How could this not be a dream?

It was all so unbelievable. Two days ago she had been a thirty-year old virgin. A thirty-year old overweight – okay, seriously overweight – oh what the hell, fat - virgin. Who couldn't imagine ever being hot and desirable enough for a man to want her, to find her interesting enough to want to be with her, let alone have sex with her. It had gotten more difficult to imagine as the years went by and by the time she had gotten thirty it had almost appeared to be totally illusionary for her.

And just when she really had been convinced that it was hopeless, that she would never be able to move forward, get her own, would in fact remain a virgin forever, it had happened. Chandler had happened, just like that. And not only had he relieved her of her virginity in the most amazing undreamt of way possible, he had also come back to her the next day and declared his desire for more. For more sex, for more of her, even for her to be his girlfriend. Because they had been friends for so long, it had never occurred to her that their night, as amazing as it was, could lead to more. After all, they had agreed before that it would be just for that one time, a friend helping a friend. She couldn't even imagine him wanting more than that, for all she knew about him he wasn't the type to want a relationship, commitment to someone, a partnership. But it turned out he did and she now had a boyfriend on top of it all.

So two days ago she had still been a virgin, and now she had already spent two nights with a man. Two whole nights. Making out with him, having sex, cuddling, talking, having more sex, spooning, falling asleep and waking up again with him. And this time, on the second morning, he had stayed on for breakfast, showering at her place too. He had even tried to get her to shower with him, but she had drawn the line there – though she had been tempted, it had somehow seemed too early for them to do that. She had trouble enough adapting to the new situation as it was. It was all so exhilarating and confusing. And Chandler hadn't insisted, but just fetched his shower things and his razor – narrowly avoiding his crazy roommate as he told her later – and then let her watch him shave instead. And even offered to make pancakes afterwards.

At breakfast they had made plans – plans, for the first time in her life she had planned her day with her boyfriend! – to meet at Central Perk after she had finished work and have coffee there. Or dinner somewhere else. Or skip everything and just return home for dessert in advance. Until then he wanted to do some writing and run some errands for Joey, and she needed to visit Phoebe at the hospital before work, so they were in perfect agreement. After he had finally left – not without a lot more cuddling and kissing – she closed the door of her apartment behind him and leaned against it with a deep contented sigh. It was all just too good to be true. He had even helped with the washing up. True, he had done that before – it wasn't the first time actually he had breakfasted with her or even showered at her place, let alone spent the night on her couch when his roommate refused to let him in – but never as her boyfriend, never with all that kissing and cuddling and tenderness. It was so crazy and so wonderful and so, so right.

She finally had a boyfriend.

A boyfriend who was perfect for her.

Oh yes, it was true, he was no catch, anything but. He was no doctor, or anything like that. Or especially handsome. Though he could look quite nice if he took the trouble, most of the times he seemed rather ordinary, not remarkable in any way. Which was fine with her. Ordinary she could handle.

Especially since as soon as he was with her, when they were together, touching, kissing, making love … it was like the earth moving and the angels singing, the most wonderful experience she ever had, and it quite looked as if it wasn't going to end anytime soon. It was almost getting too much for her.

All that accumulated joy in her demanded an outlet. She felt that if she didn't get to tell someone everything that had happened she would surely burst. Her life had been changed, turned upside down and around, and everything looked so bright and promising all of a sudden. Just before she took the plunge, all she had wanted really was experience, to take a step forward in her life, extend her boundaries. But now she had achieved so much more.

But who could she tell really? Not Rachel. Not Joey. Especially not her brother or – god forbid – her mother. That left only Phoebe, but she wasn't sure about her either. True, the two heart attacks seemed to have mellowed her a little, but she was not sure how much this would affect her opinion about Chandler and her new situation. But it didn't matter really. Nothing mattered anymore now. She was finally happy. So when she went to the hospital to see how Phoebe fared she made no effort at all to hide her feelings from her, and Phoebe, though still weakened and grumpy, had no trouble catching on.

"What's up with you? Is it your birthday? It is, isn't it? Why hasn't anybody told me? I'm going –"

"Relax, Phoebe, it's not my birthday. I'm just – happy."

Phoebe narrowed her eyes at her. "Happy? But you're Monica. You're always happy. It must be more than that."

Monica plopped down on her hospital bed and grinned smugly. "Maybe."

"Hmmm. Did you lose another pound?"

"What? No! Um, that is, I don't know, I didn't check –"

Phoebe looked alarmed. "You didn't? You always do! Well, what happened then? Oohh, don't tell me. You fed Dr. Roger oysters and he shut off his beeper?"

"No. As if he'd ever turn off his beeper! No, I'm – I'm finished with him."

"Oh! Really! Oh, good for you! I never liked him. But if not him, then who? Oh, oh, did you do it with someone?"

Monica pushed her fist in the air, grinning triumphantly. "Yes!"

"Wow. That's … wonderful. Oooooh, who was it? Joey?"

"What? Joey? No, he would never do it with me."

"Why not? He'd do it with anybody. You just have to give him a sandwich – okay, maybe two sandwiches. But then, no problem."

"Well, it wasn't Joey. It was Chandler."

Phoebe stared. "Chandler?!"

"Yes, Chandler."

"But … But he's – such –"

"What?"

Phoebe shrugged helplessly. "He's such a wuss! He – hey, are you sure it was him?"

"PHOEBE! Yes, of course I'm sure. And for your information, he was great. It was … it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can't tell you how happy I am!"

Phoebe only shook her head. "Okay, Chandler then. But still … I really don't see it. I can't imagine that he's any good."

"Oh, believe me, he is."

"How? How good?"

"Well …" Monica looked around to check that no one was listening, then she bent slightly forward closer to Phoebe. "When we did it the first time, I came."

"Oh." Phoebe looked somewhat disconcerted. "Really? That's – quite a feat."

"And I've had an orgasm every single time after that too."

"Wow. Well, good for you! But how strange too! I thought he was bound to screw it up for sure."

"Well, he didn't. And he won't. I won't let him. He's my boyfriend now."

Phoebe opened her mouth and shut it again, shrugging resignedly. "Yeah, well I guess, Chandler as boyfriend is better than no boyfriend at all. Though I still think you could have done better."

"How? With Dr. Roger? At least Chandler cares about me. He doesn't rush off in the middle of dinner just because he gets beeped by the hospital. And he's not boring."

"Not to you. No, it's okay, I'm sorry. Obviously he's a better choice for you. I hope you'll be happy with him. So tell me, how often did you do it?"

"Phoebe!" She put her hand to her mouth and giggled. "Three times in the first night, and four times last night."

"Seven times? Wow. You had enough condoms for that?"

"Condoms - - - ?!" Monica's eyes widened.

"Yes, condoms. You did use protection, didn't you?"

"Oh - yes, of course we did. Yes, we used condoms. Actually I had bought some, for Dr. Roger – but then he got beeped, and Chandler turned up, and yes, he used them – we used them." She realized that she was babbling and desperately tried to find a distraction, to change the subject, and also to quell that sudden sinking feeling, the growing uneasiness.

"Well that's fine then." To her huge relief Phoebe didn't seem that much interested anymore. "When I get out, I'll ask my friend Steve. He has a drugstore. But oh, shoot, he's a client, not a friend. He probably lost money through me, and killed himself." She sighed. "So no. Oh, this is getting ridiculous!"

"Don't worry, Phoebe, we'll manage. I can take care of it. Now, when will you get out again?"

Her shoulders slumped again. "I have no idea. This morning the doctor said I should have a pacemaker. Can you imagine?"

"Well, after two heart attacks …"

"Well, we'll see about that! I won't let them stick something in my chest! So I guess I'll be a while yet – um, can you get me my guitar?"

"Your guitar?"

"Yes, I thought of a song, and I need to write it down before I forget it."

"Can't you do it without your guitar?"

"Monica, you know I can't write music! I need my guitar for it."

Monica couldn't resist. "Your guitar can write music?"

Phoebe stared at her. "What's the matter with you?"

"Sorry. Yes, I'll get it for you. No problem. Are you really going to play again?"

Phoebe shrugged. "Maybe. I have to do something. At least this way I can put everything that makes me mad into a song and no one will be able to sue me."

"How can they not sue you?"

"Oh, they won't. You'll see. Oh, you have to leave now, it's time for the doctor's round. You're sure you don't want me to get you another doctor?"

"Phoebe! No, I've had enough of doctors. Forever!"

"Alright, alright, just asking. Calm down!"

But she couldn't calm down. Phoebe's mentioning of the condoms had thoroughly upset her, and by the time she arrived at the lobby again, she was close to panicking.

They had totally forgotten about the condoms. She had actually bought them herself, first agonizing over the wide range of selections on the shelf in the drugstore and then getting absurdly embarrassed about going to the checkout with just the box of condoms and nothing else. She had hesitated for what seemed like hours, fighting with herself whether to add some other purchase she didn't really need just so they wouldn't be so obvious and then, just when she'd nerved herself to go through with it, she'd turned back because the cashier was male, and this was hard enough without the added embarrassment of a man noticing that she had bought condoms. For a moment she had even considered stealing them. But just as that thought had entered her brain she at last got a grip on herself, realizing how ridiculous this was getting. After all what could happen? Nobody knew her at this drugstore that she had chosen for exact that reason, and she would never need to return to it. Still she waited a bit longer until the cashier was relieved by a female colleague, and then marched determinedly to the checkout with her box of condoms, her teeth clenched and breathing as deeply and regularly as possible.

And nothing had happened. The cashier had been much too preoccupied with chatting with a fellow employee at a nearby shelf to even look at the box as she drew it across the scanner and took the money from her. And then it was over and she was standing outside the drugstore quickly stuffing the box into her purse, a little ashamed and above all, vastly relieved.

And now, after all that hassle and anxiety, she had totally forgotten to use the things, or rather to get him to use them. It was really idiotic. And even worse, the box was actually still in her purse.

So what now? She had to think, but right now she was too nervous and confused to think clearly. She needed to calm down, to get herself under control, think about her next move. Maybe it was all false alarm. But maybe not. She would know eventually and there wasn't a lot of things she could do until then.

But of course one of those few things included talking to Chandler.

.

It seemed like an eternity had passed until she was finally finished with work and caught a subway home. When she entered the Perk and looked around for Chandler, she almost panicked because she couldn't find him right away and there were strangers sitting on 'their' couch. But then she heard him calling out behind her and found that he was sitting in one of the window seats instead, with his laptop before him on the table, and grinning broadly at her. At the sight of him her heart almost seemed to twist inside her chest and she got a funny feeling in her stomach. The latter could be a result of having eaten next to nothing all day, which it certainly wasn't used to. But she had simply been too excited to eat much during the last two days. And still was.

As she got on the seat beside him he leaned forward to kiss her and she was amazed at how natural it already felt, although she still had to check if there really was no one they knew around to observe them, before she kissed him back. When she caught herself at it, she giggled. What did it matter if anyone saw them? There was no reason to keep their relationship secret. In fact, the sooner it was out in the open the better, so everybody could get used to it and they could find out in peace what it meant to be in a relationship. To be together. As a couple.

And maybe as parents …?

"Hey …" he said. "How's my favorite dreamgirl?" That made her blush and cuff him.

"Stop it!" But it did feel so great. Oh, why had she missed out on this for so long?

"Can I get you something?" He winked at her. "Hazelnut latte?!"

"Yes – no, actually … um –"

He had already scooted to the edge of the seat and now stopped, frowning at her. "Are you okay?"

"Of course! I'm fine! It's just …" she swallowed desperately. "I don't know how – we have to talk."

"Uh-oh." His face fell as he sank back on the seat, and she saw the corners of his mouth turning down and his eyes widening behind the glasses. "Is it – did Dr. Roger -?"

"WHAT?"

"Well, you know, did he call? Do you want to be with him?"

"What? Of course not! Chandler, that's crazy! I haven't even heard from him. And I don't want him. Never again."

He closed his eyes with relief. "Oh thank god. I really thought this was one of those 'you'll always be my friend – but …' talks."

"No. Of course not. We just started – how can you even think this? Don't you know me by now?"

He opened his eyes again and frowned at her.

"Well, yes and no. It's like you're two persons now. In my head, I mean –" he gesticulated helplessly, nearly swiping the little flower vase from the table. "There's my friend Monica, you know, my neighbor, my college roomie's sister – and there's you, my new hot girlfriend."

That made her blush even harder. "CHANDLER! Stop it!"

"Why? What?"

"Because – " she looked around helplessly and shook her head. "It's … I'm not hot."

Chandler pushed back his glasses and made a great show of looking her up and down, pursing his mouth.

"Hmmm, let's see … yup … yes … okay … yes, no doubt about it. You are hot."

She let out an exasperated sigh. "Chandler, please …"

"Okay then. If it's not about Dr. Boring, then who?"

"Not who. There's no who." She took a deep breath. "It's about us. We – there's something we forgot."

"Forgot? What? Oh, you mean I should have asked your brother for his permission to do you?"

When she just looked at him, he fell silent and almost visibly pulled himself together. Monica bit her lip and put her purse on the table to get out the box of condoms.

"We forgot these." Her voice shook on the last word and she swallowed nervously. Chandler stared at the box, frowning, then his mouth slowly dropped open.

"Oh my god." His voice sounded different all of a sudden, almost toneless, and it sent a shiver down her spine. Serious Chandler seemed really weird. "Oh god –" he raised his hand to his head to run it through his hair, nearly dislodging his cap in the process. "I'm so sorry. I should have – I really should have thought of that."

"It's my fault too. I actually bought them myself – it's so stupid of me."

"Oh, don't say that! It's totally my fault. I'm the guy, and guys are supposed to have condoms. Oh, actually I've got one too, and I totally forgot about that." He dug out his wallet from his back pocket. "See? I got that just in case I'd score – to be prepared. And then, the one time I should have used it, I forgot. How idiotic is that?"

"Ugh, how long has that been in there?" The shape of the condom had over time imprinted itself on the wallet and when Chandler tried to get it out, the wrapping almost crumbled under his fingers.

"Ugh, no, please leave it – okay, we can't change it anyway. It happened. The question is, what now?"

"I think the question is rather: did you get pregnant?"

She stared at him, opening her mouth to reply only to shut it again and shrug helplessly.

"I – I don't know. How could I? I don't feel pregnant."

"Oh. How does being pregnant feel?"

"How should I know?" Suddenly she felt close to tears. Chandler sighed deeply and reached out for her, drawing her to him.

"Shsh. It's okay. We'll figure it out. Shshsh … there. Okay, you can use my shirt, it's not been cried on yet today …" That made her giggle through her tears, and after she'd blown her nose she actually felt better, and sat up again.

"Figure it out how?"

He shrugged. "Well, when was your last period?"

"My – oh. Um. I think … No … I can't remember!"

"Hey. Hey, it's okay, don't worry. Just relax. Here, I'll go get us coffee, and then we'll think about it together. Okay?"

She nodded dumbly and watched him get up and make his way through the crowded café to the counter, noticing everything about him as if she was suddenly looking at him through a magnifying glass. There was a hole in his shirt just above his hip, and a stain on the knee of his jeans. She hoped he would let her take care of him now – some men were funny about that, as if they actually preferred to look sloppy. Chandler had never seemed to care about his appearance, about how immature and deadbeat the cap and sneakers he wore all the time actually made him look. She would have to try to convince him that it was okay to change one's style every now and then, depending on the occasion, and that he actually looked quite good without the cap. And the glasses – it was a shame how they hid his eyes which actually looked so nice. If he wore contacts for instance … Oh god, here she was, his girlfriend of hardly two days and already wanting to change him, improve his looks. Right now there were far more important matters to take care of.

By the time he returned with their coffees, she had gotten her pocket calendar out to pore over last month's entries. Unfortunately there weren't that many of them.

"Any luck?"

"No … well, I don't know. Here's the lunch with my mother, and I know I wasn't on my period then, but I really can't remember if I had it before or after that …"

"Let me see … here, what's that?"

"Laundry. And that's the week when I had the late shift …"

"Ah. And here? 7 p.m./R.?"

"That's – um, dinner with Roger – but he couldn't make it. Actually I was glad he cancelled, because I had cr- … oh my god! I had cramps!"

"Um, so?" Then his eyes widened. "Oh, you mean cramps? As in –"

"Yes! My period! I had my period!" Only when he shushed her and looked about him to see if anybody had heard, she realized that she had almost been screaming and blushed. Fortunately nobody seemed to have noticed.

"Okay, so when was this? What's today?"

"The 22th. And this was … the fifth. Um. I think I got it the day before, so 18 days ago – 19, counting this one. That's good, isn't it?"

"You have to deduct two days" he pointed out. "So it was 16 days before we did it."

"Oh. Is that enough?"

"Maybe. But how should I know?"

She sighed deeply. "I know. So that doesn't help us much either. Oh god, I really wish there was something we could do, like a test or – oh, a test!"

"A pregnancy test" he breathed. "Of course!"

"I'll buy one tomorrow –"

"No, no. You already got the condoms. Let me do that."

"Really? Won't it be … awkward?"

He hesitated and then shook his head. "Of course it will. Awkward is my middle name. But it's the least I can do."

"Aw, that's so sweet!" She threw her arms around him, nearly knocking him from his seat. He smiled and pulled her close, patting her soothingly on the back.

"Okay then! Is there anything else I can get while I'm at it? You know, like maybe pickles? Ice cream? … ouch."

.

Later that evening, after they had returned to her apartment, they found themselves alone once more. Joey had a date and Ross had left her a message that he was meeting Rachel somewhere to help her find a divorce lawyer and instructing her not to tell Carole that if she should call. Or tell her, but not mention the lawyer. Or Rachel. (At that she had just rolled her eyes.) Phoebe was still in the hospital, so they had the apartment to themselves to do as they pleased. Which they did, watching TV and making out on the couch, then eating dinner and making out some more. Everything could have been just perfect, if that pregnancy scare hadn't hung over them like a dark cloud the whole time.

"Mon, it's no use worrying about it …"

"I'm not. I'm not worried."

"Yes you are. You're not eating, which means you're worried. Seriously worried I'd say."

"Oh. Yeah. I guess I'm just not hungry –"

"You? You're not hungry? Now you're scaring me."

"Stop it! Okay, maybe you're right. I just – I can't help thinking about it."

"I know. Me too." He reached out and put his arms around her. "It's going to be okay."

"It's – it's just so strange, you know? Two days ago I thought I would die a virgin, and now I'm worried that I might be pregnant."

"Yeah, you know, two days ago I thought I'd never score again and now I'm worried that I could have knocked you up. Great score really." That actually made her laugh and tighten her arms around him. He stroked her hair and kissed her on the temple, then let his lips wander over her face down to her neck while she pressed her head against his shoulder.

"Chandler? Have you told anyone yet – about us?"

"Um, no, I haven't seen any of the guys today. Have you?"

"Yes, I told Phoebe. She was – surprised. To say the least."

He grinned. "Did she believe you?"

"Not at first. Until I made her. She actually reminded me of the condoms – no, she doesn't know, it was just something she said."

"Ah. Well, I suppose it'll come out sooner or later anyway."

"You think?"

"If you're pregnant, something will definitely come out in nine months or so."

"Oh god." She winced. "Chandler, I can't – I really can't imagine being pregnant. It's so – weird."

"I know."

"How do you know?"

"I mean, I can't imagine being a father. Do you see me changing diapers and going to parents-teacher-meetings?"

"Well … I couldn't see you as my boyfriend either, and now –"

"Yeah, well, maybe. I don't know really. You're right, it's weird."

She sighed deeply. "It's just too soon. I always wanted to have a baby, but not … not like this."

"Like what then? By immaculate conception? From a sperm bank?"

"No! I wanted a family first and then have it when I was ready for it." She turned to him. "What about you?"

"I never thought about it before" he admitted. "Me having a baby … I thought that would only happen to other people. You know, like Ross having Ben. That was pretty cool, but … so not me."

When she frowned at him, he shrugged. "But hey, what do you know? Our baby's going to be totally different. We'll probably screw everything up – okay, I'll probably screw everything up and you'll fix it again. I'll be a lousy father and you'll be a wonderful mother and together we might just manage to do right by it." He drew her closer to him. "And who knows, maybe you're not pregnant after all. Let's not get all worked up before we know for sure."

She leaned against him and closed her eyes. "Okay. You're right. It's just ..."

"I know. "

"Um, Chandler …?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you … sleepy?"

He smiled. "Thank god, I thought you'd never ask!"

"Oh good. You know, I've always wanted to know how condoms actually work."

"Really? Me too."

"Oh. You mean, you don't know? Have you never …?"

He sighed deeply. "Pathetic, isn't it? No, but I've always wanted to. It is a serious knowledge gap you know. But I guess it's not exactly rocket science."

She considered and then brightened suddenly. "Oooh, maybe there are instructions on the box …?"