Disclaimer: As usual, I own no characters, spells, scenarios, or locations from the Harry Potter universe.
For what seemed like an eternity, Severus merely sat on the bed, awestruck by what had just happened. His heart was beating with all the explosiveness of a drum orchestra, eyes locked on the door Lily exited from.
Physical intimacy was something that he had never cared about in his previous life, with his mother a broken woman who shortly committed suicide after this point, and his relationship with Lily damaged beyond repair. It was merely an annoyance that he would discourage as a teacher, frequently prowling the halls during free period, taking points from students that kissed, and handing detentions to the more promiscuous couples. This was even more of a chore during the Yule Ball of the Triwizard Tournament, as students from every school had found all signs of hiding places for their hormones to run wild. Hogwarts was a school filled with teenagers, and it was every bit as hard to keep under control as it sounded.
Severus simply had no place in his life for another anymore, not with the stress of spying weighing on his mind, watching absolutely everything he said so as to not arouse suspicion. Every time Lucius Malfoy would try to set his friend up with a proper, pureblood witch from a renowned wizarding family, it would last one date before it came off the rails. Oftentimes, it was because the lady would cringe upon finding out his half-blood status, disregarding the fact that the Princes were one of the more ancient families in the world.
Despite combing through those memories, he couldn't remember any of their names due to how much they repulsed him. There was one, however, who he danced with during a fundraising gala held by Lucius. And though he couldn't recall the name of the woman, he remembered the date of the fundraiser, January 29, 1982. He could still hear the absolute disgust in her eyes when she ranted about how Hogwarts was continuing to let Muggleborn students attend Hogwarts, and she seemed very interested in his position as Head of Slytherin House.
"I should think that you could get in Dumbledore's ear and help him see the error in letting Mudbloods continue to attend OUR school."
It was the first, and only time that Severus snapped during his time spying, making a scene as he abruptly walked off the dance floor and left the witch alone. It hadn't helped that it was a few hours before what would have been Lily's first birthday after her death. After that day, he steeled himself, and never let his emotions betray him and the mission again. He tolerated that loathsome word when amongst his enemies, but nowhere else.
He never spent time with women again after that point, outright refusing every offer Lucius gave him. The closest he had ever come to a female was his friendly rivalry with Minerva McGonagall, who seemed to share a common solitude with Severus. The much older witch was able to at least bring out a sense of fun in him, as the two made it a competition at the start of each school year to see who could find more students in violation of the rules, notwithstanding the obligatory grudge match between Gryffindor and Slytherin in Quidditch.
So why had Lily awoken something in him with that kiss? How did he abandon everything that he had gained in that one moment and returned it with equal, if not more passion? Why did she even kiss him in the first place?
Once more, her words bounced across the walls of his mind like a bludger.
"I'm only going to do this once...After that, it's up to you..."
"What in Merlin's name was that supposed to mean? Why did she do it to begin with?!" he hissed internally, furious that he couldn't unravel the mystery of Lily's motivations. For all of his attempts at secrecy with her, he seemed to fail on every turn, even down to his impassioned rant that she was all he had ever wanted. However, Lily herself had become an almost unsolvable riddle; he didn't know what she was playing at, and it seemed like she was on a mission to tease him eternally.
With a heavy sigh, Severus got to his feet, finally having feeling return to the rest of his body following the paralysis the kiss had given him. He made his way downstairs to join the Evans family for breakfast, determined to at least ready himself before he had to see her again.
Lily stepped lightly down the staircase and into the family room, clad in a turquoise blouse and jean shorts cut above the knees. She took a short breath before walking into the kitchen, immediately seeing her family and Severus seated at the table. All of them were looking at her, her parents with a slightly concerned smile, Petunia with a glare, and Severus with that ever-present look of wonder he had been giving her on a consistent basis.
"What?" she asked, confused by their silence.
"Honestly, there had better be hot water left!" Petunia snapped with a jeering tone. "Forty minutes is a bit greedy, don't you think?"
"Forty...what?!" Lily asked, stunned at her sister's remark. "You're joking."
"Afraid not, Lily." Jasper chuckled, adjusting his glasses before taking a sip of his coffee. "Don't blame your mother if your food is cold.
"That's alright." Lily laughed nervously. "Sorry, Tuney. There should still be plenty of hot water; I took a cold shower." She took a seat at the table next to Severus, who briefly looked at her before turning back down at his food.
Whenever she wasn't wearing her Hogwarts robes, Lily had always been a function over fashion type of girl, but that never seemed to matter. Whatever she wore always seemed to cause Severus' heart to leap and a lump to form in his throat.
Lily looked down at her plate, seeing her favorite. A sunny-side up egg with a short stack of hotcakes, covered in a blueberry spread. "Thanks so much for breakfast, Mum!" she chirped happily before taking a bite. "And don't worry. It's still delicious!"
Dahlie smiled in relief. "Thank you, Meine Blume. I always do my best for my family."
It was one of the things that Lily loved about her mother, though it was something she tried to dissuade. Dahlie was always trying her absolute hardest to make sure that family life at the Evans Household was perfect, often working herself into the ground to make them happy.
"Severus was just telling us his plans for the future." Jasper announced with a smile, putting his hand on the boy's shoulder.
"Oh..?" Lily asked with a curious smile. "Funny...you didn't mention any plans with me, Sev. Do tell."
Severus just sighed, looking down at his nearly-finished plate of breakfast, taking a bite of toast before wiping his mouth politely. "It's just a whim. During my Arithmancy O.W.L., one of the proctors mentioned that it might be a good idea to try my hand as a Spell Inventor."
"I thought you spent most of your time nancing over your cauldron and making potions." Petunia interrupted with a scathing tone. "No doubt, making things for junkies in your world to get their fix."
Lily was about to protest her sister's rudeness. Unexpectedly, though, her father did it first.
"Petunia, ENOUGH!" Jasper looked down at his daughter, eyes burning with an uncharacteristic sternness. "Either apologize to Severus or go upstairs."
The blonde teenager's mouth was open in a gasp, looking at her father tearfully. "I...fine. I need to shower anyway." she declared before running out of the kitchen.
"I need to have a serious talk with Petunia…" Jasper huffed in frustration before continuing. "Forgive the interruption, Severus. So Spell-Inventing? Is that even possible?"
"Quite possible!" Lily answered, looking at Severus proudly. "He's done it numerous times already. If Sev is one thing, it's inventive. I don't think I've seen anyone else at school go so far beyond the curriculum that they improve on spells and potions that way."
"What sorts of things do you have in mind then, Mein Schatz?" Dahlie inquired.
Severus was completely at a loss amidst the sea of curiosity the Evans family had shown. There was no end to it, and honestly, he hadn't given much thought to what he wanted to do. All he knew was his mission.
He needed to stop Voldemort. And he knew what it meant to cross the Death Eaters.
"There's a spell...that kills people." he muttered.
Instantly, the carefree mood around the kitchen ceased. Both Jasper and Dahlie looked at each other, and then at their daughter. Lily was just astounded that he had even brought up the Killing Curse in such a casual manner. She had never mentioned the Unforgivables to her parents, rather, she was content to keep them in the dark about the growing perils of the wizarding world.
Sensing the silence around him, Severus continued to let his disjointed thoughts guide his voice. "Nobody really knows how it works. It leaves no sign...no injury...it just purges the life from its target if it connects. One second they're alive, and the next, they're gone...forever." He turned to Lily, his gaze wavering as he looked into her eyes. He imagined the coldness in Voldemort's voice when he murdered Lily with that horrifying curse.
The redheaded girl seemed to understand what was flooding through Severus' mind and merely reached a comforting hand on top of his knee. Selfishly, she had been longing for his touch since going into the shower, but she knew now would be an appropriate time to show her support.
"People...can just cast this spell willy-nilly?" Jasper asked grimly.
"No." Severus shook his head, letting his own hand rest on top of Lily's, gripping it tightly. "The Killing Curse is one of the most powerful spells in our world for a reason. It takes not only power...but intent. You have to absolutely want to kill the person that you cast that spell on. I could say the words right now, to each of you, and nothing would happen. I care too much about you all to do something so unspeakable." he shivered, remembering his own times casting the curse, once on Dumbledore, and the other…
"The only means I've ever heard of someone managing to stop the curse when it was coming their way was to hide behind cover, or to send their own, offensive spell to collide with it. But it's a thin, green beam that travels so quickly...trying to deflect it with such precision is nearly impossible. Protection spells do nothing to stop it; it's completely unblockable, and...nobody can restore life back to the person that has been killed by it."
His voice was shuddering, on the brink of breaking down amidst the loving family surrounding him. The only thing that helped to keep his composure was Lily's own, soft hand, tightening its grip on his.
"What I want...is to find a way to counter it. Dark Wizards come and go in our world, and they always bring pain and misery to the people that inhabit it by taking away those that matter most to them. I want to create a spell...so that nobody else has to endure that pain…However I have to do it, I need to create something that can stop the unstoppable Killing Curse. That's the only way you can fight on level terms with a Dark Wizard..."
As Lily heard Severus alluding to Voldemort, the young Gryffindor could not help herself any longer. She looked to her right, staring into the black eyes of her best friend once the clarity finally spread through her mind.
Jasper was the first to speak.
"That's...very noble of you, Severus. I'll be the first to admit, that I encountered a lot of horrors during the campaign in Germany." he reached across the table, stroking Dahlie's hand. "Lots of friends died. But it was a war. And wars have a tendency of showing you what's most important, the things worth fighting for, and they become the reason you wake up every day. I only hope that you and Lily don't ever have to deal with things like that…"
It wasn't long before the difficult subject was passed over in favor of lighthearted, family conversation once more.
As they had done the day before, Severus and Lily were seated at their spot in Cokeworth's park. The Slytherin boy had bid farewell to Jasper and Dahlie later that morning, with Lily's parents urging him to stay over whenever he had the time for it, that he was always welcome.
The two, teenage Hogwarts students hadn't spoken once they left the bright, happy home of the Evans family, both of their minds still on the subject that was talked about during breakfast, and in the back of their minds, they were both still thinking about the kiss that started their day.
Lily leaned onto his shoulder, gripping his hand again. "Sev...I'm really proud of you. Who you've become. The things you said at breakfast...I...I didn't realize that you were so focused on this."
"That curse has done more damage to me than anything else." he exhaled, not fighting against her affectionate gesture. "It damaged my soul when I cast it...and destroyed my heart when he did. It's his greatest weapon, the ability to kill anyone for any reason without a shred of remorse...and if I'm going to fight him, I need a way to stop it."
"And I won't argue with you...if this is what you have to do to attain some peace in your life, then it's your journey to make. But Sev...say you beat him. Where does life take you after all of that?" she asked, finally turning to him.
"I don't know..." he admitted, shaking his head. "All I've ever known is fighting and war...peace is something I honestly haven't experienced since I was six years old. Ever since then...chaos. Fighting against my father, fighting against the Marauders, fighting against the Order of the Phoenix, fighting against the Death Eaters in secret...I'm tired of fighting. But this fight...is different. Before, all I cared about was surviving...and after you died, I think I stopped even caring about that. This fight is one that I absolutely HAVE to win...because I know the stakes; I've already seen what happens if I lose."
Again, the silence swept over the two of them like a blanket, and they merely continued to sit, content in each other's company.
This time, it was Severus who broke the silence.
"Are you going to tell me what this morning was about?"
"I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific…" Lily dodged his question, her lips curling into a smile.
"Why did you kiss me?" he shoved the words out before his tongue caught in his throat.
"Well…" she paused, a thoughtful silence as she tried to articulate her response. "Why don't you tell me why you kissed me back..?"
Severus snorted. "You know why…I already told you, during my little outburst, assuming you remember it."
"I do…" her smile widened. "The big, mean Slytherin Professor with his cold, frozen heart...You melted into that kiss...for the same reason that I gave it to you in the first place, Sev."
His head slowly turned towards hers, feeling that familiar lurch in his stomach as the abyss opened once more. He wanted to ask what she meant by that, but his body was paralyzed by those green eyes boring holes through him.
Severus hadn't been able to ask the question before she spoke again, as if she anticipated it. "The exact, same reason." she elaborated. "It's why I want to do it again…"
"Stop it! Stop this ridiculous teasing, Lily!" Severus protested, feeling his heart beating rapidly. There was an expectant look in his eyes that betrayed his hostile tone, one that almost asked the question already echoing in his mind.
'Why haven't you done it then?'
"I keep my word, Sev...I said I'd only do it once...if you enjoyed it half as much as I did...then it's up to you to do it next time. I'm not going back on that...if you want something...you're going to have to reach out and have the courage to do it like I did."
He didn't think it was possible for his heart to beat any faster. "I'm not like you sodding Gryffindors! I don't live with my heart on my sleeve!"
Lily merely reached her hand out and pressed it to his heart, over the Mark of Apeiron. She could feel each beat crashing against his chest with all the force of a string of blasting curses. "Stop lying...and stop hiding." her soft voice beckoned.
"I know how this ends!" Severus snapped, his eyes full of fear. "Potter...you'll choose him...then you'll go off and make the precious, little chosen one of the wizarding world. That was the one blessing about losing you the last time...I'm not going to be there as the one you turn to talk about how bloody annoying he is or how happy he makes you, or some amusing anecdote about your son! I refuse to be the best friend of James Potter's wife!"
"For God's sake, Sev, stop it!" Lily shouted, grasping him by the shoulders. "I'm sixteen years old...I don't even know what the hell I'll eat tomorrow, let alone who I marry or have children with! Harry Potter is 'The Boy Who Lived' from the world you left behind. Whether he is born in this world or not isn't going to matter, because the one who is going to stop Voldemort is YOU! I know that, and believe it with all my heart. I'm here...right now...holding the person that I want. The only possible way I could fall into James Potter's arms is if YOU make the choice not to accept that!"
Severus was still as a statue, listening to her words. The declaration that she wanted him...him, and not someone else, sent a numbness through his body. His eyes were locked on those emeralds, which held a delicate balance of frustration and desire.
"If you want to be with me, then BE WITH ME! The genie is out of the bottle; I know how you feel. But...knowing how you feel isn't enough. Love and desire are a two-way street, Sev. I can't be with you if all you're going to do is blush whenever I'm dressed in a manner to your liking. I can't be the one to initiate physical affection every time. I need to know that I mean enough to you that you're willing to step forward and fight for what you want and not stay at the sidelines like some spineless child! You're the bravest person I know...please don't let your fears ruin this…"
Lily got to her feet, looking down at him, those green eyes looking as fragile as shattered glass. "I know how much you fear being abandoned...which is why I'm going out on a limb...right now. Meet me there, Sev...if you want me...if you want me to be yours this time around, then take the advice I gave you this morning...Have the courage to show me that desire."
The Muggleborn witch held out a gentle hand, with a pleading look on her face.
Severus reached out, fingers shaking nervously, and took her hand. As Lily's face lightened, she tried to help him up to meet her…
Except he pulled her back down, firmly, but not violently. Letting out a yelp of surprise, the redhead stumbled forward and landed in his lap...and less than a second later, she was in his arms as he pulled her in for a kiss.
The moment their lips touched, they both knew it would be even better than it was that morning. There was no initial awkwardness; the passion they had built to was there instantly this time. His hands were roaming through her loose, flowing hair. One of her arms was draped around his neck, while the other pulled him in by the small of his back. And by some miracle...he had been leading the kiss this time. His tongue was the one that teased along her lips in between each quick breath.
Lily had honestly lost count of how many times they had kissed. There was a mixture of long and short, pecks and full kisses, and every minute or so, she pulled away, giving him a beaming smile before he pulled her back in for more.
By the time they were done, Lily and Severus were once again in that protective, armor-like embrace that she had woken up to. The tightness was not suffocating, but warming. In many ways, it was the same feeling that Lily could recall when her mother tucked her in for bed every night when she was younger. She sighed in contentment, nuzzling her face into his neck before giving it a loving kiss.
"So...can I send an owl to my friends and tell them that I have a wonderful, new boyfriend, or must that remain a secret?"
"No more secrets…" Severus whispered, his fingers stroking up and down her spine, sending wonderful tingles through her. "I spent an entire life keeping secrets and living in the shadows. I'm not wasting another second of this one…"
Author's Note: Now THAT was a challenge to write. For such a long time, I've played tennis in my mind, bouncing the ball back and forth on how I finally wanted to do this. But rest assured, I did always want to do it. Sev and Lily are a couple. In case nobody noticed, I also changed the characters in the title to reflect the pairing. I can finally stop being so cryptic about it (if it wasn't already obvious where this was heading).
I didn't know what twists and turns I wanted to throw in it; I was unsure if I wanted to have a brief fling with James Potter or just a standoff between Severus and Lily going into sixth year. But the truth of the matter is that I don't see how Lily could connect with James in any way with all that Severus has done and shown her. Hell, even in the best of circumstances, with Severus completely out of her life, it wasn't until seventh year that Lily finally got together with James. If I'm going to have a conflict and a lover's tension between Sev and Lily with James getting in the way, it has to make sense, and I honestly just couldn't figure out how to make it organic at all.
There's another option that I've seen some "Back in Time" fanfictions resort to, but I couldn't even find a way to make THAT way work. The self-sacrifice of Lily resigning herself to getting together with James because it would result in Harry's conception. That whole, fatalist mindset really doesn't make sense in the mind of a teenager, especially when Lily has all the proof that she needs right in front of her that things can be different this time.
However, the fatalist, martyr mindset goes incredibly well with Severus, hence his fearful declaration that Lily would leave and still get together with James. But luckily, she shook him out of it before it took root into something that could ruin them.
This fanfiction started a year and a half ago. There have been a number of delays, and numerous other "Back in Time" stories have cropped up since then, each of which have their own, amazing direction, but I'm glad I've come this far in that time. Over 100,000 words (if you include the rambling I do in these Author's Notes) and counting.
This chapter also marks the end of the first "arc" of Tempus Vita. The stage has been set, all of the major points I wanted to introduce: Severus' revival, the pain of his past, the changes he showed, the trust Lily gained for him, the big reveal to Lily, his goal to stop Voldemort and the Death Eaters, the Mark of Apeiron, and the beginning of the real relationship of Lily and Sev.
Now that the stage is set, it's time to move forward, into the second arc.
I'm so happy that you all have followed along for this long, and each of you that has taken the time to post well-written, thought-provoking reviews, I can't thank you all enough. To name a few, I really want to thank hidden-muse-989 (it's been awhile since I've seen you, I hope everything's okay, and I hope you've enjoyed this past year's writing assuming you've read it), JLdark (the way you binge-read each chapter this summer, reviewing everything along the way, it really meant a lot during my break), Stephair (even though you're new, I REALLY enjoyed your review of Chapter 27) and the numerous other reviews that really have made a difference in my motivation to continue, as well as suggesting things that I may not have thought of.
I can't say it enough, I really do rely on those reviews as a way of gauging what my audience wants, so please, if you enjoy reading Tempus Vita and look forward to the second arc, PLEASE send in those reviews. They really do help.
I don't think it will be that long until I get started on the next chapter considering how quickly I've managed these past couple of weeks, but in the meantime, I hope you all have enjoyed, and please take care!