Author's Note: I own none of the concepts or characters from the Harry Potter universe.
The piercing sound of the train whistle signified the end of the journey for everyone aboard the Hogwarts Express. As soon as the doors of the train opened, legions of young witches and wizards began pouring out to reunite with their families that had all gathered on the bustling Platform 9 ¾. After a few moments, the trio of Lily, Alice, and Mary managed to get off the train, and were chatting amongst themselves quite happily, as they had for the past hour.
"Now, you both promise you'll come to visit?" Alice asked her younger friends with a smile. "I'd like it very much if I saw you down at Diagon Alley before my training at the Auror office starts."
"For the last time, Alice, of course we will!" Lily laughed. "And once we do, I expect to hear some good news about you and Frank."
"Lily!" Mary elbowed the redheaded witch with a smile, shaking her head. "For the last time, don't try to rush them!"
"Don't rush who?" came the voice of Frank Longbottom, who wrapped his arms lovingly around Alice from behind. The Head Boy and Girl smiled at their fellow Gryffindors, as Alice rubbed along Frank's arm with her left hand. "Don't mean to cut in, ladies, but would it be okay if I took Alice over to my parents? They've been dying to meet her."
"Not at all!" Lily said with a triumphant grin. "You go impress your future in-laws, Alice!" she teased before her eyes widened a bit in realization.
"Oh Merlin! Dammit, Sev...now I can't even joke with my friends without spoiling their lives completely by accident…Not like it's any real surprise that those two end up together, but...I'd better not slip up anymore."
Once they said their goodbyes to Alice, Lily and Mary had turned their gaze towards the exit of the platform to try to locate their parents. As they waded through the crowd, however, they came face to face with the Marauders, who were in the midst of of their own farewell.
Lily gazed at James in shock, her mouth agape as she looked at the young man, who flashed her a quick smile. "He...he doesn't even know. About the war...about...us...about our son, any of it...How COULD he know?! I shouldn't know! How is any of...this...going to happen naturally if I'm spending this whole time second guessing how I could ever truly fall for him?!"
The witch's green eyes finally registered that James' mouth was moving, though everything he had said up to that point was completely unknown to her. "S-sorry...what?"
James blinked and his hazel eyes lost a bit of their confidence as he seemed legitimately hurt that Lily hadn't been listening to him. "Evans, are you alright..? I just asked if it'd be okay to write you, this summer. Keep in touch and all that."
"Me too, Mary-love." Sirius asked the blonde muggleborn girl with a heavy sigh. "This is going to be my first Summer staying with the Potters...I'm sure it'll be a blast, but...I dunno. I'd certainly love to at least become friends again, have something familiar in my life amongst all these changes."
Mary shook her head in annoyance. "I bet you would, calling me that stupid pet-name again, Sirius. Give it up."
James, on the other hand, seemed more insistent and sincere in his request than Sirius was, coming a little closer to Lily and whispering to her just loudly enough for her to hear him despite the noise of the crowd. "I know you're still a bit shaken about that night at the Astronomy Tower. Whatever happened between you and Snape that night, it's obviously done nothing about the nightmares and cold-sweats you wake up to. I overheard you talking to Alice about it last night at the feast...
"Listen, Lily, I know I've been a bit of an ass these last couple of weeks, but I really have tried to tone it down a bit after that night. And if you need someone to write to about any of it, just to vent, I'd be happy to help…"
Lily was taken aback by the uncharacteristically gentle approach James had given, and for a moment, considered his offer. After a few seconds, she could see the pleading expression on his face before sighing. "Thank you for the gesture, James...but honestly, I think I'd rather deal with this myself this summer. I don't...know you well enough that I really feel comfortable with that kind of a conversation, and you don't know me well enough either. If you really mean it, then maybe, once summer is over, we can get a little bit more acquainted...assuming you're willing to stop antagonizing my best friend."
The eyes of the young Gryffindor boy turned downwards with a hint of sadness, but he nodded in understanding nonetheless.
"Lily? Mind telling me what was with the long silence and giving James that intense stare?" Mary asked as they made their way through the sea of students. "It looked like you'd seen a ghost, and not the Hogwarts kind…"
"I was NOT staring at James!" Lily huffed with annoyance. "I just...was thinking about something."
"Looking at James Potter like that? Lil', listen to me. You have been all over the place these last couple of weeks, and to some degree, I can understand that, between what happened with Rosier and the Astronomy Tower. But you need to figure out what it is that you want. You can't keep going in one direction and then shift to another. For MONTHS, every time you'd talk about James, you'd have a little hint of a blush that Alice and I would tease you for. And then, suddenly, it's like Severus changes your views. I started seeing something that was a bit deeper and more meaningful than just physical attraction. Like something that was lost a long time ago was found…"
"Sev is my FRIEND, Mary!" Lily snapped with a sharp glare.
"But it's obvious he's completely in love with you, wouldn't you agree?" Mary prodded back, equally annoyed.
"Yes, but it doesn't matter!" Lily yelled, frustrated that Mary didn't understand the complexity of the situation. "He's...so damaged and stunted emotionally that even if I did see him that way, I'm the last thing on Earth that would be able to help him. Severus doesn't need me...if anything, what he truly needs is less of me. That's the only way he's going to be able to stand on his own. Do things for his own reasons, for his own enjoyment, not because 'It's what Lily would want'."
Lily's eyes had started to water as she recalled the memories and visions of her beloved friend's tortured life. "So much of this...is my fault. Being so conditional with our friendship, putting rules in front of him as if I were embarrassed as to who my friend was. As if he owed me something...when he is what brought me into this magical world in the first place. I was the one who owed him. He gave me an identity, and I took away his."
The redheaded witch had let go of the two trunks she was holding, her hands nervously touching the green vial in the center of the necklace she had worn. Her thumb gently passed over the fading initials, LE + SS. "I'm done being some...goddess to him. Some figure that's his only beacon of light in a sea of darkness...That's not who I am. I'm just Lily."
Mary remained silent through her friend's venting, her accusatory gaze softening when she could see that Lily was tearing herself up over whatever it was that Severus had told her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come across like I was trying to steer your heart one way or another. Let's not talk about boys or anything romance-related when we write this summer, alright?"
Lily dried her tears and nodded, pulling Mary into a hug. "Alright. Now...let's go find our parents."
Several hours had passed since Severus had evicted Tobias from the house at Spinner's End. In that short time, he had somehow managed the feat of hours of small talk with his mother. The normally private man-turned-boy seemed to be a well that had opened up, talking with Eileen while effortlessly doing his part to perform all manner of cleaning and scouring charms to rid their home of years of disrepair. It was therapeutic to Severus, speaking without the mask of Occlumency had been difficult at first, but he was able to fight back against it by casting spells as a way to outwardly vent the torrent of emotion bubbling beneath the surface.
"-so I haven't had to deal with them much since I healed their friend from Rosier's attack. With any luck, that'll be the last I have to see of James Potter in any substantial capacity."
"Severus, I'm only going to ask this once." Eileen interrupted as she watched her son directing a line of suds along the brown carpet. "I was never this good, even after I graduated. The spells you're casting, they all would have taken me some concentration even in my prime...and that's not even getting into the fact that you know how to apparate at 16. I've...never had the opportunity to really teach you any of this. Where did you learn it all from?"
The boy immediately answered. "I can't really explain it in a way that would make sense, even to myself...It just comes easy to me."
"And learning to apparate? Is that something you just randomly learned how to do without splinching yourself?" Eileen asked with a skeptical eyebrow raised.
"Lucius ran me through a great deal of practice when I last stayed at Malfoy Manor. I believe he said it was a gift for my 'consideration to join the cause'." he hastily said, trying to lie in order to evade the subject of his advanced skill.
"And you promise me that you aren't, anymore? Joining the movement, that is." Eileen whispered with obvious concern in her voice.
"Not ever, Mum. I promise." Severus admitted, full of sincerity. "That path...was going to make me lose everything. My career path would have been in shambles, nobody would hire a confirmed Death Eater."
"That wouldn't be the case if it was the winning side." Eileen suggested.
"But it's not the winning side. It will falter and collapse; of that I am certain. And even if it didn't, and if I were safely a part of the new order...I would lose everyone important to me. Lily, a few of my new...friends. And you, too, Mum. I know you never supported that garbage, and it would have broken your heart to see me part of it."
Eileen pulled her son into a hug at the integrity of his answer. "I'm so proud of you...my little Prince."
The tender moment between mother and son was interrupted by a knock at the door, causing both Eileen and Severus to turn to one another in surprise. The boy made his way towards the door before being pulled back by Eileen. "I'll answer it, Severus. If it's the Ministry, I should explain what happened so you don't get expelled. Magic hasn't been cast in this house in over a decade, so I'm sure it raised some flags."
"But what if it's Tobias?!" Severus asked, before being hushed by the witch.
"Trust me, Severus. He won't be coming back." The witch said with a confident smile. "You took away all the power that Tobias has ever had."
After a moment's hesitation, Severus nodded, turning back to the living room and continuing his cleaning where he left off as Eileen answered the door.
"Oh my!" Eileen's expression was overcome with joy once she opened the door to see who it was. "Lily! What a wonderful surprise!" She reached forward to hug the muggleborn witch, who had walked up to the door with her parents waiting in the car behind her.
"Hi, Mrs. Snape!" Lily smiled as she returned the hug, albeit a bit perplexed at how lively Eileen seemed to be. The last time she had seen her, the woman seemed incredibly subdued, and now that she knew what had gone on inside the house, she understood all the better. "Um, have you seen Severus? He disappeared while we were on the train, and left his trunk in an empty compartment. I wanted to make sure that he got it back."
"Of course you did, dear. To answer your question, yes, he's here. Would you like to come in for a few minutes?"
"Oh…" Lily's gaze faltered, looking past Eileen and saw her friend, who had gone deathly still from whatever it was he was doing. It hurt her to see his back turned away from her. "I'm not sure that would be for the best right now. I just wanted to return his things."
"Don't be silly." Eileen reassured her. "Is your Mum in the car? I haven't talked to Dahlie in so long...does she still tend to that lovely rose garden at your house?"
Lily nodded, confused at the direction the conversation was going.
"I've given it some thought, and I'll be honest; this tired home needs a few things to make it a bit more welcoming for guests. Spinner's End is plenty unpleasant as it is. Come inside for a few moments, dear. I'd like to talk to your Mum for a bit and catch up. You all aren't in a rush, are you?"
"I-I guess I could come in for a moment…" Lily sighed in defeat, taking a step inside, looking back for a moment as Eileen exited the house to chat with her parents, before closing the door behind her.
Lily had never stepped into the Snape household before, mostly on account of the fact that Severus never wanted her to see the conditions he had to live with. But as she looked around, she couldn't shake the feeling that something very good happened earlier to cause Eileen's sudden spike in enthusiasm. Probably the same reason why it looked like Severus was doing some massive clean-up work.
As Lily took another step forward, Severus spoke softly, his back still turned to her. "You can just leave the trunk by the stairs...thank you for bringing it here." His posture was slackened, and even though Lily couldn't see his face, she could already envision the shame that was etched upon it.
Obliging his request, the Gryffindor girl wheeled the large trunk to the base of the staircase before continuing to approach Severus, reaching out with a hand to rest it upon his shoulder. "Sev...look at me, please?"
All that he could respond with was a quick shake of his head, trying his best to maintain his composure, but just like it had on the train, the dam broke. Severus started to feel that crushing feeling of emotion again as his choking voice began to speak barely above a whisper. "You were right...there were hundreds of reasons why I should have wanted to come back, but almost none of it was on my mind when I was given the choice. Not Hogwarts, not Dumbledore, not to stop Voldemort, not to save the thousands of people that he and the Death Eaters hurt, and not even to save my mother…"
"I know." Lily whimpered, the emotional weight of Severus' words causing her to tear up again as she rubbed along his shoulder. "But none of that makes you a bad person, Sev. It doesn't matter what your reasons are for doing the right thing and learning from your mistakes. And...judging from how wonderfully upbeat your Mum is acting...I don't think the importance of all of that stuff has remained lost on you. You stood up to your father, didn't you?"
Severus nodded, still unwilling to face Lily and let her see the weakness written in his face, until he felt a gentle tug as his face was pulled towards her, and he could see an equal amount of emotion swimming in her gaze. "That's good...it was something both you and your Mum needed, and it wasn't even something that I asked of you…"
"Lily?" Severus asked, confused by what she meant.
"Listen, Sev...I'm so sorry...for everything I had ever pressured you to do, for giving you the impression that you would lose me for not conforming to my standards...you're worth so much more than that, and that's obvious from everything you told and showed me...The amount of pain that you endured in your life...after the other me died...it's more than anyone should ever have to bear. And you did it...for nearly twenty years…"
Severus looked as though he was about to respond to Lily's words, but she gently put a fingertip to his lips. "Please, Sev. Let me finish. When I say 'the other me', I mean just that. That Lily...she's not who I am. You didn't call me...you know...that day at the lake. You saved me from a fall that I still have nightmares about, something I know she didn't experience. All the things that happened to her...that you continue to guilt yourself over, they haven't happened to me, nor will they.
"I don't want to be some...holy symbol that you live your life by. If you do something...I would hope that it's because you want to do it, that you believe it's truly the right thing to do, not because it's something that I would want. Nobody should have to live their life shackled by the virtues of someone else...they should find their own virtues for themselves, their own rules to set the paths of their lives.
"Whatever you choose to do with the rest of your life, Sev...just remember that it's YOUR LIFE. And you need to recognize how precious that is...please don't treat it like it's some expendable existence of misery that you can't wait for a release from. Because even if you don't believe it...plenty of people would miss you if you were to vanish from this life as well. They would hurt...just as much as you did when the other Lily vanished from yours."
Severus was left speechless at Lily's words, looking into her green eyes and seeing the conviction that she spoke with. And in the eternity of silence that seemed to follow, Lily's hand gently slid down his shoulder and to his back, pulling him tightly into a hug. He felt the wetness of the tears on her face as she began sobbing. For the first time in his life, Severus' mind was an empty canvas that wasn't plagued by a maelstrom of thoughts haunting him from his other life. His entire being was in the moment, returning her embrace with equal fervor.
"Thank you...so much, Lily…"
Author's Note: Quick mention, I WILL be doing a formal introduction to Jasper and Dahlie Evans in a future chapter. The only reason it didn't happen in this chapter is because I like each of my chapters to be focused on one key point, and not to jumble things together all at once. In this chapter's case, I wanted to focus it mainly on Lily's perspective, and how her thoughts and reaction to everything she learned from Severus took shape over the course of her journey back to Cokeworth.
Thanks very much for reading, I hope you enjoyed, and please, let me know what you thought of the chapter! Reviews DO help shape the details of this story, and the more detailed they are, the better! I hope to have the next one out for you guys soon!