DISCLAIMER: As usual, I make no claims of being J.K. Rowling or having any ownership of the world or characters of the Harry Potter universe.
Severus rolled onto his side, turning his head away from the sunlit glare of the windows. He'd been almost numb to the world around him since Lily left, with only fear evident on her face.
Eyes as expressive as Lily's had truly been the gateway to the soul. Indeed, they were such good indicators of her thoughts and feelings that Severus had no need of Legilimency to read her. It was a feature that had undoubtedly been passed to her son in a different life, a comparison that he almost startled himself in making.
Perhaps this was his punishment for having treated 'The Boy Who Lived' so callously, having almost refused to acknowledge any similarity Harry had to his mother. It seemed to Severus that he was doomed to live in a world that he had come to far too late to make a difference in the eyes of the one who mattered most. By this time, Lily looked at his reformed nature as an anomaly, refusing to accept anything besides the aspiring, dark wizard he knew he had been during this era.
He hadn't blamed her, of course. How could he? The very idea of rebirth in another life seemed preposterous only days ago. He wondered if Lily thought him a liar, what with his announcement at his inability to cast spells, only to unexplainably, almost instinctively, cast Langlock at Avery.
That mystery was a lingering cloud over his head. How had he done that? In that moment, Severus wanted nothing more than to shut Avery's disgusting, bigoted mouth that dared to speak to Lily that way. Yet the night before, and even in front of Lily with the goblet when he Occluded himself before the casting, he shut out everything else but the desire to cast, and all those times had failed. What had been the variable?
With a sigh, Severus turned to stare upwards at the intricate ceiling of the Hospital Wing again. Dumbledore's cryptic words echoed in his thoughts. "Despite your knowledge of advanced magic, it won't be enough until your new body attunes itself to your mind and can be given the opportunity to catch up."
What had that meant? At the time, Severus merely thought it was a warning not to cast far advanced magic for fear of it damaging his underaged body, but neither Accio, Aguamenti, and least of all Lumos were what any half-wit wizard would consider complicated spells. Yet his casting of Langlock had seemed spontaneous, almost as if going back to his pre-Hogwarts days of accidental magic.
"Leave it to Dumbledore to be vague in his explanations…" Severus thought bitterly. He supposed that he COULD reveal himself and his advanced knowledge to the Dumbledore of this era, but that would rely on the old wizard believing the word of a young, infamously troubled Slytherin. Even if he did believe him, the young man had no idea whether Albus would know the answer to his dilemma without that seemingly divine knowledge that the afterlife brought. Even worse, he could try to use him to end the Dark Lord's reign early, and while Severus wouldn't be opposed to giving information, his days of spying were over, and he'd be damned if even Dumbledore would interfere with that.
His quiet contemplation was interrupted by the sound of his bedside chair being occupied, followed by a most unexpected voice. "Severus, could I have a word if you don't mind?"
Upon recognition of the soft-spoken voice of the Gryffindor next to him, Snape turned his head, meeting the eyes of the sandy-haired Prefect with mild disinterest. "What do you want, Lupin? Isn't it a little early for your monthly trip to the Hospital Wing?"
The implication of Snape's sarcastic question was not lost on Remus, who continued despite the shot. "Actually, I'm here to talk to you on Prefect business regarding what happened at the lake yesterday. Professor McGonagall asked me to follow up with you regarding the punishment of James."
"Potter's punishment is none of my business, nor is it any of my concern, Lupin. I'm hardly a staff member that can change anything."
"Normally, if yesterday's incident had more closely resembled...well, previous occurrences between the two of you, you'd be right. But the fact remains that James instigated an unprovoked, unreturned assault on you that led to a very serious injury. Both he and Sirius will be serving detention with McGonagall every evening until term ends. However, because of the concussion and the complications it might bring you in the short term, she has asked if you wish to pursue any additional punishment in the case of James." Remus realized what he said and to whom he said it, adding quickly. "W-within reason, of course."
The look on Severus' face shifted to a disgusted sneer. "Oh really? Funny, I don't recall being given an option to pursue punishment for you lot the night at the Whomping Willow. In fact, I daresay that the only one who was punished that night was me." His voice lowered to a hiss that was audible only to the two of them. "Forced into a vow of secrecy when there's a dangerous, magical creature that could endanger students, that DID endanger me, one who surrounds himself with irresponsible friends that are the very incarnation of stupid decisions. Had I been offered something similar that night, Black would've been expelled and charged with a crime!"
Remus' gaze turned deathly stony, moving his gaze around the Hospital Wing to make sure there weren't any in earshot at the whispering. "Don't you dare try to understand what I am and who I befriend, Snape! Nobody was more ashamed and mortified at what happened that night than me; Sirius received more words from me than you could possibly muster! Do you have any idea what it's like? Being afflicted by a curse that turns you into a monster? Not knowing when you wake up if you've killed someone, or worse, turned them into another of your cursed kind? Do you hazard a guess as to how many people would look at me the way you do now if they knew? How many of them would define what I am for one night a month and invalidate who I am during my time of normalcy?!
"I have no idea which of my friends outside of James, Sirius, and Peter would drop me like a bad habit if they found out what I am. I don't know if I'll even find work once I'm done with Hogwarts; my monthly disappearances would be quite difficult to explain."
Severus' eyes narrowed at the heartfelt speech of Remus. Indeed, he had known that, despite his almost blissful ignorance, Lupin wasn't a malicious person, certainly not to the depths that James Potter or Sirius Black could go. What bothered him most was his negligent and lax nature. Lupin had been appointed Prefect by Dumbledore, presumably to rein in his more trouble making friends. Yet there was always a conflict of interest; though Lupin disapproved of Potter and Black's antics, he did little in the way of actually punishing them. Today's conversation with Remus was the first Severus heard anything about him actually following through on his duties to discipline the other Marauders.
And then there was Lupin's stint as Defense Professor in his previous life. Remus had gone off on the night of a full moon in search of Sirius, to aid the fugitive Black in their pursuit of Peter Pettigrew, stupidly forgetting to take his Wolfsbane Potion that Severus himself had made to prevent the mind's transformation from man to uncontrollable beast.
After he was told the events of that evening by Dumbledore, he had let it slip to a number of influential parties that Remus Lupin, Hogwarts Professor, was a Werewolf, which he knew would result in his early resignation or forced termination. Part of it was due to bitterness of Lupin's very association with James Potter and Sirius Black, which Severus himself could admit was rather petty. But the more important reason for his breaking the vow of secrecy was that if Lupin was stupid enough to forget taking such a vital potion one night, he could forget any night. And Severus did everything he could to stop that from happening at Hogwarts, for fear that brushing it under the rug would come back to (literally) bite Lily's son. Albus had reprimanded him heavily for it, but upon explaining himself and his reasoning, the Headmaster was considerate enough to at least see things from his point of view.
It was vital to Severus, now more than ever, that the beast be locked away, with Lily here at Hogwarts. The Wolfsbane Potion hadn't been invented for several years, but the breakthrough of Damocles Belby couldn't wait much longer if the Marauders were dumb enough to let a transformed Remus out of the Shrieking Shack to frolic with their Animagus forms.
Severus analyzed Lupin's apprehensive face before speaking lowly. "I won't press the issue of Potter's punishment, Lupin. I know if McGonagall is overseeing the detentions herself, there will be no special treatment. But you owe me. I may not spill your secret to Hogwarts, but I'll be damned if that creature is set loose from the Shack to...play...anywhere near Hogsmeade or the castle."
Lupin's eyebrow was raised, almost questioningly, at Snape's rather modest choice of words. It had seemed almost reasonable, none of the prejudiced outburst he knew the young Slytherin to be capable of. He was ready to ask what the terms of debt were before the sarcastic voice returned. "And for Merlin's sake, grow a spine or find better friends, Lupin."
The insult served to irritate Remus, who angrily spoke on his friends' behalf. "My friends do more for me than you could understand, Snape! What sorts of things could be said about you and your choice of friends?"
Severus breath stilled, leering at him with those jet black eyes, obviously struck deeply by the Gryffindor's words. He drew closer to his visitor, speaking very slowly, the pain bubbling below the surface. "I have ONE friend, Lupin. I have always only had one friend, and yes, I do understand. I understand enough to know that I'm dangerously close to losing her if I associate with their kind anymore. I believe your business here is done, so you may leave…"
During the afternoon following the practical portion of the Ancient Runes O.W.L., Lily cursed herself silently. She'd been distracted by the events of the morning and it had undoubtedly interfered with her concentration. She had worked hard for months to study and prepare for what had likely been her weakest class (besides the always-dreadful History of Magic). During the practical portion, however, they'd been assigned to organize a number of unspecified runes by civilization and identify any magical properties or mythology significant to the runes in question. Throughout the whole process, Lily couldn't stop herself from thinking how much better off she'd be had she studied with Severus.
Her thoughts were muddled and disjointed as she walked out the castle gates, her eyes on the Great Lake where she and her friends had met to relax following each exam. The same lake whose waters gleamed like a pair of black eyes...The same lake where Severus had been hurt the day before. She shook her head, turning back around, almost needing to keep herself from being near any reminders of her friend she had spent all day questioning.
That is, until Lily bumped into Remus Lupin, nearly knocking each other off their feet at her sudden change of direction.
"Merlin, Lily, what on Earth are you doing going back inside on a day like today?" he asked with his usual polite prodding he usually held with her. "Oh, I take it you're going to see Severus?"
Lily's heart sank in defeat. There truly was no escape from every possible reminder of the Slytherin boy now that the first week of O.W.L.s were over. "Not exactly, Remus. I'm a bit wary of his behavior since the incident. He's acted awfully strangely." Determined to change the subject, Lily shifted the conversation back to him. "What about you? I take it you were off doing Prefect business since you had no exam today?"
The lighthearted laughter of her fellow Gryffindor took Lily by surprise. "Funny you should ask, because I just got out from talking to Severus myself. Had to discuss some details of yesterday's fiasco and it was just the strangest thing. Walk with me, I'm curious to hear if your conversations with him were any more odd than mine."
Over the course of what seemed like an eternity, Lily vented to Remus about her observations of Severus, his seemingly odd switch from his antisocial, withdrawn self who had an attraction for behavior that repulsed her, to the almost self-assured, oddly appreciative young man who had a knack for saying things in a far less scathing way. She described the events of Avery's interruption of their talk, and the outburst that followed, though she omitted the detail of Severus' inability to cast magic, unsure of whether or not that had been the product of a show he was putting on or if had just been a freak occurrence.
The rant had been therapeutic; it gave Lily someone she could externalize her thoughts to and sort through the little details she hadn't been able to piece together. Throughout the whole process, Remus seemed oddly silent, only nodding occasionally during gaps where she tried to compose herself.
"So you see? I don't know what to think, Remus...It's just odd to me, that someone could change like that in a day, so much so that his own bloody housemate is convinced that he's gone off his rocker! What else could it be besides the blow to the head?"
Remus' eyes were settled on the ground, obviously contemplating what she had told him. "Lily, I'm going to preface this by saying that I don't know Snape like you do. But there are certain...things that he and I have a mutual understanding of. Honestly, Lily, when I spoke to Severus, I didn't feel like I was speaking to someone with an ounce of brain damage. He seemed focused, able to recall memories clearly and easily, only seemed to have this really heavy air of exhaustion about him. I won't deny that he seemed a bit reminiscent of his normal, prickly self, but a lot of what he said seemed, I dunno, halfway reasonable, and I'd never gotten that impression from him before.
"If I'd hazard a guess as to what happened to him, Lily, it isn't that he took a blow to the head that'll sort itself out in a couple of days. Plain and simply, it's that he's changed."
Remus obviously couldn't go into the talk he'd shared with Snape regarding his lycanthropy, but there was another nagging thought that he questioned whether or not it was his place to relay. As he looked into Lily's searching green eyes, the answer was quickly realized.
"I think all those talks you say you had might have finally gotten through to him. His behavior towards Avery matches something that he said to me." The Gryffindor boy smiled at his fellow Prefect. "I made a remark about his friends, and he corrected me with something so uncharacteristically heartfelt. That he only had one friend. That he'd always only had one friend. He didn't specifically say who it was, but…" he paused for a moment at Lily's gasp, a rush of hope flooding her eyes. "I think it's pretty obvious who he was referring to. And it seemed that he was almost torturously sorry for ever having lost sight of that."
Lily shut her eyes; the tears that had been building from Remus' account of Severus had started to once again tug at her heart. She still had some doubts, especially since she had seen that look of murderous fury in his eyes not more than a few hours ago. The look in his eyes was the same, the threat to use that spell was almost as fear-inducing as the nightmares where she had imagined him turning against her.
At the same time, however, Remus spoke with sincere confidence in what he saw from someone he barely knew. She needed to hear his assurances one more time. "You really think so, Remus? You think he's changing? That he's sorry things got so rocky?"
With a smile, Lupin put his hand comfortingly on Lily's shoulder. "Lily, if I had any doubt in Snape's mental faculties during that conversation, I wouldn't bother telling you this. I'm doing it more for your sake than for his; you deserve my honest opinion."
Lily couldn't stop a smile from spreading on her lips as she stared at her friend in gratitude. There was still a chance to fix things, despite how messy they'd become. Severus was willing to own up to his mistakes, still thought of her as his closest friend. The least she could do was see him and give it one more shot to see how much he'd truly learned.
"I think I'll be going up to the Hospital Wing, after all. Thanks so much for talking to me, Remus."
"Of course, Lily. I'll see you back in the castle for evening patrols, then."
With a newfound spring in her step, Lily ran back up to the castle entrance, thoughts ablaze with what she might say. The truth was that while she was excited that Severus might be changing for the better, she still had to make a few concerns clear to him. The chief concern of them all, was what she feared more than anything, something she HAD to make Severus see for himself if their friendship was to remain with no regrets or reservations.
As she reached the entrance to the Hospital Wing, Lily's hand pressed against the door, feeling a familiar chill from yesterday shake her. She recalled her Defense Practical, and while there had been tremendous triumph of her casting a partial Patronus Charm for extra credit, there had also been a very haunting failure. She remembered the sight of her Boggart, which had transformed itself into her greatest fear. One that she had been unable to conquer.
Author's Note: Thanks so much for all of the positive feedback and reviews so far. It really means a lot that anyone would take the time to share their thoughts on my work, but that only helps further my motivation of getting chapters done more quickly. As I mentioned in an earlier note, I'm laying the groundwork, which is why very little time has passed in the story since the first Chapter. There's a number of things about Severus and Lily that need to be explained before they can really go further. Once all this is done though, the pace will quicken and there will hopefully be less exposition. As always, more feedback from the audience is welcomed and greatly appreciated!