It was morning again, the morning after the third night they'd spent together, and for a good while after he'd woken up Chandler just remained lying on his side, perfectly content to just watch Monica sleep. She was lying on her back with her face turned a little to the side facing him, and in the fuzzy light of morning he could just about discern, even without his glasses, how her eye balls kept moving under the lids, telling him that she was dreaming. Her dark hair was spread all over the pillow with some tendrils only inches away from his face. The cover had somehow slipped down again during the night and exposed one of her breasts almost to the nipple, and though it made him want to kiss and caress it and the rest of her too, he was still too lazy to make a move, and also too fascinated by the way her breathing made her chest and the edge of the cover rise and sink gently, and how perfect the contrast between the dark strands of hair and the light soft skin appeared in the half lightened room. It felt simply wonderful and out of this world fantastic to just be there, warm and snug in this nice bed, rested and awake, but also so relaxed and lazy, and maybe just a little horny too – just looking at that nipple under the edge of the cover put a major boost on his morning wood. But it really seemed a shame to wake her up while she was sleeping so peacefully and engage in yet another round of sweet, urgent love-making when they had so much time. And still some condoms left too. True, it probably wasn't all that early still - he couldn't tell the exact time it was without turning around and craning his head – but neither of them had to get up early this day and even if they had, there was still so much time they could and would spend together. Enough time to make this watching her sleep so worth his while. And thinking about how lucky he was. So lucky to be here, in her bed, in her nice, cozy apartment, and not in his own bed with the lumpy mattress and scratchy sheet, forever startled from sleep by the sound of the toilet flush in the apartment above his (whose inhabitant apparently suffered from incontinence and/or enlarged prostate) and other sounds like footsteps and creaking doors, or even worse, from some sound in his own apartment that told him his crazy roommate had returned and was searching all the rooms for evidence that someone had broken in in his absence and gone through his things. Whenever this happened, Chandler had to force himself just to lie there feigning sleep while Eddie searched his room too. Locking the door was no use, since he had a key and changing the lock or putting on the bolt would just convince his roommate that something was wrong and he was in some danger or worse, hiding something. It was much easier to just submit to the search and suffer through it until Eddie was finished. Over time he had gotten used it, just as to everything else, and also quite good at ignoring his roommate's antics too, though they still continued to rankle him. But he just didn't see any way out of this strange situation and had to admit that he was too lazy to even consider doing anything about it. At least Eddie had pretty much stopped watching him sleep. That had to count for something, right?

Though now, while he was watching Monica sleep, he had to admit that there was something to be said for it. Above all it was so peaceful to just lie there and wonder what she was dreaming that made her eyes move so rapidly, if she would continue to breathe through her nose like that or if her mouth would start to open a little now, to allow her to breathe more deeply, if she would even start to snore a little -

"Monica? Yoohoo, Monica, I'm baaack!"

As Chandler froze with shock, he saw Monica's eyes fly wide open just a second before she almost bounced upright in the bed and looked around her wild-eyed, clutching the covers to her. Then she jumped off the bed so violently the springs creaked in loud protest, and ran out of the bedroom, barely taking the time to grab her bathrobe and belt it around her. For a long moment Chandler just lay there uncomprehendingly, until it finally dawned on him that it had been Phoebe calling out for Monica from the living room … wait though, Phoebe? But she was –

"Phoebe! What are you doing here? Did they discharge you from the hospital?"

"Ha! No, I got away. Finally! It was easy though, the security there is really crap."

"But Pheebs, you're not well yet! What if you have another heart attack?"

"But I couldn't take it anymore! I had to get away before they got to me there!"

"Who?"

"Who? My bosses! Or my clients! The IRS for all I know! They're after me!"

Oh good lord. Phoebe in full swing that early in the morning – oh shoot, was it 9.30 a.m. already? – okay, just morning then – wasn't something he should let Monica face on her own, so he groped for his glasses and started looking for his boxers.

"Phoebe that's – that's so - why would they be after you?"

"Because I lost 13 million dollars? And if it's not them, then it's my clients! Anyway, I had to leave. And I can't stay here either."

"What?"

"Well, if I stay here, they'll get to me here, won't they?"

"Oh. But where will you go?"

"I don't know yet. I'll figure it out. But what about you? Why aren't you up yet?"

"Well … You see, we –"

"We? Oh, I forgot, you have a boyfriend now. Oh, and there he is! Wow, nice boxers!"

Since they were indeed his best pair, Chandler decided to take that remark as a compliment or at least let it slide off him while he put his arm around Monica.

"And a good morning to you! Are you sure you're okay? Hadn't you better sit down, get some rest?"

"No time for this, they're after me! I just need to – oh no, they're here already! Quick, I need to hide!"

For a moment it really seemed as if she was right, there were hurried footsteps coming up the stairs and to the door, and Chandler braced himself while Monica squeaked and tried to hide behind him, desperately clawing at her bathrobe. Then the door was thrown open and Ross and Joey burst in, just as Phoebe dived behind the easy chair.

"Phoebe! Is she here? Pheebs? Oh – Monica, what …?"

"Hey dude, what are you doing here?"

"Morning everybody! Nice day, isn't it?"

"Hi Ross. What's up, bro? Hi Joey. What a nice surprise! Won't you come in?" Monica tried her best to appear nonchalant, but there was a decided edge to her voice and Chandler couldn't help noticing that she kept fumbling at her bathrobe nervously. While her brother stared at her confusedly, Joey recovered more quickly.

"Erm, yes, we're looking for Phoebe, is she here?"

"Um …" out of the corner of his eye he saw Phoebe gesticulating wildly at him "ah, why, isn't she at the hospital?"

"No, she gave us the slip. And, dude, are those my boxers?"

"What? No, I told you I won't break in your boxers for you!"

"Aw. They look nice though. Can you get me a pair like that?"

"What's going on here? Why aren't you dressed?"

"How could you let Phoebe give you the slip?"

"Hey, she was already gone when we got there! If I'd known she would try this, I would have stood guard!"

There was an audible snort from behind the chair. Ross eyes narrowed and he strode across the room and almost pounced on Phoebe, who had clamped a hand on her mouth.

"PHOEBE! How could you do this to us? We were worried about you!"

Since now her cover was blown for good, Phoebe had to admit defeat.

"I'm not going back there! They're out to get me!"

"What? Who?"

"My bosses! The IRS! My clients! My – everybody!"

"Phoebe, that's absurd. No one's out to get you."

"How do you know that? You didn't lose 13 million dollars!"

"Still, you have to go back to the hospital, you're not well enough yet. You shouldn't be out and about! This could get you killed!"

"I'm fine!" Phoebe took a deep breath and then winced. "I will be fine. I just … need a moment. I'm fine! Leave me alone, will ya?"

"Here sit down, Pheebs, I'll make you some tea …"

"I can manage! And, um, Monica, no offense, but I really think you should get dressed. Or get a bigger bathrobe."

"Phoebe!" Monica blushed fiercely and tried to pull her robe even tighter, glaring at Joey when he ogled her. And jumped when Chandler kicked him on his shin.

"Ouch! Dude!"

"Stop leering at my girlfriend!"

"Your WHAT?!"

"What's going on? Monica, are you – did you – what are you doing?!"

"EVERYBODY STOP SCREAMING RIGHT NOW!"

"Phoebe! Phoebe! Just stop screaming, okay? Just stop!" Monica took a deep breath. "Everybody just calm down, okay? This is still my apartment! I'm going to get dressed and then we'll all have breakfast and discuss this like civilized people. And no more screaming! Is that clear?"

"But what –?"

"IS THAT CLEAR?"

Chandler had to hand it to her, once Monica got her dander up, nobody was able to hold their ground against her. Even Ross threw up his hands and retreated to the kitchen where he was joined by Joey who immediately started to check out the fridge. When Monica went back into her bedroom to get her clothes, he hurried after her and shut the door.

"Wow, Mon, that was awesome!"

"Really? It was, wasn't it?"

"Oh, totally." He drew her too him to kiss her and held on insistently when she tried to push him away.

"Chandler, no, the others …!"

"Let them. This is your apartment, you just said so yourself …"

"Yeah … but … um, no, I really have to get dressed! And take a shower …"

"Not in that order I hope?"

.

.

"So let me get this straight, you two are together now? But what about that, that doctor guy?"

"You mean Dr. Boring?"

"Chandler! That wasn't serious. How could it be when he was getting beeped all the time?"

Joey guffawed at this, but Ross still wasn't convinced.

"Not that I'm not happy for you, but, I mean, you were friends for so long … how did it happen?"

"Which version do you want to hear, G, PG or X-rated?" Ross winced.

"It happened Ross. Can't you just – accept it? I'm not asking you what happened between Carol and you. Or Rachel."

"Hey, leave Rachel out of this – okay, I see your point."

"Hallelujah!"

"And, oh, speaking of which, I asked her to come over tonight. She still doesn't know what to do and where to go, and so …"

"If you're trying to tell me that she should live here for a while, forget it Ross. The place isn't big enough for her!"

"Not live here, just, you know, visit, until she gets her bearings …"

"Why don't you let her stay with you? Don't you have the space now?"

Ross winced again. "Actually Carol wants to keep the apartment with Ben. It's really too big for me alone, even if I get Ben over the weekends."

"So you're looking for a place too? Well, you can't live here!"

"I know, calm down! Actually I was thinking of Chandler's place."

"My place? Why? I don't have a room."

"What about Joey's old room?"

"But that's Eddie's now."

"Who?"

"Eddie. My roommate. Come on, you've met him! Kinda thin, greasy hair, weird laugh …"

They all looked at each other blankfaced and shrugging, and Chandler started to feel uneasy.

"Oh, you mean the guy who ate three boxes of cookies on the day he moved in?"

"Naw, that was me." Joey grinned unashamedly.

"Well, he's often out, but he's definitely my roommate. How do you think I could afford the apartment otherwise?"

"I thought Joey still paid for it …"

"Naw, I offered, but Chandler wouldn't have it. He said he could take care of himself."

"So how do you do it, rob banks?"

"What? No!" Chandler threw up his hands. "I actually have a roommate who pays his share of the rent. Every month!"

"Monica, have you seen this roommate? Because I haven't. Not once!"

"No. Chandler talks about him, but I've never seen him either."

"Chandler, are you sure you're not imagining him?"

Chandler put his hands to his head and groaned. "Great, now I have an imaginary roommate. I don't get it! Why can't you believe that I've got a roommate? Okay, he's a little … shy. And weird."

"And invisible!"

"No, he isn't. He's just away a lot."

"When did you see him last?"

"What do you mean, see? As in –"

"See, as in see with your eyes!"

"Oh, that. I don't know."

"See? He IS invisible! Cool, an invisible roommate!"

"He's not invisible! I just try to avoid him because he's weird."

"Why, what does he do?"

"Well, he has an aquarium –"

"That's not weird …"

"- where he puts goldfish crackers in …"

"Okay, that is."

"And sometimes he won't let me in, because he thinks I'm someone else, like someone from the government in disguise."

"Ah, they can be so sneaky, those government guys!"

"And he always leaves his room through the window."

"How? It's on the fifth floor!"

"I think he's got some sort of rope ladder."

"So if you hardly see him, and he doesn't recognize you, how does he pay the rent?"

"Ah." Chandler grinned. "Through the mail, mostly, in plain brown envelopes. Sometimes he puts it under my pillow. Or tapes it on the back of the toilet tank …"

"Oh my god, I had no idea!" Phoebe gazed at him admiringly. "This is so cool! I wish I had such a cool roommate!"

"Hey!"

"Yeah, right, Monica, you're sweet and lovable, but you could never be weird like that." Monica made a face and shrugged, still a little rankled, and Chandler put his arm around her.

"Yeah, it may sound cool, but I'm telling you, it gets old really fast. Every first of the month I have to search the whole apartment for the money. One time he put it in my old briefcase and I didn't find it for weeks. I really thought he'd left me then."

"But I would love to have a roommate like that! Ooohhh – wait, oohh – why don't we switch rooms?"

"What? What are you talking about, Pheebs?"

"You would live here with Monica and I would live at your place, where nobody could find me!"

"You don't think they would look at the apartment across the hall when they look for you?"

"No! I would live under another name of course. Oh, that's so exciting!"

"Yeah, but then – then I would live here, and … actually that's – that would be kinda cool." He looked at Monica who was almost simpering at him and tightened his grip. "If you're okay with that?"

"If Phoebe's just across the hall and you're living here – of course I'm okay with that!"

"Dude! That's so sweet!"

"But isn't it too early …?"

"Ross! How can it be too early?"

"But you've only been together for – what? One day?"

"Three days actually."

"What?"

"Yes, but Ross, we were friends for so long! I know him better than you!"

"Yes, but after three days?"

"But I really need that room! Also Chandler's already spending all his time here, it won't make a difference."

"Really? I didn't know that!"

Monica groaned. "Ross! We're neighbors, of course he comes over all the time. You'd know that too, if you didn't spend all your time worrying about your dry spell with Carol."

Ross jumped up so hard his chair almost went flying. "How do you – PHOEBE!"

"What? I didn't tell her!"

"But – but –"

"Relax Ross. We all know about it. You haven't talked about anything else for half a year."

Ross slowly sat down again. "Yeah, but still … what else do you know?"

There was a pause in which Phoebe just rolled her eyes and Monica smirked, while Joey looked on, rather puzzled. Ross groaned.

"Okay. Okay. So you two are together, and now you'll shack up too."

"We haven't decided anything yet. But yeah, it sounds really great. Phoebe, are you sure about switching though? I mean, my place is not all that great."

"I know!" Phoebe sighed. "But Ursula's at my grandmother's place and I really can't live with her, and I don't have the time to look for another place."

"But you could still stay here! I mean Chandler and I won't need your room if he lived here, we could all live together!"

Phoebe grimaced. "Um, I don't think so. If you two go for it at least three times each night …"

"Four." Monica said smugly which made Chandler grin, until he caught sight of Ross' glowering at him.

"Wow, really?" Phoebe pursed her lips. "And have you lost weight yet?"

"Ooohh, yeah, I totally forgot! I lost six pounds!"

"WHAT?"

"Seriously?"

"How? When?!"

Chandler remained silent as the others shouted all at once, just staring at Monica with the corners of his mouth drooping. When Monica noticed at last, she looked concerned.

"Chandler, what's the matter? Aren't you happy? I never lost so much weight before in that short a time!"

"Yeah, I guess – but … this is so sudden. You could have warned me!"

"Why?"

"Six pounds? That's six pounds of you gone, lost, just like that, and I never got a chance to mourn them properly! That's horrible! Could you put them back on please?"

"WHAT?" Monica's eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

"Please, just for me! I really loved them, all of them!"

"You're kidding right? Right?!"

Chandler shook his head. "No. At least show me where you lost them."

"What? What do you mean, where?"

"I mean they must have been somewhere before you lost them, so show me, so I know what I'm missing."

"Chandler, this is … Joey, what's up?"

Joey just shrugged helplessly as he drew up his nose. "I don't know, it just seems so sad! Now I miss them too!" He hooked an arm around Chandler who patted him on the back.

"At least please tell me they're not from your boobs!"

Monica threw up her hands. "Okay, no, they're not, at least I don't think so. Satisfied?"

"Well, for now … Subject to closer examination though. I really can't have you go around losing parts of yourself, can I?"

"Examination?" Monica narrowed her eyes at him. "Sounds good actually …"

"Ugh, guys, seriously!"

"RO-OSS …!"

Ross threw up his hands. "Okay, okay, fine, have it your way!"

"Ooohhh, thank you!"

"Hey, don't fight guys!" Joey intervened just as the two siblings started their weird arm gesture thing. "Chandler, do I have an audition?"

"No, but you've got that appointment with the pilot at 12."

"Oh that's today? Great!"

"Why a pilot?"

Chandler rolled his eyes. "There's an episode coming up where Dr. Ramoray has to operate on someone during a flight and he wanted some advice for that."

"From a pilot ...?"

"Sure! And if not, he can at least give me some phone numbers of some hot stewardesses."

"Oh, in that case …" Ross suddenly looked a little wistful, and Monica rolled her eyes.

"Right, so I should go now I guess." Joey eyed his plate regretfully. "Chandler, are you coming?"

"Um, no – unless …"

"Yes, he is." Monica said firmly. "I've got a lot to do still. We can meet up at the Perk later." She drew his head down to kiss him lingeringly, ignoring Ross' scowl. "And don't forget that test!"

They both froze as soon as she'd said that, staring into each other's widening eyes, conscious of everybody's puzzled eyes on them.

"What test?"

Ohgodohgodohgod, what to say what to say what to say … "Um, you know, that test that – you know that book. Sex for dummies. Monica wants to do it by the book you know."

Phoebe rolled her eyes. "And you really want me to stay here with you?!"