Thursday August 4th 1980
The next morning Red came down the stairs to find the following… Kitty was passed out face down on their living room couch with one foot on the floor and waste basket next to her and many beaded necklaces hanging around her neck. Leo was passed out in his green chair but he was hanging off the side of it. Red rounded the corner to the den to find Eric and Donna wrapped up on his chair. Many beads hung around Donna's neck and a few around Eric's. They looked to be interlocked with the beaded necklaces and that was why they were so wrapped up together. Red continued into the dining room. Brooke was passed out with beads around her neck and the blender in front of her still filled with some liquid that looked like margaritas. She was thankfully passed out in a chair while Kelso was lying flat on his back on the dining room table. Red was afraid to round the corner into the kitchen because that is where he usually found the worse of them all, at least in the past that's where the real hooligans ended up. And he was right again. Randy was dressed in a dress with makeup strewn across his face. Candy, Randy's girlfriend, was laying across the breakfast table dressed in what appeared to be Randy's clothes, a mustache drawn across her upper lip and what looked like to be a penis drawn on her forehead. Red turned around and began to walk down the basement steps. He reached the bottom of the stairs to find Jackie face down on the matted couch. Her hair looked like a giant rats' nest, a tiara with a veil attached to it was perched lopsided on her head. Her white mini dress looked disheveled. Her garter was around her ankle that were hanging off the edge of the couch. Hyde was half perched up against the matted couch with beads wrapped around his neck, his legs, his arms, his head and a sash that said Bride to Be wrapped around his neck. His shoes looked like they had been thrown across the room and he had one sock on and his pants were unzipped and sort of hung off his butt. Red just shook his head and headed back upstairs. Red did a mental count in his head. It seemed that there was one foreigner missing. Red shrugged not caring. He opened the front door to get the newspaper when he spotted Buddy passed out in the bushes. There were what looked to be skittles lined up. He followed the skittle trail to his front yard tree. He looked up to find Fez sleeping in the tree.
"That's it." He mumbled to himself. He grabbed his newspaper and turned to go inside.
He closed the door quietly and went upstairs. He found a blow horn and megaphone. He walked back down the stairs.
Red blew the horn and then announced into the megaphone, "Dumbasses it is time to get up. I repeat dumbasses it is time to get up. Dumbasses it is time to get up…."
Red kept walking around the house blowing the horn and repeating his words.
Kitty and Leo awoke first. "What in tarnation!" Kitty yelled out.
"I think we are in somebody else house man!" Leo replied talking to Kitty. "The person screaming is usually the one who owns the house."
"Leo this is my house." Kitty replied with her brow furrowed and holding her aching head.
Donna and Eric woke up next. They jumped up in fear and got pulled back down by the necks. The bumped heads.
"Ouch!" Eric said holding his head.
"Oww!" Donna replied falling on top of Eric. "What the hell Eric?!"
"What? This wasn't my fault!"
"How did we get like this?" Donna asked trying to figure out how they were connected.
"I dunno but we are going to need help getting out of it." Eric replied.
The two of them maneuvered themselves to stand up. Each of them had an arm wrapped around the others waist so they could walk in sync together.
Red came back through the den. "All dumbasses report to the kitchen!" Red headed outside.
Buddy awoke to Red's blow horn. "What?! Where am I?! Ouch! Oww! Ayi!" Buddy was scrambling to his feet. Turns out he had dirt all over him as well as sticker patches. Buddy continued to jump around and headed back into the house, following Red's orders.
"Tarzan! Wake up!" Red yelled up at Fez.
Fez woke up and looked totally confused on where he was at. Then he looked down. "AYI! Someone help!"
"You got yourself up there Tarzan you should be able to just swing on down." Red yelled up to him with a giant grin on his face.
"But I am scared!" Fez yelled down.
"You weren't scared last night when you decided to climb this thing."
"Yes but that was because I was going up!" Fez yelled back. "Probably why I slept up here."
"Alright well, suit yourself." Red said walking away.
"Wait! Okay I am coming." Fez said. He had a worried look on his face. He turned to face the tree and grabbed whole. He started to slide down and then bam he was on the ground.
"Ugh!" Fez let out.
"You alright hauncho?" Red asked.
In a very high pitched raspy voice. "Yep, just one second." Fez laid there trying to catch his breath. He slowly got up and walked into the house followed by Red.
Everyone was gathered into the kitchen. Red walked in last with the biggest smile on his face. "Someone want to explain to me what happened last night? Cause you all look pretty terrible."
Donna started to say something but then stopped. The rest of the group seemed to have followed suit.
"You mean to tell me that all of you dumbasses don't remember what happened?" Red said. "Kitty you're the adult you don't remember?"
"No I don't!" Kitty said with a hateful stare at her husband.
"Hey! We are all adults here… we just can't remember what happened." Kelso first yelled out and then slowly mumbled out.
Red giving Kelso a hard stare. "Okay dumbasses check your pockets and purses. Let's try to piece together your night."
Everyone started pulling things out of their pockets, wallets and purses.
Hyde looked at the back of Jackie's hair and pulled out a card. "Hey!" Jackie yelled out.
"You had this stuck in your hair babe." Hyde replied showing Jackie the card.
"Give me that!" Jackie said grabbing the card out of his hand.
"What's it say?" Donna asked.
"Dare: Get a tattoo." Jackie read and her eyes got really big.
Flashback to Hyde's Bachelor party the night before…
The boys were all toasted and getting prepared for the night ahead.
"So Foreman what's the plan?" Hyde asked.
Eric pulled out cards from his back pocket.
"Dare cards." Eric said holding up a stack of cards.
Everyone except Randy and Fez looked confused.
"It's a competition between us and the girls. The team that completes the most dares wins." Eric said.
"Oh man we are so going to win this! I'll do anything!" Kelso yelled out in excitement. "Wait! How do we know that the girls are actually going to do the dares?"
Eric held up a polaroid camera. "With photographic evidence."
"If we win, what do we get?" Hyde asked.
"That's for me to know." Eric said glaring at Hyde.
"Okay so what's first?" Kelso asked.
Eric spread out the cards face down towards Hyde. "So whoever pulls the card has got to do the dare or pass or if it requires more than just one person they can pick someone to do it with. Let's have the Bachelor have the first honors."
Hyde pulled a card.
"What's it say fool!" Fez yelled out with excitement.
"Dare: Go to a bar and ask the bartender for a body shot. Get it for free." Hyde read out loud. "Oh I got this. We need to go to 'Pete's'. That's where all the slutty girls are."
"Alright! Let's go!" Kelso yelled out and jumped in the driver's seat.
"Uhhh Foreman we are going to be drinking I'm not sure Kelso driving is the best idea." Hyde said to Eric.
Leo overhearing. "I'm not drinking man! Beer is the devil. I like to keep my mind pure and only infiltrate it with herbs." He said with a smile.
"Kelso! Move!" Eric yelled at Michael.
"Aww man fine!" Kelso said getting up from the drivers' seat.
Leo sat in the seat and the boys took off.
Meanwhile at Jackie's Bachelorette party…
"Jackie what's the card say?" Donna asked.
"Dare: Get a guy to take his shirt off and flex his muscles in front of a crowd." Jackie read out loud and looked at the girls. "I need a shot!"
Donna handed her a shot and Jackie threw it back.
"Alright let's go!" Kitty yelled out to the driver.
Flashes back to the kitchen…
"Well that explains why all of you were drunken idiots last night." Red said looking around the room. "Kitty you went along with this?"
"Yes Red I did! One of my sons is getting married and the girls invited me along. I wasn't going to be a stick in the mud!" Kitty explained. "Unlike someone I know." She mumbled under her breath towards the kids.
The kids smiled at her.
"So can someone explain the beads?" Red asked.
Flashes back to Jackie's Bachelorette party…
One of the dares required Jackie to go to a store and have one of the girls pick out a white dress and veil for her. She asked Candy to pick it out thinking that Candy would pick something sophisticated. She was wrong! Candy had picked out the shortest, tightest mini cocktail dress and paired it with a tiara veil that lit up. She also grabbed a garter for her to wear that showed because the dress was so short. She also got a sash to wear around her little body.
"I look so tacky! Candy how could you pick this out for me to wear?" Jackie asked her annoyed.
"Ummm Jackie you actually look really hot." Donna replied to her friend.
"There is no way I look hot in this! If anything, I look trashy." Jackie said trying to pull her dress down.
"Here put these on." Brooke said handing over a short pair of white bloomers. "This may make you feel more comfortable. You know in case you bend over no one will see 'London or France'.
Kitty was already pretty drunk by the time they arrived at the store. "Jackie I think you look fabulous. I mean you could always wear it again on your honeymoon. I think Hyde would ravish you if he saw you in it."
The girls just all stared at her. "What? Cause I'm older I can't know what's sexy?" Kitty said turning away from the girls.
"She's right. I'm pretty sure Hyde would want to tear this off you if he saw you in it." Donna replied.
"Really?" Jackie asked looking herself over in the mirror and smiling. "Okay what's next.
The girls had arrived at the strip joint. That strip joint had a contest to see who could get the most beaded necklaces. You only got necklaces by dancing with the strippers on stage. The winner got a free lap dance. Kitty had opted out especially because of what happened last time and plopped herself down at the bar to talk to Casey, her back turned to the stage. It was Brooke's card so she had to go first. The card didn't specify that more than one person couldn't do the challenge. So, they all decided to try out the challenge. After Brooke, Candy went, then Donna and after many, many shots Jackie finally got up there.
Just as Jackie was on stage the boys walked in. They first headed to the bar. Then they turned around to see Jackie dancing on the stage. Hyde didn't even recognize his girl on stage.
"Hey! I think that's Jackie!" Randy said to Hyde.
"There is no way that is Jackie! She would never wear something like that." Hyde said.
Just then Jackie's hair that was covering her face was whipped back to reveal her face.
"Whoa! That is Jackie!" Hyde said his eyes getting big. He needed to take off his sunglasses to be sure.
Jackie had a ton of beads wrapped around her neck. The guys looked around to find that they also had a good number of beads wrapped around their necks. Just then they looked back to find Jackie on stage in a split. The crowd went wild and the strippers put more necklaces around her neck.
"I think we have a winner!" The announcer proclaimed lifting Jackie's hand into the air.
"Whoa! Jackie looks so hot!" Kelso said.
Hyde punched him the shoulder. "I know man and you better keep your hands off!"
"Ouch!" Kelso yelled grabbing his shoulder. "I won't man! I have Brooke!" Then he stormed off.
Just then everyone saw Fez on the stage. "Wait! I have not gone yet!"
The announcer looked a bit confused. "Okay well let's see what you've got man!" The announcer said into the microphone.
Jackie jumped down from the stage and turned to watch Fez dance with the strippers.
Hyde came up behind her, leaned over and whispered into her ear. "You know you look super foxy in that dress."
"Is that right?" Jackie said not looking back at Hyde and just continuing to watch Fez.
"Oh yea. I can't wait to get you back so I can have my way with you." Hyde said into Jackie's ear.
Jackie just smiled and looked a bit embarrassed.
Hyde walked away.
Flashes back into the kitchen…
"Okay so that explains the beads. But how did you two end up with different clothes on?" Red asked pointing back and forth between Randy and Candy.
"Well after the strip joint my dare card said to switch clothes with a male and go the rest of the night with those clothes on and I didn't feel comfortable asking any other guy to switch clothes with." Candy explained.
"And I actually just ended up pulling the same dare card. Except you know to switch with a lady." Randy replied.
"You two might as well be the same person." Buddy said.
"And how did you end up on this trip?" Red asked.
"Fez called me while they were at the strip club and asked me to come up. So, I did and I left my car there to jump on the bus." Buddy replied with a shrug.
"So how come you had a pitcher of margaritas in front of you?" Red asked Brooke.
Brooked blushed. "One of my cards was to chug a pitcher of margaritas."
"Which you totally didn't win!" Kelso said.
"I would have if you hadn't interfered!" Brooke replied to Kelso. "Isn't that disqualification?" She asked looking at Eric.
"Technically no. You have to complete them but it doesn't say that the other team can't interfere." Eric said with a shrug.
"Okay so come you two ended up all tangled up?" red asked Donna.
"When we got back here we thought it would be funny to try and fit us both into the necklaces." Donna said. "Clearly not a good idea."
"Clearly." Red replied dryly. "So come you ended up in a tree and you on the front lawn?" Red asked Buddy and Fez.
"Well one of the dares was to climb a try. Everyone passed…" Fez said looking at the boys. " And they thought me being a foreigner that I would be the best at climbing trees."
"Well you are, aren't you?" Red said with a smirk. "Just not so good at getting down."
"Which is how I ended up outside. I was trying to get him down with skittles." Buddy said.
"Well that explains the trail of skittles." Red said.
It was quiet for a minute. "So I think that about explains it all." Red said chuckling to himself and walked through the kitchen door to the living room, Kitty on his coattails.
"Yea everything except the tattoo dare!" Jackie said looking around at everyone.
"Jackie you don't remember?" Donna asked.
"No Donna I don't otherwise I wouldn't be asking." Jackie said with an annoyed face.
Donna looked at everyone else while she was moving towards the back door. "Well I'm not going to be the one to tell her!" Donna darted out the door.
"Yea you know I need to get going! Got to get cleaned up for the dinner tonight. "Eric said following Donna out the door.
Candy and Randy stood up. "Yea and they are our ride." The two of them rushed out the door.
Jackie turned towards Buddy and Fez to ask them but they had already left through the door leading into the living room.
"Leo?" Jackie asked.
"Look Loud Girl I can't even remember what I ate for lunch yesterday. You aren't going to be getting any answers from me." Leo said and slumped out the back door.
"Puddin pop, what happened? Who got the tattoo?" Jackie asked flickering her eyelashes.
"Ummm well..." Hyde began giving her a sweet smile. "I don't want to be the one to tell you this but we both got tattoos last night."
Jackie's eyes got really big. "WE as in you and me." She said pointing back and forth between herself and Hyde.
"Yea." Hyde said through his sunglasses.
"Ummm okay." Jackie said in a trembling voice. "What did we get and where?"
Hyde pulled off Jackie's engagement ring and turned her hand over. It read the initials S.H. Then he turned his left hand over to reveal the initials J.B. on his ring finger.
Jackie took a deep breath and let out a huge sigh and smiled.
"You aren't mad?" He asked.
"No. Honestly I thought it was going to be a lot worse." She said looking up at him.
Hyde slid her ring back on her finger. "In a way it's kind of romantic." Jackie replied. "I'm just glad I was three sheets to the wind when I got it."
"Come on doll let's go home. Get a shower and some rest for tonight's rehearsal dinner." Hyde said wrapping his arm around her neck and walking her out the back door.
"So who won the dare challenge last night?" Jackie asked.
"You know I don't know. But I think in a way we all won." Hyde said with a sarcastic smirk.
Jackie stopped in the driveway and gasped. "Wait! Who has all the pictures?"
Hyde pulled the polaroid's out of his back pocket. "I do. Don't worry doll I wasn't going to let anyone else see them."
"That and you wanted something we can hold over our friends for all eternity." Jackie replied grabbing the pictures from his hand and started going through them.
"Yea okay maybe." Hyde said with a smirk. "You know me so well."
They kept walking to the El Camino and looking over the pictures. Their faces continued to twist around as they looked at the pictures.