and the sight of lights in the air.
"Hey!" shouted Percy. "Look who it is!"
"Well there's the old beggar!" Toby laughed. They grinned, they knew who it was.
With landing lights shining brightly, Harold the Helicopter touched down from the sky. The door opened, and out stepped Ringo Starr and Steve Asquith. But then came the best surprise of all.
"FATHER CHRISTMAS!" screamed Percy, deafeaning those next to him. "I TOLD YOU HE WAS REAL!"
"Oh I'm never hearing the end of that one." grumbled James. Father Christmas, Ringo and the Fat Controller shook hands, and then the former two headed off to hand out presents to all who would recieve them.
...
"She wouldn't have been faithful to you Gordon." Henry said sympathetically. as they started on their third glass of wine. "She was a bit...flighty, if you see what I mean."
"Nothing to do with her being a diesel though."
"Oh no BoCo!" said Henry in horror. "How could you even think? Look, you'll find your soul mate someday. On the meantime, you can be my wingman anytime!"
"No Henry! You can be mine!" slurred Gordon.
...
"So...why do you want the steam engines dead?" asked Bill.
"When you've got such specimens such as ourselves!" Ben added. Diesel glared and said nothing.
...
Bertie had already started hallucinating that Thomas was on a separate line, that Edward had gone in the shed to escape strange monsters that wanted to destroy Christmas and that he, Terrance and Trevor were surrounding Father Christmas to attack him for supporting the railways. "HAPPY BLOODY NEW YEAR!" He roared as he thudded to the ground.
"I'm not taking him home." Trevor said quickly.
"And you can leave me out of it!" said Terrance slightly less so.
...
"Where do you think Marklin is?" asked Duck, feeling warm and cheerful with the alcohol swilling in his boiler.
"Oh let's just have some fun!" Toby said gleefully.
"Ammmmmen to that!" James laughed maniacally, face as red as his paintwork.
"Well well!" said Annie tipsily. "Looks like everyone's- zzzzzzzzzzzzz."
"Aw, bless her cotton socks." Henrietta said. "Should we-"
"Let her rest!" Clarabel smiled. "The night is young!"
...
"You're leaving!?" Miss Allcroft was aghast. "But...But you are amazing!"
"Exactly! Better to go out now than become a parody of meself!" Ringo smiled cheerfully. "Besides, I got me music to think about, and no offence, I don't want to be that bloke from Thomas the Tank Engine for the rest of time."
"Trust me." said Steve sincerely. "You'll never be."
Mr Mitton smiled. "Oh, we'll miss you."
"Well, I'm not done yet. We have this party! And I have a lot of stuff in that carriage that could get us all drunk as hell!" Ringo hurried off and the Fat Controller turned to Allcroft and Mitton.
"Where have you two been!?"
"Ah yes. Sorry. See, I've been getting ready to do a second documentary series." explained Mitton. "It's about boats! It's called TUGS! It could be the next big thing!"
"And I've been trying to deal with some rather bad news." Allcroft looked sad. "We've got a third series. But it's going to take some time to get new people together to make it."
"Oh...how lo-"
"Five years."
"Bloody hell!"
...
Ringo stared at Carlin, and Carlin stared at Ringo.
"Bloody nora!"
"******* HELL!"
Both smiled. They patted their conductors uniform, and both pulled out a whistle.
"Gold dust, Mr Conductor?"
"Gold dust, Mr Conductor." Carlin smiled. "You got the same gig? Figured I'd come and watch over this. There's some bad **** coming this Island's way in the next decade or so. Marklin was only the start."
"I felt it too." Ringo shrugged. "But I figured I could do more help if I got into contact with Burnett. See if he's interested. You know, these guys are pretty rad!"
"They are, aren't they?"
...
"Thomas, I believe the next song is yours!" Edward laughed at the gleeful look on Thomas's face. Ringo walked up.
"Hey Thomas. You remember that incidnet with the fish?"
"Do I?" growled Thomas.
"Well, I think it's time I gave something back." Ringo reached into his pocket and revealed a pack of cigarettes.
Thomas was about to light one up when he realized something. Two years. Two years cigarette free...they weren't worth it. "Thanks, but I think I'm all right now! Who needs cigarettes?! I've got these guys! They're the greatest high to ever be on!"
And just before the longest, best and most memorable party in Sodor history, before Ringo Starr and Thomas the Tank Engine led each other in a rousing song of 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas', Thomas turned to Percy.
"It's no fun getting stuck in the snow. But it was worth it for this party."
"I agree...happy Christmas Thomas."
"Happy Christmas Percy!" Thomas looked around at all of his mad, infuriating and absolutely marvelous friends. "Happy Christmas everyone!"