Wow! For a episode that I actually thought would go pretty badly, I ended up getting a lot of positive comments for it! I'd like to thank my reviewers. To respond, Bigyihsuan, the Captain is a character who is actual canon, but maybe not the one you're thinking of. I promise to reveal the identity of the Fat Director in time though.

And to Teal, I gotta say, I legitimately was touched that I got such a large review. Especially one that praised so much of the series! I wasn't expecting people actually to like the plot I was going for! I can promise you that Montague will be revealed at some point during the Magic Railroad, but what as? That's my secret. XD. Oh, and for the record?

TUGS Abridged? It's happening. At some point.

Thanks once more to all of you!

Now, Cue the Theme!

...

I do rather count myself lucky that Bertie went and did that tourism training course in between series. Not only did that make him more of a cheerful bus overall, but it also meant that I got to have a couple of years free road vs rail arguments.

...

Unfortunately, it couldn't last...

Every afternoon (And most other parts of the day, but specifically the afternoon) Thomas the Tank Engine puffs along his branch-line with Annie and Clarabel. First, they pass by the watermill.

"So, what does the miller actually do?"

"He mills, Clarabel." Annie would say loftily.

"No, he actually helps to research into alternative sources of energy." Thomas had wanted to impress Clarabel today with some local knowledge. His driver, lowering hte cue cards, nodded and patted his roof.

Next, they come to a big farm. Which Thomas feels should probably be less big, but any smaller and Farmers McColl and Trotter would get into a war about who owned what and whether or not the other was moving in on their own patch and there would be a lot of blood split. Mostly pigs and chickens. It was like Animal Farm, except more of a Nazi allegory than a Totalitarian one.

Thomas had been reading up. He slapped himself mentally as he realized that he had called Farmer McColl Hitler. Some lines, not even Thomas would cross.

Then there's a bridge that has the village of...Village nestled either side of it. Thomas was beginning to think that someone planted villages in the ground and watched them just spring up out of nowhere. Anyway, this is a special place.

For whatever reason.

Whenever children hear Thomas coming along, they swarm on the bridge like bees, stand and wave until he is gone. And for a good hour after. There's not a lot to do in Toryreck if you're not one for lead mining lead that isn't even there anymore.

...

One day, Thomas was running late. He wished dearly that he hadn't once again committed to not smoking, because right now he was dying for a puff of another kind. Percy was also there, with a collection of trucks.

Thomas had made a rather stupid decision. Really. Really. Stupid. He had stopped before the signal to talk to some new children, because despite himself Thomas found himself rather protective of children. It was often one of his few saving graces that was most apparent.

Percy patiently waited until the signal dropped before shouting aloud "HURRY UP THOMAS!" He laughed as the tank engine jumped in the air. "If you're late, the Fat Controller may get a new engine to replace you!"

"HA!" scoffed Thomas. "As if! Duck's got his own branch-line, Toby's doing his own thing, no other tank engines to take my place! Face it Percy, I am one of a kind!" Despite his sarcasm, he was somewhat worried.

...

The next day, Thomas hurried along the line. "Gotta go faster, gotta go faster!" he repeated as a mantra to himself. He grinned. He was making good time, and he even may have had a chance to break his record. But his heart sank as he entered the goods yard. On the platform, a railway inspector was standing there, waving a red flag.

Next, Thomas saw some children on the bridge, who were waving too. Something, thought Thomas gravely, must be wrong. He didn't like the idea of just leaving the emergency to whatever it was, and his driver and fireman agreed. The station was for goods, not for passengers.

Which rather makes it odd that Thomas wasn't pulling a goods train to this station the day before and was instead pulling his coaches. Which carry passengers. As stated in the description of the job.

"Help! Thomas! Help!" wailed several children. Thomas resolved himself that no matter what, he wasn't going to leave them behind. "Please, will you take us home!?"

"But, the village is just there." Thomas said.

"We're not from around here!"

"Oh. Well." Thomas looked to his crew. "They can't hurt. We've got carriages. You don't mind, do you girls?"

"We'll do our bit!" bravely stated Clarabel. Annie rolled her eyes.

The stationmaster and Inspector Norris, returning to his original rank this one time, explained to the driver that the school bus had broken down and that the parents would be worried if their children didn't get home. Thomas waited as the children walked down from the bridge, and climbed into Annie and Clarabel.

Then he started off, heading towards the next station, where Bertie was waiting to take them home. He had somehow used the secret bus telepathy senses that all buses had. Or his driver had received a phone call. Either way, Thomas was surprised he was here that fast, especially considering that no one cared that much about Toryreck, the station anyway.

...

And when Thomas had finished his journey, he was very late and very tired. He was worried that the Fat Controller might be cross with him. Cross was a bit of a understatement for what Thomas feared the Controller would be like, but it was the only one that fitted his new calm and child-friendly mind.

"I warned Thomas!" puffed Percy to James, gossiping together like two old hens. "He's been too late one time too many! He'll be in trouble now!"

"Oh really?!" snapped Thomas. "And what are you two doing here at this time of night?!"

Neither engine answered, though it was clear from their slightly flushed faces that they were clearly in the same boat as Thomas.

The night passed, and when Thomas snuck into Knapford next morning, the Fat Controller was nowhere to be seen. "Perhaps he's run off with his wife to start a new life in Tasmania!" declared Mrs Kyndley, also in a gossipy mood.

"You and Percy should start a bloody magazine!" growled Thomas under his breath, his child-friendly mind having vanished over night from constant questioning from the Scarlet and Green Inquisition in the sheds.

No sign even as the clock ticked down.

"Thank goodness!" said Thomas gleefully as he set off. "I can have a nice and relaxing run without anything disturbing me!"

Thomas had not yet looked the words 'tempting fate' in his dictionary.

He should have.

He knew every part of his branch-line, but just ahead there was something he had no way of knowing. The hot sun had bent the rails on a certain stretch of track. Thomas rounded the corner, still cheerfully whistling.

"C-C-C-aref-f-f-ful-l-l Thom-m-m-mas!" called out his driver as the train bumped up and down the line, But it was too late. One moment Thomas was on the rails, and the next he wasn't.

"That's done it." said his driver unnecessarily. "We're not going any further today."

"OH COME ON!" wailed Thomas. "But what about my passengers!?" he asked more for his own sake than theirs.

"Don't worry!" said the driver. "They'll be looked after." His driver probably shouldn't have sounded like a mafia boss ordering a hit out, but that was all that was going through the fireman's head. Of course, the fireman had hit his head rather badly, so accepting his word for anything would have been ridiculous.

...

While workmen repaired the line, Thomas found himself in a very familiar position. He was back to shunting trucks in the yard. The trucks soon regretted that he had been sent there. He had some...issues to work out.

"TAKE THAT BERTIE!"

The truck Thomas was shouting at was confused. What was a Bertie, and why did he need to take this?

The bus himself rolled up. "I understand you need my help again." he said with nothing short of glee.

Thomas swallowed down several replies and instead slipped on the emotional play. "Yes Bertie! I can't run without my rails!"

Bertie grinned, and was about to make a clever quip, when he saw the look in Thomas's eyes. It indicated that if Bertie did, he would be found drowned in his own motor oil.

As he pulled away, Bertie heard Thomas return to his kick-boxing practice.

...

As he set off to collect Thomas's passengers, he couldn't help noticing all the 'No Trains' sign. He knew a double decker bus who would have been happy about that. He put on his easy tourist smile.

"Hello Bertie!" called the passengers. "We're glad you are here!"

"So am I!" cried Bertie, ever the showman under the right circumstances. Once they were on board, he took off quickly, giving rapid fire answers and fun trivia facts. He drove along the road by the railway, though he tried not to let the passengers miss Thomas too much.

He did this by telling a series of ribald jokes about what Thomas got up to with his two coaches when the cameras were off. These only happened when there were no children on, of course.

He stopped at stations along the line, and sometimes even in-between stations to let people off closer to their homes. He liked mixing things up.

Thomas, meanwhile, had gone through the anger stage of grieving, had attempted to bargain with certain workmen of less than reputable record and was now firmly entrenched in the depression stage.

"I'VE LOST MY PASSENGERS!" He wailed. "They like Bertie better than me!"

"Got that out of your system?" asked Sir Topham Hatt. "Your branch-line is fixed by the way." He let Thomas get the joy back into his system before continuing. "I'm going to change up your timetable more. You and Bertie need to work together better. Seriously. Get over it."

...

Thomas was not expecting anyone else to be at the first station. He was touched to find that that was not the case at all. There were all his passengers, waving and clapping to see him again.

"Bertie is a very good bus, but there's nothing quite like a train ride! And you're our favorite!"

"Awwww."

"Because you're the only train."

"Oh."

Later, Thomas spoke to Bertie. "Thank you for looking after my passengers."

"Oh, it's all right Thomas. I'm glad to make new friends, but I'm gladder still to share them with a new one. Also, that old woman who lives at number twenty three's a bit of a handful. Don't know how you manage it?"

"No." chuckled Thomas. "Neither do I. Bertie, you're a very good friend indeed."

The two looked at each other. They had reached a understanding.

"Want to have a race?"

"Why not?"

"Wait what?" asked the passengers, before the two took off together.