A relatively plot free story this Something in the Air is a great episode full of some of the funnest dialogue of Season 5, and it was truly a pleasure going back and revisiting this one. As you can tell by the quicker update speed, this one flew by.
Now, something I wish to run by you. The final episode of Season 5 is 'Snow', at least in the UK version which is what I am going by considering that, well, I am a UK citizen. Now, that alone is a pretty poor final episode before we hit Magic Railroad, so I was thinking of beefing it up to make it seem like more of a proper final episode, a la Toby's Flood or Mind That Bike. It won't reach the heights of Mind That Bike, it's just sort of a larger story about what the engines were doing over Christmas that day, give me a chance to end on a high note while preparing for Magic Railroad. Thing is, I know that kind of episode can be a bit tricky, namely because it runs the risk of overemphasizing plot over the abridging. So, what do you think? And be honest, as well. I'm curious.
Review Time!
MattPriceo1- Thank you! I figured that giving Norris more to do would be another way to mock how badly organized the Island of Sodor is! Bertram was one that I had in mind from the very beginning as one I could do more with. Because there is literally nothing there that I can ruin. It's funny you mention that, but when I reach the 2010's, I was considering having the engines love Netflix. Probably Edward and Toby, cause they don't have much going on in their lives. XD.
Reality Rejection Service- At this point, it's so thick one could literally drown in it.
TrainManiac- Thanks! Well, the thing is...who says that we're not going to see him again in THIS story? Wink wink.
AaronCottrell97- Interesting stuff! Funnily enough, back when I first started this, I had a list of voices for the characters in my head. I'll work on finding it, and I'll share it if you like. Matter of fact, if anyone else fancies sharing what they hear the characters sounding like, I'd love that! Try including it in the reviews, I'd love to see what you think!
Game-Watch- Holy shit, he kind of is!
Bronze-Shield- Funnily enough, that was the exact reaction that I was going for! Back when I had first began trawling the internet for Thomas fanfiction, I came across the story 'Behind Your Shed, I Never Move Again' by Saffron Panther. If you hadn't read it, I highly recommend it, it's bloody great stuff, even if it will make you feel incredibly depressed! So I was a little inspired by that. Also, it gives me a chance to do a bit of world building. A great comic series I recommend is 'More than Meets The Eye', a Transformers series where the author takes little bits of the canon that I'd gotten used to over the years and turns them on their head. In this case, I applied the same to the constant repurposing of engines throughout (One was a reference, I believe, to Godred and to the implied threat to Duncan to have his funnel removed). So yeah. Now you know!
CUE THE THEME.
"It doesn't half stink here!"
"Are we talking about you, or the docks?"
"Funny, you're a funny fireman, that's why you're going to get fired last! I, on the other hand, am going to last FOREVER! I AM UNKILLABLE!"
"You're a pain in the arse, that's what you are."
Thomas was at the quayside, near the small village of 'Smelly by-the-Sea'. No, that's not it's real name, but I doubt you'll remember it by any other name. The early morning catch of fish were being brought onto the side to be loaded into vans for the Flying Kipper. Thomas had drawn the short straw, and had been stuck here for most of the morning making sure that each box was uncontaminated and placed snugly in the vans. They'd even gone to the extra trouble of making sure that a lamp was firmly attached to the back of the van.
It had taken a long time primarily because Smelly-by-the-Sea's fisherman had only old equipment in the process, which worried Thomas. "God, this is an accident waiting to happen! This is why British Rail is in such a shitty situation! Besides, I'm going to be late for Henry at the docks! And he gets bloody cranky when he's late. In fact I distinctly recall him threatening to gut me from footplate to funnel if I was late! PLEASE HURRY UP!"
The crane moved incredibly slowly.
"And-"
Thomas was rudely interrupted as a crate of fish smashed down upon his funnel, sending kippers and haddocks everywhere. Spitting out salt water, Thomas's eyes wiggled all over the place in shock. His driver and fireman laughed, as they were unsympathetic to any plight that the little blue pratball brought on himself.
"Phew! What a bloody pong!"
He felt much better as he sped along the coastal route, the wind whipping away the smell of fish (But sadly not the taste) and the lovely warm sun shining down on his water-flecked paintwork. As he neared the lighthouse, they saw a man waving a red flag. His driver stopped, for he wasn't exactly familiar with semaphore at the best of times.
Thomas, of course, found fault with this. "Oh, what fresh spawn of hell is the matter now?!"
The man, a fisherman who looked like he had wandered off the set of Portland Bill, explained. "High tides have been damaging this 'ere track, ooo arr, I've marked the spot, matey!"
"Thank you, strange pirate man, we'll go and check it out." said the driver, who was baffled as to how many weirdos lived on this Island. They puffed on past the flag and onto a section of the track that seemed to buckle and bounce. Thomas looked on as his crew inspected it. At last, the driver spoke. "If it was a fatso like Henry, we'd have a problem all right. I think it'll be safe if we cross over it."
The suspiciously Ringo Starr-like guard arrived with a oil lamp and a pole, leaving it by the side of the track to warn the other engines. "When we get to the docks, I'll tell them to close the line."
"Henry won't like that."
"Screw him." Thomas said, eloquently, as they started off once more.
...
1944
Benn and Carlin woke up at roughly the same time. A quick glance outside told them that it was still night, or at the very latest, very early in the morning. The bright lights of the docks and the humming of generators not too far from the shed illuminated the dark sky, and gave Carlin comfort. He liked the sound of industry, it meant that the Island was alive.
He turned his attention to Benn. "Hey."
"Hello."
Neither man really knew where to start. Benn coughed. "So, you're probably wondering where the Iron Circle are, huh?"
"Thought crossed my mind."
"...You are no doubt aware that there is something that Lady is not telling us. About Proteus and the other Old Ones. From what I've been able to gather, some of them, such as Meredith and the Nogs, left to have a more peaceful existence. Did some research, actually. Meredith ended up becoming the first Earl of Sodor. The Noramby's are related to him, somehow. The Nogs died out, they couldn't last beyond the Normans and the Saxons for too long. Catweazle and Alias went missing a long time ago, flicking back and forth between time periods. Could be dead, or they might be alive. I don't know. And Willo-"
"Is right here, my dearie-o's!"
There is nothing quite as frightening as turning your head and finding Kenneth William's grinning head staring at you from the other side of the bed. Carlin and Benn both screamed and lept into each others arms, leaving the ghoul cackling to himself fiercely.
"What are you doing here?!"
"Me, darlings? I'm a ghost. Ghosts are already dead, ergo, time has no effect to me! I'm surprised the old sap down there didn't tell you about me!" Willo's smile slipped a little. "It's...been a while since I had company. Hence the state of said house! I knew I should have bought some new dollies! But oh no, apparently the shops won't sell them to me. Some silly lie about 'rationing' and 'there's a war on' and all that! They're just anti-undead!"
"So, what did happen to Proteus and the others?"
Willo sighed, and for a moment turned seriously. "Believe me, if I could tell you, I would. But I've been sworn to a certain vow, and we Wisps, we need to keep our vows. Whatever the cost. I can tell you what she's been up to! All of them came here to get 'inspiration' and oh boy, did she give it to them! Brunel, Trevithick, Stephenson, Gresley, the ones behind the Big Four Railway companies, all came here. She whispered in her ear and BANG! Steam engines up the wazoo all around the world. As long as she lives, steam will live on forever!"
Carlin sighed, and tried to settle back to sleep.
It didn't quite work.
...
Henry didn't like pulling the Kipper at the best of times. Rational or not, he associated the train with pain and things going very, very bad. He waited in impatient anger as he heard Thomas pulling in with the final vans for the train. He was not in a good mood, as Thomas soon found out.
He sniffed and recoiled. "PHWOAR! That reeks! Have you been slathering yourself in fish oil for the mermaids?!"
"You do that one time! I can't help it, it's the fish!"
"Don't talk to me of fish! I know fish! And besides, you're ten minutes late! I'll have to make up lost time, and that's a dangerous combination with this train!"
"There is danger on the line, man!"
"You're the only danger on the line, Thomas! Now shut up and finish the train so I can get moving!"
The insult was such a good one that Thomas was momentarily lost for words, and so did as he was told without any more fuss. Elsewhere, the driver and fireman made their case passionately to the dock manager, who did not really care that much, nor listen. Which explains why, as Henry moved off, he barely reacted. The crew did though, and they watched as he pulled away with the long Flying Kipper train.
As he passed by their window, the driver remarked "Hey, so what route is Henry taking tonight?"
"Coastal route, it's quicker and cheaper."
"WHAT PART OF IT'S DANGEROUS DO YOU NOT GET, ASSHOLE!?"
More to shut him up than anything, the dock manager put a phone call through to the signalman at the end of the docks, who was in charge of diverting Henry onto the track.
"Hey, Henry! Watch out you don't have another accident!"
"Screw you James! I'll make up for lost time or bust!" shouted Henry as he roared past the signalbox.
But due to all of the loudness of it being, well, a dock, the signalman couldn't hear a thing. And by the time he did, Henry was picking up good speed and rushing headlong towards Smelly-by-the-Sea.
But as he grew closer to the coastal track, the fog rolled in, and both driver and fireman slowed him down. There went his hopes of a fast run. Henry growled and moaned as he forced his way through. "I can't see a bloody thing!"
"Er, not to worry you, but neither can I!" said the driver. He moved to slow down, but at this point it was far too late. When he could see the lamp, it was only as Henry thundered along the track. All three shut their eyes.
The line sort of came apart, and Henry slammed into the water at great speed, dragging his train along through it for a good five feet before coming to a rather undignified stop on a slope.
Henry spat out the water. The fish, on the other hand, were having a whale of a time as they quickly escaped back into the sea. His driver and fireman waded out, leaving Henry to black out.
"Bloody Kipper." muttered the fireman, with no shortage of hatred in his voice.
As soon as the tide was low enough, boats fished Henry, his tender and the vans out of the water. Henry was so out of it on pain medication that he didn't even realize he was in the presence of extras from Tugs. And to make his day even better, Sir Topham Hatt came to give him a lecture.
"Engines don't swim, Henry. You're meant to deliver fish, not swim with them. I'd have thought you, of all engines, should have learnt that by now."
"THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, YOU FAT ARSE!?" Henry paused, and then tried to sound to contrite. Which was impressive given that his teeth were gnashing so tightly that they could have ground flour. "Yes sir. Sorry sir. Three bags full sir."
Then, because karma could occasionally be very nice indeed, Hatt staggered back and fell in the water. Whereupon he was mistaken by a whale for the second time this year and was chased out to water by over-zealous environmentalists, all while Henry howled himself silly.
"Perhaps it won't be as bad as I thought after all!" said Henry.
...
Henry was right. It wasn't as bad as he had thought.
It was worse.
The barge turned him through Brendam Docks, where an entire school appeared to have emptied out to mock and throw rotten tomatoes at him from a Rotten Tomato store that was doing great business. Cranky the Crane once more looked down at him.
"My my, you'll have some fishy tales to tell! Take my advice, have a long hose down first!"
"YOU CAN SHOVE THAT HOOK UP YOUR ARSE!"
"Look, all this fish, and they've shoved a green whale in there too! What a whopper!"
"It's not a whale, you uncultured swine! It's a monster! Probably killing itself with it's comfort eating!"
Henry growled and sustained the taunts until he was rammed none too gently back on the rails. Despite it all, Thomas couldn't help feeling a bit bad for Henry. "Come on! You'll enjoy a nice hot wash down, driver says. And luckily, the sheds are pretty empty tonight, so you'll just have me for company."
Henry couldn't decide if this was a positive or a negative. But one washdown later, he felt a great deal happier. "Ah, sorry I was rude to you, Thomas. You know how it is."
"Yeah. That's okay! But...phwoar, can you smell something!?"
"W-w-what!? I've had enough quips-"
"Fresh air!"
"Oh yes! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU'RE DEAD YOU LITTLE SHIT HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"