DISCLAIMER: Most of the quotes in the scene by the lake are taken from Order of the Phoenix Ch. 28: Snape's Worst Memory. As if it needs said, I do not own the characters or concepts from the wonderful world of Harry Potter, those rights belong to Jo Rowling. Merely a fan painting an alternative in the fantasy she gave all of us.
With a sudden jolt, the blackness dissolved into blinding daylight, as Severus began choking for air. The reflex caught him off guard; when had he needed to breathe in the afterlife? It wasn't just the need to breathe that alarmed him, however. He could feel the air around him, the warm spring breeze. He could hear the sound of teenagers laughing in the distance. And as his eyes adjusted to the light, he could see that endless blue of the Great Lake nearby. The sight of those oh-so-familiar waters took his breath away once more as the coughing continued, more violently than before. It was as if the afterlife had shifted around him just as deftly as the Room of Requirement. Just what had that train done to him?
"All right, Snivellus?" Shocks didn't cease for Severus as he turned his head sharply to the sound of a voice he was certain he'd never have to endure again. The sight was unmistakable; approaching rapidly were four teenage boys, led by the pair of Sirius Black and James Potter.
It was a scene that had played out hundreds of times to Severus, both in his head and in his recollections in the Pensieve, but as they approached, that routine feeling of being trapped in his own body as the events played out was missing. All he could do as they neared was stare dumbfounded, unable to stop himself from raising his voice "What the hell are YOU doing here, Potter?!"
Sirius snickered at their opponent's apprehension, drawing his wand. "James and I couldn't help noticing you gagging. What's the matter, Snivelly? Fresh air harmful to a dungeon-dwelling snake like you? Locomotor Mortis!"
The sensation of being jinxed by Sirius Black broke Severus out of his reverie as his legs locked up shortly before he fell backwards and hit the grass. The sensation of mild pain shot through as he felt the weight of his bag smack against his abdomen. "Pain..? Here? How can one hurt after death?" His eyes wandered, trying to make sense of what was going on. The familiar sight of students gathering to observe the scene playing out was contrasted by the different position he found himself in.
The question remained unanswered as Severus' vision was obscured by the two boys above him, their smirks wide as James pulled his own wand out. "How'd the exam go, Snivelly?"
Sirius let out a sneer as he prodded James' side "I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment. There'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word."
Severus merely glared up at his would-be tormentors. The Marauders had indeed haunted his childhood, but compared to the dread of keeping his cover around the Dark Lord during the waning days of his life, childish insults didn't pierce his armor anymore. "Have anything clever to say besides that drivel, you bloody twats?"
James' eyes seemed to catch sight of someone behind Severus, but upon being insulted, turned back to him, "Wash out your mouth, Scourgify!"
There it was again. That swelling feeling of actually being in the moment rather than merely observing it as he'd done countless times before. It had been decades since Severus actually tasted that disgusting, enchanted soap, felt the flush in his cheeks from being humiliated by James Potter once again. Coughing and gurgling the soapy bubbles, he felt a sensation of dread wash over him as he realized what point in the encounter he was at. "Any second now..."
"Leave him ALONE!"
Time stopped as that voice boomed, silencing the laughing spectators and parting them as she approached. Even Severus' gagging was instantly silenced as he turned his head, the taste of the Scouring Charm no longer registering as he NEEDED to see her. Shoving past Lupin and Pettigrew, that flaming mane of hair followed like a curtain in the breeze. Those green eyes glaring daggers at Potter, belonged to none other than Lily Evans.
The world went quiet as Severus ignored the flirting of James to the defending protests of Lily. Watching Potter ruffle his hair around her stirred the long-dormant animosity in Snape's stomach. He couldn't fathom why this familiar scene was sending such shivers down his spine. "What the hell is going on? Why does this feel real?! I half expected Albus to be leading me on when he said I'd start anew!"
His thoughts were interrupted by the feeling returning to his legs as the jinx was wearing off. Slowly getting to his feet, he reached for his wand inside the pocket of his robe. As he pointed his it at James, he blanked for a moment as to what spell to hit him with; he couldn't summon the hatred with Lily nearby to eviscerate Potter with a well-aimed Sectumsempra. As he attempted to cast a non-verbal Stunning Charm at his foe, his wand strangely did not respond to his spell. In fact, it felt like the core of the wand was pushing back against his own magical core as his eyes widened, unable to believe his failure at casting a simple Stupefy.
"Bad luck, Prongs. Oi!" Announced Sirius, who interrupted the fighting to point out Severus' hostile intentions to James. A single flash of light pulled Severus high above the group of students and hung him upside-down. The irony of being less effective against Potter in this version of his memory despite his wealth of magical experience was not lost on him, as his eyes immediately searched for Lily. The laughter of the onlookers didn't even register as he saw that face, needing to see if his memory held true again. Sure enough, as his robe hung downwards, Severus could see that flicker of a smile on Lily's face, her briefest of amusement at the sight of his embarrassment.
The pit in his stomach that was already there since Lily's arrival opened to a bottomless abyss; the image of that smile was worse than a punch to the gut. Even as she regained her composure and turned to James in protest once more, it was all Severus could do to put up his Occlumency to ignore that pain of anger, embarrassment, self-loathing at what he knew he'd called her once upon a time. A word he'd never utter again, least of all here, real or not.
"Let him down!"
"Certainly." James chuckled at Lily's choice of words and swung his wand downward. Unfortunately, Severus was so preoccupied with Occluding the events before him that he was completely unprepared to break his fall as he landed directly on his head. That pain from before returned a hundredfold as the world faded, the sickening thud of the impact was the last noise he heard when he fell unconscious.
The crowd's laughter at James Potter's antics was immediately silenced as Severus lay deathly still in the grass. James' face shifted from his trademark smirk to a grim stare as Lily shoved him aside to tend to the fallen Slytherin boy. Remus Lupin immediately took the position Lily had abandoned and looked at his friend with severe disappointment.
"Enough is enough, James! Snape didn't even fight back that time and you still had to make an ass out of yourself in front of Lily! Do you have any idea how much trouble I'll get in if I let my friends play their little games anymore?"
Sirius jumped between the pair to his best friend's defense. "Oh shut it, Moony! Snivellus drew his wand and was about to hit James with God knows what Dark Curse he has up his sleeve! Remember what he used last time? Would've taken my hand off had his aim been worth a damn! Ruddy bastard deser-"
"No, Padfoot...Moony's right." James' voice was shaking at the sight before him, the stony silence of the crowd being pierced only by Lily's quiet sobs to her best friend. Taking a few steps towards them, James reached for Lily's shoulder, that arrogance from moments ago long since evaporated. "Evans, look, I'm sorry."
Lily instantly slapped away his hand and glared at him, those green eyes shining with fury. "You're saying that to me and not to Severus?! Piss off, Potter! That goes for all of you! LEAVE!" she screamed, turning her anger on the group of spectators that quickly scattered.
Remus quickly knelt down near his fellow Prefect, turning to her. "How is he, Lily?"
The sobbing returned as Lily's anger faded, "He's not moving. His heart's still beating, but his breaths are shallow. From the way he landed, he could have a concussion, or worse, a broken neck. I can't move him like this, Remus! He could be hurt worse if I do!"
Sighing, the sandy-haired Gryffindor turned to his group of friends, eyes narrowing on the spectacled face of James. "Well, I suppose it's a good thing that you have top marks in Transfiguration this year. What do you think, Prongs? Can you conjure us up a stretcher so we can move him to the hospital wing?"
"Remus, NO! He'll just make it worse!" Lily protested, offended that Lupin would even suggest having James help after what he'd done.
"Trust me, Lily, I'll keep an eye on him, and he'll be gone as soon as we get to Madam Pomfrey. It's either that or wait for help to get here, and I'm sure James is good enough to manage the spell."
Lily slowly got back to her feet, marching toward James before scowling hatefully at him. "Listen to me, Potter, because this is how the next few weeks are going to happen. You help us get him to the Hospital Wing. You and Black leave him alone, period. If you so much as call him that wretched nickname, I swear on Merlin's beard that I will do everything I can to get the both of you kicked off the Quidditch team next year! Maybe one of you might have actually grown past this stupidity by the time school starts again!"
Sirius' eyes shot open, wide as dinner plates. "Oi! Evans! You've no right to do that! What happens when Snivellus instigates the next fight? We supposed to take it like a couple of prats?"
"You leave Severus to me, Black. I'll see to it that he doesn't step out of line, either; he's already on thin ice as it is for that spell he's been casting lately. This ends today! LOOK AT HIM!" she shouted hysterically, pointing to Snape's unmoving body. "Any further and someone will get killed!" She averted her eyes back to James, who had been silent throughout her tirade. "I'm not asking, I'm demanding! Are we clear, Potter?"
Letting in a deep breath, James turned a stony, uncharacteristically serious look to Lily. He planted his feet firmly in the grass, not backing down from her intimidation. "Evans, we'll leave him be this year. But come September, if Snape or his Death Eater friends step out of line again, then a pantsing in front of the school is going to be the least of his problems. The bastard's rotten scum who wants to join HIM, and if he gets any closer to that-"
"Then I won't stop you, Potter." she whispered, voice uneven as she turned back to Severus' body.
As much as Lily tried to tell herself that he wouldn't, couldn't do those things, past experience told her otherwise. She remembered the things that he had done in recent years, to the point where she had long since started wondering whether to cut herself off from him. But the way he had looked into her eyes during the incident, like he'd seen a ghost, shook Lily to her core. He hadn't blinked from the moment he was sent airborne, like he was searching her for something rather than worrying about Potter's juvenile behavior. It reminded her of the little boy by the river back home, the first sign in nearly a year of that boy that was her dearest friend, and not the dark, almost repulsive young man he was shifting into.
That one, curious thought stayed with Lily as she, Remus, and James delivered Severus to the hospital wing on a stretcher that James had reluctantly summoned.
Hours Later
Lily opened the door to the Hospital Wing following dinner in the Great Hall, frowning as she entered, seeing Severus still unconscious in his hospital bed. Earlier that day, Madam Pomfrey had diagnosed him with a severe concussion, and although all manner of healing spells were being used to treat his pain and avoid complications, he would likely miss the Ancient Runes O.W.L. that was scheduled the following day, and if his condition hadn't improved, the Potions O.W.L. the following Monday.
Taking her seat next to his bedside, Lily gazed at the young Slytherin's face, still contorted in that wince of pain that had been locked in place for the past several hours. Unsure of what to do, she sighed. "I know you probably didn't want my help. But I was the only one who WOULD help you, Severus...Just like I'm the only one that's visited. It hurts, you know? I feel like I'm being tossed aside like yesterday's news for that gang of Pureblood snobs you call your real friends, yet where are they? Have Avery, Mulciber, or Rosier actually been concerned enough about your health to come see you? They're using you because you're brilliant...you could do so much better than that crowd."
Lily noticed a sharp intake of breath, his eyes seeming to flicker under his lids, and she was startled to hear his voice, so clear and so focused despite his injury.
"Lily. Why did you smile?"
The question had come out of nowhere like a crash in a silent night. He seemed to be awake, yet didn't bother opening his eyes. Yet that hurt was in his voice, the pain that he'd slowly been shutting out and showing her less of over the years. His question puzzled her for a moment.
"What?"
"Down by the lake. Potter was being Potter. But you...why did you smile? When he had me up there?"
Lily gasped at his inquiry, the pain obvious to her, yet he delivered it so eloquently that she couldn't detect any hostility in his voice. As if he were reporting a news story. When had Severus learned to speak so deliberately? He was always so scathing, so hurtful in his accusations, that she could often ignore his legitimate points when they were made, merely turning the hostility back at him. But this was so different. She had smiled, hadn't she?
"I...Severus, I'm sorry. It was more reflex than anything, I-"
"Reflex at what? Flattery at Potter making a show for you to flirt with? Or reflex seeing me get my dues after all the things we've argued about?" The question was two-fold. Very obviously poking at what she'd been denying for so long, her attraction to James Potter, and laying the blame on himself for his actions as of late. This puzzled Lily so much; how could he, Severus Snape, take blame for anything as of late? It was always about turning things around to the antics of James Potter, school bully, vilifying him and absolving himself of all sin because turnabout was apparently fair play.
Except it wasn't anymore. The anguish in Severus' voice took whatever excuse Lily was going to make right out of her mind. Slowly, his eyes opened, gazing at her dumbfounded face with endless, obsidian pools. Even the way he looked at her was different, that was obvious now that she was so much closer to him.
Indeed, the way his eyes were downcast, it almost was like a relief when their eye contact broke, like she'd been saved from drowning under a whirlpool. "Sev...you look exhausted."
At the sound of her gentle voice reflexively using his old nickname, Severus winced. Why had this girl such a bewitching and jarring effect on him?
"Something wrong?" Her eyes widened in concern with his unpleasant reaction, until she was trapped by those black pools once more.
"You called me Sev." It wasn't a question, though the inflection in his voice made it seem like this puzzled him. It had been some time, even before this incident in his previous life, that Lily referred to him with that term of endearment. Their drifting apart had been a gradual one, though having called her that despicable word was more than enough to sever whatever had been left.
"And you're acting different. It's almost frightening. It would be terrible of me to say that Potter knocked a bit of humility into you, but what other explanation is there?" Sighing at her lack of manners in bringing up his attacker, she quickly rephrased what she said.
"Madam Pomfrey said that you suffered a severe concussion today. I guess changes in mood and attitude go along with that. You're going to be off your feet for several days, but that's going to cut into our O.W.L.s. You're going to miss Ancient Runes tomorrow for sure, but I've already arranged it with Professor Babbling so you can take the exam next weekend, Saturday afternoon. We'll see if you're well enough for Potions on Monday, though I doubt a concussion will keep you from getting an O." she finished with a teasing smile.
Severus could hear a faint chime of the clock tower in the distance, diverting Lily's attention to the direction of the noise before she turned back to him with a slight frown. "Half an hour to curfew. I have to do my evening rounds before bed, Prefect's duty and all..I should be going." She got to her feet, walked a few paces before turning back to him with a bit of a mischievous grin. "I'll bring you some breakfast tomorrow before the Ancient Runes Theoretical exam. Is wheat toast, bacon, and a scrambled egg still your favorite?" she asked, poking fun at the last item.
Letting out an exhausted breath, the corner of Severus' mouth curled into the thinnest smile. "You know I can't stand them sunny-side up like you."
With a playful giggle, Lily turned back to the door, her face once again obscured by her auburn curls as Severus called out once more to her. "Lily?"
She stopped halfway to the door, turned her head back to him questioningly. Upon seeing those gentle emeralds adorning her freckled face once more, his stomach lurched, his words that were on the tip of his tongue flowed out smooth as water. "Thanks for your help today. And thank you...for caring."
Startled at his gratitude, Lily was beaming a happy smile before she even took a moment to consider his words. "Anytime, Sev."
Author's Note: Thus begins yet another time travelling story of Severus returning to a time when his redemption would've made a bigger difference in the grand scheme of things. I kept tossing the scenario back and forth in my head between him returning before his first year even started, or to bring him back to the Mudblood Incident by the lake during Fifth Year. Given the fact that I'd like to keep Severus out of the role of Mary Sue, Mr. Perfect Genius because I don't think I'd write him well that way, I chose the latter option, although I'm sacrificing a number of already written chapters of the former option to do so.
A couple of things to note, while I despise the character of James Potter, there's a bit of a disturbing trend that Fan fiction follows of turning him into this obsessive, stalking psychopath in most AU, and while that's fine for some writers, I'd like to try to keep things as close to canon as possible. only introducing the scenario had Severus actually been given that one chance to go back into his life and fix things. There will be no white-knighting Severus either; despite my love for his character development and him being my favorite character in literature, he's not blameless for the way things fell apart. Nor is Lily for that matter. My goal throughout this Fanfiction is not to portray any of these characters as black or white. Jo did a wonderful job at giving each of them a wonderful, varying palette of grey, and it's my hope to stay at least SOMEWHAT true to that. Thanks for reading! Please give me your critiques and feedback; there will be a lot more on the way.