CHAPTER IV
Memories of Gay Love
"Hey, uh, Bean? Can I tell you something?" It was a late summer day, close to autumn, the sun getting low in the sky but not yet beginning to set. The leaves on the trees had the ever slightest brownish tint to them, a few beginning to fall away in the breeze. It was a lovely day, to say the least, and the couple (despite being rather unusual looking, considering one was a hulking gorillion and the other a puny duck) was rather happy, sitting under a tall oak tree atop a hill, overlooking the valley and soaking up the evening sun.
"Yeah, sure, of course, Jackie," replied the green Bean, leaning back, one of his small 'hands' enveloped by the gorillion's extremely large one. "We're boyfriends, right? I reckon that means you can tell me anything." He was chewing on a brown piece of grass, sprawling on the ground like a careless, and possibly drunken, cowboy.
"Well, uh," Jackson began nervously. He rubbed his hands together, knuckles crackling insympathy for his shot nerves. "Look Bean," he stuttered, shifting so he sat in front of him, his large form casting a huge shadow over his boyfriend. He took the duck's 'hands' in his and let out a big puff of a sigh. "I know, uh, I know we're just having a fling, but I, uh..." he swallowed rather visibly, sweat trickling down his furry face. "Look, I really, and I mean really, like you Bean..." He suddenly realized what his words could imply, so he shot forward and blurted, "I mean, I'm not GAY, or anything... you're just a really special guy, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," Bean replied lazily, looking Jackson in the eye as he pulled his 'hands' away. "But, uh... I think I'm gonna have to break up with you."
"Wh-what?" Jackson spluttered, his horror written all across his face. "I thought we... I thought you... I dunno, liked me, I guess?" He gave Bean a pleading look, but the duck just shook his head.
"Sorry, man, you're just getting too clingy. I just wanted a fling, not a life partner." Ignoring the grieved look on his now ex's face, Bean continued looking off into the distance, completely unfased. "Do you think you could move, Jackie? You're blocking the sunlight."
Bean SHOT awake, tears squirting from his eyes and landing on the face of his 'sister' who loomed over him. "WHY WHY WHY!" he was shouting, sobbing and shaking as Sticks continued to pull him from out of his 'bed'. "What'sa Rongwityhu!" She asked, stumbling backwards and laying him out on the 'floor' all sprawled out. Bean's convulsing ceased for a minor minute and he broke out, between sobs, "It was my faulT! I never shoulda.. Shoulda never... WaaAA!" he began pounding the floor.. (ahem.) 'floor' with his fists, causing more of the scraggly shelter to flake and fall down.
"Calm DOWN!" Sticks shouted, worry growing in her eyes as the whole 'house' began to shake. "AH SAED CaHLm YersELF DOWEN!" She slapped Beans forehead with the back of her hand and sat on his legs to keep them from moving. As he continued to wail she scuffled over him, and grabbed at his flying phalanges which dashed there and about around the 'cabin', wiggling as if conducting a twisted melody sung in E flat major. She sighed and caught his wrists, holding them to the 'floor'. He kept shaking, but at least his crying stopped.
After a moment, Sticks let out a puff of exhausted Marijuana smoke, and loosened her grasp on her 'brother's' wrists. "YU done?" she asked, but Bean said nothing.. So they sat there, still, and the muteness of heartbreak phased through the crumbling structure in manor of an apparition leaving its coldness in the darkness and stillness of perfect night. Sticks propped her 'brother' up in a seated position, and began spoon-feeding him 'grub' from the rusted pot which lay nearby on smoldering embers. For she knew not what else to do.
For the time it seemed to calm him, and in that moment bad memories forsook the tongues of those they stained, leaving only a bad taste in their mouths, and the feelings of doubt and guilt that came quietly with them.
ROTAVATOR.(duh heck?)
Big was walking home, bit by bit, making sure to step with his big toe first instead of his heel, gently probing the ground before plopping onto the rest of his foot and continuing the strange uneven shuffle. He then would switch to rolling pinkie-toe first and onto his forefoot every fifteen steps, before reverting to a spiral dance-like dance, and a knee-spinning, mind-boggling tiny-step crawl. And then repeating the process again until he was finished walking.
He had read to walk this way from an article he'd read somewhere on the Internet less than a week ago, written by some character claiming to be a samurai. It had claimed the walk would improve mental clarity and reduce stress, but the humble swimmer couldn't see if it was affecting him yet.
The large cat came past a hard tree-stump, and Froggy skiddled past his side to pee on bushes he spotted as they neared Big's simple cabin. It was on the beach not TOO far from the scrappy 'campground' lot, and close enough to the ocean that waves gently stroked his garden not far from his house in the muscled winds that sometimes glazed the beach.
Big was almost to the door, when an apple from somewhere came hurtling towards him and hit HARD, leaving a shallow injury in the corner of his head. "Hey!" he shouted, looking around. There, not twenty feet from where Big stood, came a burst of blue that got closer and closer, until a (surprise, surprise) BLUE hedgehog skidded to a halt merely TWO inches away from Big, kicking a HUGE cloud of dust into the large cat's face.
"Oh..." the hedgehog said lamely, slumping down until his face brushed the ground. "I guess you're not him, sorry man. The stripes threw me..." He turned and left, only to be grabbed round the middle by a big white polar bear.
"Sorry about that, friend!" the bear said kindly, though Big's head was spinning tooo much to properly read the polar's intentions, and saw it instead as a threat. "This one here goes to my support group for people with issues. And let me tell you, he's got more issues than anyone I've ever met – including myself!" He paused for a moment before reaching out a large, clawed hand to steady the stumbling swimmer. "There there now, it's all good! Say, do you want to come to my support group? Cause, I mean, no offense or anything, man, but you look like you might have some issues. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing, per se, but I'd like to help you if you want it." When he saw that Big was still just spinning about a little bit, and not really paying much attention to anything except the growing wart on his head, the bear hastened to fill the silence with his voice. "Now I don't want you to think I'm an issuest or anything... Do you know what and issuest is? NO? Okay, well I'll tell you.." he cleared his throat and stood on a rotting stump, holding out his hands as if giving a speech. "An issuest is basically someone who is discriminatory against issues. Kind of like a racist. You know, someone who thinks your issues are, well, issues, and thinks you need to change. It's basically a term used for people that have issues with people who are different than them, and see those people's differences as issues. Does that make sense? Yes, of course it does, you're a smart guy, I bet you catch on to lots of things really quickly! But, do you want to come to my support group or not?"
"Uh," Big mumbled, head throbbing. What the heck was this guy talking about? He shook his head. It didn't really matter, what mattered was that he had a large bump sprouting on his head like a mushroom taking root in a perfectly tilled lawn. "Start with the big toe, then plop onto whole foot," he muttered, starting his strange walk again to calm his fraying nerves.
"Hey man, you okay? I didn't mean to scare you... I was just trying to help you cope. I mean, this guy here," the polar quickly gestured to the hedgehog draped over his arm, not realizing it was the wrong kind of GESTURE he used "he broke up with his hubby recently, and it's making him go crazy, you know? That's why he thought YOU were his ex, 'cause you've got stripes like he apparently did... I dunno, I never saw the guy, but I guess he looked just like you!" He chuckled softly to himself before smacking himself in the forehead. "Oh! I totally forgot to introduce myself! Hello, I'm Bark the Polar bear!" He took Big's hand in his, shaking it up and down. "It is so lovely to meet you!" He dropped the cat's hand, leaving him really shook up and peed off. "Anyhow, as I was saying, I'm helping this guy deal with his PDPBDU, which basically means Post Divorce Psychotic Breakdown Disorders... UNITED, which is totally normal after a split, which I keep telling this guy, but he never believes me! Anyway, I'm helping him become normal! And by normal, I mean HIS idea of normal, not mine, not yours, and not society's idea of the word! So, can I help you.. or? Oh!" He trailed off, laughing nervously. "I'm so sorry, my good man, I somehow failed to notice that you were fatally wounded! Here, let me help you with that."
He flung the squirming hedgehog to the ground before walking over to the muttering swimmer and grasped his head in BOTH of his hands. He lightly pressed on the bump until Big felt like his head was going to explode and began beating on the polar's furry chest. "Lego ah me! My momma always told me that if someone was being mean to me, I should kick em in thuh foot! You want me to do that to you? Huh, do ya!?" the purple cat was normally much more eloquent than at that exact moment, but he found the pain in his head to be too unbearable to care. Especially when the bear started trying to pound the bump back into his head...
The blue hedgehog sighed at the two bickering strangers, and kicked a cloud of dust into their faces as he warmed up his legs. He stopped to pick up the apple he'd thrown, and took a MASSIVE bite before turning around. "Geez Bark, Leemee alone!" he shouted, speeding off in the direction of the 'campground' not far away. He stared down at his feet as he sped through the cold sand, encased in soundless blue lightning with the breath of gods tickling his face, in good humor and mild persistent. He remembered getting his powers from a Particle Accelerator explosion fourteen minutes ago, and needed to see if anyone else was affected. Specifically, someone very dear to him from his very aphotic past.