The following day, the whole of Hogwarts gathered the last of their things and prepared to board the train back to London. Lily and Alice exited the girls' dormitory together after a final check that they had left nothing behind, Lily looking particularly sullen. "Excited for summer?" asked Alice. "I'm quite excited to see my sister."

Lily chuckled darkly at this. "I'll miss Hogwarts. It's alright being home and seeing Mum and Dad but I feel like things get worse every day with my sister. And Severus lives just down the road. It'll be weird this summer, not being friends."

"Just be careful with him, will you? Try to stay clear."

"I dunno, Alice. It's not the largest street. I'd have better luck avoiding my mother."

Alice smiled. "Still though…at least you're not James Potter. Imagine what he's going home to."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked, as they exited the portrait hole.

"Oh, I thought you knew," she said sadly. "His father's just passed."

"What? Oh, how awful…have you seen him?"

"Haven't seen him, no. I reckon he went home last night with his Mum just after the feast. But Dumbledore's told Remus, Peter, and Sirius to look after him a bit. Sirius told me just before I went down to breakfast. Looked right cut-up about it, too. I mean I'm not surprised, Sirius was like an adopted son over there…"

But Lily had stopped listening. She knew James, the only child, had been very close to his parents; in fact, Lily had often jibed that James had grown up so pampered, so adored that he was spoiled rotten. She felt a stab of guilt.

They walked down the corridor just as Sirius was making his way toward the Common Room.

"Sirius," called Lily softly, and without another word she flung her arms around him. As they pulled apart Lily whispered her condolences. He smiled bravely and nodded.

"I hope you got to spend a bit of time with him before he went home," said Lily.

Sirius looked confused for a moment. "Oh, no, he's here. Wasn't really ready to go home yet. Honestly I don't blame him putting it off…going back to that house… He won't be taking the train home though, and he's leaving with Mrs. Potter really soon. I've just left them in the Owlery, you can probably still catch him," he called, as Lily had already begun making her way quickly down the corridor.

"I'll just see you on the train, shall I?" called Alice.

When Lily arrived in the Owlery it was, as she had feared, empty. She had really wanted to say goodbye to James, to tell him how sorry she was. She couldn't explain why the desire was so strong, but James had talked a lot about his father, had always spoken very highly of him, and Lily's heart ached to know that he had lost the father he so admired. She kicked at the straw on the ground.

Lily started when a voice said, "Are you alright, dear?"

She jumped and turned sharply toward the voice. A woman was leaning out the window, seeing an owl off with its burden. Wearing all black, she had blended into the stone walls.

"Oh! I didn't realize I wasn't alone. Yes, I'm fine, thank you very much."

The witch surveyed Lily kindly through a pair of crinkly, familiar hazel eyes. Her hair could have been any color in her youth, but presently it curled in loose, elegant silver waves that barely reached her shoulders.

"You must be Lily Evans," said the woman in a soft, mellow voice, her smile stretching across a pair of thin, creased lips.

Lily nodded. "How did you—?"

"My rather loquacious son never fails to come home for the holidays with a wonderful host of stories, and you have made your way into quite a few of them," smiled the woman. "He speaks very highly of you, always," she added.

Lily moved forward, "Oh—Mrs. Potter—I was so, so very sorry to hear about your loss."

Mrs. Potter raised a hand. "Thank you for your very kind condolences. He was a good man," she said, her eyes sparkling with tears that did not fall. "My son and I will miss him terribly. But he led a wonderful life."

"Yes…Pot—er, James has told me—well, all of us—a lot of amazing stories about him. Did he really help Professor Dumbledore track Gellert Grindewald?"

"He did, yes," smiled Mrs. Potter. "And speaking of my son—I presume you are looking for him?"

Lily nodded. She laughed to herself, enjoying the way Mrs. Potter kept saying "my son" with such pride and adoration.

"He has just run into Mr. Hagrid and I believe they are having a few private words. I am meeting him in the Entrance Hall in five minutes if you'd like to accompany me."

James was already waiting in the Entrance Hall, and Lily's heart gave a start. Hagrid was thumping James on the back in a way Lily thought he probably imagined to be very tender, but she could see James struggling to remain standing. He was looking paler than usual, and Lily noticed his eyes were very puffy behind his glasses.

As soon as Lily and Mrs. Potter reached them, Hagrid took Mrs. Potter's hand and they began talking quietly. James eyed Lily awkwardly, his hands in his pockets, and for some reason she froze. She had come to give him her condolences but, now that Hagrid and Mrs. Potter were having their own conversation, all she could manage at the moment was an awkward "I'm sorry, Potter," all her sympathy etched on her face. It was feeble, but it seemed to be enough for James, who nodded with a sad smile.

The display looked even more pathetic when Libby Eaton came bounding down the marble staircase, wrapped her arms around Mrs. Potter to give her condolences, and flung herself at James.

"Oh, Jamie," she cooed.

Jamie?

"Libby, don't," said James uncomfortably as she cried. He sounded like he had a bad head cold.

Lily knew that while Libby had not spent as much time at the Potter's house as Sirius had, she had met James's parents enough times that she had grown very fond of them.

"Don't," he repeated, laughing tenderly and pushing her away, though he held her at arm's length. "I'll be alright, Libbs," he said with a bit too much bravado to fool anyone, and wiped a tear from Libby's face.

"If you need anything—anything at all ," Libby began, but was interrupted by Sirius, Remus, and Peter joining them to say goodbyes to James and Mrs. Potter.

Professor McGonagall called to the students who had not begun filing out onto the grounds, "The carriages will be leaving very shortly. I advise you all start making your way out."

Peter, Remus, Sirius, and Libby departed, and as James turned away from them he swung his arm around his mother's shoulders and grinned down at her. "Alright Mum? I see you've met Evans."

Hagrid ruffled his hair. "Best be makin' my way out. Remember what I told yeh, James."

James nodded, and Hagrid went off. Shortly after, Mrs. Potter said, "I think I'll walk out with him. I'll see you outside, James. It was lovely to meet you, Lily."

"And you," said Lily, getting the impression she was trying to give the two a moment alone. They were nearly the last remaining students in the Entrance Hall, and James said, "You'd better hurry if you don't want to miss the carriages."

"Yeah," Lily agreed, though she didn't move. "I just wanted to…you know…say goodbye and make sure you're alright. Ugh, that sounded so stupid, of course you aren't alright."

"Ah," he replied casually, waving a hand. "Don't worry. Really. It's life."

Lily stared at him. "You don't have to do that, you know."

"What?"

"Pretend like everything's fine. Act so...well, Potter-ish."

James snorted, then looked at his feet with a long, shuddering sigh. "You know, it's just...I mean, I'm alright. We knew it was only a matter of...I guess, I'm just trying to say that I know he was getting on, you know. I was lucky to have him while I did. I mean, look at people like Sirius, who have crap parents that are still alive. Anyway..."

Lily could not suppress a sad smile. She'd never seen Potter so piteously scatterbrained, so obviously shattered.

"I just mean, I'm trying to focus on how lucky I was to have had…" But Potter could say no more. Lily heard the breaking of his heart in the shudder of his voice, as two fat tears dropped from his eyelashes before Lily had even seen them well up. Without thinking, she pulled him to her, and for a full minute they stood quietly in the deserted Entrance Hall, James sniffling now and again.

It was curiously difficult for Lily to see James hurting this way. James was always so exuberant, so cheerful and boastful. She was not used to seeing him so vulnerable, and the effect was that she felt an overwhelming desire to restore him to his usual happy—even obnoxious, as long as he was happy—self.

James and Lily pulled apart when they heard the first of the carriages pulling away. Flushed, Lily kissed James on his wet, salty cheek, gave him a final, fleeting hug, and whispered, "You drive me mad, Potter, but you're a good bloke. Take care."

James nodded and watched her hurry off, taking a few moments to collect himself before he joined his mother outside.

On the train, Lily shared a compartment with her fellow Prefects to take part in the traditional end-of-term meeting. When comments, suggestions for the next term, and speculation over which—if any—of the sixth year prefects would make Head Girl or Boy in September had ended, Lily became engaged in a conversation with Remus about a charm he had seen her use on a student who was bullying another, which made all of his would-be insults come out as rather cloying praise. As the rest of the Prefects went off to find their friends, Remus and Lily stayed behind to chat awhile.

When the conversation inevitably came to James and his loss, Remus said, "I'm sure I'll spend some time in Godric's Hollow this summer. It's a shame, they were really close."

Lily nodded sadly. It was quiet for some time.

Remus's voice was uncharacteristically loud when it broke the silence. "I've just got to—I want to ask you something if—you know, if that's alright."

"Of course," said Lily.

"Well...you know…"

"What?"

Remus smiled, radiating an awkwardness Lily was not used to feeling between them. "You know James is mad about you, right?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Er, right. Something like that, I suppose."

"Well, I know you both care for one another in some way," Remus said, unsure how to complete his thought. "I mean that much is clear, but it doesn't mean…I suppose what I'm asking is…well…it will sound mad, but…do you? You know, fancy him?"

"Fancy..?"

"James. Do you fancy James?"

Lily's response was a bout of very loud, rather unkind laughter. Remus raised his eyebrows and watched Lily's fit of giggles with patience and a small smile. Soon enough, Lily wiped her eyes and said, "My God, Remus. Cheers. Thanks for that. Really."

Remus continued to smile, his gaze fixed inquiringly on Lily.

"What?" she blurted. "You really want me to answer that? Sorry, but do you really need me to answer that?"

"If you don't mind," Remus shrugged.

The smile fell from Lily's face and she seemed to be thinking very hard. "Well, it's like you said, isn't it? I do sort of care for him…in a way…the way you'd care for, I dunno, a sibling or something. Sometimes they drive you mad but in the end you're on their side. I suppose. I mean, I was really sorry to hear about his father. That was awful. And I think about how I felt when Severus would fight him, even if it was in retaliation…I mean when he would actually hurt him…"

She trailed off, clearly reliving a memory and shuddering. "Really, he drives me mad but I wouldn't want anything horrible to happen to him. But it doesn't mean…I mean honestly, Remus, over the past couple of years I think I've made it perfectly clear how I feel about Potter."

Silence descended upon the two Gryffindors, during which Remus held his tongue. Something told him that he must wait, even as the silence stretched on, and Lily appeared to be watching the world fly by outside the compartment window very intently.

"Remus," Lily began again, as if there had been no interruption, "I—I can't like him."

"Can't?"

"It just wouldn't make any sense…for me to like him. I can't like him."

But Remus knew from the peculiar smile stretching across Lily's face that she was experiencing a kind of profoundly flummoxed amusement—the kind that comes with slow but shocking realizations—as if her heart had just revealed that it had not been being entirely honest with her.

"I mean, Potter and I…it's mad…and he's such an arrogant little…" Lily knew she was digging herself into a hole, knew she was beyond backtracking now. "Remus, I can't fancy him," she said, and though she did not voice it aloud, the last of her thought seemed to hang in the air between them: But I do.

The pair sat in silence for a minute before Remus began to laugh.

"What?" Lily snapped, though she could not help laughing a little, too.

"He was right. The little git was right, I can't believe it," Remus gasped.

"What? What are you talking about? For heaven's sake, Remus, pull yourself together! Who was right about what?"

"James," said Remus, wiping his eyes, "I used to think he was just being a prat, saying you fancy him deep down. 'She likes me,' he'd say, 'she just doesn't know it yet.' I used to think he was just, I dunno, covering his embarrassment every time you'd reject him. He reckons you like him but you don't want to give him the satisfaction. He reckons you think he only wants you because he can't have you."

Lily nearly lost Remus to another fit of laughter, but he said, "And the idiot is right. Isn't he? Go on, Lily…you can tell me. Isn't he?"

Lily gaped at her friend, dumbstruck. She was furious, and confused, and humiliated, and somehow relieved all at once. She didn't know whether she wanted to punch James Potter in the face or snog him senseless. She hated him, and she hated that he was, as usual, right about her. She wanted to tell Remus this, or tell him that she hated Potter, that she couldn't stand him, that she wished he'd get stuck down a well. She wanted to tell Remus that he ought to deliver the message for her, tell James how deeply she despised him.

But all that came out was "Oh, Remus…you won't tell him, will you?"

"No, I won't tell him," Remus smiled, "But perhaps you ought to."