Much thanks to genericuser22 for one of the conversations in this episode, and the previous one, and for helping me in general!
Cue the theme!
...
"Hello Edward!"
"Morning sir! How is Lady Hatt, might I ask?"
"Oh,er, not too bad. Not too bad at all. Listen. there's been a recent influx of traffic into the harbor as of late. I mean, the repairs have taken some time, but even by that token, there's way more there than should be. So I've decided that I'm going to be sending in three engines there to give them a hand."
"Very clever of you, sir." Edward vaguely wondered why the Fat Controller was telling him this. "Er, who sir?"
"Well, one of them is Gordon-"
"Ah."
"Yes, I know. But he's mostly due for freight duty for the next week or so, so if he has to get stuck in, then starting there won't be such a chore."
"No, no, I see what you're aiming at, sir. After his express train as well, of course."
"Naturally."
Silence.
"Er, the other two, sir? Duck and Oliver? I mean, they're really useful, even if you can't shut Oliver up sometimes-"
"Not those two."
"...Thomas and Percy- No." Edward corrected himself. "The branch-line's been far too busy for them to do anything on that scale, and I think that also rules Toby out of it as well. ...James and Henry? But I would have thought-"
"Oh no, I've learnt my lesson about that particular powder keg. No, it's a pair of twins you know quite well-"
"Ah! The Caledonians!" Edward beamed. "Yes, if anyone can keep Gordon in order, it would be those two! Especially if he makes any of those bloody Tugboat Annie jokes again-"
"It's not the Scots."
Edward laughed. "But the only other twins are-"
He stopped.
He began to shake.
"Edward-" said the Fat Controller, aware that perhaps he had made a mistake "-now, listen to me-"
"No..."
"They're the only two engines who have little to no work that would prevent them from-"
"NO."
"Everyone deserves a second chance-"
...
From China, to India, to Belgium, to America, the sound of Edward's scream could be heard echoing .
...
That morning, Bill and Ben were busy at the Quarry. And actually doing stuff for a change instead of accidentally blowing something up, or making the foreman be driven away in a white van filled with lot's of gentle men in white coats to a place known only as 'The Funny Farm'. The trucks were (Mostly) in their correct place, and the twins, though still cheeky and wanting very much to play tricks, were currently gripped by a rather new sensation.
"Listen Bill!" said Ben. "Can you hear something?"
"Aside from someone asking me if I can hear something? What sort of something are you even going on about?"
"Something different."
"Ah. That narrows it down."
"Don't get smart with me, Bill."
"No chance of that ever happening."
"Can't hear anything different."
"EXACTLY!"
"Why didn't you just say that at the beginning instead of wasting our time?"
"What time!? At least that made you think for a few seconds, aye? Am I right? Everything's the same! It looks the same, sounds the same, smells the same- especially you Bill, don't lie- And what we need-" He paused dramatically. "-is a surprise!"
"Surprise what?" asked Bill. "What even counts as a-"
"OI! YOU TWO!" The Foreman strode over, massaging his temples and trying to hide his rapidly increasing grey hair. "I have received a important message from the Fat Bast- I MEAN...Fat Controller. He wants you two to head to the station immediately!"
"That enough of a surprise for you?"
...
"Wonder what we've done wrong?"
"Must be you." remarked Ben. "It's always you. I am merely a bystander who gets forced into things by you after all!"
"You fibber!" Bill was outraged. "I haven't done a thing! Why me?!"
They shut up as they approached the Fat Controller, who was wiping his forehead and trying to make sure that the massive crate he had found didn't give way beneath him and plunge him into a huge pile of fish guts.
"Edward's, er, taking the children on a special trip today." He prayed that Duck's special straitjacket for engines worked all right, and then vaguely wondered how it was that Duck had even got his buffers on one of those. "So I want you to go to the harbor station and look after- LOOK AFTER, not burn down- the trucks there. Can you do that, please?"
"We'll do our best sir!" said the twins as one.
Hatt watched them roll away. "Aw, damn it. I better get the insurance company on the phone."
At the other side of the harbor, Gordon was waiting with a very anxious Edward. "Here we go again." muttered Gordon as the twins approached.
"How many times have you said that by now?" asked Edward, chuckling. It would have been more reassuring had his eye not been twitching severely and his buffers straining to escape the confines of his fabric prison.
"Hell if I know. How many times has the harbor burned down, Edward?" growled Gordon in reply. "Hm? Have you counted?"
"No, not exactly."
"Twice. Twice in the space of a month. I wouldn't count on it not happening thricely."
"Well, that's certainly true!" Edward grinned unsteadily. "And now I leave you to have fun! Tata!"
"EDWARD! YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT THIS- OHHHH." Gordon suddenly found himself surrounded by the twins, looking at him like two sharks would eye a particularly stupid minnow. He tried to speak severely to them. "You must behave here! You're on the main line now!"
"Why Bill!" gasped Ben. "Ah do declare! Ah thought ah had been invited to the stately quadrille! We thought this was a mighty fine scrapyard!"
"Indeed!" said Bill, affecting the accent of a Southern Belle that would make Scarlet O'Hara blush in embarrassment. "Mah eyes have been opened to the truth! This is a completely different ball game!"
Gordon grew crosser. "Just...make sure the coaches are ready for my evening train! I'm going to get drunk!"
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Bill called out, leaving Gordon to puzzle out if the twins had any actual morals as such. He knew that as far he knew they hadn't engaged in hate crimes, but that was because quite frankly they didn't care what gender, sexuality, nationality or religion you were, you were probably at some point going to feel Hurricane Yellow Devil.
...
"This is easy!" they said to each other, using the twin ESP to frighten several of those keeping the barges under control by speaking in unison. It was a well practiced trick. Their foreman would have sympathized with the barge owners, if not for the fact that he and the rest of the quarry workers were throwing a massive party to celebrate having gotten rid of Messers Chaos and Discord.
"We know all about trucks!" They bragged.
Somewhere, Karmay the Karma God opened one of their many eyes and grinned maniacally.
It may surprise you to learn that they didn't really. Though they were the scourge of the engines, to the trucks, the twins were mere amateurs in chaos causing. Oliver had had to learn the hard way. They would as well.
You didn't bet against the trucks unless you were one of the following:
-Edward.
-Donald and/or Douglas
-Duck
-BoCo
-Suicidal.
-An idiot.
"No need for that!" said a smooth looking private wagon who's name was obscured, but was very identifiable by his own tooth. "We'll show ye around! No prob! We want to help!"
"Thank you very much!" said Ben, thinking to himself; Sucker!
"You're welcome!" said the private wagon, thinking to himself; Fool!
They giggled and began their tricks.
...
Edward was enjoying a fine drink at the quay as he watched the sun go down. Duck had headed off a while ago, so he just wanted to see the sunset for a few minutes before heading back. The kids had been very much fun, and had actually seemed to enjoy being shown around his branch-line. They had especially liked the ride on Trevor, and the organized 'Throw Wet Sponges at James' display. James was going to take a lot of convincing to stop sulking.
As evening came, Edward became aware of the fact that there was a loud sound coming from the other side of the harbor. He thought for about a minute, and then his face turned the color of curdled milk that had been out in the sun for so long that any attempts to turn it to butter would have produced a fine explosive. "Ohhhhhhh no. Nononononono." He closed his eyes and decided that whatever was going to happen, this was Hatt's problem.
At last, his better nature won out, and he puffed reluctantly over, straitjacket being removed by Sand and Heaver as he did so.
The yard was in a terrible state. The twins had let the trucks tell them what to do. It showed. There was about fifty grinning trucks, and two miserable tank engines. As the sun vanished, Edward worked overtime to clear the trucks out of the way, while Bill and Ben sorted things out. And Gordon and the passengers waited, growing crosser and crosser and more liable to start a riot.
But even so, by the time that Gordon was able to leave, it was very late indeed.
Edward sidled up. He opened his mouth to scold Bill and Ben, before he stopped and frowned. "Hang on, what's that smell?"
He looked around, and had just enough time to wonder 'Funny, were the fuel tankers always near the lamps' before he was knocked out completely.
...
As Edward was removed to Crovan's Gate to remove the pieces of shrapnel from his face, the Fat Controller practically frog-marched the twins back to the quarry, locked them in there and promptly told the incredibly hungover Foreman and his comrades that if they left the quarry at any time, the Foreman was going to be the first to suffer the death penalty once it was newly reinstated.
It got the message through.
"That's a strange noise." remarked Bill, as the sound of something heavy smacking into the ground echoed around the quarry. "Never heard it before. Maybe it's another one of your bloody surprises, Ben!"
"Don't star-"
"I have." whispered his driver in horror. "It sounds like a rockslide's about to happen."
And as if on cue, the alarm began to ring out. Everyone stopped what they were doing, and limped (running with hangovers was just asking for trouble) for the shelters and safety. "DANGER! CLEAR THE QUARRY! WOMEN, CHILDREN AND FOREMEN FIRST!"
Most of the men scrambled into the trucks, as more and more rocks smashed into the buildings and equipment.
"Thank goodness we're-"
"IT'S THEM!" screamed one emotional workman. "THE TWINS ARE THE CURSE! BURN THE WITCHES!"
"Such gratitude." muttered Bill. They were just pulling out of the quarry when-
"ELP! WAIT FOR ME!"
The foreman had been abandoned by most of his fellow employees, mostly because they suspected correctly that his attempt to create the world's biggest firework for the party had instead resulted in a bazooka hitting a load bearing rock. Reluctantly, Ben waited as the Foreman climbed on, and he hurried away as the rest of the rock tumbled down and crushed the main quarry building and line with no regard.
They got out, just in time. Water towers spilled their loads all over the ground, as rocks crushed the sheds for both workmen and engines alike. The alarm sounded it's last desperate cry, and then was silent.
Everyone was safe. But the damage looked irreparable.
"Well-" said Bill. "He can't blame us for it, can he? He'll understand."
...
Edward arrived at the quarry with no bandages, displaying the large marks the shrapnel had left. His face would heal to a extent that you would never know it had eve been disturbed, thus was the steam engine power, but Edward had refused bandages and had gone straight to the quarry upon hearing of the accident.
He did so completely silently.
It was somehow worse than if he had been ranting and raving.
He calmly burnt a hole in the back of the twin's bunkers as the Fat Controller spoke to them. "Bill and Ben, you still have a lot, A LOT, to learn about trucks. And we need to talk about how you manage to keep blowing things up. But you acted quickly and bravely during a emergency, by running away like cowards, to be ironic. Three cheers for Bill and Ben, our heroes. Hip hip hooray hooray hooray. Now I'm going home to get drunk."
"Thanks sir! It's- It's-" Bill stuttered.
"A really nice surprise!" Ben grinned.
"Yes...well, I've forgiven you, but, er, you may need to wait a little while before he does."
Bill and Ben frowned. Then they craned their heads.
Edward smiled at them sweetly, his eye twitching.
"I'd start running if I was you." remarked the Fat Controller.