Chapter 6

Callies POV

I am sitting in my spot, really it was our spot. It had been our spot for years before now and it would always be. It had been a week since Arizona had found out about Luke. Now i was seating on the swings i practiced what i planned to say to Arizona. I never thought i would have this conversation. She had left me all alone and made it completely clear that i was not what she wanted. When i got pregnant i thought about calling her, literally everyday i wanted to have her there. I wanted her to see my belly grow, to hear our childs heart beat, to be there when he was born. I know that i was in the wrong i know that i needed to tell her about it but i couldn't. I couldn't see her face everyday and not be able to touch her and i wouldn't know what to do if she started to date someone else. I was being selfish but i didn't care. I know what everyone around me thought, i should have been the better person and told her. However I made my decision and i had to stick with it. As i am sitting there trying to find a way to tell Arizona everything she walked up on me.

"Hey Calliope."

I looked up at her, i wasn't ready for this. I know i had 10 years and a week to prepare myself but i didn't want to do it. She moved to the swing next to me and turned so that she was looking right at me.

"Hey Ari i never thought that you would come back to our spot."

"I was just up here last week. This has always been the perfect place to just think. Is that what you are doing here?"

Even after all these years she still knew me so well. I take a second to just look at her. She was dressed in a simple black tee, blue jeans and black boots, but my god was she beautiful. She looked so much better with age. She was more tone now but her eyes gave her away. I could always tell if she was really happy or just saying what people wanted to hear. Her smile didn't reach her eyes. I moved so that we were both looking at each other.

"You know me somethings never change. This is still my thinking spot my escape from the world. I know that we need to talk, honestly I don't even know where to start. I do have to ask why you're back?"

I watch her carefully, I have always been able to read her body language and even now I can tell she is struggling to answer this simple question.

"My mom passed about a month ago. I came home to take care of everything. I tried to sell her house but I couldn't let go of my childhood home. So that is where i have been living and now with the knowledge of my son i will not be going back to Seattle."

Oh my god i forgot about that. I had heard that her mom passed and i even went to the funeral. I showed up super late so that i could slip in and out. I hadn't seen her mom in years but I loved Arizona's mom, she was like my second mom. I had seen Arizona at the funeral she looked so crushed by what had happened but i didn't want to make that day about us so i didn't even talk to her and i was sure she didn't see me. After the funeral i was waiting for her to show up on my door step or at my mom's house but she never did. To me that was sign that she was really done and me not telling her about Luke was ok. It wasn't because here she in now.

"I am so sorry about that Zona. Her funeral was beautiful she would have been so proud of you."

"Thank you. Wait you were there?"

"Of course i was there. I loved your mom like she was my own. I know that we were not really friends but it was something that i had to do."

She just nodded her head. Ok this it is i have to do this now or i never will.

"So do you want to have this conversation now or do you want to wait a little longer?"

"waiting has never worked for us. I just want to say my part then you can respond. I don't want to fight with you I don't want to argue. Let me say my peace them we can move on."

I think i can do that. I know she is going to ask me a lot of questions and i can do this.

"Go head arizona ask me whatever you like and i will answer the best of my ability"

"Ok let's start with why didn't you tell me?"

I dropped my head and wanted to cry so bad. I had thought about this everyday for the last ten years and no answer was going to be good enough. With tears starting to well in my eyes i lifted my head and looked into her blue eyes. I took a deep breath and said "I don't have a good enough answer for you. I have thought this through over and over and i have nothing. All that i have is that i could not do it. I knew that you didn't want kids and i knew that you didn't want me so i didn't drag you back here. I am sorry it was a mistake that i will regret for the rest of my life. I-I am sorry"

I was full blown crying now. I couldn't stop the tears and i didn't want to. She need to know that yes i hurt her but i am hurt too. She is so close to me and i was crying i wanted her to hold me. I know that was not something that she would be willing to give me but i wanted it. Next thing i know Arizona is at my side telling me we should seat at the table. Once we were seated across from each other she grabbed my hands. I tried to pull away, i may have wanted her embrace but i didn't deserve it. But she held my hands strong and still. I looked up at her since telling her that i couldn't tell her. She looked at me with love and understanding.

"I understand what you are saying. I always said that i didn't want kids. But it was you. I would have been there for you and our baby. I would have tried really hard to be enough for you and our child. I only have one more question and we can be done for today."

"Only one more question? I feel like you should have a lot more questions, but go for it?"

She laughs and my heart stops for a moment. That sounds was the most amazing sounds in all the world and i haven't heard it in ten years. As she smiles i see her dimples are on point. God did i miss those dimples. I miss everything about her.

"I do have a lot more questions for you but the only one i want to know is, when can i meet my son and does he know about me?"

Of course Luke knew about her. Yes i did say that she wasn't part of our life but that she did love him. I told him all the time that how his smile looked like hers or how his eyes were the same color of hers and how she was just as much of a morning person as he was. He knew all that he needed to know about her expect where she was.

"Yes Arizona he knows all about you. He has letters for you and he knows that you love him. You are welcome to meet him if you like. But there will be some rules."

"Rules?"

"Yes 1. I need to know to where you take him and when he'll be back. 2. I don't want him around the wrong people i.e booty calls or any other person that is just passing through. Are you ok with those rules?"

A silence fell between us. I was scared that she was going to fight me on this. I didn't want to go to court over this i just wanted it to be handled between us.

" I don't have any issues with your rule. Give me your phone and i'll put my number in. Also just so you know i am not seeing anyone and i don't see myself dating anytime soon, getting to know my son and being a good mother are my only goals right now. Ill text you tomorrow and see whats a good time to pick him up. Goodbye Calliope." She stood up and gave my shoulder a squeeze and walked away. I missed the warmth of her hand as soon as she pulled away. I watched her walked to her car. I hope this all works out and that i will stop loving her that would make all this easier.