When Lily awoke on Sunday morning, head pounding, mouth dry, her desperate need for water and a headache tonic delayed the dawning of the day's dominant emotion: humiliation. Burning, sickly, kill-me-now humiliation.

Like a ton of bricks, the memory hit her, hazy but still defined enough to make her feel like crawling back under her covers and never coming out again. She remembered being bent double behind the Three Broomsticks, vomiting in front of James Potter. She remembered allowing—and perhaps taking part in—conversation that included some coarse innuendos.

But it was Libby, Maggie, and Alice who had to recount the rest to her. She did not remember a thing after she was sick behind the Three Broomsticks, like how James had evidently helped her back inside, waited for her outside of the bathroom, and told everyone they should probably get a move on. She did not remember that Severus had seen them walking to a carriage this way, and accused James of putting something in her Butterbeer, but that, for the first time ever, when Severus had pulled his wand on James, the latter had simply said, "Get a grip, Snivelly," and continued walking.

Lily felt that, embarrassed as she was and as inappropriate her behavior was for a Prefect, all of this she could come back from. But what Maggie told her next made her whole body burn fire-hot with humiliation.

"The carriages were lined up ready to take us back, and the three of us were in a carriage with Frank and John, and…"

"John?"

"John," said Libby acidly, "my date. You might have remembered if you weren't on top of Potter all night."

Lily flushed. "Sorry, I'd…I'd had…quite a bit…"

And Alice explained how Lily had insisted James come in their carriage with them, and that he did, and the whole ride Lily rested her head on James's shoulder.

Only Libby's furious envy could rival Lily's deep mortification. "What were you doing with him outside the Three Broomsticks? You were out there for ages."

"Didn't he tell you? I got sick."

"No, he didn't tell us," said Libby. "He just said you might not be feeling very well and to look after you."

"Yeah, well…I can't believe I got like that. Vomiting all over with him right there..."

"I'm sure he didn't mind," said Libby coldly.

Lily looked at her. "Oh…Libby…listen, he was just being a good mate."

"Yeah, just like when he nearly broke Kurt's arm for kissing you. And since when are you two mates anyway?"

"He didn't—it wasn't because he was kissing me, it was because I didn't want to kiss him back! He was being really pushy!"

"Right," said Libby, rolling her eyes.

"For your information," Lily spat, "He said it's just how he is, and it's the kind of thing he would do for you, for any of you."

"He said me specifically?"

"Yes," said Lily, thinking this wasn't completely true, but not really false either. All she really cared about was ending the conversation. She was torn between concocting a plan to avoid James Potter forever—switching Houses or something—and finding him immediately to apologize profusely. The way Libby had responded really made her want to choose the former. She really liked spending time with James, but did she really want to lose a friend over it?

The next day, much of the school was going home for the Christmas holidays, including Lily. Usually she would have convinced her parents to let her stay so she could spend the holidays practicing spells, talking, and eating far too many holiday sweets with Severus, but this Christmas her parents had insisted she come home, and as she and Severus were not friends…

She was in the library trying to select a good book to take home for the holidays when she heard Sirius Black's voice behind the bookshelf where she stood.

"…saw your name on the list in the Common Room, Moony. Not coming this Christmas?"

"Yeah, you know Mum's always happy to have you," she heard James say. "Even Pete's got out of his Mum's clutches and is coming. Come on, it'll be a laugh."

"You know I can't," said Remus in a subdued voice. "I've got to stay here. The you-know-what falls on the twenty-fourth this month."

"Exactly!" said James. "Best Christmas Eve ever! I've never gotten to do much exploring around Godric's Hollow at night. Come on, it'll be brilliant."

"Yeah? And what if your mum finds out?" Remus demanded.

There was an awkward pause. "Er…mate? Dunno how best to tell you this but, erm…I sort of told my mum ages ago."

"You WHAT?" said Remus far too loudly, then adjusted his volume. "You did what? How could you be so stupid? What exactly does she know?"

"She knows about…you know…your furry little problem."

"Oh my god," said Remus, and Lily could tell he had started pacing. "Why would you do that to me?"

"Mate," said James in soothing voice, "I wouldn't have if I knew you'd be this put out about it, but I thought it was just confidential here at Hogwarts. I told my mum cause, well, it's just more convenient, isn't it? For situations like this, when you're coming round for Christmas and we've got to explain why our beds are empty Christmas Eve?"

"OUR beds?" choked Remus. "James…surely, you haven't told her you all can…"

"Sure I have!" said James cheerfully. "She was dead proud. I've done it for her loads of times. Don't worry, Moony, she won't tell anyone."

Lily, who very clearly remembered many conversations with Severus about the boys, stood on tiptoe and peered through the books to get a glimpse of them. Were they talking about…?

Remus's mouth twitched as if he were about to smile, but then he said. "And…she doesn't…I mean, are you still…she doesn't want you to erm…stop being…you know…my friend?"

James laughed heartily. "Are you mental? Mum loves you! So did Dad, and Dad knew about it before Mum did. Told them ages ago, mate, like fourth year or something. Does she want me to stop being your friend! What rubbish!"

Remus was smiling widely and rather bashfully now. James grabbed hold of him roughly and squeezed him, swinging him back and forth so several books knocked off their shelves. "How could I live wifout my ickle Moony-kins?" he said in an obnoxious, coddling voice.

Sirius grabbed hold of Remus as soon as James let go. "Ow! Sirius—mate, loosen up a b—OW! My ribs, Sirius, my rib…"

"Ahhh bubsy!" Sirius called, far too loudly. "Ickly Moony's wibs are cwacking!"

"Ah Poppet!" cried James.

"Will—you—please—let—me—GO!" Remus tapped his wand to Sirius's head so his whole body froze. Remus wedged himself out and then mobilized his friend again. "There we are. I am a Prefect you know. At a certain point, enough's enough!"

"Are you a Prefect who is coming round my house for Christmas?" asked James, drawing his wand and pointing it at Remus's throat.

Remus chuckled. "Well, if you're going to get hostile about it, then I s'pose I am."

James and Sirius did a ridiculous dance, and Lily, who decided it was either get caught snooping or act as if she'd only just entered the library, was about to emerge when Professor McGonagall swept by.

"How did I know I need only follow the ruckus in order to find you boys?"

"Hallo Professor!" Sirius called, "Lookin' for us, were you? Looking for a bit of holiday cheer?"

"Mr. Black, I was rather more hoping to stumble upon the 'OFF' button."

James held his arms out, "If you must, Professor, but I warn you—it's in a rather delicate—"

"Mr. Potter, hold your tongue!"

Lily smirked and peeked through the books. James was grinning and Remus was looking tired, and for the first time the thin scars covering his arms and parts of his face seemed more significant…had Severus been right all this time?

"I do try, Professor," Remus shrugged apologetically. "They are like dragons, they can't be tamed."

"Mr. Lupin I can hardly hold that against you. And by the way, it is you I wish to speak to, so Mr. Potter, Mr. Black? You may go."

"Yep, we'll, erm, let you…" said James, looking thrilled that he had spent over a minute in Professor McGonagall's presence without landing himself in detention. He dragged Sirius off by the neck of his robes and they disappeared from view.

"Lupin, I noticed that the sign-up sheet for students remaining at Hogwarts previously held your name, but it has since been crossed off."

"Ah, that'll be James or Sirius…"

"But surely you know that the twenty-fourth—?"

"Yeah, I know. I tried to tell them but…you know…they—"

"Never listen, I am quite aware. I leave it in your hands to explain to them the danger you put yourself and others in by being anywhere but this castle during your transformations. Only here are you guaranteed not to be a threat to yourself and to others, and although the last thing I wish to do is deprive you of the people you care about most during the holidays, I really must insist you remain at Hogwarts this Christmas. I'm afraid that is my last word on the matter, Mr. Lupin."

So Remus was a werewolf? And what was James going on about, exploring Godric's Hollow? What did Remus's transformations have to do with them being able to explore?

Lily was so caught up thinking about this that she had almost forgotten the other thing James had said…what exactly had he done loads of times for his mother that Remus would not have wanted him to?

She had a hard time putting all of this out of her mind. She could not help thinking that, whatever they were up to, it probably wasn't very safe, and possibly very illegal. On the way out of the Common Room to take the Floo Network home, Lily saw James coming in. She felt so guilty about eavesdropping on his conversation and so humiliated about their Hogsmeade adventure that she felt very skittish when he walked toward her.

"Look who it is!" James grinned. "I've been right, haven't I, Evans? You're trouble."

Lily tried to smile but felt incredibly awkward. She was suddenly extremely aware of her hands. What did she normally do with them?

"Hi, Potter. Erm. Look, I wanted to thank you for the other night…for looking after me and everything. I'm really sorry. I'm so embarrassed, I can't believe I had so much to drink."

"Evans," said James dismissively, waving a hand, "That sort of stuff happens to the best of us. We've all been there, really. You should have seen me after my first drink of mead. I was just a stain on the floor by the end of the night."

"Well, really, thanks. I hope I wasn't too…I'm really struggling to remember a lot of it. I hope you're not too upset about Cordelia."

"Upset? Don't be ridiculous. I was well shot of her, we all had a much better time afterward, all of us friends."

"Yeah, we did," Lily said, looking down and blushing furiously. "And erm…sorry for the whole…well, I get the impression I was a bit…."

James flushed very deeply too, though Lily did not complete her sentence. He swallowed and said, "Don't worry, Lily. You were alright."

But Lily couldn't help feeling like she might have tried to kiss him. Or was she just remembering how badly she'd wanted to do it outside the Three Broomsticks?

"And…I didn't…I mean, I didn't do...anything out of the ordinary?"

James considered her very intently for a moment. He leaned back against the wall, folded his arms and asked, "I'm trying to figure you out, Evans. It's tough."

"What do you mean?"

"Are you asking me to tell you what happened between us the other night because you can't remember? Or are you asking me about what happened between us because you want to know how I feel about it?"

Lily gulped. "Something…something did happen between us then?"

James, rubbed his neck awkwardly. "Well, I dunno quite how to say this, Evans, but…well, we're going to need to make visits to Godric's Hollow and Spinner's End this Christmas to tell the parentals the big news."

"What?" she blurted. Then, catching the corner of James's mouth twitch, she asked, "Is this a wind-up?"

"What can I say, we got really carried away. I think it'll be a boy, personally."

Lily walloped him on the arm with all her might.

James dodged her to avoid a second blow, laughing. "Personally I think it's really funny that you think you might have done anything with me. But no, Evans, your conscience is clear and you can keep your self respect. I won't lie to you—we had a bit of a cuddle the carriage ride home, but I put it down to your alcohol-induced lack of judgment."

Hearing James talk about this so lightheartedly both relieved and upset her. The memory of resting on James the whole ride home, willing her head to stop spinning, one of James's arms around her shoulders, one of his hands playing with her hair…Lily couldn't help but blush. She hadn't made him uncomfortable at least, but on the other hand…she wished the memory could make him feel half as warm as it was currently making her feel… Quite the contrary, he seemed completely aloof.

"Well…I really am sorry."

"No, no, it's fine. I liked it," James shrugged.

Lily was aware that when she thanked him again and wished him happy holidays, she did so a bit coldly. But she was anxious to get out of Hogwarts, for the first time in a long time. Perhaps a bit of time away from James—and his oddball friends—was exactly what she needed.