Guess who else is DONE! THAT'S RIGHT. You know it! I'm getting there, you guys! Next time, A Surprise For Percy!
But first, it's REVIEW TIME!
MattPrice01: Glad you liked it!
Radical-sandwiches: That she does! Thank you very much! It's always been interesting to try and unpick the idea of romance, especially in characters that have no real way of expressing it like humans. Might be something I explore further on. As someone who has a soft spot for Magic Railroad, it felt cathartic to point out the weird stuff that never made sense to me as a kid. I shall consider the idea carefully, thank you!
TrainManiac: Mwahahaha! What's going on? Even I'm not fully shown!
Game Watch: It would. Unfortunately, it along with most of the other bills for similar damages are currently what keep the Island going energy wise.
UGX7: Hmmm, interesting! I'm actually trying to limit myself to just UK actors. Tim Curry as Gordon would be interesting, but I feel he plays villains a great deal better! And Eric Idle as Henry would work!
AaronCottrel97: She does that! Personal favorite of mine! Yeah, that was an odd one, even by the comedic parts of Season 5. I enjoyed writing it, and watching it was nice.
Reality Rejection Service: Yep! I'm inching far faster than I was thinking of!
Bronze-Shield: Thank you very much! I admit I haven't done much with Tiger Moth, primarily because...well, there's not much to work with, but as he cameos throughout the rest of the model series, I'll do more with him, I swear!
MK Inst: HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST ANYTHING IN THIS STORY IS SILLY? This is high art...in that it is art, which I made when I got high. Nah, just kidding. Part of why I did that was for shits and giggles. I was just like...you know what? I'm going to do it. WHY NOT. WHERE CAN I GO FROM HERE.
CUE THE THEME.
"NO!"
"But David-"
"N-O SPELLS NO!"
"Oh why are you being such a big baby about this!? Last time we went on holiday with Hatt, it was fun!"
"For you, maybe, Britt. I, meanwhile, got stranded at a bloody mine for two and a half hours, Asquith got tetanus from all of those rusty remains and Angelis is still M.I.A! So no! I am not going on a bloody cruise with the Hatt family again! I mean, it was just painful on top of all that to have to listen to the ex's arguing!"
"But-"
"NO!"
...
TWO DAYS LATER.
"Are you enjoying your holiday, Mr Mitton?"
"PAH!"
"He's just a bit cranky." Britt smirked as she relaxed backwards on the wooden seat. "Someone didn't get much sleep last night!" She ignored David raising up two fingers at her, and instead concentrated on trying not to get splinters in her back. Hatt had asked Thomas the Tank Engine (Using his full name, so you knew he was serious) to take his wife and grandchildren to the seaside.
Again.
To be bluntly honest, Thomas was beginning to think that they just wanted to reuse Smelly-by-the-sea to save on the budget. True, the sun shone and everything looked splendid, but it had done that every other time Thomas had been dragged down here.
He wasn't the only one. Lady Hatt was feeling hot, and tired. And not hot in a good way. "BLOODY HELL TOPPERS, CAN'T WE GO SOMEWHERE ELSE THAT ISN'T THE SEASIDE FOR ONCE?!"
"But dear-" fawned the fat man. She paid him no heed.
"THOSE COACHES-" she pointed to Annie and Clarabel "-are old and uncomfortable! Use them as beach-huts instead! By god, you've got rid of all their other friends, why are these two still kept around?!"
Thomas was fuming. Not at the treatment of his coaches, more the fact that he wasn't allowed to speak to Hatt like that, which he desperately wanted sometimes. He then noticed the two coaches twittering to themselves in outrage, and tried to act like he was really scared for their safety. "You won't let them turn Annie and Clarabel into beach huts, will you?"
"Nah! Day's still young. Mind, she's not wrong about the color. And the seats. I'll see if I can't get the guys who did OSC's-"
"MY NAME IS GLADYS!"
"-repairs to have a look at them."
I will give you three guesses as to what happened to Sir Topham Hatt once he lay down on the beach. The first two didn't count.
No, this time he didn't get mistaken for a whale by Greenpeace. No, this time a crab came up and snapped it's claws somewhere where no man should ever have to suffer injury. He retired to the actual beach hut early, where he spent the rest of the afternoon with a large icepack on his...swollen area.
...
"Get back to work!"
"...Fine, you silly old bat-"
"WHAT WAS THAT!?"
"I said yes marm!" Growling the diesel began to move the trucks about, pointedly ignoring the latest song they were singing. He was in a foul mood, as he always was, and as per usual he had no one to take it out on save for the trucks. He bumped and bashed them quickly, moved them out of his way and looked around for the nearest oil depot. Perhaps he could get some of the good stuff-
It was then that he became aware that the trucks had stopped singing.
He backed up onto the turntable.
He came face to face with...him.
Scrabbling backwards, he became acutely aware that he was now screaming in terror. He prayed to god he hadn't oiled himself.
"Diesel...hi. You remember me, then?"
Diesel continued screaming.
"Oh boy, this is going to be a long day." Duck sighed and tried to get comfortable.
...
The next day, Percy took them all to Dryaw for a ride on Harold the Helicopter, Hatt having grown tired of the beach and of things going wrong there. His grandchildren wondered why grandad was sitting in such an awkward way. Lady Hatt ignored him, and began reading a magazine article about Alicia Botti and her many conquests. They got off, Hatt still waddling awkwardly, and were just about to head onto Harold when it happened!
"OH BLOODY NORA!"
The voice came from a rather inebriated pilot who appeared to be driving an antique plane all over the place. Specifically, right next to Hatt's head. The fat man dived to the ground, just narrowly saving his head, but making his previous injury ten times worse. The plane did a loop-the-loop, rallied for a bit and then dived and weaved, crashing through a henhouse, barn and eventually a greenhouse before disappearing into the clouds once more.
"WHAT. WAS. THAT." panted the Fat Controller, half because of how shaken he was, partly because of the pain on his...down-belows, if you get my meaning. "WAS IT DEATH?!"
"No. That's just the bally silly sod Tiger Moth. They got him out of the mothballs after the flood, and...well, you can see the result." Harold grumbled. "Even by my lax standards, he's rude and flies too low!"
"Wow, if even you admit he's a blowhard, I'm terrified!" laughed Percy. Harold snorted, and took off the second that the Hatt's got in.
"PLEASE TAKE US UP HAROLD, BEFORE THERE IS ANOTHER DISTURBANCE!"said Hatt, his accent growing worse and decided that staying on the ground was a better idea. A pity she didn't tell Mitton her plans, as he was in the air before he realized what had happened.
A few days later, Harold still hadn't gotten them to where they were supposed to be going and was thus annoying his passengers enormously. "HAROLD!" shouted the Fat Controller. "PUT US DOWN!"
They crash landed at the holiday home a few minutes later. While Alice and the twins headed off to unpack, Topham spent the next few minutes heaving hysterically into the grass until he got his nerve and his breath back.
Then the pilot got out and remarked "Tiger Moth's gone missing. He's crashlanded somewhere, apparently, and the pilot's wife is getting concerned. Want to join in the search?"
"MUST I!?"
"Yes!"
"Then I think I better get an air sick bag!"
As he passed over the dam, Harold tried to ignore the sounds of the Fat Controller having a massive panic attack in the back. He also tried to ignore the sheep, even though he was pretty sure that they were up to something very horrible indeed. One should never trust lambs!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" screamed Mitton, who was currently hanging on for dear life to Harold's skids. At least he was getting some nice camera angles, said Britt later when he walked back in looking slightly deranged.
"THERE'S TIGER MOTH!" said the Fat Controller, pointing a field full of hay, and a biplane that appeared to be trying to inhale said field.
The second they landed, Hatt ran over and was sick all over the rails.
Once he had quite finished vomiting, he spoke to the pilot. "Now listen here, mate...oh god, my stomach hurts...you will not be showing off like a prat again! I'm talking to your manager, and grounding you for the foreseeable future! Bloody hooligan!"
"Yes sah!"
"JOG ON, FAT MAN!" said Tiger Moth.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have my head looked at! And also enjoy my holiday, I guess."
"Jolly good idea sir!"
"Don't patronize me!"
...
"Hello there!" Lady smiled. Or at least, she gave the appearance of a smile. Carlin was aware that there was something else there that was rather more...sad. Old and sad. She was looking much better than she had been last time, and part of that may have been because she had some company. Willo, of course, was playing cards against himself (And losing) and there were the other three small engines.
"Hello old chap!" said the blue one (Bert, was it?) "Been a bit, hasn't it!?"
"Er, yeah. What are you doing?"
"We're just talking about how boring it is on the Small Railway at the moment." Rex smirked, grimly. "Not long after the Island was colonized, we were given a controller and told to basically shut up and shunt some ballast."
"It's a bloody nightmare!" snarled Mike. "Humans! So tired of them bossing us around!"
"Watch it Mike." Pete gave a slightly dangerous looking grin. "Or else someone'll take a wrench and-"
"Pete?" Burnett shot a warning glare.
"What? I'm having a bit of fun."
"You try getting your nuts screwed...well, I mean, you have, just not in the way I intended."
"You want to watch your mouth there, Jocko!"
"Calm down now, friends." Lady shot a glare towards Jock and Mike, who seemed to subside for the present. "Children, how about you show Carlin and-" She glanced at Benn, still out cold "-why don't you show Carlin how your lessons have been getting along?"
"Good idea!" Tasha smiled and headed off to change into something a bit better looking. Burnett ambled on down as Pete began cracking his knuckles. Carlin leaned over.
"I hope you don't think me rude...well, actually, I don't care if you do or don't. But the war is over now, right? Shouldn't you be heading back to Shining Time?" Carlin watched as Burnett sort of...stopped for a moment. "Shit, I put my foot in it."
"No, no, there's no way you could know. Umm...well, during that air raid on the Island, when you vanished, the people putting us up got bombed. Quite badly. They died, or got put into care home's, so we returned home once the war ended...turns out my folks ended up being killed in the war, Tasha's...just up and left, and Pete's dad is...he's a piece of work. So we didn't feel happy there, so we came back here!"
Carlin paused. "So, where are you living now?"
"Er, well, the guy in charge of the railway gave me and Pete a job laying down sleepers for this great new railroad...sorry, railway, he's building. And Tasha's seeing if she can't get a job elsewhere."
"Rrrrready!" trilled Tasha as she hurried back out. Burnett's smile came back on and the three took their places. "What should we do, Lady?"
"How about the fire blast?"
"I'll get the water." grunted Mike.
Burnett stepped forward, confidently grinning. He held up his hand, which seemed to be...glowing? Carlin was baffled. He became even more so when, all of a sudden, fire seemed to leap from nowhere and concentrated into a ball. Stone gave a thumbs up, and then with his other hand, he conjured up a second ball. Then, slowly, he began to juggle them. Once, twice, thrice- And then a third ball was added. And then a fourth. And a fifth. And a sixth. Soon he had at least a dozen going at the same time, moving so fast it appeared to be a full on ring of fire.
Pete laughed, lightly. "Not bad, Burn-ett." Everyone bar Tasha groaned. "But let's see what I can do!" He raised his hand, maniacally waved it around, and blue lightning crackled. Twisting it, he shot a huge whip like streak of it out across the grass, snaking along, burning all in it's path.
Tasha, meanwhile, snapped her own fingers. The entire forest suddenly moved. No, that was a understatement. The trees suddenly appeared to grow feet on the end of their roots, as they hopped out of the ground and were promptly levitated elsewhere. She then began lightly tap-dancing as saplings began to grow and grow.
"That's enough!" Lady called. Not a good thing to say when there was a tree directly over Mike's head, as he soon found out. They moved off to talk, leaving poor Mike passed out underneath the tree.
Willo paused, and then looked over to Ivor, whom no one else could see. "You enjoying yourself, ducks?"
GO FISH.
"We're playing snap."
OH BLOW. The engine let out a mournful 'pwoop pwoop' and sighed. Willo coughed, and laid down a card. It took Ivor five minutes to realize. SNAP! I HAVE WON!
"Oooh, you bested me and no mistake." Willo laughed. "So, er, is there a death?"
THERE IS ALWAYS A DEATH. BUT NOT HERE, IF YOU ARE WORRIED. NOT YET. I JUST WANTED TO SEE HOW YOU AND LADY WERE DOING.
"Well, thank you."
I ADMIT THAT I WILL BE POPPING IN FROM TIME TO TIME. JUST ON CHANCE.
"Of course. I'll keep the kettle boiled. Think you could bring the Grumley choir along? It's ever so quiet."
EVANS THE SONG IS A HARD MAN TO SHIFT. BUT I SHALL TRY.
"...Why are you really here?"
...TO SEE WHAT IT WAS LIKE. IN THE LAST YEARS OF STEAM. WHEN ALL OF THE ENGINES WERE...SAFE.
...
"What are we doing, Toppers?"
"WE. ARE GOING. TO HAVE FUN." Hatt said, determined. He was going to take his family to meet Toby and Henrietta, who were already drinking at the sheer thought of the memory of what had happened last time, who were going to take them somewhere special.
They arrived at a small river inlet, where a piece of junk- I MEAN boat was waiting for them. It was named the Sodor Maid, after the woman who was quicker to go down than the Titanic for a sailor. It smelt of China Clay. And if you recall what China Clay DEFINITELY IS NOT, then you will understand why Toby was very glad he wasn't coming with the Hatts.
"It looks...lovely." lied Allcroft. Mitton simply got back on Henrietta and sat, waiting for the tram to go back to the station, where he would pack his bags and promptly leave. He wondered vaguely if Gerry Anderson was still calling.
"What a beautiful boat!" said the children, aware that their grandfather was on the verge of crying.
"It's my special treat!"
Allcroft turned around to see Toby taking off at high speed, and Mitton maniacally laughing as he did so. So they all got onboard the boat, clung for dear life and oohed and aahed as it started off.
"So nice to be far from the railway for once." said the Fat Controller, taking up the helm with his wife beside him.
"But we're right by the railway- Oh dear. Never mind! It'll be much cleaner too!"
Karma began notching up several arrows of varying size as she spoke. The boat began to drift somewhat aimlessly, not helped by the fact that Clark Hattwald was struggling to control it. "NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!" he shouted, blithely. As they crossed under the bridge, Allcroft screamed and began beating at the water frantically with one of the oars.
"What is it, Britt?!"
"A MONSTER! A HORRIBLE MONSTER! KILL IT, OR AT LEAST GET IT ON FILM!"
Sure enough, there, rising from the mud came a horrible thing with plants stuck to it's skin and eyes bulging out, and a thick slurred speech. Hatt roared, ripped off his shirt and began to swing the oar around like he was Tarzan.
At which point, the boat stuck, sending the Fat Controller hurtling into the river, landing right on the monster. "BOTHERATION!" said the Fat Controller as he surfaced for air. "WE'RE STUCK!" And they were. Other boats tried to help, but sort of gave up halfway through. Jem Cole and his friend, who looked like a gnome, headed off to phone for help.
"Anything we can do for help!?" asked Alec, who had arrived on Percy.
"Yes indeed!" cried the Fat Controller. The monster waded up, and Hatt, having had quite enough, punched him straight on. Said monster slid down the embankment and wiped the mud from his eyes.
"The hell?!"
"Holy- ANGELIS!?"
"I BETTER BE GETTING BLOODY PAID FOR THIS!"
Three minutes later, the Fat Controller was heard to comment "This is the life" to his wife, as Percy pushed the Sodor Maid upon the breakdown train back to Tidmouth Hault.
It is not recorded for posterity what Lady Hatt said to this. It rhymed with clucking bell, though, according to eyewitnesses.
As they arrived, Hatt angrily phoned his deadbeat son and threatened to have him cut off from the family inheritance if he didn't get a shift on back over here and be an actual father to his children. There they saw Thomas, with the smart new Annie and Clarabel, who looked as good as new inside and out.
"My word, look at how pretty these coaches are! Better than those beach huts on wheels!"
No one could even summon up the ability to care anymore. And off they went.
That night, the coaches had a bitch at Thomas. "I mean it's nice that we get compliments every now and then, but no matter what, we'll always be your coaches, won't we, Thomas?"
"Of course, you old bats!" their friend replied.
The model Duck promptly broke into many pieces, leaving everyone quite baffled.
...
"So, a preserved railway...that's...nice."
"The shrew who runs it isn't."
"Ah. Pity."
Duck coughed. He had to, otherwise there'd just be this very awkward silence throughout the yard. The trucks had all been shunted for the next engine to take them, so all that was left was to sit down with Diesel and talk to him. Which was harder said than done. The last time they had met, he had told Diesel quite clearly that if he ever came back, or if they ever met, he'd kill him.
Which made things awkward.
"Look, why are you here, Duck?" Diesel had lost some of his oilyness. Some of his swagger. He sounded bored out of his mind, and scared. "If you're here to kill me, I'd be obliged if you got it over with."
"Why would I-" Duck grimaced "Well, I know why I would be over here to kill you. But no. We, er, do it by drone nowadays, or so I'm told." He laughed. No one else did. "Look, I'm sorry. You were an innocent. Okay, you were an asshole. Fine. But you didn't ask to be possessed, and you have no idea what it is that I do. In fact I probably tipped you off to the fact that I am something different from the way I acted, didn't I? Well that was me, letting the Sudrians get to me."
"Is there a point to you prattling on, or are you just here to clear your conscience?"
"No, actually, I am here for a reason." Duck coughed. "Have you ever heard of the Juggernaut?"
"Who hasn't? The best thing to happen to Dieselkind since our invention. The most revolutionary-" Diesel sighed. "-I can't even drag the old buzzwords out anymore. Yes, I have heard of him."
"Trustworthy?"
"You can trust he'll kill you."
"...See, here's the thing, Diesel. I've met the Juggernaut on two occasions. And both times, he's seemed off. Very off. And let me explain what I mean. You see, the first time, he stopped before he killed me when he saw two little tank engines coming. Now, he's a murderer. He supposedly killed three or four engines in a convoy, and then snuffed out the life of one of the greatest fighters I've known. He does not run from two little tank engines, even if it is in the middle of a storm. And then he comes and meets me, MEETS ME, mind you. None of the others did. None of the others who tried to take from me have ever done that before. It didn't happen with Bulgy, it didn't happen with you and it certainly didn't happen during the election year. No one has ever tried to get me on their side. Just after trying to kill me as well!"
"I have no idea what you are on about."
"It doesn't make sense. All right? City of Truro-"
"Oh, you listen to him, do you?"
Duck paused. "Wait, what?"
"City of Truro is staunchly Anti-Diesel. It's famous. My de-interrogation process was a nightmare until the Galloping Sausage's brother got involved and removed him from the investigation. Scotsman, you know." Diesel sighed. "Truth be told-" He suddenly paused. "Duck, I've recalled something."
"What?"
"Your worthy Fat-...Sir Topham Hatt. When he brought me over, I was possessed, right? Now, I don't remember anything, but there are these two words reoccurring in my brain over and over again. Shining Time. Now, I don't recall what significance they have, but-"
"No, you're right. As I recall, you never said anything...specifically about what I was looking for. You never mentioned anything about why I was here. And you still don't know anything about my mission. Those two words, and I clammed up, I panicked. But I've never heard those words in my life! Why do those two words mean so much?!"
Duck and Diesel stared at each other.
"A truce?"
"A truce. For now. There is something far worse going on than I could have imagined." Duck growled. "We'll need to find someone who can help us. Can you get cover for your work here? There are some loose ends that need tying up, and I know who we can go to for answers."
...
ELSEWHERE.
"Stepney, ye daft ****head! Some tosser's here ta see ye!"
The Bluebell Engine headed out of his shed, and spotted Duck and Diesel sitting there. His eyes narrowed as he took in Diesel, the memories of D1 filtering through. No. This one was real. He turned to Duck.
"I suppose you want to talk."
"Yes."
"Come on in. I imagine you have a lot of questions."