Okay guys, I don't like doing this, because I feel like I've been pretty good so far with balancing out story and abridging, but the former is going to be a bit more involved in this chapter than the latter. Why? Because Surprise For Percy is pretty basic. It's not scary like some of the other stories, nor does it introduce any new characters, nor is it that much of a comedy episode. It's just sort of there. And again, for an episode that's just focused primarily on a runaway, it's fine, it's got good music and production values, but it's just...there.
So yeah, nothing new on the parodying front. The story front on the other hand, is quite a big one. I'm basically using it as a giant exposition dump for what's going on with the Malevolence's plan in the movie. Hopefully you understand it, maybe you won't, but if you do need me to elaborate, I shall do so in the next chapter.
MattPrice01: Yep! And once we get to Magic Railroad, things are going to quite literally boil over!
Radical-sandwiches: Thank you! Hatt is definitely meant to be sympathetic in these ones. And Alice is just having the frustration of her day to day routine get to her. It happens!
TrainManiac: Thanks! Glad someone caught those references. Ivor's a fun character to write for, and I'm glad everyone found Diesel's return to be interesting. I felt that giving him one last hurrah before his return in Season 6 was a nice way of wrapping things up with him for now.
Game Watch: Thanks! Hopefully it'll all bloody pay off!
AaronCottrel97: Perhaps a little bit longer...but not by much, mind! Yep, this is the season where Angelis's Hatt becomes the definitive one for me! So, I'm glad everyone's enjoying his antics!
Reality Rejection Service: Beautifully sung!
Bronze-Shield: Thanks! Glad you enjoyed, writing for Topham Hatt has been great this season.
CUE THE THEME.
"I'm bored!"
"So we noticed, Percy." Toby yawned. "Anyway, I'm off to bridge. Catch you soon."
"DON'T ABANDON ME-" It was too late. Toby had gone already. Percy growled. He hated being left on his own in the coaling plant with only the silly trucks for company. For whatever reason, Hatt was in a bad mood as of late and had trapped him working the dead-end shifts. Perhaps he still wasn't recovered from his holidays. Percy had noticed the way he limped now and sat down with great care.
"Cheer up, Percy!" said Alec.
"Ah, thanks mate, you always try and cheer me up-"
"-because seriously, it's bringing everyone down, you selfish git, and there's no point. Fatty says we've got to be back here tomorrow again, so there's no use in feeling depressed!"
"See, this is why your wife left you. And why you're still not getting anywhere near the Kyndley's grandchild."
"Never say never! We all have to make the best of bad situations, even if said bad situation has come about because our fat dictator is a complete and utter tosspot. I feel as though I'm going off topic a bit."
"Uggh, I'll try and make the best of the bad situation of being stuck with you, you git."
...
"God it's somehow gotten even worse since yesterday!" Percy wailed. He looked around at the gaping, horrible faces of the trucks and shuddered. "God, this is why I should try getting a transfer to the docks again! At least there I could just drive off the edge into the water if I got bored!" And then, to make matters even better, the trucks began to sing.
Yes, we're in for a treat again.
"Percy, Percy, green and small! He's no use to us at all! Around the yards he'll puff and blow! But on the hills he's oh, so slow!"
"That was shit!" declared Percy ."Be quiet!" And he rammed into the nearest truck with some force. He paused, and looked around. He was aware that the trucks had become even more violent and determined to destroy anything that got in their way recently. And he knew also that he was in for...some retaliation after that. So wearily, he gathered together a train and began to puff towards the small town of Miner's Hault. He groaned as he began to puff up the large hill. "God, you guys need to lose weight!"
"Oi! My figure is perfect, thank you very much!"
Percy growled, but said nothing as he dropped the trucks at the top, and then set off back down the line to collect the next bunch. "This is my life now." he muttered rebelliously. "Nothing but boredom, boredom, BOREDOM!" Not even the cheerful sight of Bertie the Bus could cheer Percy up!
That was sarcasm, by the way, no engine has ever felt cheerful looking at Bertie.
"What's the matter, Percy?"
"You don't care, Bertie."
"You're right, I don't. Just curious if you had any alcohol."
"Believe me, if I did, it'd all be gone by now."
"Hmm...pity."
"Nothing exciting ever happens! That is what's the matter! It's just coal, coal, coal and trucks, trucks, trucks!"
"Oh you mean aside from the time you ended up being sent on the run, getting shoved into coal, demolishing a brakevan, getting covered in lime, treacle, hay, fruit and the shattered remains of a mine, running over a bicycle and botching a mayoral race, being scared out of your wits by a massive dragon, having to deal with a flood and one of your friends nearly being swept away...yeah, you live a boring life."
"Sarcasm is not appreciated."
"Tough, you're getting it, you ungrateful git. Besides, excitement is surprising, you'll never know when it will happen."
Percy stared at Bertie like he was made of cheese and lived on Mars. "The hell does that mean, you idiot?! Is that one of those ancient Buddhist koan things that isn't supposed to mean anything but gets you focused, or did you pull it out of your exhaust pipe?"
Bertie frowned. He thought that had been a particularly powerful fortune cookie message that morning, but now saying it out loud...so he merely honked his horn and shouted "TOODLEPEEP!" at a baffled Percy as he drove off.
"Be bloody surprising if something surprising happen. Nothing's full of surprises here. Hmm, make it a good song title, though."
...
"How did they get in!?"
"Walked right through the front doors! Bold as brass! Sir, what should we-"
"Evacuate everyone you can! Of course! Meanwhile, get me all the security officers still on the premises! No matter what, we have to make sure that they do not reach the offices!"
"I rather think that's going to cause a disagreement between the two of us, Mr Hargreaves."
Hargreaves spun around, just in time for Boomer to kick him straight in the head. Staggering backwards, he had just enough time to see his guards get slammed onto the ground faster than any normal human should have before he was punched.
"Who are you!?"
"I told the men downstairs, my name is Boomer. And I am rather tired of having to play third fiddle." With this, Boomer rolled up his sleeve once again. The guards had gathered together, pulled out their guns, and fired straight at him.
Hargreaves watched in horror as the bullets paused mid air, turned around and slammed straight back into his own men. He had just enough time to see a bright blue symbol glowing on Boomer's arm before all crumpled to the ground, dead in seconds. He pulled out his own gun and pointed it shakily at this...monster. "What do you want?"
"Oh, you know. World domination. Power. The usual things. At this particular moment, I'd like you to step aside, please."
"No way."
"Huh. A shame then." Boomer walked forward, and lightly muttered something under his breath.
There was a horrifying crack, and then a crunch, and Hargreaves screamed in pain as he fell to the floor. Trembling, he reached for his legs, only to discover that they had been broken very cleanly in two. Through the pain, he was just about aware of the sight of Boomer walking into his office. He crawled towards the fire alarm, he had to try and get as many people out as possible.
"Yes? Hello there, sir. Yes, I've taken care of everyone. About to get Gotch now, sir. Hargreaves? On the floor, broken legs. Yes, I'll deal with him in a moment. The files? Afraid that they caught on, got rid of them. I'll try and salvage what I can. Yes sir. I'll be back at Shining Time within the hour. I'll take Gotch with me, give him something to do. All right. Contact you again."
Boomer walked out, holding a massive amount of files that he handed to his biker gang. He then walked over and smiled down at Hargreaves. "It may interest you to know that I've absorbed your men's souls. So that'll get my magic really bubbling. Thanks for giving me a decent meal.
"You won't get away with this."
Boomer raised his foot and placed it down on Hargreaves's throat, gently. "I already have."
And he began to push down.
...
And now, for some mood whiplash!
Later, Percy stopped by the watertower for a drink. A sheep baaed at him. "Piss off!" snarled Percy.
"What did I do?" asked Toby, wounded.
"Not you, Toby. The sheep. Bloody sheep. They get to relax all day in a nice field eating grass! I wonder if I can get the boys down at the station to give me some. Anyway, how's the pain, Toby?"
Toby winced. "Oh, you know...diminishing." Another rough twang in his boiler made him rethink those words into something with a bit more effing and blinding. "How are things with you?"
Well, that set Percy off into his favorite subject as of lately, namely how bored he was, how boring everything in this village was, and how boring the jobs he was being made to do was.
"Well-" said Toby, aware of how patronizing he sounded but having little way of knowing how to deal with Percy when he was in a mood like this "-you could always have a spin on the turntable. That'll give you a jumpstart."
"Makes me feel giddy." said Percy, doing his best Eeyore impersonation.
"Or, you know, get drunk again."
"I've gone off beer."
"But you're the bloody bartender at Knapford! How the hell can YOU go off beer?"
"I don't know. But I have."
It was then, mercifully, that the driver interrupted this riveting chat. "STOP GOSSIPING, YOU SILLY HENS!" He was in a right pissed off mood and no mistake, for he was still enraged that he wasn't getting any from the waitress at the Dirty Sod, Miner's Hault's local bar. "WE'VE GOT ACTUAL WORK TO DO!"
"Git. Well, bye Perce. At least you'll know more about trucks than any engine ever, and that'll be exciting!"
"Toby, you're terrible at this. But thank's for trying."
When he returned back to the yard-
"OH GOD ARE YOU STILL COMPLAINING?! ARE YOU NEVER HAPPY!?"
-things did not get better, as one can tell. Things, in fact, seemed to get far worse. The trucks seemed to have started breeding like rabbits, as there appeared to be even more of them than there had been previously. Percy wept in frustration. He felt like he was in a Kafka comedy sometimes. And to make matters worse, the trucks decided to hit him where it hurt. "You're too small to pull all of us! We want another engine, or we aren't going anywhere!"
"It's not the size of the engine-" said Percy, feeling defensive "-it's what you do with it that counts!" He suddenly sympathized with Henry whenever he got insulted about his smaller than average funnel size.
"All night, all right, you can puff and blow! But on that hill, you're still too slow!"
"HA! Those limericks of yours need work, Fred! Slow yourself!"
"Temper, temper!"
Percy decided to ignore the trucks and began to pull the next lot back up towards Miner's Hault. As they reached the level crossing, he felt a slight bit of strain on his couplings, but thought nothing of it.
"GO TO IT, PERCY!" shouted his driver, currently the worst cheerleader known to man, as they began to climb the steep hill.
"Bloody hell, what am I? A Culdee Fell Engine!?"
"Too slow! More power! Be here all night! Tomorrow too! You're a poohead! I want a kip! Something smells! Don't repeat that! No, stop saying everything I say!"
"BE QUIET YOU LITTLE SHITS!" snapped Percy.
At which point, trouble decided to choose this time to pop up, as the coupling shattered completely, sending Percy sliding backwards up the hill, and the trucks the opposite way.
"HA! WE'VE DONE IT- Oh shit." said Fred, realizing that perhaps he had made a minor miscalculation. He tried to save face. "Ha! Surprise...surprise. Catch us if you can...OHHHHHHH balls I've made a terrible mistake."
"Oh NO!" shrieked Percy as the trucks rolled back down the hill. "MY PAYCHECK- I mean, MY TRUCKS!"
Bertie watched, baffled, as the trucks rolled backwards through the level crossing. Then a moment later, Percy also rushed through, his fireman having chosen now of all times to start practicing his bugle playing abilities, and also playing a slide whistle to boot. They stopped at the signalbox, and Alec forced his way in to phone for help.
Eventually, this reached the Yard Manager, who told Sir Topham Hatt. "They'll hit the hill in no time, but that might just send them rolling back again!"
"RIGHT!" Hatt sprang to his feet, then winced in agony as his...injury, flared up again. "To battle! We'll just have to stop them!" He waddled off towards his car, his driver already in the seat clutching the steering wheel. At once, the car took off, followed closely by Bertie, who wanted to get in on the action as best he could. Percy also set off, a bit more halfheartedly this time. He'd had quite enough of having to deal with runaways this year.
"God, the hell are you taking us, Perkins?!"
"Shortcut, sir!"
"Another bloody overgrown bit of railway, the hell ARE WE GETTING IT FROM!?"
At last, they overtook the trucks as they reached the hill. The Fat Controller and Bertie screeched to a halt near a convinient opening, and waited for the trucks to gently roll up the hill.
"All right, now, I shall leap onto the brake-van and hold it down with my tremendous weight! It is a great sacrifice of mine, to be sure." Hatt was about to make a grand leap of faith, when he saw the workmen put blocks of wood under the trucks to stop them from rolling backwards. "Huh. So that's a bit of an anti-climax."
Just then, Percy arrived, having missed everything. Really, there was no point to him even being in the story, we could have cut this very easily and missed nothing.
"Well, what do you think of that? Good chase, it's always exciting!"
"Well, usually, but I wasn't there for most of it. Alec had to go and get pissed first before we could properly find you. You were right Bertie, a really useful engine should never be surprised by surprise, surprise, I was surprised-"
"Oh god, we've broken Percy."
...
"Shining Time? My word, it's been a long while since I've heard of that." Stepney nodded to his driver, who handed out a few drinks to Duck and Diesel, who accepted politely. It was taking all o Diesel's willpower not to go on a massive rant about how diesels were far more superior even when it came to making soft drinks. But he managed to.
Stepney looked at them thoughtfully. "Before I tell you anything, so that I don't end up telling you what you already know, how much do you understand about Shining Time?"
"...Little." Duck frowned. "I know that...it's important."
"Not much. Just that whoever it was who possessed me told me that it was relevant."
Stepney didn't even blink at this odd revelation. "Well then, allow me to fill you in. Shining Time was a normal enough town in a valley, smack dab in the middle of the Indian Valley Railroad. Now, when the Railroad was redirected to go through the town, it ended up getting a lot of attention from humans and steam engines alike. There are some who believe that it's somewhere where latent magic can be activated."
"Okay...and that helps us how? We could have just consulted a leaflet to get that information!"
"Patience, Roderick-"
"Er, it's Diesel-"
"Roderick. Now, that's not all. The valley is also where many believe the famous lost engine of the legends is hidden." At the look on Duck's face, Stepney quickly continued "Mostly because of the huge amount of magic located there. We believed that, after her attack, she crash landed there at some point in time, and has been leaking magic into the land."
"No. My orders were specifically for Sodor."
"A bluff." Stepney sighed. "One of the things that myself and Truro discussed, back when I was considering joining that little group of yours, was the idea of using a decoy. We'd send one of our most competent engines over to the Island of Sodor, the last known place that the lost engine was seen before vanishing. Have them make a whole amount of noise, and lure the Other Railway to focus their attentions solely on that Island, while the real search could still go on in the background. While I was uncomfortable with the idea, I was willing to do it on a few conditions.
Firstly, the engine in question had to be fully briefed on that account. You obviously weren't. Secondly, he needs breaks. An engine is not an island, he cannot survive on an Island for 12 years, dodging death trap after death trap and fighting off any agents that come his way without a little time. You haven't stepped off the Island in so long on your own. Thirdly, sanctioned visits were a therapist, and unless Pug is hiding a secret degree under his rotund figure, you've never seen a therapist in your life. Fourth, and this was the most important, communications must be at all times clear. I wasn't about to send an engine off to potentially die without a way to transmit the important information to him.
And you've seen how well that turned out."
"So...there is nothing important on the Island of Sodor?"
"Yes there is. For example, the Island's begun to do a bit of leaking of it's own. Young Percy's got a few mental abilities, a small ability of being able to see into the future. The extreme amount of luck your engines face, in surviving the many accidents and occurrences that plague them on a daily basis, and likewise, the fact that luckily, no one has been hurt. Confusion and delay has always been present on the Island, but it's thanks to it's unique properties that it's actually one of the railways with the least amount of causalities on it." Stepney sighed. "And there is something else that I shall tell you a minute, but first, I believe Young Roderick has some questions of his own."
"My name is- You know what, forget it, I don't care." Diesel sighed. "All right. So you and Duck have had your little conversation about random things, and that's all well and good, but I want to know something else. The Other Railway. What's their plan?"
Stepney paused, took a sip of something and then frowned. "Honestly, I can only guess. Like I said, I was shuffled off quietly when Truro and the others began to find my methods a bit too...restrained, to deal with the current crisis. I was stuck here, and for the most part I've been kept abreast mainly by the papers and the few loyal engines I have in there. But I can speculate a bit. During our research, we found a symbol, carved into the ground not too far from a proposed battle sight between the lost engine and...the enemy. Now, this symbol is a rune. The Island's luck also works against it, all those who do die on there, are trapped between life and death. In doing so, there is a steady supply of trapped souls that can be harnessed into a power source by a machine that the Other Railway is creating. In doing so, they can then feed the Malevolence-"
"The what?"
"-and power him up a great deal. My guess is that this machine is effectively pumping the Malevolence full of steroids, absorbing the souls into him and keeping them there as a regular power source. That power can be gifted to others. Hence the Fat Director's plan to launch an all out attack on the world, with the powers of darkness backing him fully."
"You're insane." And Diesel backed out, muttering about how 'Sentimental' he was getting. He stayed outside, though.
"Duck. Let me tell you now. There is no chance that you can stop the Malevolence from returning. But, there is a chance that, once he does, you can defeat him. There is an old prophecy that I have only recently discovered, that tells of seven engines whom Lady can grant her immense power to. Using that, they may be able to stop the Malevolence in time."
"Well, let's hear it."
...
1950.
"They'll be coming soon." Willo said, anxiously.
"I know. Benn and Carlin are nothing if not punctual. All right, let's get underway." Lady paused, and when she spoke next, it was in a far darker voice.
"When darkness doth cover the earth
May my children please find their worth
On the blackest eve of the blackest day
These simple words will I say
May the seven chosen few rise
When the Malevolence does split the skies
Red and Green and Brown and Blue
Our saviors, the really useful crew.
For them, my power, I shall leave
And then their losses they will grieve
And so that you know that I'm not telling a lie
This prophecy is in rhyme, that's why."
"Yes, it's not your best, deario, I'll say that."
"Oh do hush, Willo. Now, give this to Ivor when you see him next. You've written the other one down on the windmill?"
"Yes, but I don't bloody know how I've managed to do that! Have you ever tried writing with disappearing ink that glows neon every time someone comes near it?"
...
Boomer strode in, looked around, and smirked. "Well well well, Mr Gotch. Didn't think you had it in you." He walked over and lightly removed the cuffs from the soon to be ex-prisoner's wrists, taking great care not to be gentle. "You know, using Marklin to give us a way into our enemy's base was really quite brilliant. So brilliant, in fact, that I wonder if you had anything to do with it at all."
"What happened to Hargreaves?"
"Dead. I've got his files."
"...But you're not going to give them to the Fat One, are you?" Gotch grinned. "He's under the impression that he's controlling Marklin. In reality, however, it's the other way around."
"You're perceptive, aren't you?"
"And willing to work with the soon to be most powerful man in the world."
Boomer looked at Gotch carefully. And then he grinned. "You know, you're right, Gotch. The Fat Director is far too comfortable with the idea that he's the big man on campus. Me and Marklin had a good thing going. And it's only going to get better." He slung a companionable arm around him. "Come. Let's discuss this over dinner, shall we?"
All right, so chances are, I've confused the hell out of you with the villain's plan. If I have done so, I'll explain it in the author's notes next chapter.
Next episode should be a bit more chaotic and fun! Hopefully.