Yuuri didn't sleep.

Well, he did.

But he woke up a few minutes after.

At first, he thought he dreamt about everything. His fan meeting, the singing, Alyanna, Phichit, Chris, Victor, the stranger, the antis, the Police Station and again, Victor. But as he raised his hands to pinch himself, he felt his body sting and arms felt like led – 'it must be true then' he thought as he opened his eyes wider and his heart started pounding as he mumbled, "then that must mean …" his voice drifted off as he forced himself to look at his side only to find it empty.

'He left'

Yuuri thought bitterly as he tried to stop himself from sobbing. 'Maybe he went back to that guy – he looks much better than me anyway' his thought supplied as his voice cracked at the thought of Victor with someone else.

'I have to let him go' he told himself as he snorted as he thought, 'now, how many times have I told myself that?' but as he tried to roll of the bed so that he could go to the toilet – 'to drown myself' he thought sardonically, he heard soft snores coming from the living room.

His first thought was Victor. But he just shook his head as he remembered his best friend threaten Victor as his mind added, 'And why would he stay?' His second thought was Phichit. His best friend would stay the night – he's sure of it. So he pushed himself off the bed and trudged towards the living room to wake Phichit up and offer him the bed – it's the least he could do for his friend, he troubled him enough, Yuuri thought.

But as he walked towards the living room, his mind immediately went blank as he saw the sleeping form of Victor on the sofa. 'He looks so beautiful' Yuuri thought as he smiled sadly and thought, 'I thought this was a Cinderella story – and now, I woke up to find sleeping beauty' he slowly walked towards the figure – afraid of making any noise. When he reached the edge of the couch, he slowly sat on the carpeted floor and smiled as he came face to face with Victor's sleeping face.

"Why are you so beautiful?" he whispered as he couldn't stop himself as he raised his hand to tuck in Victor's hair behind his ears – slowly so he doesn't wake up. Yuuri panicked a bit when he saw Victor's face scrunch up a bit but relaxed as soon as Victor's face became peaceful again and breathed a sigh.

Yuuri pulled his knees closer to his body and wrapped his arms around himself as he leant his head on his knees and looked at the sleeping figure again. It took him another hour of just watching Victor's face light up as the moon shone inside the room and landing directly at the sleeping form of his ex before he found himself whispering again to the sleeping man, "Why are you here?"

"Goodbye" 'Don't go'

"Be happy" 'Don't leave'

"Forget me, forget and move on" 'Don't forget me'

"I'm... I'm okay" 'It hurts...'

"Don't worry about me and move on" 'Please don't leave'

"I still love you" 'I never stopped loving you'

He whispered those words as his thoughts kept on betraying him. But at his last thought, he knew that it must be true. For the past months, he literally drowned himself in alcohol – he forced himself to forget Victor, he worked and worked and worked and sometimes, he'd let Phichit and Chris introduce him to a guy or a girl to shift his interest – not that it worked, it never worked – not when he can clearly see Victor's face whenever he closed his eyes, whenever he breathed, whenever he see something familiar.

Even with his music. Everything he wrote from the moment he met Victor up to now, has been dedicated to him. The happy songs, the love songs, the broken hearted songs – everything. Even as he stares at the Russian now, words float in his head, ready to be written.

I want to forget you, I want to forget you
No matter how much I shout out, it doesn't work
I regret because I couldn't take care of you
I want to forget you, I want to forget you
No matter how much I shout out, it doesn't work
I go crazy with the memory of you laughing

I'm not really laughing
I'm not really walking
In your memories I shed tears and wait for you
I'm not really laughing
I'm not really walking
In your memories I shed tears and wait for you

With the pain of not having you, I shed tears and blow my nose
I want to be a man and just laugh but
I can't fix the habit of becoming blank every moment
I want to be a man and just laugh but
I want to be a man and just laugh but it's so hard to take a spoonful of food and put it in my mouth
Even the laughter of my friends who try to comfort me,
Turn into marbles of sadness in my eyes
I try to laugh but I can't and I go some place far away

The words flowed from his head continuously as he scrambled from his feet cautiously to retrieve a pen and paper from the table drawer as he forced his aching hand to write and thought of the melody to best accompany the song in his mind.

He doubts he'll ever sing this song in public – or in front of anyone actually, but he's determined to finish this song – if only as his last reminders of Victor.

He wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote. He didn't even realize when the moon was slowly replaced by the sun and blue orbs started fluttering open – watching him, as his back was turned away from the previously sleeping man, until he felt cold hands running through his hair and he tensed and gasped before he relaxed himself slowly.

But as he tried to turn around he heard Victor murmur, "Please… don't turn around just yet" which made Yuuri tense again as his anxiety bubbled up and fed his mind one evil thought to another as he cautiously said, "I'm sorry Victor" as he tried to stop the pounding in his head and forced himself to calm down when he heard shuffling from behind him followed by cold hands wrapping around him in a form of a hug.

'God I missed this' Yuuri thought as he relaxed in the arms that held him until he started hearing soft sobs coming from the Russian as he started to lift his hands to hold the arms of the other only for the hug to tighten. He tensed and winced as he felt his bruises sting.

Suddenly the arms that held him were gone and the frantic voice of Victor replaced it as the Russian apologized over and over which only stopped when Yuuri suddenly said, "Can I – Can I turn around now?"

It took a few seconds of silence before he heard Victor answer, "I – ye – yes" and that was all the answer Yuuri needed before he slowly turned around and lifted Victor's face so he could look at him.

"Hey" Yuuri said softly as he gave the other a small smile.

Victor, for his part, swallowed a lump in his throat before he replied with another 'Hey' followed by another small smile.

They fell into a comfortable silence, both waiting for the other to start. Yuuri's hands found Victor's and he took the other's hands and entangled it with his own as he rubbed his thumb at the back of the Russian's hands soothingly.

As silence enveloped the room, Yuuri thought about what he planned to say to Victor. He rehearsed this – thought about this – he remembered practicing the lines over and over, but now, his memory betrays him and it all falls short as his mind remained blank. But as he forced himself to say anything, Victor beat him to it when he heard the Russian asked, "What happened to us Yuuri?"

He can't answer that.

Not that he can't – it's just that, it was his question too.

He doesn't have an answer to that.

"I don't know" he answered honestly before they fell into another silence – this time more suffocating than the last. Yuuri found that he's holding his breath and he slowly released it as he heard Victor ask again, "Do you – do you think we could go back?" the words 'to how we used to' left unsaid but Yuuri heard it all the same.

Yuuri took another breath as he debated with himself how to best answer that question, and after another second, he made up his mind that the only answer that they both need is an honest one, so slowly, he answered, "No… I don't think so" and he watched as Victor's eyes started filling with tears before bowing his head so that he wouldn't see. Yuuri wanted to look away but found that he couldn't – physically couldn't.

He needed to explain to Victor – while he's still here. He needed Victor to listen now – let him talk. Even if he doesn't really know what he wanted to say so he just opened his mouth and let his heart put the words in his mouth as he started.

"I didn't know why you left" Yuuri took deep breaths, thankful that Victor is letting him talk so he continued, "I – when you left me… I was so lost. I – I didn't want to do anything, I didn't want to feel anything" as he snorted and added, "I even went back to drinking alcohol – to let me sleep? To numb the pain? I honestly don't know" as he shook his head for good measure as he smiled sadly. Slowly, he lifted Victor's head and forced the words out of his mouth as he gave the other a sad smile while he watched the other cry. He brushed his thumb over the falling tears as he said, "I wouldn't lie… I let Phichit and Chris throw people at me – two at a time even" as he laughed a bit and his hands fell back to capture Victor's own hands and looked away as he continued, "But nothing came out of it" and turned to Victor again and smiled as he said, "I found out just how stubborn my heart is you know. It was dead set on you. Even as I sat with other people – even as I forced myself to the company of another, I close my eyes and remember you and it makes me physically recoil from another – I'm stuck with you"

Yuuri waited for a while to let Victor talk. But when it got obvious that the other wouldn't just yet, Yuuri continued.

"I didn't know what to feel when I saw you last night. I felt like a ship stranded in the middle of the sea and you are the lighthouse beckoning me for safety…" Yuuri breathed harshly as he forced the sobs back in his throat as he added, "But I was scared" and looked at Victor in the eyes as he said, "I didn't know if it was still safe to land – I was scared that the reason I was driven away the first time was because I polluted you too much – I've scarred you too much" his hands immediately let go of Victor's as his hands cupped the other's face and searched for anything in the Russians face as he smiled at him and said seriously, "I don't want to hurt you – you're so beautiful and I don't want to spoil you"

"But just when I made up my mind to go to you regardless – be selfish, just one last time, Alyanna, the rookie singer I was with, pulled me down and kissed me" as his eyes dropped to his sides and he looked away from Victor and continued, "I didn't know what to do. I pushed her away – I asked Chris – I looked for you and found you" as he took another sharp intake of breath and said bitterly, "And then suddenly, there was another guy beside you, shoving me away and …" his voice faltered as he looked at Victor again with a sad eyes and a small smile, "I didn't care anymore – my life – my career – everything and nothing mattered anymore" as he took another second before finishing it with, "And then you're here – and I'm here – our feelings are a mess so… No Victor we can't go back to how we were anymore"

Yuuri waited for Victor to talk. For a while, he listened while the other cried. He said his piece – after a long time, he said what he thought – not what he rehearsed. He waited until he heard Victor say, "This is all my fault" and Yuuri wanted to counter that but Victor didn't let him as the other continued to say, "No… Yuuri… listen to me… this is – all of this is my fault" and Yuuri nodded as he said, "Will you tell me why we broke up Victor?" and he smiled as he saw Victor nod.

There was a pregnant pause as Yuuri saw Victor debating with himself before the other started with, "I – I guess it started when you released your second album?" and Yuuri raised his eyebrows at that but Victor continued, "I – I was backstage with Phichit on your concert when Chris asked Phichit if you really declined the offer to appear on a show and Phichit may not remember but he said, 'Oh, the shooting is on the 22nd' as if that explained everything and I didn't understand it at first and dismissed it until I heard you finishing the encore song and you said to the crowd, 'PLEASE SUPPORT MY PARTNER VICTOR NIKIFOROV! HE'LL BE COMPETING ON THE 22ND OF MARCH'" he imitated Yuuri's voice as he laughed a bit.

Yuuri looked at him sadly as he listened to Victor continue, "That time – that's when I started to think… I was already thinking of retirement that time. I haven't told you yet but I – I don't know what to do. And I – I thought I hindered you in your career. I – I thought, if you weren't going to my competition, which I know you would anyway, you could be going to that show and be more popular" and this time, it was Victor who was cupping Yuuri's face who looked at the other blankly as Victor smiled widely as he continued, "And you have so much potential! You! You are so beautiful and I am so proud of you! But I – " he stopped and cut himself off for a bit before his hands fell to his sides as his smile lessened and said, "I was a shooting star Yuuri – and it was time for my descent and I – I didn't want to drag you down with me" as he took a breath and said finally, "and so I did the most cowardly thing to do. I ran away from you with my tail between my legs and shut down everything that connected me to you"

Yuuri suddenly moved from his position and shifted so he'd be sitting beside the other as he threw his arms around the Russian which made the other falter a bit and Yuuri rested his head on Victor's shoulder before he breathed before he said, "Was that the reason? You got scared?" and it took another minute before Yuuri felt Victor nod from above him and he closed his eyes as he smiled and relaxed as he breathed and said, "You are so stupid Vitya"

Yuuri knew, based on how Victor tensed above him, that the other man must be shocked and have his mouth hanging open, he breathed again as slowly released it and said, "You could have told me sooner – this wouldn't have happened then" and then turned his head to look at Victor as he said while they locked eyes, "I said this to you then and I'll say it again now… my songs are why I'm popular – and my songs are all about you" and when he saw Victor looked at him confusedly he smiled and said, "From the moment I met you, words flow in my head. My feelings, my words, everything I know from then on, revolved around you. Without you, there is no art. Without you, there might as well be no me" and Yuuri's eyes started tearing up when he saw Victor's eyes reflect his own as they smiled at each other as he finally said, "You will never burden me. I'd love you and I will support you until my hair turn as grey as yours one day – I promised you that"

Yuuri knew then that Victor understood – and he understood that Victor still loves him. If the way they're acting and what he told him were any indication and he reveled at that. And he smiled to himself triumphantly when he teased Victor as he said, "I want you back Vitya – if you'll have me" before he smirked as he looked away as he tried to move away from the Russian and sound dejected when he said, "But you have another man" and upon seeing the confused look in Victor's eyes, he said, "You know, the one with you last night? The one who called me 'buddy?'" and he smiled to himself as he saw Victor's eyes widen in realization as Yuuri sighed dramatically and turned away from the other as he said, "I guess I'm not needed anymore – I might as well die right now" and he physically felt Victor tensed behind him as he heard the Russian say, "NOOOOO Yuuri! NOOOOO! I LOVE YOU! DON'T FOLLOW THE LIGHT! NOOOOOO!" as Yuuri couldn't stop himself and laugh at the dramatics of the other.

Victor, still hasn't caught up yet, continued as he rambled, "I honestly don't know the guy! He just saw me walking down the street and he told me he'd get me a coffee or something and – Yuuri! I didn't even agree! He just decided on his own! And when we turned the curve, I honestly shoved him away and ran towards the hotel! Yuuri listen!"

Yuuri tried to calm himself down before turning back to Victor as he looked at the other seriously and asked, "What about the other guys? The one you dated?" and Victor's eyes grew impossibly wider than as Yuuri heard him stumble on his words as he listened to Victor say, "THEY WEREN'T REAL! IT WAS ALL THEM!" and Yuuri couldn't stop himself as his heart thumped with glee and before he knew it, he leaned in to kiss Victor on the lips before he smiled sarcastically, "What about those girls?" and it amused Yuuri that Victor's eyes remained close and leaning in closer to Yuuri when he pulled away.

He laughed when Victor's eyes opened and scrunched his face in disgust as he said, "That's all Mila and Georgi's fault – they insisted" and then as if finally realizing what happened he turned to Yuuri as he asked, "YUURI! Did you just kiss me?" and Yuuri smiled as he shrugged and smirked at him as he answered, "Maybe"

Yuuri laughed when he heard Victor grunt as he leaned in again to steal another kiss to the Russian which made the other stop as pointed at Yuuri accusingly and said, "You did it again!" and Yuuri, getting all the courage and confidence as he couldn't stop himself anyway, smirked again as he asked, "Do you want me to stop?" and he watched, amused, as Victor's mouth opened and closed like a fish before making up his mind as he jumped at Yuuri and kissed the Japanese as he demanded, "less talking more kissing!" and Yuuri laughed at that.

After a few minutes of making out, Victor pulled away to ask the question that's been nagging at his mind, "What about Alyanna?" and this time, it was Yuuri who was leaning in, seeking the warmth of the other's lips as he grunted and asked, "What about her?" as he started to kiss Victor again who responded before the Russian pulled away from him again and said, "She kissed you" Victor said matter-of-factly as Yuuri, anger rising that he kept being disturbed, grunted again as he countered, "And I pushed him away" and shrugged as he peppered Victor's face with kisses, "Besides, I'm kissing you here right now, aren't I?" but Victor was still talking as he asked, "What about Phichit and Chris? They will be mad when they found out…"

Yuuri, couldn't take it anymore, moved so that he's straddling the Russian and lowered his face so that he's kissing Victor's neck which earned him a moan. But just when he thought he'd successfully shut the other up, he heard Victor continue, "And what about Russia? Yakov will be mad again – and Yuri and Mila and Georgi"

This time, Yuuri couldn't stand it as he pulled away and gave a look to Victor as he asked, "Seriously? I'm doing my best here to kiss you until we both turn into a puddle to make up for lost time and you're thinking about Phichit and Chris and Mila and Yakov and Yurio and –" he stopped as he shivered before saying, "Georgi?" and this time, it was Victor's turn to smirk as he heard the Russian say, "Well, then that means you're not doing it properly huh? You must have been getting dull now that we –"

Yuuri shut him up as he leaned his forehead on Victors' as he said, "If you finish that sentence I will call everyone right now and tell them that you hurt me – again" which made Victor pale as he continued, "They all saw how I was like the first time that you left – I'm sure not everyone will be as forgiving the second time" and watched as he practically saw the gears working on Victor's head before a scowl marred his face when he said, "You're not being fair! They all love you!"

And Yuuri laughed, really laughed as he said, "Yeah, and they love you too" before adding, "Besides, I'll take what I can – after all, all is fair in love and war"

They kissed each other again – slowly this time, before slowly separating and just enjoying the company of the other before they pulled themselves up from the floor and Yuuri led Victor to sit on the couch. They sat comfortably until they started kissing again until Yuuri pulled away to say, "Next time, talk to me first" and Victor nodded in understanding before Yuuri asked, "promise?" and Victor smiled, "Promise"