All right, we are ready, I believe? Mr Angelis, start reading when- Hang on, is the door open?
Sorry, am I interrupting something, Steve?
Mr Starr! Er, what are you doing here?
Heard that Tommy had reached the big one-oh-oh. I fancied meself a little trip down memory lane. Ah, Micheal! Didn't see you there.
Nice to see you, Mr Starr. Just recording the lines now. Unless you want to-
No, no no no. It's fine. Really, I just popped in. It's your show now. Just wanted to watch, if that's okay.
Fine by me. Mr Asquith?
Yeah, sure. Take a seat Mr Starr. All right, Mr Angelis. You ready?
As I'll ever be.
Good man. Mr O'Donnell, Mr Campbell, if you please-
...
CUE THE THEME.
...
1978.
"New engine coming! New engine coming! New engine coming!" Marklin whistled with no small lack of viciousness. He hated the idea of having another tank engine here! It seemed like it was an insult to his professional standards!
The bigger engines weren't that happy with it either.
"Where's he from!?" grunted Gordon.
"Brighton, so I've heard." said Edward, somewhat gloomily, as he hadn't been out of his shed in a while. "Must be nice over there." He suddenly glanced at Gordon. "What's all the fuss about, then, loudmouth? I thought that getting a shunter in would be great for you!"
Gordon scoffed. He didn't like it when Edward called him out on his bullshit. "Little Edward-"
"You know, I'm going to look forward to the day when this engine comes, because then hopefully you'll stop calling me little all the time!"
"-You have no idea the stresses and strains that we, as large and important engines, go through daily! And having another little tank engine around, well..." He snorted loudly.
"Knowing our luck-" said Henry with his usual melancholic disposition "-he'll be another cheeky little sod like the rest. What number do you reckon he'll be?"
"Number five, surely." Gordon remarked.
"Not so. We lost Glynn a few years ago, remember." Edward frowned at the blank expression on Gordon's face. "Glynn? Ran the branch-line? Welsh? ...The Coffee Pot?"
"Oh HIM! Well, I mean, it wasn't expected. But surely you can't mean-"
"It means-" said Edward with some vindictiveness "-that this new engine'll get the number one."
Gordon was enraged! "Hatt has gone TOO far, this time! I swear to God, this Thomas the Tank Engine won't last a month!"
...
16 YEARS LATER.
One warm evening, Thomas the Tank Engine brought his last train to the junction. He was in a really cheerful mood, which in and of itself should have warned someone that bad stuff was going to happen. It was the law of the universe that whenever an engine is overconfident or feeling as though nothing can go wrong, the full weight of karma shall fall upon them like a avalanche!
Percy and Toby were waiting there as well. Toby was taking on water, and Percy had just finished shunting the last lot of trucks. They had been chatting about how clearly the election was going well, and how they couldn't wait to be done with it.
"You on your way to the big station?" Percy asked.
"Yeah, thought I might get a quick little drink before I head off to sleep! Why?"
"Because I'm going there too!"
"OH MY GOD." Thomas gasped, mockingly. "You mean to say that we're going to the same place?! WHAT A SHOCKING TURN OF EVENTS! I think something is up! Clearly this is a conspiracy on a level we've never even heard of before!"
"Where?" said Toby, looking up literally.
"Not up there, down here! What is wrong with you today, Toby? Have you been drinking? Has Henry given you more of that special stuff again? I'm pretty sure he's not allowed to do that anymore."
Toby grinned. "I know, Thomas. Just a joke." He frowned. "Not a very good one, admittedly. I'm bushed. I mean, how can something be up when it's down?"
"Ask Hatt and his supply of viagra."
But Thomas was too excited to joke about Hatt. "Bust my buffers! Look at that! I've never seen something like that before!"
Coming around the corner was a massive convoy of engines. Some of them were painted in the black coloration of the company that loaned engines who were merely there temporarily, but others were far more recognizable. There was Mavis and BoCo, chattering away as the latter pushed the former, and Bill and Ben, who were eyeing up a bunch of wagons left carelessly around.
Then, on the other line, Donald and Oliver steamed through proudly, followed a second later by Douglas. The three of them were also talking away. Douglas grinned as he passed the three engines. "Well? Good evening ye lot! Aren't we all a fine sight?"
"Very splendid." said Toby, who was still somewhat amazed that Mavis hadn't told him about such a large gathering of engines.
"Ach, I'm sorry that we cannae stop, but tha Fat Controller wants us all at yon Big Station!" Douglas grinned. "I'm hoping we're getting more booze!"
"What is this all about?!" Thomas said, puzzled.
"The Fat Controller has a plan, and he's going to tell it to us." remarked his driver, providing several future dubstep artists a perfect line to start their songs on.
"Ooooh! Ominous!" said Carlin.
...
They attempted to follow the other engines to the end of the line at the Big Station. Unfortunately, the Fat Controller had slightly misjudged how many engines would be turning up, so they had to retreat back to Tidmouth Sheds for all to receive the announcement. Duck was in the center turntable, and even as all the engines whistled together, he caught sight of Jinty and Pug. He winked at them. Only Jinty gave any indication that she had heard him, giving a slight nod. The noise was deafening, and several people began to complain.
At last...
"SILENCE!" roared Sir Topham Hatt, as he clambered atop of Duck. He stood up, slipped and banged his head on the cab roof.
This gave the engines much hilarity.
"AHEM! I have an important letter to read-"
"Sir, your head is bleeding." said one of his bodyguards.
"-from a little girl who is five years old!"
There was a moment where everyone stared at Hatt blankly. They had several thousand letters from little boys and girls who were five. What made this one so special.
This is the letter that Hatt read out.
Dear Thomas and all the engines.
Please can I meet you? My friends say they would like to meet you too! You could come to my house for tea (What do engines eat? Do they eat?) but my mummy says that there are no railway tracks to my house. Can you come to the station instead? Thank you very much.
It then gave the name and address, but we shall leave that for a moment.
The engines, who as it has been mentioned were rather fond of children, smiled at each other for a moment. Then Edward spoke up. "But sir, nice as that is, you must have several letters on that subject. What's so, and I'm afraid to say this, but what is so special about this one?"
"Because, Edward, it seems that many girls, boys and even their parents wish to meet you. At the station in a week's time, I thought that it was about time that Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends met their fans." Hatt failed to mention that it would also mean some good word of mouth for Sodor's flagging tourism trade. "Therefore, Thomas, Edward, Henry, Gordon, James, Percy, Toby and Duck, you will be heading to the Big City far away."
"Big City being?"
"London."
"Why didnae ye say so? And what of us!?" demanded Douglas.
"Unfortunately, the Island cannot run itself on it's own. Therefore, all other engines shall take over the work until we get back. I promise you, however, that should this be a success, these, er, Days Out With Thomas will continue, and you will all get a chance."
"HOORAY!" called the engines, amid whistling and honking!
"SHADDUP! Look, basically, show em what to do."
...
But that night, the eight engines began to talk to each other.
"I'm not sure if I really feel up to going." remarked Edward.
"Why not?! You'll get the chance to miss out on seeing me get the long overdue respect that I have earned!" James gushed.
"I know. But trust me, no one's favorite engine is Edward, is it? I mean, not when you're a kid. No one wants to be the goody-two shoes of the group."
"I don't think they'll like me much either." Toby confessed. "I mean, I'm not exactly the most interesting engine there."
"You can serve the drinks!" suggested Gordon.
"Bog off, Gordon."
...
But despite this doubt, the engines began to teach their temporary replacements a thing or two. Duck instructed Jinty and Pug to take good care of the Little Western while they were away, and also to inform him if Davidson made any real move. Edward assisted Donald and Douglas in putting his own branch-line in order, and made sure that they were aware of the timetable. Toby was pretty confident that Mavis knew all the ins and outs of working at the Quarry and on the branch-line as it was, and Percy very quickly left Bill and Ben to their own devices in the shunting yards, as the Works Diesel promised to take care of them. BoCo too won over the sceptical big engines with his performance on the express.
Which just left Thomas and Oliver. The latter was taking over the branch-line while they were away, and Thomas's glee at getting to go away was inflating his head to airship sizes. As Annie had personally threatened to gut Thomas unless she and Clarabel came along too, they had to practice on a variety of other coaches. Oliver was growing crosser and crosser as Thomas continuously kept up a rather patronizing amount of patter. He shared a sympathetic glance with Mavis before Thomas continued to babble on about his favorite subject, namely himself.
And all throughout the day, Thomas grew more and more excited.
Until it all reached a rather nasty head.
"I'm glad that I'm a really splendid engine!" he puffed. "Fatty thinks that I'm the really usefulest of them all!"
"Thomas, why are you talking like James?" said Oliver, concerned.
"I had a race with Bertie once!" said Thomas, in his own little world and completely ignoring Oliver. "I whooshed through the tunnel and stopped an inch from the buffers! I shall give you a demonstration, and then you shall be able to tell your friends that you were there when it happened!"
Oliver could see where this was going.
"Just like this!" Thomas boasted, and shot forward like the cork out of a bottle. He hit the buffers, which splintered completely, slid down the very muddy bank and smashed straight into a wall.
Oliver stared, his mouth open in shock. "What-" He stammered "-what just happened?!"
"I have no idea." said Bill. For once both twins were shocked beyond words as well.
...
No one was hurt (Unless your name was Thomas) but his front was badly bent. They phoned the Fat Controller, who swore aloud. "OH SHIT! We'll send workmen, but if he isn't repaired in time, he can lump it! We go to the big city without him!"
The second he placed the phone down, his mood changed. Hatt was furious. He threw his hat upon the ground and stamped up and down upon it like crazy! It was really a sight to behold. "YOU IDIOT!" He screeched.
Thomas was placed in the works. Edward backed into there to check on him.
The two engines were alone for a moment. Then Edward quietly spoke.
"You know something, Thomas? I...I just wanted to come in here and tell you something, okay?" Edward sighed. "So, god help me, I know I'm the last person to try and give a lecture. I really don't like doing it. Usually I just shut my mouth and just carry on while all the others do their stupid stuff. But, you know, I just have to say this right here and now. This needs to stop. This, right here? You going overconfident and overboard with the whole 'I'm the Star' routine? It needs to stop here. You want to know why? It's been sixteen years since you first came here, okay? Sixteen years. In that time, you haven't changed. At all. And I expect better from you. I don't expect it from Gordon and James, but damn it, I expect that you get your act together. Because when we head off to London, we're not going to be dealing with the usual brand of idiots on this Island, all right? The ones who know you. There are going to be kids there. Many, many kids who came to see Thomas the Tank Engine. And there's now a very good chance that they won't."
Edward licked his lips. "Hmm. Thomas, you got into politics to try and boost your ego. You say that it's changed, that it's about doing the right thing. I'm not entirely sure it is. I don't know anymore. What I do know is that I just can't do THIS anymore. Having to keep dragging you out of situations that your own stupid pride lands you in."
Thomas didn't answer.
"Okay. I'll put it this way. I don't want to force you to change, okay? I like you too much for that. But for god's sake, grow up a little bit. All of them on the mainland think you're some sort of hero. They love you, Thomas. Be worthy of it."
And he puffed away.
...
The time came. Eight o'clock, and the engines were all waiting at the junction. Everyone was there to see them off. Donald, Douglas, Oliver, BoCo, Daisy, Mavis, Bill, Ben, Bertie, Terrance, Trevor, and even Harold the Helicopter.
Toby and Percy had been lifted onto flatbeds, for they were not going to be able to make the long journey on the rails. Edward was coupled up in front, while Duck provided support from the back. On the other line, Gordon, James and Henry were coupled together, and were now growing more and more impatient. They whistled loudly.
"All right, all right, stow it!" snapped the Fat Controller as he examined his watch. "One more minute for Thomas. Then we'll have to go-"
"OH BLOODY HELL WHY'D I STOP TO GET THAT VODKA!?" Thomas rounded the bend at lightning speed, Annie and Clarabel rocking side to side as he braked hard! "Sorry! Sorry for the hold up!"
"Took you long enough." snapped Toby
"Oh thank goodness you're still here!"
"I hope we're not late, as it's just after eight!" said Annie, who was rhyming for some reason now. Don't ask. The guard blew his whistle, waved the flag and at last, the cavalcade set off. First Gordon, James and Henry, then Edward and Duck carrying Toby and Percy, and finally, with a great whistle, Thomas rushed after them.
The whistles faded away as they made their way over the Vicarstown Bridge, and crossed into the Mainland!
"LOOK OUT BIG CITY, HERE WE COME!"
...
Five minutes later, they were completely lost.
"How the hell do you manage to LOSE A CITY?!"
Hatt fumbled with the map, staring at it in bafflement. "Now, hang on a minute. I know that we were supposed to take that left turn at the junction, but how the hell did we manage to-"
Edward and Toby were not focused on the arguments going on. The former was listening to an audiobook of the Wind in the Willows to calm his nerves down, while the latter was trying to make sure that Percy didn't blow a fuse whilst sitting atop the flatbed.
Eventually, they started off again, only to stop an hour later to get some pies from Big Mike's Pie Shop, on the side of the road. That story will be told another time. Needless to say, the constant stopping and starting was rather annoying to the engines, and their morale was sapping.
But all of that changed once they entered London.
For a moment, nothing happened. And then, starting low, but rising up until there was nothing left, the cheers echoed across the city. And as Thomas's Anthem began to play, the engines were suddenly surrounded by children and even some adults all cheering and clapping and-
And it was all perfect.
Then, the eight engines were taken to a sort of roundhouse where important men gave speeches that were ignored by the crowd. Thomas, of course, was practically mobbed by the mass of children. Some were shy, at first, but soon Thomas had them chattering away and showing him their drawings.
Percy was brought almost to tears by all the fans who ran to him and told him that he was their favorite. Toby smiled for his friend, but couldn't help but feel a little upset that he wasn't getting the attention.
That was soon remedied. Some shyer children, children who hadn't the confidence to go up to Thomas and Percy, approached him. For a moment, he was struck with speechlessness. Then he smiled, gratefully. As they sat besides him, he asked them their names and their age, and was delighted to recieve several presents.
James, Gordon and Henry were also having a great time of it. Watching their language was tough, but it was all worth it to see the looks on their faces as they said the lines that they loved and had listened to for so long. Duck was also having more fun that he ever could have dreamed of, as the children insisted that he tell them the story of the Close Shave. He left some of the nastier parts out, but he had great fun. As to did Edward, who was telling stories left and right to the older children, and a few of the adults as well, who had engaged in chatting to him.
Soon, the food was served, and the engines had a great deal of fun singing Happy Birthday to any birthday boys or girls out there.
"Isn't it wonderful-" remarked Thomas to Percy, when a brief moment of peace ensued "-what happiness a letter can bring?"
The little girl herself shyly stepped up. She wasn't shy for long, as eight whistles brought out a massive smile across her face. And as she chatted and talked and sang songs with the other engines, she stuck close to Thomas most of all.
It was, Thomas thought, the happiest day of his life.
One hundred chapters, eh? Wow. Where did the time go? A lot of this is my attempt to sort of reach back to my style of the first two seasons. Which means a lot of peppy exclamation marks, a lot of talking and chatting and, of course, the scene at the beginning. It's an homage to the first episode or so. Starting from the next episode, the plot picks up again, I promise.
Having reached this milestone, which I'd never thought I do, I feel it only fitting to thank all who have contributed. To my good friend, genericuser22, without whom I would not have had some of the great ideas and a very lovely TV Tropes page, and to MK Inst, who gave me a great deal of help on the matter of TUGS Abridged. And to all the reviewers. These include, deep breath:
Rosie Angelina, Taryn, jriddle41, tate310, TheSuperMario, FLASHFAN123, TealSparkle, Dr.900, TheStationmaster, DrAveBat007, bigyihsuan, Terroroftherailway, trestonfortson2016, lololandlol, Trainmaniac, Game-Watch, Aaroncottrel97 and Reality Rejection Service!
If I have left anyone out, I deeply apologize.
And finally, to all those who have read this silly story for so long, I thank you as well. Without all of you, this really isn't as much fun. Here's to the next one hundred!